And something that can be shamed out of us. My male autistic family members are allowed to act however they want because “that’s how they are,” but my sister and I are shunned and punished for having the same behaviors. Not just at home, but in public, in school, at work. It’s not fair. And as someone who cannot mask it is unsafe. People feel justified in hurting me over a disability that I cannot hide. It’s not fair.

so i'm telling you guys instead 💕

I am losing my mind. I know this is a common issue for most of us ND folks. I am sooooo sick and tired of people looking for a “hidden meaning” in my words. I mean exactly what I am saying. Exactly. I do not have an attitude, I am not being passive aggressive, my words mean what they mean in the freaking dictionary. Today I had a doctor’s appointment and oh my god I committed the biggest sin by asking a simple question. A question that had no hidden intention and I was scolded like a child for having an attitude and questioning the doctor’s authority. I wanted to scream in their faces!!! I am so frustrated!!! Why can’t the world just understand me?! Ughhhhhh

Just wanted to digitally scream. Vent over. Thanks for reading!

This is a rant.

I have CPTSD due to being emotionally neglected by my parents, and it has gotten much worse after my ex-husband with ADHD emotionally cheated on and abandoned me. I would never cheat or abandon my commitment to someone, so I still can't come to grips with being treated like that even though we divorced two years ago. I still cry about it and don't understand it.

I have been doing online dating, and everyone lies by using pictures from 10 years ago. I waste all day getting ready and feeling nervous, all for nothing. I would never ever lie. It seems so obvious to me that it's important to be honest and use recent pictures that I get surprised every time when someone lies. I will request Zoom calls every time from now on, but the point is that I am so upset about people's unethical behavior.

The world is being destroyed by selfish billionaires, and in my personal life people I try to be close to just abandon and lie to me. I hate people and I am upset that people have no sense of morality. I used to believe that people had inherent goodness, but I don't believe it anymore. I don't trust anyone.

Considering that no.1 it can take decades before a diagnosis especially in women and no.2 it doesn’t just magically switch off once you hit 26. Is it because the government stops funding? I finally found a charity that was actually explaining what autism is, how to embrace it as well as understand the struggles we face. But I only got a month of support because of my age. I asked if there was anything else at all and nada! The support should be there

I've always been that "I thought you were mean/stuck-up/intimidating" person. I am just so paranoid about people constantly, constantly assuming I'm a B* because I'm quiet and avoid eye contact and have a resting sneer-face. I'm absolutely EXHAUSTED.

I'm depressed, I'm angry, I have chronic fatigue from never feeding myself right, the entire planet seems fucked on a massive scale, everything is so fucking LOUD, and I can't smile and say hi to these women who hate me. I just can't! I walk past them without acknowledging their existence like a stuck up snob but really I'm freaking out inside knowing how much they hate me and might any day gang up on me and try to destroy me as so many have tried to in my life. I can't act normal and why would I want to try? I have such limited battery. I'm spending it on performing for my clients, who matter because they are how I make the money I need to buy all the medications I need to take for my messed up brain. Not for mean fake women who will never like me and who will always talk about me behind my back.

I wear a literal mask to try and help the situation but it's just an absolute fucking mess. Add to that I'm the only one who has advanced education, grew up affluent and I look stereotypically attractive (and apparently have a "walk"???) and I have these rigid high values and don't party and I just read classic literature and talk about books and politics and feminism all day so fuck, fuck, fuck. It just fucking sucks!!!

I usually can cope but this week it feels just like I'm fucking drowning in their hatred. Plus my own mother spent my childhood screaming at me that I was a B* so everything I see these women thinking about me is what my own mother abused into my psyche from the start.

I'm fucking shy and have high morals and a high sense of compassion and justice. I feel shame and fear if I even think mean thoughts. I'd never have the skill to use them like real mean people do. Sometimes I get mad but I can't show it in the slightest way because my baseline image is so horrible to others. Fuck!!!!

I wake up and brush my teeth. 12 hours later I have to do it again. 12 hours later I have to do it again. And I have to shower. And I have to wash my hair. Then I have to wash my face. 12 hours later I have to wash my face again. And I have to brush my teeth again.

Most of the time I try not to think about it too much and just do it. But now I'm pacing up and down, it'll take me 30 seconds to quickly wash my face and slap some sunscreen on (literally the bare minimum of what I'm able to do in the mornings) but I've been putting it off for half an hour now. Why does it get me some days.

I started seeing a new therapist that actually specializes in neurodiversity and trauma (highly recommend, wish I did this a decade ago) and she is helping me see my dumbest patterns.

I struggle with pathological demand avoidance. I cannot be told what to do, even if it is a thing I am currently doing. One really dumb thing is if I'm recommended something a lot, I am resistant to trying that thing.

