I have a job interview on Monday for a lead position, with having previous experience in this role. I haven’t worked in 3 months or so.

Knowing things like the findings of this research worries me, as do the feelings I’ve been left with after experiencing workplace discrimination. How do you get over feelings of being wrongly judged and feeling inadequate or incompetent as a result of this judgement?

Reference:

Whelpley, C.E., May, C.P. Seeing is Disliking: Evidence of Bias Against Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder in Traditional Job Interviews. J Autism Dev Disord 53, 1363–1374 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-022-05432-2

The reason I am posting this here is because I think it has to do with my autism. I am not good at processing emotions and am hoping to get advice on what to do. This is something I never never thought I would have to experience and it has unlocked really unusual emotions.

My husband attempted suicide on Wednesday. They called me an hour after they left from work and told me they had the materials to do so and were going to do it. I'd known they were depressed but they had never said to this degree. I had to stay with them on the phone to get them to drive to the hospital and immediately got there. We spent six hours in the waiting room before they were admitted. It was a very brutal size hours.

Since then I have been at home alone. I visit them every day. They are getting better. I guess they had a ketamine treatment or something that kind of reset their brain so like significantly better. Which is good. I want them to be happy again.

But I also feel this deep and strange rage. Like I want them to be home and I want to never see them again simultaneously. I think part of it is that there have been many times in my life where I should have been admitted to the psychiatric ward and we could not afford it so I had to recover at home with family watching me. The one time I tried medical cannabis it unlocked a panic disorder that I did have to go to the ER twice for but again we could not afford psychiatric inpatient care. And now when they are in crisis it is suddenly fine for us to spend that amount AND all they have to do is take ketamine and they feel better? And they put me through almost destroying both of our lives? It would have utterly destroyed me if they died.

I just feel so hurt. I am hurt for the level of pain they have been in and hurt that they did this and hurt that they seem to have found a treatment that works for them that I have never found and probably will never find because you cant get rid of being autistic. I feel so selfish and hate myself too. There is a part of me that just wants to get the house ready for them and leave them to recover or whatever because clearly I wouldn't help them and frankly I don't want to be around them right now. I want them to get better but I don't want to be around them. I don't know if this is normal at all. It doesn't feel normal.

I recently learned about justice-oriented empathy, where you don’t just feel bad for someone, you recognize the system hurting them and want to change it. Not “aww, poor kid” but “why is the teacher humiliating them in front of the class?”

As a kid, it took me a while to learn to put on my mask and ignore unfairness. One time, a teacher mocked another student’s reading difficulty. Everyone laughed. I told the teacher it wasn’t okay. I got sent out of the room for being disrespectful. In retrospect, this happened a lot, I'd get in trouble for standing up for someone else or pointing out hypocrisy. I always left confused, wondering how the truth could be wrong.

While unmasking as an adult, I've embraced this empathy again, that deep, almost involuntary need to speak up when something's wrong. The emotional intensity, the black-and-white sense of justice, the inability to just "let things go" when people were hurt. But people didn’t see that as empathy. They said I was cold, defiant, or too intense.

Now I’m wondering how many of us experienced this kind of empathy, but had it erased or mislabeled because we didn’t express it the “right” way? Did your sense of justice ever get you labeled as difficult? Did people overlook your empathy because it didn’t look like theirs?

Something about abbreviated words drives me MAD. I distance myself from people who over use words like…

Potty = bathroom (this one I REALLY hate); Jammies = pajamas; Night Night = bedtime; Snacky Snack = snack; etc.

Even as a child, I never used abbreviate words that are typically amongst or towards children. If it was someone I was really comfortable with, I would correct them.

Can anyone relate or am I just a bitch? 😅

Hello, although any and all answers are greatly appreciated, and I would love to hear the opinions and thoughts of anyone kind enough to read and share. I will admit this post is primarily a question to men with autism (although I imagine for women with autism this might apply just as much).

I am in my late thirties now and have still never been in a relationship before, not even a super short one. Not overly surprising for an autistic guy. But a tad bit frustrating, nevertheless. I have always had a hard time fitting in and connecting with people. It basically just does not happen to me.

