Masking, looking for solidarity and/or advice

[u/Rhinnie555]

Just realized today that I am better at everything when I am alone.

When I am the only one in the car, I drvie really well - add one other person and suddenly I am a very distracted driver. If I am being observed while I do my job I make way mote mistakes than when I am just doing my thing. This is true of cooking, readinfg, test taking, etc.

This is the clearest evidence I have had that yes, I spend a lot of energy masking. Being watched is so disruptive to my life and while I very much enjoy time alone, I get lonely. I want to be done with this but have no idea how to change. I am 37, the wiring feels permanent.

And side note, my daughter is getting older (just turned 8) and has been asking me things like "what does that face mean?" or "why does your voice sounds like that?" when I interact with her. Its almost like I never have masked with her and now she is asking me to.... it is very triggering but obviously not her fault. I am not sure what to do.