So Ive posted before about how when I've said no to something sexual three times in our two year relationship my partner has acted nice at first then responded with:

"I feel something been snatched away"

"I feel noone cares about me, I feel self destructive"

"I feel shut down"

So I talked to my partner about this and he says it was in relation to other things. And that he was just sharing feelings in the spirit of being closer. He gave me an anecdote and said that he had a housemate who had an interpretation of what a word meant and he had another understanding of what the word meant. My partner said how he had to accept that his housemates reality all their life was that word meant one thing. And that his interpretation was that it meant another. He was relating it to our situation and saying that there are two separate realities. My reality of the situation was one thing and his was another.

He said he can see how what he said could come across as manipulative but that wasn't what he was doing.

He also said that if he accepts my reality as truth (that the behaviour is manipulative. Not once have I said HE is manipulative just the behaviour) then that he is really, really vulnerable and he needs to protect himself and make sure that I'm not just stating my reality as truth to control the situation.

TLDR trying to bring up partners behaviour so he can understand and take accountability. He refuses to and says there are different realities. I'm starting to doubt myself. Am I wrong?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, but around 3 months into our relationship, I had to go to college which means we are now long distance. Our relationship was perfect in the beginning and I had never felt so in love. From the moment we went long distance, it was clear that he had trust issues. On multiple occasions in first semester, he would call me while I was out with my friends and tell me that he was uncomfortable with me being out or didn’t like what I was wearing. This happened most times that I would go out even though I would tell him before and even FaceTime him while I was getting ready. He had told me that it was because his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, and so I understood and tried to reassure him as much as possible. As the school year has gone on, those issues started to get bigger and bigger, with him most recently FaceTiming me while I was getting ready WITH all of my friends in the room and beginning to cry when I mentioned that I was getting ready to go out and repeating over and over while crying “be safe”. He then told me that he wasn’t going to be on his phone for the rest of the night until the morning and did not say anything to me until later the next morning. There are a lot more issues in our relationship, that feel a little controlling, but all of my friends have been telling me that the things that he says to me have clearly began to make me think that I do everything wrong and that I should end things with him because it is clear that he does things with the intention to make me to feel bad, but I love him so much and I don’t want to be without him. With this being said, my friends are not in my relationship and they can’t be a good judge, but it just scares me that the people closest to me are saying this. I have also brought this up a couple times (how I don’t like the way that he handles me going out) and somehow it always reflects back onto me with him saying things like “i don’t know what happens at these parties” or it somehow being my fault that he feels insecure. I just don’t know what to do and I left a lot of details and other very questionable things that have happened out but this was the most recent thing that happened. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

This is making me feel crazy, and I can only find literature on this in the context of propaganda, not on a more personal level.

My (now ex) partner was not a very supportive or empathetic person. That was an issue within itself, but something specific he did a couple of times was repeat the same phrase over and over at me, for days. Like at least 100 times. Even when I begged him to stop. He says he was “just trying to find solutions” but how can that be true if I proved his “solution” wasn’t even possible, and he continued to text it to me no matter what I said, for days? I can’t think of any situation where that’s a normal thing to do. To me, the only reason someone would go that extreme is for manipulative reasons. (For context- one of the biggest times he did this was when my cat got sick and no veterinarians were available to take him for 2 weeks, so I had to take care of him myself at first. And my partner texted me over and over to take my cat to the vet. No matter what proof I gave and no matter how much I begged. He just texted the same thing over and over and over. I turned off my phone at one point)

I’m just looking for some literature or anything to help me cope with that being sold to me as “care.” Maybe I’m just crazy? I did what the vet on the phone told me to do while I was waiting for an appointment. I’m known to be very good with animals- I’m the one people call to take in animals that need some extra care. So I wasn’t being reckless or harmful or anything like that. I just feel so confused.