Which is ok. I do pretty good on my own. But I would like a relationship. And I worry my inability to click with someone is forever going to keep me single. It just seems no matter who I am talking to we never really 'click' or make a connection.

What is hard for me to understand is I like and click with women all the time. It is not hard for me to click with someone I like. I even fall in love wonderfully easily. So, it is hard for me to understand what another person is looking for. I seem to find what I am looking for in another so easily and yet no one ever seems to find in me what they are looking for.

I guess this question is mostly for men with autism who after a long time finally got into a relationship. What finally made you click with someone? What did they see in you that they liked?

Like I said it is tough for me because I find so many women I like. Yet they never seem to like me in return. What does it feel like for someone to like you or click with you.

Or am I way off base here. I obviously have zero clue what women are looking for.

Thank you so very much :)

I’m autistic and I feel so guilty because so many people see the “silent treatment” as a narcissistic punishment.
im not trying to punish this person , I’m just so overwhelmed and tired and cant face engaging with them

they were getting too much constantly asking what I am doing and wanting to see me and I haven’t been well recently. It’s gotten to a point where I just feel Really sick thinking about speaking to them.

I know if I try to “face to face” talk to them about things I will fawn and act like nothing is wrong as a coping mechanism.
im just curious to see who else might have this ?

So apparently only some people can voluntarily make a roaring/rumbling in their ear. I’m one of those people and I I just caught myself doing it as a bit of a stim then realized it was something I’ve done purposely as a stim for years (I’m late diagnosed so I’ve been finding all kinds of behaviors and things that are actually stims and since my mental health has been improving I’ve started stimming more and realizing I was suppressing a lot for most of my life…and here’s the over explaining with unnecessary details for way more context than needed side of me again…the ‘tism is strong with this one) and I wonder if anyone else also does it as a stim. Looked it up and it’s caused by tensing the tensor tympani muscle in the middle ear.

Hi! I am a proud type B :) I can be type A in some ways (ex: I can get annoyed if things aren’t done or organized a certain way, I’m passionate about certain things, I’m prone to stress, etc) but I’m more type B overall (I work at a slower pace, not super competitive, laid-back, flexible, sensitive, creative)

Over the years in my personal and professional life, I’ve noticed that I naturally gravitate towards and vibe with other people who are type B and sometimes I straight up don’t get along with type A. My question is, what personality type do you all tend to identify with? Maybe you’re neither and you’re more type C or D? I’m curious! :)

I always hear about people “loving deeply” and having a lot of love to give and it eludes me. I’m quite self conscious about it. I’ve loved a few people in my life before and, aside from my first one or two relationships when I was a teenager, I just don’t do the whole head-over-heels earth-shattering love thing everyone seems to talk about. I’m not diagnosed but there is certainly autism in my family.

I want to get into a new relationship soon and I’m worried the guy will not get enough love from me, whatever that even means. I don’t tend to do positive emotions with much intensity in general. I’m just kind of content, wavering around the middle and occasionally dipping low. I’d say I’m pretty content and I do grow fond and connect with people but that’s kind of it. I have some relationship trauma though.

Is this an autism thing or an attachment issue or just the way I am?

I don't think I even feel lonely? Like, I get why it seems sad on the outside, I guess, but truly this is the first bday where I've been able to have 0 expectations and just do my own thing.

I do have a dinner with friends tonight. We're supposed to go out afterwards but I'm going to tell them I can't make it to the club. I went out by myself last night because my fav comedian (also autistic) was in town and it was amazing.

The more and more I unmask the more I realize how much of my life, stuff I didn't even think about before, has been people pleasing. I love people, I love my friends, but I also love just hanging out with my dog. I don't want to do anything performative ever again.

My autism onion is somehow still unraveling after getting diagnosed a couple years ago, but I think I'm finally in the true-to-myself, chaotic good, nearly self realized autist phase. Thank god.

