r/MadeMeSmile • u/bendubberley_ • 16d ago

Wholesome Moments Autistic non-verbal boy speaks directly to his mother for the first time.

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u/batwork61 16d ago

For anyone reading this, having kids that are not neurotypical is an incredibly, unimaginably hard thing to go through and society is not set up to offer much assistance at all. Having neurotypical, healthy kids is hard enough. Having kids who are not that is such a difficult life. Please be compassionate towards people who are going through this.

My wife is a Neurodevelopment expert who specializes in autism and the amount of families she meets who are just desperate and broken is incredibly sad. These people need your help and your compassion.

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u/clopin_trouillefou 16d ago

I agree that parents of autistic kids struggle and deserve compassion. But I would like to gently remind that autistic kids are just kids with more support needs. We need to make sure that when we talk about this that its not the kids or their neurotype that makes the parents lives difficult but poverty, lack of support, limited clinical understanding of autism, organisations with alterior motives and barriers to access healthcare. If their parent is struggling the autistic kid is struggling more. Its always going to be harder on the kids themselves and we need to remember that. Autism isn't what "breaks" families, its the lack of understanding, healthcare and support that does.

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u/kaspar_trouser 16d ago

Yeah autistic people grow up feeling like they are a burden in a society that is not designed for even the highest functioning of us to thrive in.

I wasn't diagnosed until 27 and I still grew up feeling like I was an awful terrible burden and letting my family down. And my family were mostly doing their best.

But yeah the idea that we are this marriage killing life ending burden is reallly dangerous.

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u/batwork61 16d ago

Agree completely. Thank you for the added detail.

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u/Time-Maintenance2165 16d ago

That seems to be a false dichotomy to me. Why can't it be both that signficantly contribute? Of course with the degree to which each aspect contributes varying in each situation.

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u/vladislavopp 16d ago

I don't really understand why you feel the "gentle reminder" of your comment is needed - nowhere did the original commenter say anything to minimize the struggle of disabled people themselves.

It is extremely important to acknowledge and support the families/caretakers of non neurotypical children, and recognize the toll it can take to support and care for kids and adults with significant disabilities. Their family are their first - and too often only - support.
And there is a strange taboo against speaking about the difficulties they face, as if recognizing the caretakers' struggle and efforts is gauche. As it would be selfish of them, a moral failing, to be struggling - or worse, talk about it.

The sentence "just kids with more support needs" is doing a lot of work here. Caring for people with serious disabilities sometimes demands a an extreme amount of dedication and self-sacrifice. "Gently reminding" these people that they shouldn't complain too much about it at the first mention of their issues seems pretty inappropriate.

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u/False_Print3889 16d ago

and deserve compassion

No, they likely had a choice to abort.

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u/daintypower 15d ago

I recently heard about this very popular podcast/documentary in the works, The Telepathy Tapes. I wonder if your wife has heard of it? Families are sharing their stories with non speaking children. Basically, these children have expressed that they are fully “there”, but it is the mind body connection that is the issue for them. It’s quite amazing and a huge relief for many families who have given it a listen.

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u/False_Print3889 16d ago

tldr: Always abort these kids...

Like wtf are you even thinking

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u/batwork61 16d ago

Autism is not something that can be tested while in the womb and, to my understanding, often not something that can be really be suspected until infants start missing their milestones around 12 months. Even then, there are infants who are completely typical until around 18 months, when they experience a regression and some of the traits associated with autism begin to show.