i used to be really close with this guy as a child and as i grew up i developed a crush on him. i was 15 when he texted me on instagram asking why i allow him to wrap his arm around me when we’re in public and why im so goofy around him. eventually i told him i had a crush on him and that i liked him even though i was a minor at the time and he was an adult in his 30s. we had been secretly in a relationship since then and have done intimate things together and have told our family lies. however it’s been 3 years and since a couple months ago he’s been mentally unwell and just got sent to a mental hospital a few days ago. i was confronted by a family member about our relationship and to not lie to her so i told her the truth. she wants me to go to court monday and i think because of what i said that day through text its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life of me locking this guy in jail or prison. what should i do and how should i feel? it’s still a shock to me because during our relationship i felt deep romantic feelings for him though sometimes it was shaky because i had lust problems towards other men. if this gets out how many years in prison would he spend? was i selfish that day when i told him i liked him or was it wrong for him to have suggested he can teach me how to kiss? was it wrong i got his hopes up because genuinely he seemed like he trusted me and wanted a future with me. but at the same time this family member who now knows the truth told me he had tried to pursue a relationship with another young girl in the past who was also a minor. so i have doubts and i wonder if ive been naive this whole time and let my butterflies and feelings blind me…i believed his words when he told me if he could travel back in time he would’ve chosen to be with me and would’ve stayed a virgin for me. things are hectic now, now that my mom and dad know and this other family member. he never forcefully graped me and he always got my permission i even enjoyed our moments together but lately i’ve thought he’d been slipping into being mentally unwell with how he raised his voice in public or says certain strange stuff. the guy i had a crush on when i was 15 seems like a totally different guy from who he is now. is it my fault bc i betrayed him when i told him i had romantic thoughts of another guy when i was w him? so many thoughts cross my mind regarding him and i’m still in shock everything’s been exposed now. i promised him in the past i would only be with him and that we’d get married and that we’ll be in heaven together. i feel like a fool and a liar and a betrayer. i don’t know how ill be when i see him again in court monday. i blocked him and deleted all our pictures. i had hopes for us because we would stay in contact everyday for the past 3 years. these past few days and months were the first of us drifting apart but really i had doubts if i was supposed to be with him. i pray to God and i asked him for a sign that if i wasn’t meant to be w this guy please show me and that’s when a day later a family member told me to tell her the truth between me and him.

TLDR i had romantic feelings for this guy as a minor but now it’s been exposed and has led to serious consequences

I'll try to be concise

I was with her since 5.5 years and i know her since 7 years

My ex lost her work since january 2024 and I've pushed her to stream, so everyday was about to have time with me, stream on twitch and...that was that, but she was about to have a carrier on twitch she had like 60+ viewers in a year with al our efforts and she was doing like 800$ a month for now

But, a viewer contacted her, that's the kind of guy do had a lot of girls in hours dm on snapchat and was searching for a relationship he trie with a lot of streamer girl and here we are

My ex was kinda depressed and feeling alone because, you know, she needed to see other people, she was a waitress in restaurants before

He started to flirt nearly instantly and first she felt bad and she showed me and we asked him to stop

He continued, and 2 weeks after she wanted to leave me

His dm was like "i love you" "I've never seen someone like you before" "I'll give you a love nobody gave you before" "I'm better than him i would never hurt you" bla bla bla

But she is naive and affectionately dependant, she was depressed or in a bad mood and he came like I'll repair your heart, like a hero, it worked very well, now he is abusing of her literally she totally chanhed, she has done a lot of things sexually like bdsm, anal etc (the man was addict to sex when he came on discord he was only talking about sex and his ex before until he got attention from my ex)

He literally sais her after 2 weeks talking "i want you to stop with him" that he hated me and if we had sex, because he was asking, he literally was stopping to reply to her and would go on a walk for hours without replying like a punishment so she stopped with me cause she needed the dopamine from him

They're in a couple for a week he already is like until death separate us but even it couldn't

When he says i love you he already said "i love you, my future family"

He spam text her 24/24 even when she was streaming she was always replying to him on messages he wasn't even looking the stream since he got her, and now she nearly stopped she has no subs nothing anymore everyone left

She got mad about near people telling her it is not a good guy

He is calling her 24/7 when he is not working, it's about literally everytime she has no moment alone, they sleep call etc etc

What do you think about it, is there anything to do, she became very mean to me and literally left me just after seeing him for a week end (9 hours of distance)

Thank you for your answers

(There is a TL/DR at the bottom, sorry this is so long!)

My “best friend” heavily manipulated and bullied me growing up. I never stood up for myself. I cut her out of my life after my freshman year in highschool.

Senior year, we had a class together. She approached me and did NOT apologize, however she said she used to be a mean person but she was working on it. And it really seemed that way. I forgave her because I tried to understand her and she also did not have a great home life. We were decent friends for about a year, and it really seemed like she was working on herself.

We ended up at the same college with the same major. We took this “teams” class together (which was one semester long group project essentially). Our group consisted of us 2 girls and 4 guys.

Immediately as this class began and we became a group, she switched.

She became her old, manipulative self. Putting me down any chance she got. Changing/deleting my stuff. (A TON happened but I don’t want to make this post too long.)

I confronted her about deleting my stuff, and she immediately started gaslighting me on how she didn’t and when I showed her proof she said I shouldn’t be so sensitive. I said “fuck you” and went home. This was the first time I had ever stood up for myself, and I’m pretty sure this just made my life worse.