Because you know what? While I love people, I do not understand them! I don't care about social hierarchy whatsoever. I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of feeling apologetic and shameful for my differences.

I sometimes see people in autistic communities talking about how much WE are the ones who accommodate neurotypicals and you know what? Amen. I will be unapologetically autistic. It's a gift, it's also a disability, but yes, it's a gift.

Sorry for this disjointed post but I'm somewhat hungover and feeling all of the things lol.

Happy bday to me and all other Aries this year <3

The title says it all. I (25M, autistic) have been corresponding with this guy (late 20s-early 30sM, neurodivergent but I don't know his specific diagnosis) on Telegram. We met at a party two years back. We've been talking on and off and our correspondence came to a head recently. Is it just me or is this person super frustrating?

I don't know and I kinda don't care. But I wanna post the screencaps of our convo here for posterity because I just deleted the conversation on the app. I wanna move on from this person and I just need to capital-v VENT!

But also while I'm at it, have other autistic or neurodivergent adults had odd or frustrating interactions like this with others on the spectrum? I wanna know because I'm just so frustrated.

I'm 30 and I'm pretty sure I'm Autistic (although not formally diagnosed). I'm also introverted, severely depressed and very sensitive to noise. I'm also prone to migraines. I've worked customer service since I was 17 and every job I've ever had has made me miserable. Talking to people all day is exhausting and I've never been able to work more than part time. I've been unemployed for a few months now but I really need to earn a living, I just can't imagine doing another retail job or something like that where I have to pretend to be happy and peppy and social all day - or deal with customers, their children, music or noise. Please help? I'm at my wits end.

I'm (31M as of today) a 5th year PhD student in Experimental Psychology. I'm posting with a fairly unique question since I feel like I can some insight on this sub. In addition to my level 1 ASD, I also have ADHD-I, dysgraphia, and 3rd percentile processing speed (this is all relevant trust me). When I speak, I'm often super deliberate and speak slowly to the point others will notice that I talk slow. This is because I'm super deliberate when I speak almost all of the time. I only talk fast when I'm anxious. I also have an extremely monotone voice that goes flat when I present. In addition, I have the unique neurodivergent challenge of not being able to balance the performance aspect of lecturing (e.g., modulating my voice) at the same time as I'm talking. If I put effort into acting/masking during the lecture, I lose my train of thought and eventually stop speaking altogether. Even when I was open to students about my autism, it didn't stop them from complaining about my style anyway.

I realize this question might be a bad one given that it involves me masking as I lecture, which I know is frowned upon big time in this sub. At the same time though, I understand that I'm not going to fundamentally change what audiences want any time soon either and need to find that balance. Is there some way I can modulate my voice while still maintaining my train of thought? If there isn't at all, I can accept that. I'm looking to hear from those who are autistic PhD students, those who have a PhD in hand themselves, or do public speaking in their job in some capacity.

I am working on getting diagnosed myself, but my son is diagnosed for ASD. Over the last few weeks, I feel like my sensitivity to his loud behavior and screaming from over stimulation, which makes me over stimulated. I have been feeling much less patient with him lately.

Are there any resources or audio books for autistic parents for parenting autistic children? I'm really struggling and I hate getting so angry with him. I absolutely love my special boy but I feel like I am damaging our relationship by getting so mad with him on the daily.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I (26,f) still struggle in social situations and I hate it so much. I think I'm an ambivert, in which I mean i love being around people (I think) but it really drains me because every time I'm around people I feel so out of place and weird.I really think the only reason I "pretend" to be an introvert is because im so used to being told off because I'm too much or I pick up on the subtle sings that people don't like me that I prefer being Alone because that is the only time I'm not judged. I'm often told that I'm too loud and too much. Im on antidepressants to try and combat the social anxiety I have developed after years of being bullied for just being myself and I don't know what to do about it or how to change because this is who I am. So most of the time I hang out with myself because I'm so tired of people judging me for being just who I am. But at the same time I really want friends who actually likes me, which right now really feels impossible.

TW: mild suicide ideations and severe depression.

