Shavua Tov! I hope everyone had a good Shabbat.
To cut a long story very very short (I'm happy to talk in detail and answer any questions, if I wrote everything here this post would take 50 years lol), I'm a South African who grew up in an ultra-religious Muslim household, and had a very antisemitic upbringing. Some time ago, I started to question the beliefs I'd grown up with and educated myself on Jewish history and culture, on Judaism, and eventually developed a deep sense of admiration and respect towards the Jewish community. Deep down I felt like Judaism was the answer, although I didn't know to what exactly.
Fast forward to the modern day, in the aftermath of Oct 7 unfortunately my family and the greater Muslim community has doubled down on the hatred and antisemitism and I no longer belong there. I still call myself a Muslim however my relationship with the religion is very troubled and I've lost a lot of respect for the community and my family because of how they've expressed themselves since.
Despite not being Jewish, the Jewish community literally feels like home at this point. This sounds silly, but when I'm out in public and I come across a Jewish person/people, I feel like I bumped into "my people". I'm learning Hebrew. I'm slowly immersing myself more and more in the Jewish world, and it all just feels natural for me.
However I currently feel like I belong nowhere and it's a very lonely feeling. I'm neither here nor there. I can't talk to anyone in my life about this, and I'm obviously not Jewish and I don't know how to get more involved in the Jewish community and make Jewish friends. This is where this post comes in I suppose, I'm just trying to find my community. If anyone here is from a similar background or has gone through anything similar, or even if not, I'd love to hear about it!
Thanks for reading all of this <3