At some point, she got one of our group members in on this and he started coming at me too.

There’s too much to just type out here without being a super long post.

Mainly, I just can’t move on. I have nightmares about her every night. I obsess about it every single day and I cry all the time. It’s been 4 months since the semester ended and I still feel so shattered. Everyone tells me “just stop thinking about it” but it’s really not that easy. She genuinely lives in my mind. I just don’t know what to do.

TL/DR My childhood best friend manipulated and bullied me, but I forgave her when she seemed to change. In college, we ended up in the same group project, and she immediately reverted to her old ways—putting me down, gaslighting me, and even turning a teammate against me. I finally stood up for myself, but now I can’t move on. I have nightmares, think about it constantly, and feel completely shattered, even four months later. Any thoughts/advice is welcome.

20 years together, and I’ve always known deep down he’s a narcissist. He faced huge trauma as a child and has never received help or therapy for it. I know that I am emotionally abused and no matter how intelligent I think I am, I never come off well when we argue. He can do a really awful thing and somehow I end up apologising and I’m always left confused on how it got to that. The truth is, I have some trauma myself, and grew up to be a people pleaser to avoid conflict. I don’t like arguing, or any type of conflict and I don’t really have an identity of my own. The thought of being on my own, having to make decisions (I’m very indecisive), being alone with nobody to show me love is not for me. I’m 42 now so feel if I was going to leave I should have done it 10 years ago at least. Here’s the good bits, he can be so loving. I feel like deep down he knows what he says and does is wrong, so even if he doesn’t admit it, surely that’s something. He has never been violent and can be really loving. The biggest barrier to living with him, is always having to support his way of thinking because disagreeing is simply not worth it. Ignoring comments for peace (you didn’t tell me, you should have warned me, that’s because of you, you’ve done that again, you’re unable to see the wider picture unlike me) these are constant and at first they used to wear me down, but I’ve learned and rationalised that if he is a narcissist then of course that’s his thought process, but if unchallenged and I just nod, then he continues to be loving and caring. He makes me feel secure and I know he’d help me if I was in trouble, although I’d probably have to be told how I’ve caused this and put up with a lecture first. I have tried to fight this behaviour for years and as a result it nearly ended us, which I’ve come to realise I really don’t want. I am not sure of the reason for this post. I guess I’m wondering if there anyone out there with a similar mindset to mine? I don’t want to paint my husband to be a monster, I love him dearly, I adore him in fact. I want to love him and support him and I guess I’m willing to accept these behaviours, which surely shows narcissists aren’t all bad, just very complicated, hurt individuals that might require more love and patience.

I'm seeking advice on how to handle a friend without straight up ghosting, because I generally don't think it's a kind approach and I feel like it should be a last resort.

I've observed a pattern of manipulative and unkind behavior with this person that has ramped up over the years: constant negativity and cynicism, dismissing my feelings and problems, making digs at me/others disguised as "jokes," gossiping and sharing inappropriate details about others' lives, and dumping on me about problems while always framing themselves as the victim.

I feel like I'm enabling some pretty harmful behaviors by continuing with this dynamic, and I don't like the person I have to be in order to make the friendship work.

When I've addressed things directly in the past, I'm met with attacks on my character, guilt trips, and crying tantrums - sometimes all in the same conversation when I don't just go along with their victim stance. They expect an apology from me in those instances for hurting their feelings.

The last time I told them that it was hurtful to make rude comments about my appearance, they claimed they did not remember doing it and said sorry, but then they brought up the exact same insult months later with a smirk. This was after they trauma dumped on me for over two hours, and no amount of changing the subject made a difference. That was the last straw for me, especially since I had been under a lot of stress that day and asked if we could keep things light when we hung out that night.

I feel like sharing how they make me feel just allows them to better mask their hurtful behavior for a time, until they feel it's safe to do it again. I'm not sure what else to do since I've tried addressing things directly multiple times only to be further manipulated or attacked. There's no accountability from them.

In the past, even when I've just been busy, they have felt entitled to my attention and they get really anxious if I don't respond quickly enough. I think this is a deeply insecure person who is not going to go quietly if I slowly distance myself, but ghosting seems so cruel.

Are there better ways to proceed without getting sucked back into their cycle of manipulation?

Hello all,

I wanted some guidance on an interaction I had with my older sister yesterday that left me feeling very uncomfortable.

I received a call from my old sister yesterday. She invited me to come see a movie with her and her family. I didn't particular want to see this movie, and nor did I have interest in going to the movies - I just simply don't have enough time right now to give anyone 4 hours (movie runtime, before movie hang out, after movie hang out etc.)