His name was Alan.

He wasn’t only my best friend, he was the brother life gave me. Never judged me, we could talk about everything and we had an immense amount of things in common. We taught each other about music, art, philosophy. Chemistry through the roof. He was my best man in my wedding.

Once he literally saved my life. A story that today I don’t want to get into. But I assure you there’s no hyperbole here, no figurative speech. I was seconds away and he hold me.

I meet my other friends years before him. I’ve always loved them but sometimes we just couldn’t see eye to eye and I was too mortified to think anything about that. I mean, group of friends have variety, right? Then a friend introduced him to our group and I found out what friendship could be. We understood each other immediately, we could debate for HOURS about cinema, about literature, about photographers, about albums both new and old.

Then, he got cancer. Fought for years. He was a warrior.

Heck, when he passed even HIS family expressed their condolences to me. His sister told me “he loved you like you were a part of our family”.

I think, or at least I thought, that I was more or less handling his death. It hurts like a bitch but life goes on, right? However something else changed: my friends, the friends I’ve know way longer than I knew him they now… bore me. I love them, but have zero interest in what they say. They still talk about the music and stuff they liked in their younger days; they’ve become conservatives when we used to be radicals, misfits. We fought the system, we truly did. Now they spew conspiracy theories they read on Facebook or talk against feminism and the “woke agenda”.

There’s no depth to their insights. The only one who still has the same intelectual curiosity since his youth, I love him dearly, but he can be a pain in the rear. Some attitude issues he has admitted to; not the time or the place to talk about that.

I see my friends and all I see is that Alan is not here anymore. I realize he made them interesting. Bearable.

And it’s not their fault. And I’m a piece of shit for feeling like this.

I was talking with my wife about this and then the realization suddenly hit me: if life is this unbearable, this dull and sluggish without him. What will happen if something happens to her? She who is the most important person in my entire life. She, whom I love infinitely more than anyone and anything in the whole world? If my spectrum is making me stick to Alan's memory like this… what would happens if one day she’s gone?

I told her yesterday: “if something happens to you, I’ll be right behind you. You understand what I’m trying to say”

And she understood that, despite the pain I was talking from, I was also telling the truth. And I hate to burden her like this but I know me, she knows me: life would be hell if she passes away. Everything will lose its colors, the wind will stop blowing for me. The starts, the moon, will be meaningless.

“If something happened to me, I would like you to find happiness”, she said.

“You are THE happiness”, I replied. “You are what gives anything I do, anything I see, meaning”

I have been tired maybe for over a decade. I used to be a cultural activist and critic. Fought against institutions, politicians, big fishes for a fairer local art scene. I am a professor, I love teaching about art, philosophy, culture, history, language. I love DEARLY, my students.

And I know very well I love everything in this world only because she’s in here. I’m tired but still finding strength because she’s worth it.

What would be the point? What would be life without my heart?

And now, I’m floating over this existential dread. This black contemplation, without the volition to stop thinking how life would be without her. How life is without Alan. How easily joy can disappear for me.

What am I, then? Who am I if not the witness of the absolute miracle that this world was able to produce two beings like them? What would I be without her wonder? What am I without my brother?

What’s the point of this pain, both past and imagined? Why I’m such a bad ungrateful friend?

Lots of similarities between vampires and autistic people

I struggle because people think I'm not listening. In reality it's just a lot of information to take in. I forget verbal instructions. I take longer to respond. Sometimes my mind just takes a while. Honestly I sometimes mix up words, pause a lot, and it can make me feel really anxious.

In school in my IEP it said not to call on me randomly for answers. I need time to think. I had a teacher do it once and I couldn't answer. I struggle on the phone a lot as I sometimes struggle to understand what to say and sometimes don't understand what the other person is saying. It said in my assessment that my processing difficulties made it so id have to have help all throughout school. Yet I was alone for the last 2 yrs.