So I'm making myself play a video game tonight that I bought 5 years ago because my fiance loved it and kept telling me to play it, even though every atom of my being is telling me not to. What a ridiculous brain I have.

when it comes to it, someone else self diagnosing has literally zero impact on you. yet people act like it's the worst thing in the world. the same way people who are against gay marriage say it somehow ruins their straight marriage if gay people get married. of course they can never explain how it actually ruins marriage or harms them specifically in both cases.

when i see someone firmly against self diagnosis in all cases, what i hear is "if you don't have a formal diagnosis, you deserve to suffer." a part of the exploration of self assessment is to alleviate suffering. no one looks that deeply into a diagnosis unless they're in pain, and a lot of the accommodations you can create for yourself do not require formal diagnosis. unmasking, reducing sensory load, and so many other things are things you can just do on your own that can have massive positive impacts. yet anti self diagnosis people make others feel like they're somehow doing something wrong by trying these things.

"you can just say you suspect autism. you have to specify self diagnosis." "you can have a partnership and a commitment ceremony. you just can't call it a marriage." literally nothing bad is going to happen if someone who hasn't had an evaluation says they're autistic. many resources and accommodations require formal diagnosis. it's not like self diagnosed people are taking away some limited resource.

if the worst negative impact you can think of is "people are annoying online" then just stop. log off. breathe some fresh air. you'll be okay

I guess I'm just disappointed. I think up until the day I still hold hope for my birthday, especially since it is my 21st. I got swimmers and some jewellery. but idk, no cake, no going out, like 2 people I consider friends remembered.

I wish people would stop calling this a superpower, how isolated and lonely I feel is not a superpower.

Why can't birthdays be like when we were kids and we'd get a mountain of gifts and everyone would remember and the whole class would come to my party? I haven't had a party since my 15th because when I organised a 17th all of my friends at the time made excuses not to go. 21sts are supposed to be big, I feel like all my old high school friends are having these huge parties for theirs and I'm just sitting here crying.

I know it's my fault and not anyone else's, but I can't help being autistic.

No matter what position I lay, it doesnt feel comfortable. This pillow is too flat, the other one is too thick. My blankets feel itchy but I can't sleep without them. I cant decide if my feet should be under or outside the covers. I want to lay on my side or stomach but don't know where to put my arms. I try to block out every molecule of light out with a sleeping mask but its not staying on my face right. My hair is either on my face or neck, I and can't stand it. Ughhh

Reddit changed their app-icon again AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!! This ugly green weird logo just isn't it. Why don't they just keep it RED. Thank you for reading my rant!

Ps. I don't like change. Did you notice?

ARFID makes me so annoyed why can’t I just eat when I want to why does my brain have to be this way. I just had to fight my way through a fucking granola bar and try not to vomit why can’t I just eat like normal it’s so fucking frustrating UGH sorry rant over

I always forget about it and then someone does a April fools joke and I don’t understand it or take it seriously and always feel really stupid about it

That horrible high pitched noise of nail clippers seems to travel across the house through walls. It’s horrible!!!!!

Just a lil rant lol thanks for reading. :-)

This is just a vent, but I am so tired of autistic guys dismissing my diagnosis because I don't present "autistically enough" for them.

The ones who assume you have self-diagnosed or are jumping on some sort of viral trend to appear quirky.

I have an autistic male coworker right now who is subtly punishing me in ways I can't bring to management, because he's one of the aforementioned guys.

It is so bleeding frustrating. I shouldn't feel the need to justify myself or prove that I'm truly autistic to some judgy jackass.

Short rant over.

I used to feel quite neutral about being autistic, even a little positive at times since I was late diagnosed and finding out the answer to all of my behaviors felt really liberating. But lately I’ve been realizing that dealing with constant over stimulation, dysregulation and just generally feeling isolated because of autism is actually very difficult.

I have more meltdowns at work now because I can’t handle stress as well as I’d like, I have issues keeping myself regulated in my relationship because I’m dating an autistic man and I find him quite overstimulating at times. I still live at home and living with family is its own nightmare.

It’s just a lot to deal with. I feel like I can never truly be myself and unmask unless I am fully alone. More and more I realize that maybe I am meant to lead a mostly solitary life. I hate it, I have such a hard time making friends and keeping relationships going because I second guess everything; every interaction, I willingly put everything I do under a microscope and stress myself out unnecessarily.

So yeah I just needed to vent. Life has been a lot lately.