My sister does have a habit of making me feeling bad when I don't want to talk or do something, whether it's intentional or not, I don't believe it is malicious I think it just comes from a place of deep insecurity. None the less, I do often feel a sense of having to justify myself in interactions. And recently I've become more aware of setting boundaries because I've always been a push over.

She said, "We all thought it would be nice if you came with us to the movies to see Minecraft?" (That being, her, her husband and two children). I replied that I don't have any interest in seeing it. I'm a big video game player but my generation was Half-Life and Warcraft, I was never that big into Minecraft. "I'm sorry, I don't really want to see the Minecraft movie." I replied. She then said, "Oh, but it's got Jack Black, don't you like him?". At this point I felt my mind working overtime to justify my answer despite being very clear that I have no interest and my sister often ignores my boundaries and continues to provide reason why I should reconsider my choice or challenge me on the choice I've made. I felt like I had to provide proof to my claim, as if that is what it was. I had to provide proof that I don't want to see the movie with them.

This is when I went to my default when speaking to a number of my family members, which is to self sacrifice despite having clearly stated my feelings on the situation. So I negotiated. "I don't want to see the movie. I'm happy to come hang out with you all if that's what you'd like but I don't have any interest in the movie. I'll come see it if that's what you'd like?" I felt like I had to imply that while I have no interest in the movie, I do want to spend time with her and her family as if to show that it's not her that I have no interest in, it's the movie. I don't know if my response came off also emotionally manipulative? As if to say, you'll be forcing me to watch a movie I don't want to see in order to spend time with your family. I think this was a really poor response and shouldn't have said it the way I did, I just wanted the interaction to be resolved. She then said, "You don't have to, we just all thought it would be very nice." she said in response. Again I responded with more justifying of why I don't want to and why I have no interest in the movie, almost pleading with her to accept my response and move on.

I got a pretty short response back. "ok". I felt very awkward and I honestly don't remember how I phrased my question but I asked for reassurance. It didn't really feel like an acknowledgement of the conversation so I tried quickly to change the subject to ask her questions about how she is going and almost flip the conversation on her head to show I care about her, I kind felt like I was now manipulating her in an attempt to resolve my guilt of not wanting to spend time with her.

I feel discomfort admitting this, but I feel like I manipulated her during the conversation. I felt like the best way to move on was to play into her insecurity of low self esteem so she felt reassured that it really is the movie I don't want to see and not her. Part of it is that I don't want to spend that amount of time with her. I always feel turbulent after any conversation and interaction. And I feel guilty for not doing better or more. Unfortunately for reasons I wont be discussing, social interactions require a huge amount of mental energy for me, and it's very taxing.

Anyway, I want to be a better person but I just don't know if I'm part or am the problem. If you read this full post, thank you for your time.

Is it cheating to hangout with a particular girl every weekends for 4/5 hours while one's wedding is already fixed?

Hello! My boyfriend is really good to me; he listens intently, he cares for my needs, and he is sacrificial in the ways in which he tries to make me happy or brighten my day even at his own expense. And I do not take it for granted, I see all he does for me and I try to reciprocate all of that love back to him. The thing is, sometimes he can become very sensitive and emotional and after comforting him or before I can even say anything in response he always says, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring you down." And every time he does it he has the exact same mannerism where he pouts his lip, looks off to the side, and looks like a kicked puppy. The first time he did it, and the many times after, I have reassured him that letting me hear his inner thoughts is never a burden and I am thankful he shares with me. Over time though, he has continued to do so and, in some cases in particular of him saying this, it will be after he tells me how I dress or things I say make him not feel good. For example, when I went out clubbing with my friends I wore a clubbing outfit, it was not too revealing but you could faintly see my nipples. After he had vented to me about how he did not like me wearing that and he became very moody, he followed it up with, "Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your mood." Same when I'll say something quite bluntly and he takes it the wrong way and then tells me how upset I made him, he'll follow the conversation after we talk about our communication style up with, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring you down." I have told him multiple times after that him telling me why he is upset does not bring me down, and I can see where him always saying that stems from. It can even happen after he tells me about something in life that is stressing him out or something he is worried about. I do not think he is being intentional in trying to make me feel pity for him, and I am not even sure what he's saying is truly manipulation, but as of late when he follows up with that after a pretty heavy talk I get a weird feeling in my gut because I can tell I do not like when he always says that. Am I just simply having a weird reaction to this, and if so, what should I do? Is there a way to bring up a conversation where I can ask him to stop saying it as much without hurting his feelings or is this one of the things where in a relationship you just let the other person be themselves? Thank you if anyone can help me with this and I hate to say this, but this is the Internet, please be nice!!