• The nerdy coder

• The idealist advocate

• The plushie lover

• The crazy outcast

• The hypoverbal musician

• The quiet sober OCD prone

• The psychology lover

• The animal lover

• The gamer

• The hyperverbal freelancer

This is a JOKE so please don't come at me!! It's just interesting to see some patterns in the community, obviously we are all different etc etc I don't truly mean ti stereotype anyone.

But who am I missing?😅

Edit: I will disclose that I am a crazy outcast - idealist advocate combined type. If you see me in 10 years proselitizing in the street about the system, listen to my wisdom

As an adult, I am exploring some potential links from my past to the present, from childhood to the present. I have done some reading and self-exploration, as well as some professional counselor exploration, and reviewed with an extremely close friend. I am in no way attempting to self-diagnose; however, what I will say from what I have read, heard, and researched the pieces are fitting. This has been going on since the lockdowns from COVID-19 were lifted. So I have spent quite a bit of time on this.

I have many questions, but will just keep it down to 3.

1: If you are on the Autism Spectrum and diagnosed late, was receiving that diagnosis helpful in any way?

2: What did it feel like to you once you received confirmation?

3: If you are working, did you or are you considering informing your employer? If you did inform your
Employer, what was that like, and was there a change, no matter how small, that improved your job?

Am I the only one who thinks the increased use in calling things/people "cringe" has become ridiculously oversaturated if not also misleading?

While it might be hard right now to think of specific examples...let's just say it's very very common for me to hear people refer to things and other people as "cringe", with the thing/behavior/trait/action/word choice/clothing choice/whatever in question simply just being...misogynistic, creepy, elitist, flat out mean, racist, or more broadly speaking, HARMFUL. Which does bring up the question of why, for example, one might call a budding incel "cringe" when they could just call them a budding incel; why one might call people like Fonald Dump, Shitlon Musk, Cand-not Owens, etc. "cringe" when they could just call them 'despicable,' 'asshats,' 'abhorrent,' 'bigot'; why one might call cultural appropriators "cringe" instead of just calling them racist.

BUUUUUUT then it's also very very common for me to hear people refer to things and other people as "cringe", with the thing/behavior/trait/action/word choice/clothing choice/whatever in question simply just being......making an awkward insertion into a conversation that temporarily pauses the convo, one's natural speaking voice, one's unique but ultimately harmless sense of humor, one's unique area of interests (or special interests, re: the subreddit), the way one decides to pose in a picture, the way one chooses to carry themselves, one's clothing that you personally may not see everyday or particularly be that fond of, or more broadly speaking...HARMLESS.

Cause why is it that people use "cringe" to refer to harmful behavior (if not also, for example, with the goal to start a conversation about accountability and justice) but also use "cringe" to refer to harmLESS behavior (if not also, for example, with the goal to poke fun of someone for being an adult who likes barbies or is 'being weird')? The disconnect is just a bit...weird to me. On one hand you have people calling something/someone cringe because it's indicative of a larger issue in our society, but on the other hand you have people calling something/someone cringe because they're...doing something different or acting different [from you]?

And let's ignore semantics for a second. I have a working theory that if you find something or someone cringe, it's either because 1) you're uncomfortable with the actual, tangible, systemic, safety-compromising harm that it could be spewing or leading to, or 2) because it triggers deep-rooted, subconscious insecurities and internalized stigmas that you have not personally resolved.

Curious to hear thoughts - whether they're in agreement, disagreement, or both.

This is weird to admit, and I completely recognize that it’s a flaw I have to work on.

I’m 22, and I’ve always bent the truth as a kind of instinct. On account of my autism, I’ve learned to relate to the world in a very outwardly performative way, and trying to fit that mold leads to the most random falsehoods coming out of my mouth. Usually because I’m saying what somebody wants to hear, or I’m trying to say the ‘correct thing’, or to make a story more sensical or interesting. I feel terrible about this and I want to stop. I feel guilty when I lie about things but it’s basically a knee jerk reaction at this point and I worry that I’m just kind of evil. Maybe it’s the masking, and feeling like I’m always lying anyway, so it feels less impactful in the moment. How can I slow down and be more honest instead of defaulting to bending the truth?

