[L] I [F22] recently realized my mom is racist and her love for me is condotional

[u/SunnyTiger5]

I feel the need to chat/vent to someone about this because I feel like I’m going to burst.

I’ve always had a close relationship with my mother and I’ve felt as if she was always loving and supportive towards me, even though at times I’ve started to realized this was due to me being “easy” kid or even a parent kid.

Recently I’ve met a wonderful guy through friend group and I, as I usual spoke to my mother about everything as if she were my best friend, told her about him and that I’m slowly starting to like him. She went completely mad - he’s POC and she told me she doesn’t want me to be in a relationship with anybody with darker skin tone than we are. She literally said “It’s either him or me”. Until now she never expressed any racist thoughts with me prior to this and raised me anti-racist. I’m so shocked and disgusted and mad and I don’t know what to do, this showed me what kind of closed-minded person she is and how she loves me only when I suit her plans.

[u/LaJudaEsperantisto]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It’s a terrible thing when we’re presented with ultimatums that no parent should ever give their child. It has to be so stressful and scary in your position.

It certainly isn’t reasonable to threaten anyone with cutting them off for their relationship choices, least of all a parent. You deserve to be happy with this guy and for your mother to be not only accepting but enthusiastic and happy for you about it. It’s also probably shocking and destabilising to feel like your whole relationship with your mom depends on you doing what she wants.

How have you been navigating this situation so far?

[u/SunnyTiger5 → u/LaJudaEsperantisto]

Thank you so much for your words of support and understanding! I sent you a dm in case you want to hear about it more there, but it’s totally fine if you don’t. Have a lovely day

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