Hello, I need advice on helping someone I think is being manipulated.

TLDR: A (gullible) guy I used to date is together with somene I'm sure cheated on him. Even with proof, the cheater made him believe he didn't.

It's a very long story, but I'll spare you many details.

For context: we're all gay in a big city. "Mr Istanbul" and I dated not long ago for 4 months. I realized then someone was taking advantage of him. Mr. Istanbul thought he was helping a person in need. I told him it was OK to help people, but that he needed to know, this person was lying to get money. Don't know if he believed me in the end. After me, he got together with this other guy, "Mr Colombia", who never knew me. They've been together for over a year now. Me and Mr. Istanbul don't speak a lot, we're not "close"

Flash forward to December, when they've been together for 9 months. I see Mr. Colombia on Grindr (a popular hook-up app based on distance). First I thought they're not together. For weeks I saw him constantly online, and he was mostly at a distance that matched Mr. Istanbul's house CLEARLY looking for sex. But I let be. > February. This Grindr profile with Mr. Colombia's pictures messages me. He wanted to have sex. I asked if he was single, and he said "yes". I made screenshots of the convo, and let it die slowly. The profile then disappeared for me.

I then contact Mr. Istanbul and asked if he's still together with Mr. Colombia. He said yes. I asked of they were in an open relationship, to what he literally answered: "Noooooooooooo, he's too jealous!!! And also, I don't think it would be for me". I told him all I had seen over the months, and sent him the screenshots. He told me very carefree that it was probably a fake profile. Cause Mr. Colombia is hot, and it wouldn't be the first time someone uses his pictures. But thanked me for letting him know. I was appalled, I was SURE this was Mr. Colombia.

Next morning, I see a profile of Mr. Colombia again. We mesaaged a bit and he gave me a phone number and me the name of Mr. Colombia. I made screenshots. I was so upset that I got close to Mr. Istanbul's and made more screenshots to prove the messages were coming from there.

Mr. Istanbul then asked me where I got Mr. Colombia's number. Apparently Mr. Colombia "had no idea". I told Mr. Istanbul all that happened and sent him the screenshot. His immediate reaction was "thank you, I need to show my BF". I told him to stop, cause I wasn't done. And then I told him i figured out where the messages came from, and sent him the rest of the screenshots. He then said "oh, I need to talk to him now".

The next day, Mr. Istanbul thanked me for helping him, and sending him the screenshots. He told me he would've never beleived it otherwise and that Mr. Colombia denied it at the beginning. BUT that the story was a bit more complex than what i thought. I told him to talk to friends, and get advice from them. Now, a month later I asked him how it all ended and what was the "more complex story". He tells me they're still together, that the story contains details Mr. Colombia probably doesn't want people to know. But he says he never met anyone for sex in the end. And Mr. Istanbul told me "i believe him on this".

Sorry for the long story.

ADVICE PLEASE. I'm sure Mr. Colombia is a manipulator, starting with making Mr. Istanbul answer to someone "Noooooooo, he's too jealous". To coming up with some sad story to make him believe he didn't meet anyone... But it seems like Mr. Istanbul will always believe him. I think even if I had a sextape of Mr. Colombia, he'd had some excuse Mr. Istanbul would believe. How can I help him???

It says in the description, it teaches how to protect oneself from manipulation by reading verbal and facial cues. You think that's possible?

He is literally fucking crazy. For the last year, I’ve been everything but physically abused by this “man”. I’ve tried and tried and tried to help, and if he wanted to change he would. So FUCK this, I’m out. This is your sign to GTFO too.

So for a bit of background info. My best friend (male, but i'll call him A) and I (F) have been friends for a few years now. He has always struggled with his mental health, and has anxiety, medium level autism, and depression (potential learning disability too?) Anyways. He is extremely self conscious, has very low self esteem/self worth and gets jealous easily, but he's also been there for me before his mental health got even worse last night. This will be important later, he has what I presume to be attachment issues, and a massive crush on me. I think he also feels quite lonely too.

