r/Autism_Parenting • u/Significant-Main6975 • 23h ago
Advice Needed 18 year old autistic son hitting us
In the last week my son has: hit my wife, breaking her glasses; hit me a few times, including just now when I tried to calm him down; hit a random child while walking in the part; hit a bus monitor; hit several people at his high school, including his EPA.
We don't know why he's escalated so much recently. For the past few years he's been harder to handle, spitting up his food and spilling any liquids, hand sanitizers, etc. I don't know if it's my imagination but he really targets me (his dad) when we're alone. My wife just took a break and went out with our daughter. Straight away he started reaching for anything to spill. By now, I know when this starts that he will keep escalating, eventually leading to hitting out. I took everything off him and put him out in the yard, hoping that would calm him down. He kept spitting on the deck and saying he needed to go to the bathroom. I let him back in. He ran for more things to spill, a bottle of marmite was all he could find (I had tidied away everything else). I had to wash him off and told him to do a timeout in his bedroom. I was upset, which I try to control but I'm at my end of my tether by now. He ran upstairs to get at more stuff. I went up after him and ended up getting thumped in the chest. The crazy thing is how used I am to this.
I feel like such a failure. I thought I could handle this but I don't know any more. I do love him but I hate every minute of having to deal with him. My wife and I don't really have any physical relationship any more. It's all about him and containing these violent mood swings. I don't know what's going to happen. My job is actually pretty stressful but it is a break from the constant dealing with him. I work from home so I literally close my laptop and turn around and deal with him.
He is on Guanfacine (Intuniv) 2 mg daily. We tried a higher dose but it made him worse for a while. The school is reluctant to take him back and I'm wary of letting him outside at this point, given how violent he is becoming. We are talking to a social worker and they have set up a plan with the police if he becomes too violent with us and/or others. He has been diagnosed with profound autism, ADHD and global delay. This feels like something new though, like something else has come over him. I have a brother who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 12 years ago. His life was destroyed and only in the last year or two has he got things back together. Could this be what's wrong with my son.
Thank you for reading to the end of this. I know there's a lot of us broken parents on this subreddit. It helps to know people are listening and going through something similar. I'm terrified what's going to happen in the near future with him as this can only continue for so long.
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u/curmudgeonly-fish 10h ago
Are you able to access marijuana products? A cbd lotion helped my son quite a bit with his aggression. I rubbed it on his back morning and evening. It was like magic. Calmed him down, made him more cheerful and compliant. My son isn't the same diagnosis as yours... but it might be worth a try. (Not sure if mj interacts with other meds, so check on that.)
So sorry you are dealing with this. It is exhausting and thankless work. 😓
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u/buckster_007 14h ago
My son, 14, is on Risperadone due to intense self-aggression, mild outward aggression, extreme anger, frustration, and property damage.
I would say it has helped. It has knocked the walking aggravation down from a 95 (where you knew it was just a matter of time until something set him off to hit a 100, aka, outburst, aggression, property damage, etc…); and overall instances are down. It seems to take the edge off, but doesn’t take it away entirely, and I’ve noticed over a relatively short period of time, the efficacy of the dose has diminished.
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u/DisastrousHunt8840 10h ago
I want to say that you are not alone. I went through a similar situation with my daughter, and I had to make a difficult decision and put her on medication. She has been on Risperidone for years, and yes, throughout the years, her medication required adjustment, but it has worked wonders with her behavior and has improved her mood. It has brought a sense of normalcy to our home and at school. I can go to work and not worry about how she behaves at home or school; my family isn’t afraid to watch her.
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u/Sufficient-Subject-3 22h ago
My son is 16 has also been violent with us in the past year and a half. He only escalates at times when we deny him something he wants. He is on three different meds for anxiety / an anti psychotic. He sees a behavioral NP for his meds and they seem to work but not always. I hope you can find something that works for your son.
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u/Significant-Main6975 19h ago
Thanks for the support. It sounds like you are in a difficult place also. We are struggling to get more supports as we are in Canada and the medical system is broken up here.
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u/Altruistic_Affect836 22h ago
He sounds similar to my son. Have you tried adhd meds to help him with impulse control and focus? I have adhd myself and off meds my brain is all over the place. I have too many thoughts about too many things at the same time and it’s hard to focus on one thing for long. My son also has adhd and I definitely saw a decrease in his aggressive behaviors and hyperactivity. We both take stimulants.
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u/Significant-Main6975 19h ago
That's a very good point. I am thinking a change in meds is in order. Hopefully we get to see a medical professional soon. I will recommend this along with changing from Guanfacine.
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u/Immediate_Piano_5201 13h ago
My 2yr old also diagnosed with autism..he also start hitting himself..I dnt know what to do 😔
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u/arparris 1h ago
Anytime my son hit himself or us when he was 1-2 we would take his hands and make him gently pet his face or our faces and say we are gentle with our hands. He’s 4 now and he hits like maybe once a quarter at most. It’s very rare.
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u/CampaignImportant28 Im a teen/Lvl2/Severe Dyspraxia/Mid ADHD-C/dysgraphia 9h ago
Personally when I went on concerta i had a very bad reaction and was unable to do anything except stay jn special edall day doing nothing and have lots of meltdowns and seizure like episodes ☺ ai went to the hospital and they didn't even figure it out. maybe your son is having a reaction to his meds?
I did not react at the start of being put on concerta, just when i got a dose of 36mg
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u/CallipygianGigglemug 18h ago
My son takes abilify for aggression. I also ended up calling the police and having him arrested after the 5th or 6th assault toward me. He was placed into a youth probation program and it helped a bunch, a bit of a "scared straight" experience to learn what violence gets you.
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u/Joereddit405 17h ago
scared straight programs DO NOT work! especially when it comes to the mentally ill or neurodivergent
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u/CallipygianGigglemug 11h ago
well, it helped my son. not that anyone was screaming at him like the tv shows. but seeing the real world consequences of assaulting people was meaningful.
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u/Holiday-Ability-4487 22h ago
How long has your son been on guanfacine? The second instance of my son being on guanfacine, he had a paradoxical reaction where he became even more irritable and violent and we took him off.
There are other medications you could try, my son is on aripiprazole/ Abilify currently.