I really struggle in social situations and I don’t know what to do

[u/fansopp]

I really don't know what to do anymore. I (26,f) still struggle in social situations and I hate it so much. I think I'm an ambivert, in which I mean i love being around people (I think) but it really drains me because every time I'm around people I feel so out of place and weird.I really think the only reason I "pretend" to be an introvert is because im so used to being told off because I'm too much or I pick up on the subtle sings that people don't like me that I prefer being Alone because that is the only time I'm not judged. I'm often told that I'm too loud and too much. Im on antidepressants to try and combat the social anxiety I have developed after years of being bullied for just being myself and I don't know what to do about it or how to change because this is who I am. So most of the time I hang out with myself because I'm so tired of people judging me for being just who I am. But at the same time I really want friends who actually likes me, which right now really feels impossible.

[u/Alone-Parking1643]

are you able to talk about your own subjects, or just something random and odd? Most people dont say anything interesting so I dont bother.

What would you like someone's opening line to be, if possible?

[u/AnAlienUnderATree]

I think a lot of us can relate to that; I certainly can. There are two main things for me:

• Limiting contact to specific activities. Like, “people from the game club”, “people from work” is a well-contained, high-masking situation. It’s exhausting, but if it just lasts two hours a week, it’s manageable and even enjoyable. And with time, you can explain to others that you need reassurance from time to time.
• Finding the right people. In my experience, it’s just not possible to mask all the time to avoid being “annoying” to others if you need more than occasional contact. We can learn to be more adaptable in some ways, but we can’t, and shouldn’t, hide who we are. So the only real solution is to find understanding people who will listen to you and accept your boundaries, or at least kindly tell you when something’s too much for them.

For example, I have a friend who simply tells me when I start getting too “esoteric” in my messages and asks me to clarify, instead of just ghosting me. She is also a similar kind of weird, which helps a lot. Or when I cook for my family, they know how to help when I say “it’s a catastrophe,” because they understand I’m just overwhelmed and need space and reassurance.

I don’t have a secret for finding people like this, but I think being honest and authentic from the start is key. It’s okay not to fit in everywhere. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make efforts, but when it becomes clear that others aren’t respecting your needs and don’t care about your feelings, it’s okay to protect yourself.