Skip to a few weeks ago. I had recently made a new friend at my work, and A had asked if I'd made any new friends in a curious, pleasant manner when I was on call with him one time after I'd finished work. I said yes, and he asked what the person was like. I said he's (my new friend who I will now call “B”) nice and seems like a good guy. A then said some negative things about himself and me (basically fortune telling that me and B will become best friends, then I'll leave A and and that B is better than A.) I tried reassuring him, but nothing I was saying got through to him unfortunately. I had also responded to his story asking if anyone could vent. I said that I'm here, and for him to tell me what has been going on. He replied back with, “Have fun with that new friend because I can’t live anymore.” I asked if it was because of B, and he said yes. I told him that the way he worded his text wasn't very nice, and that I felt as if A was taking a jab and my friendship with B. A has a fear of getting replaced, so I tried to empathize with him while also standing up for how his words had hurt me. A responded with, “Oh well that’s alright I done making the affords anymore”. I was confused as to what he meant by affords, and he then wrote, “The affords to be they there for you and I felt you use social energy on him I just can’t anymore” (maybe he is meaning efforts here, but I'm not sure.) Anyway, we figured things out and I was able to help him see what he said had hurt me, and we were fine.

Anyway, skip to last night (Friday). I had arrived in an unfamiliar place for my parents anniversary, an airBNB far away from my home. I was feeling out of sorts, a bit homesick and nervous. I thought, “I might call A, maybe he could take my mind off of things for a bit.” And that's exactly what he did… just in all the wrong ways. Our call started off normal, us talking and things and discussing what we did over the week, how we were noth feeling (id told him i was feeling a bit out of sorts here and not too good) but after about 10 minutes of being okay he started venting out of nowhere without asking me. Just kept going too, I barely was able to talk for the whole call because he was mainly the one talking. These are most of the things he said that i can remember on the call:

"you'll probably be much happier with that new friend of yours when I'm gone", "well he's better than me", "maybe it's impossible for anyone to stop me from killing myself"

He even called B (my other friend) a bastard on the earlier call when he thought my connection was playing up a little, which I didn't appreciate but didn't speak up about.

"And you will get along with him more and become best friends with him anyways once I'm gone." I said i highly doubt that, and he said "well now it's more pressure” (meaning that my friendship with B is pressuring him more into killing himself which I'm pretty sure some form of manipulation, even if he doesn't mean it that way).

I was able to speak to one of my friends about this and she just thinks he's really jealous, and while i'd love to believe that I just can't right now. It's like I'm out of empathy for A right now, I'm just done.

My partner 30M and I 33F have been dating since August 2023. I told him I loved him about 5 months into the relationship. He did not reciprocate. After a few months I said it again. Obviously hoping for reciprocation but also because I felt it strongly and wanted to let him know. He did not reciprocate. I felt a bit embarrassed at this point but decided to be patient. A few times through the following year I said “I love you” via text. Thinking maybe he is just uncomfortable expressing himself. Twice he responded via text saying “I love you too” and respectively “love you” but he never actually voiced it out loud. I’ve started to question if he actually does since he never actually expresses it. He says he does love me but it’s awkward for him to say. Occasionally, he will cook me dinner and give me very small gifts. We don’t go out in public, he won’t hold my hand, kiss me, or hug me unless I ask for it but he occasionally will offer to buy some groceries or give me food if money is tight.. I do my best to trust his words and see these little things as his “love” for me but I want to hear it.

Context: Ex-bf emotionally cheated on March 22 via stalking and masturbating to the social media page of a woman he used to be in love with for a decade prior to dating me. I asked to see his browser history and saw the search history March 29. He has a history of constant lying and lack of transparency. I've never seen someone lie like he does. He fabricates deflections, redirection, and stories that are bizarre and left-field. He even truly believes his own lies and has confessed he's lied so much that he doesn't know the true details of some of his memories anymore.

He has a history of abuse from his parents, which I was sympathetic to. He's also autistic and bipolar (I think :S), which made me give his behavior a lot of passes. He would use his autism frequently as a deflection of his actions. But it didn't add up when he'd understand the same concepts when it came to other people and didn't pertain a poor image of him.

We were in a Discord call together, but I did not have energy to speak, so we solely typed the rest of the conversation. I was numb. The subreddit won't allow me to upload more than one image, but here is our last words as follows:

Me — 3/29/2025 10:04 PM

I want to break-up.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:04 PM

Understandable.

[10:05 PM]

Do you want to remain friends?

Me — 3/29/2025 10:05 PM

No

Him — 3/29/2025 10:06 PM

Do you want to maintain contact?

Me — 3/29/2025 10:06 PM

No

Him— 3/29/2025 10:06 PM

Do you want to see my Suikonotes?

Me — 3/29/2025 10:06 PM

No

Him — 3/29/2025 10:07 PM

I'm tired because I've been grinding them out for you.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:09 PM

Would you still want to break up if I hadn't gone to that twitter?

[10:10 PM]

Probably.

Me — 3/29/2025 10:10 PM

No

Him — 3/29/2025 10:10 PM

We were knife's edge already.