Can't help it, some person I have to interact with changes their usual socializing patterns and suddenly all my brain wants to obssess over is "did I do something wrong... again?" "No, really, is this my fault?" "What did I do in the last 24 hours?" "Wait what exactly changed about this person?" "Need more data; remember the conversation again, brain" "Ok now that I have the data, what does this change in behaviour usually means?" "Ok, I've already listed all the possible meanings of the new behaviour, now I have to explore all the possible explanations for the change I can think of".

Sorry for the vent but omg I feel like a cat lady.

That is all. I used to tolerate wearing pants as long as they weren't too tight, but now, I only ever want to wear shorts. I'll wear pants when I go out and it's below 60 degrees outside, but as soon as I get home, I take them off and put on shorts, like Mister Rogers taking off his coat and putting on his sweater.

I don't like long-sleeved shirts, either. I like my arms and legs to be bare and free. I also don't wear hats or accessories. Too heavy! Too clingy!

But yes. Down with pants, I say. Up with shorts!

Not only my behavior, but the things I speak about, my mannerisms, who I spend time with, how I eat my food. Literally anything. I am sooooooooooooooooooooo tired of being perceived. People only feel comfortable telling me how to act because I am a woman. The men around me get to do whatever they want without question. But when I react to unwarranted criticism with hostility, I’m the problem. Fuck off. It’s not like everyone’s going to stop gossiping about me when I act “right” anyway. Might as well be myself and be lonely as hell.

i’m just ranting but recently i asked my friend for some advice (mind you, THEYRE AUTISTIC as well) and they ignored my message and told me they’re dyeing their hair right now…

The last few months i’ve been having a really hard time to the point im about to ask my advisor if i qualify for extra aid (help with classes) and i was seeking out a therapist specialized in autism (specifically adults) so i finally ask my friend a few questions because im not privileged enough or financially stable to have ever received help (also late diagnosed) so im brand new to these things and they brushed over my questions and told me “it’s okay bae, im literally dyeing my hair right now”

im currently having a hard time accepting that to live normally i may have to be more open about being autistic with others and seek professional help. i also hate that the only other “autistic” people i interact with are the bubbly, social, manic dye my hair when im sad. which is NOTHING towards other autistic people i just wish i could find someone closer to my side of the spectrum….

I hope i don’t sound problematic or anything i just really feel alone sometimes

I live with my elderly parents and am getting no time to unmask anymore. They haven't left the house for even a minute all weekend and I'm out of my mind. I CAN'T unmask while they're around. I'm stuck in their world every damn day, taking care of their house and their dog while they stare on, or I'm back in my bedroom with earbuds in, trying to block their noise to pretend I'm in any sort of space that's just for me. Any time they leave for an extended period of time, it's like the only time I can just BREATHE and freely exist. Not their live-in maid, not their entertainment. Just me, being my natural self. No hiding behind closed doors. It's so rare these days. Most of the time they ever leave the house is while I'm at work or running my own errands.

My life is slipping away every day it's like this. A couple months ago I didn't go to a small get-together with friends and missed the opportunity to see one in the last few hours she was alive before being in a fatal car accident - all because my mom insisted I go with her on an errand that morning. That incident really hammered in how life is passing by and I'm losing time and chances I will NEVER get back.

I really wish wearing headphones/earbuds indoors was more normalized. When I listen to music when other people are home, I always wear mine. 🤬

For the longest time, I’ve struggled with my anxiety. Last week there was a series of events that still have me reeling. The only way I’ve been able to get through each day is by shutting myself away and putting my ear plugs in. Those around me still don’t understand me at all, I don’t think anyone actually does. It’s always questions about why I cope or act in a certain way, like I’m in the wrong and should be able to move past things quicker.

I am still normal, just different. I’m quiet, but I listen. When I do speak, yes my voice is quieter and I struggle to insert myself, but I am still here.

I’m so tired of being judged by people who don’t know how it feels to be in my shoes.

Ive suspected autism for a while now. And as I reflect a bit I find how much I really relate and I start to understand the different symptoms better as they often sound a bit cryptic to me when reading.

Im currently living with my grandma. Shes lovely and all, but doesnt really get me. She thinks Im too dramatic and I just talk myself into my struggles rather than actually having them.

Then she criticizes so much its annoying quite frankly.

Now her friend called asking if she should come over later to play games with us. Sure I said - i feel like saying no is rude... And now I just wanna cry. I feel like all efforts for recharging today are pointless, new workweek starts tomorrow. My granny doesnt understand alone time AT ALL. And it really doesnt help that I said I wanted to clean this mornibg in an attempt to get away and have my alone time... because nows shes going on and on about how I must clean up and why I havent done so yet that I honestly just cant bear to clean up.

And Ive got noone to tell cuz noone would understand or bother. I just wanna cry...