The other day I (21F) was at my friends house after a night out and realised I had lost my jacket. I immediately started panicking and started scouring everywhere. Normally, when I feel myself getting too dysregulated I isolate myself somewhere so I can just ride out the meltdown without consequence. However, this time I got too caught up in frantically trying to find my jacket that the panic caught up to me on the stairs. Two of my friends (21F; 21M) tried to help but I was so out of it that I was struggling to tell them they were unintentionally making it worse. I ended up shouting at one of them that they weren't helping and that they didn't understand. I didn't realised that had upset her until after I had gone home a couple hours later and messaged both of them apologising for it. My other friend is fine and understands it, but the first was really hurt by it. I'm giving her some time to process it (we have 2 weeks until our next DND session) but I feel so awful. It's been around 7 years since I last had a full on meltdown in front of anyone and hurt someone like that. I don't feel like I can see my friends again without feeling terrible about everything. I know what I need to do - I need to actually tell people how to help me when I'm dysregulated so that if and when it does happen I'm not just leaving them in the dark. I don't know if this is enough? I haven't felt happy since it happened; I want to fix the feelings but I don't know how. I'm scared that she'll never look at me the same for shouting at her like that. I didn't mean to do it and I wasn't really in control of myself, but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen so I'm at such a loss. My other friend has tried to reassure me that I'm fine and that no one views me in a bad light, but I can't stop feeling like they do. I feel like everyone is walking on eggshells around me. Does anyone have any advice? How can I express how devastated I am that I upset her? How do I not feel like a monster?

25m, I have been on a weightlifting journey for a little over a month now. I am pretty overweight and looking to make a lifestyle change. I have a habit of posting on reddit about my journey, asking for advice and having a bit of debate etc. But this comment genuinely made me the angriest I have ever been online and I've been through some shit lmao.

Like it's embarrassing to post this here even because it's so meaningless but it's the first time I've felt properly offended. So this tosspot as we'll call him (I'll tell you the real name I called him later), commented on a post I made about dieting as my diet is terrible. He went on this long-winded nonsensical boomer rant about how "YOUR PARENTS HAVE MADE YOU INTO A MANCHILD! GO TO A DIETICIAN HE CAN HELP YOU" then went on about how "Notice OP didn't mention a father? That must mean he was absent! Therefor unless he's dead there's no excuse! Your parents failed you!". Just because I said my mum buys junk food a lot and that certain textures make me throw up. Like beans, broccoli, carrots etc. Literally activate my gag reflex and I cant swallow them.

I know this guy could probably fold me in half, but I wanted to rip his throat out after reading that. Normally things like this bounce off since you know, autism and all. But the fact this guy was so ignorant when I'd mentioned I was autistic several times just infuriated me. Like WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? The ironic thing is, he's completely wrong in everything he spouted. My folks did the best they could for me as who knows how to deal with an autistic kid when it wasn't really well known about at the time. Plus the things we've had to go through the past five years really struck a nerve with me. I am a loner and have no social life so family is all I have. They're great and I love them, we stick together through everything.

So I wrote back a big message calling him every single slur and name under the sun. I put some real effort into it. Every single gymbro stereotype was thrown out and then some. The best one being "Knuckle-dragging c*ntbag" I don't care if I get banned, hell I've deleted everything now because I quickly calmed down after sending it and knew it was too far. But idk if anyone has ever had this before here? It truly struck a chord with me that nothing has in a long time.

People like him are why I wont join a gym and workout at home with my own equipment. Because he is the stereotypical manosphere moron. The type that's so stuck in the notion that being a mouthbreathing bore who's only thought pattern is that of a png of chicken and rice bouncing around like a DVD logo in that cavernous void that is his skull. That he cant even FOR ONE SECOND IMAGINE HOW LIVES ARE DIFFERENT THAN HIS OWN.

Anyway the guy is a buffoon. But yeah it really got a rise out of me. Still I'll go back to lifting on monday in my garage, happy to be making progress. Gymbros are di*ks. Thanks a bunch bye