Me — 3/29/2025 10:11 PM

I would have thought there was hope between us if you hadn't. I was going to follow-up with how to strengthen our relationship had you not. I was going to take down my wall and start to work on a plan to eliminate the resentment I felt.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:14 PM

I'm thinking of a word that's like disgust.

[10:19 PM]

Derision maybe? I'm thinking about it because I'm thinking about a short I where they talked about how there's essentially a hundo percent chance of failure if one party looks at the other with that particular micro expression.

[10:20 PM]

Whatever it is, that's how you'd look at me.

Me — 3/29/2025 10:20 PM

I'd look at you with disgust because you still stalk and masturbate to the only woman you've ever really cared about.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:21 PM

While continually telling you that I don't care about her.

[10:22 PM]

You hear it as a lie, which is insult on top of injury.

Me — 3/29/2025 10:22 PM

It is a lie. If you didn't care about her, you wouldn't stalk her.

[10:23 PM]

Any other girl will always come second to you.

[10:24 PM]

I can never tell you how I'm really feeling, or present as frustrated, or not hyper-happy, because it'll always run a risk of you seeking revenge on me to feel better about yourself.

[10:24 PM]

I have nothing else to say.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:25 PM

I don't think I'm the revenge seeking type.

[10:25 PM]

The best revenge is a life well lived.

[10:25 PM]

I'm the internalize it type.

[10:26 PM]

When you've put walls around me it's not because you were scared of what I'd do to you.

[10:26 PM]

You were scared of what impact it would have on me.

[10:27 PM]

Because you truly care for me.

[10:27 PM]

I'm confused why you want to abandon me if you care for me.

[10:27 PM]

Except not really.

[10:28 PM]

You just want to abandon the pain I cause.

[10:28 PM]

Good luck with the move.

[10:28 PM]

Oh.

[10:29 PM]

Are you gonna play Palworld solo when you get a PC again?

[10:29 PM]

Or are you done with game completely now?

Me — 3/29/2025 10:29 PM

I don't know.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:30 PM

There's a way to transfer pals+realms now, so I'd like you to have all the palbabies you caught still.

Me — 3/29/2025 10:30 PM

It's okay. I'll just abandon those files.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:34 PM

I think I was doing better. Compared to last year anyway, and the year before that.

[10:34 PM]

I think time with you makes me better.

[10:34 PM]

You rub off on me.

[10:34 PM]

But I don't want that to be at the expensse of your health.

[10:35 PM]

I think I'll always want to be your boyfriend as husband as well.

[10:35 PM]

Or failing that, your friend.

[10:36 PM]

So you pick us up again any time.

[10:36 PM]

There's no chance that I'll be dating anyone else.

[10:38 PM]

I think our immortal souls are meant to be together.

[10:38 PM]

But maybe not in this lifetime.

[10:39 PM]

We'll reincarnate and try again the next time we meet up in the karmic cycle, and then reach nirvana together.

[10:40 PM]

I should be fighting more right now, but the truth is I was theorycrafting our breakup the day before yesterday even.

[10:40 PM]

When walking Daisy in the rain.

Him — 3/29/2025 10:41 PM

It started with the question of whether a man can be good father while also being a bad husband.

[10:41 PM]

Coz we communicated and clicked so well with Klaus.

[10:42 PM]

My answer was no. You can't be a good father if you're not a good husband.

[10:42 PM]

Coz the most important thing for a dad to teach his son is how to respect women.

[10:43 PM]

And I haven't respected you.

[10:43 PM]

I gave into urges almost every single time.

[10:43 PM]

Ones that I shouldn't had in the first place.

[10:44 PM]

I'll miss you.

Me — 3/29/2025 10:44 PM

Goodbye

I removed him from Discord and before I removed him on Steam he messaged me a YT link to a Cat Stevens Wild World cover. Said "goodbye" and "ILY."

This whole convo he made it all about himself, painted himself as a victim, and he did not apologize or express remorse. He did say "I'm sorry" verbally in the call as soon as I saw the search history results, but it was fast and almost like he was trying to input code to achieve a result he wanted, like computer input. He has a history of not apologizing for his behavior and I've expressed that sincere apologies help me to recover when he hurts me. But I think he only used it to appease me, because he knows that's what I want. Not because he means it.

He did not apologize or express remorse after that initial robotic "I'm sorry."

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out with a full heart and deep respect for this community. Like many of you who experienced a manipulated relationship, I’ve been in a relationship with someone who had strong narcissistic traits—and the emotional toll it took was something I could never have anticipated. From confusion and self-doubt to anxiety and isolation, the experience deeply impacted my mental health and sense of self.

