I've been all over the "screen time" thing for years, measuring it, capping it, hardcore parental controls, easing back from it and expecting them to self-measure to build self regulation, negotiating quantities against outdoor hours, etc. but if anything this imposed scarcity has made it even more prized, more obsessed over. Some days all I hear about during the screen-free hours, is screen time. My colleague has kids who get basically zero screen time, he doesn't face these issues, but nor do his kids have a chance to get savvy to the challenges awaiting them, til they're adults and set loose on the digital world. Mine are pre- discovery of social media and doom scrolling, rn they're taking in mostly curated content like Switch games and stuff. The worst lies ahead, as they get older and gain more access and privacy. Am I failing them, maybe, but it's a hell of an assignment with no obvious winning move.
1, I'm separated and co parent alone and after work I am fucking dead. I can barely cook dinner. The TV gives me some time to just decompress.
2, the screen is... Shitty in theory but my kid doesn't just sit glued to it. Right now he's really into Pokemon and can't sit still, he's jumping on the couch and pretending he's throwing or jumping out of pokeballs and doing battles with himself.
Plus he then is excited to go to school to talk to his friends about Pokemon.
3, he has a laptop but only with educational games. He's really into math now.
4, he's at school all day with zero screens and a ton of adult and kid interaction.
5, when I do have energy, we go to the park or hiking or whatever, usually out of doors, and he still acts like a normal kid, jumping around and playing and getting interested in nature and liking to dig.
Screens are a part of the world now and treating it like this forbidden fruit just makes it more desired. Sometimes he gets sick of it and chooses to do other activities.
I hope this is him learning to self-regulate..
Anyway. Being a parent nowadays is really fucking tough. We need a village and don't have it. Screens take a degree of weight off our backs especially when single parenting. It sucks but I think not having a village sucks harder.
Having villages again I feel would fix SO MANY PROBLEMS.
Not just raising kids better by having less stressed out parents yelling at them because they can't do it all but having community and third places and feeling more secure and less isolated and...gah. I hate the isolation here, I hate it so much.
You nailed it. We have also tried to incorporate it into a healthy way because in this age (and likely his lifetime) screens are part of our world. Our 3yo uses the iPad for educational games and it has a screen time limit. I’ll admit he watches a lot of tv but he mainly watches music videos and he can play about 15 songs quite well on drums (I swear I’m not exaggerating 😅).
We also watch movies and shows together and I try to engage with him and what he’s watching so he’s either not quick to lose interest or zoned out too hard as it can go both ways. We also just started him at a Montessori Preschool so he’s getting a totally different environment with no screens now.
But you’re right, it’s so hard. Finding the balance for your child while also struggling yourself; a lot of us have been there! I agree, it does feel like we don’t raise our children in villages anymore, at least in the US. Having those extra hands can change so much about the patience you can have with your kids and I feel like I see a lot of my friends who are parents struggle because they’re doing it alone. It sounds like you’re doing your best for your kid and you should know that; it’s not easy.
This is what happened to me. My parents restricted me to one hour of computer time per week.
The result? As soon as I was on my own in college, I splurged on "computer time". I did nothing but procrastinate playing video games, watching youtube, reading wikipedia. Meanwhile my peers had learned to control their own time. Took me a ton of work to wean myself off, but even today I still have to restrict myself. Thankfully I enjoy going outdoors, so it's not too hard.
There's better ways to do this. I don't know how, but it's certainly not just hard restrictions.
i kinda get it, i've been reading an article then 3 hours and 10 articles later i'm still just reading wikipedia without having noticed the time going by
I think the only issue with this is that it’s passive, unfocused reading. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I did the same thing when I had work to be doing so instead I’d choose only articles related to the subjects I had to study, I’d try to make notes, and then I’d check all the sources later to add to the notes I had.
Instead of getting rid of our habits altogether, it’s better to refine them into a better, productive version of itself. Those habits are already there, so it’s better to use them for good rather than destroy them as we’ll always return to them and we know they’re fun. I’m not sure if you’re into language learning, but it also helped to read articles or dumb internet stuff in my second language so I’d be learning at the same time.
Sounds like you just have undiagnosed ADHD. I had practically no limits on screen time as a kid, and did the same stupid shit in college before I grew up.
Rather than restricting the quantity, you should focus on quality instead - I use my iPad for reading, watching documentaries or lectures, and writing. If they choose to do those things, then it’s no different to using a book or learning except it’s easier because of the bright, colourful screen and the ability to play music simultaneously or interact with the text (annotations, saving quotes, looking up references). Why not make a rule that they can use it for longer if they can make a list of things they have learned in the day or learned a new skill? That way you’re both getting what you want. I honestly couldn’t have graduated college without using my iPad because books are irritating for me to read due to my sensitivity to the texture of the pages and how they pick up scents
I think the biggest thing is that it matters what they're doing with it. When Minecraft came out I absolutely loved it, my parents were reasonably restrictive with the "screen time" but I feel like my time during that really ignited a creative passion for art and creating things that never went away, and I do feel like it was a positive influence. Had I been scrolling mindlessly on youtube it wouldve been different.
Oh man, Internet is a big one! Mine both have e-readers (they are majorly into reading which is awesome). Damn things have WiFi, which I'd forgotten about, and they're allowed to take them to bed (unlike other devices) and I found out one had been Googling stuff on it instead of sleeping one night. Harmless stuff, but completely unsupervised and the door was open to eventual full nights of potential harm had I not realized.
Tech, in all its glorious convenience, can really work against you when you're trying to aim for "less". The companies behind it want you aiming for "more" and stack the deck for that.
I had my screen time restricted as a kid, and yeah the scarcity really messes with your brain. I would skip studying because if I didnt use up all my computer time for the day it was wasted since I couldnt get that time back. My planning for everything relied on when I could have my screen time because of how limited it was. And when i finally hit 18 and the limits were all removed i had no clue how to handle myself, i spent like a month after school ended doing nothing but eat, sleep, and game because i had never had that freedom before. Its been almost 3 years since then and i still struggle because in my brain if i dont send x amount of hours playing a game i feel like ive wasted the day.
I think one of the main factors to preventing the scarcity feeling is letting the kids have some control. One of the systems my parents used (for a short time sadly) was a chip system where i had a certain amount of chips per week representing the time i could play. The chips could roll over between days and i could earn more chips for doing stuff. Im pretty sure this was the only time i actually had a good relationship with my electronics because i felt like i had control. I didnt feel like i had to use up my screen time because i could save it for later plus it wasnt limited anymore since i could work for more time. Imo it would have been a good way to learn good time magagememt and a sorta work/life balance.
I thought she was crazy when my mom set screen time for my brand new GameBoy Advance. She was so far ahead of the curve, tbh. I still get sucked into my electronics as an adult, but I can at least identify an alternative and self-enforce, thanks to her parenting.
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u/NazzerDawk Mar 07 '25
My kids are restricted to one hour of screen time a day. Fuck them growing up as addicted as I am.