Ah man. So sorry to hear this. I really feel for you. I've been there. I know that a lot of guys have been too. It just sucks. The pain is real. There's no way around it. Fuck man. Just fuck.
From my experience, it sounds like what happened is that she was over you, and then she found herself momentarily bored / momentarily lonely / momentarily feeling low-self-esteem and so she started chatting you up, because your attention made her feel interesting / validated / desired. She used you for a quick pick-me up. It was probably so natural and automatic she didn't even think about it. Or if she did think of the impact she'd have on you, that only made her feel more desired. (This is not uncommon. Men do it to women too. Happens everyday, alas.)
And then when she didn't need your attention anymore, she was off and you were left feeling like you'd been let back into paradise again and then kicked out again.
But it will get better. You've learned a valuable lesson about how painful it is to re-establish contact. You've seen through your own illusions. You're going to go forward and as you do, you'll think about her less and less each day (it will still feel like you think about her a lot for a while, but it will be less each day.) And one day, sooner than you think, you'll go a few days without thinking about this all and that will feel really good.
I hear you man. You put her on such a pedestal that it can be hard to recognize shitty behavior when you see it. Whether she's "good" or "awful" or whatever, those are labels -sometimes helpful, sometimes not - but the truth is humans, even if they are "good" will thoughtlessly use one another to get what they need without even thinking about it.
This pain is awful. But it's like weather. Give it long enough and it will change.
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u/tarltontarlton 17d ago
Ah man. So sorry to hear this. I really feel for you. I've been there. I know that a lot of guys have been too. It just sucks. The pain is real. There's no way around it. Fuck man. Just fuck.
From my experience, it sounds like what happened is that she was over you, and then she found herself momentarily bored / momentarily lonely / momentarily feeling low-self-esteem and so she started chatting you up, because your attention made her feel interesting / validated / desired. She used you for a quick pick-me up. It was probably so natural and automatic she didn't even think about it. Or if she did think of the impact she'd have on you, that only made her feel more desired. (This is not uncommon. Men do it to women too. Happens everyday, alas.)
And then when she didn't need your attention anymore, she was off and you were left feeling like you'd been let back into paradise again and then kicked out again.
But it will get better. You've learned a valuable lesson about how painful it is to re-establish contact. You've seen through your own illusions. You're going to go forward and as you do, you'll think about her less and less each day (it will still feel like you think about her a lot for a while, but it will be less each day.) And one day, sooner than you think, you'll go a few days without thinking about this all and that will feel really good.