Now, after some time and healing, I’m working on a project that aims to better understand the relationship challenges faced by those of us who’ve been close to someone with NPD traits. My hope is that by learning from our shared experiences, we can uncover patterns and develop better tools to support others going through it.

If this resonates with you, I’d be incredibly grateful if you’d consider taking a short questionire I’ve put together. It has around 10+ questions (mostly multiple choice) and should take no more than 5 minutes to complete:

👉 https://qualtricsxmsl3zcvf4h.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_emwbbDlh9ZA01JI

Everything shared will remain completely anonymous and is for the sole purpose of supporting healing and insight for others. If you prefer to connect privately or share more personally, feel free to DM me—I'd be honored to hear from you.

Thank you for your time, your resilience, and your voice. You are not alone 💛

My bf and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years now. I won’t sit here and say we’re perfect, we’re far from it and I’m definitely at fault for a lot of things but I’ve been seeking therapy for it and have been doing better. With therapy, she’s helped me recognize how horribly he treats me. He takes no accountability, never apologizes, gaslights, love bombs, and is only emotionally vulnerable when we’re about to break up.

This brings me to my current situation that has left me in absolute shambles and I’ve been debating whether or not to give him one more chance to change (even though he’s already had plenty, lol).

Yesterday, he got mad at me for saying “i love u” without spelling “you” out. I do this frequently, it’s not like a sudden change in behavior otherwise I’d understand, but me spelling it that way is nothing new so I had a hard time understanding why he was mad. I then asked him “do you just find a problem with everything?”, now this was mean I admit that but for the past few days he has been nitpicking and reading into my every breath & it’s been getting annoying because I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

Anywho, he ended up responding back saying “what’s that supposed to mean?” “bet” and I was exasperated at this point. I was at work & didn’t want a fight so I put on DND - he reacted quickly and said “oh so we’re taking this all the way then” and proceeded to ignore me for 8hrs. During these 8hrs, he showed me in every way he knew how that he was purposefully ignoring me - posted on instagram, liked my reposts on tiktok, etc as if rubbing it in my face and trying to get me to react. I didn’t. I just let it be and figured when he was ready to talk he would. This was not the case lol.

He called me 2x and I declined both calls, because I was fed up with him thinking that he can just call me and act sweet like nothing happened. Like he didn’t just ignore me and torment me for hours on end. 30 minutes later he did the find my iphone thing on my phone and said “B” “You can’t ignore me”. I responded with a short “8hrs” and he then said “Call me” “Now”. I told him I couldn’t & why I couldn’t. Then I sent him a long thought out (basically essay) which I’ll insert below: ———— you sitting there getting mad because i put “u” and not “you” is odd! not once has that been brought up as an issue & all of a sudden it is. if you had just said something along the lines of “i don’t like that, it doesn’t feel genuine” or just expressing your thoughts at that very moment in a NORMAL, NICE WAY, i would’ve accepted that and made change to accommodate your feelings. but now you’re going to try and spin it as a joke. it’s always a joke when you do it, but when i do it, it’s taken seriously and i am forced into apology. or i’m “overreacting” “over exaggerating” “tripping”

im at odds right now. you told me “bet” and of course i got mad, who wouldn’t? literally starting an argument OVER NOTHING. so yes i did put on dnd fully aware of what i was doing BUT NOT out of pettiness, rather SHEER EXASPERATION at your inability to bring down your walls & just talk to me as a human being. you go straight to being defensive & don’t allow for any wiggle room, it feels impossible to reach you in that regard and im no longer going to be that person who begs for a shred of vulnerability.

and yet somehow im gonna be the one who has to apologize and you get to take no accountability. you’re not stupid. you know what you’re doing and im sick of you evading all sense of responsibility and slapping this crazy label on me. i’m not enabling it anymore. you don’t just get to call me & act all sweet like nothing happened. you also don’t get to call me and throw a temper tantrum and be rude to me to try and coerce me into giving you an apology.

i’m not going to console you over this. you didn’t talk to me for HOURS yet u made it abundantly clear to me in every way you knew how to show me that you were actively IGNORING me. this is so insanely unhealthy for both me AND YOU.

if you cannot see how your actions have reflected poorly then i have no idea what to tell you. i’m not your mother and im not going to force you to learn compassion or social awareness, ive already tried that. im wiping my hands clean of this & i hope that in somehow, someway, my words reach you and are comprehended.

—————

He responded with: “I am” “Gonna call you and act sweet”

I was pissed off because he missed the point of everything I said completely. I said “that’s not what i want. i was the one who was effected by this you don’t get to act like nothing happened”

FINALLY after that he said that he was sorry. I was exasperated so I told him I want a break and that we’re still together, but I wouldn’t be interacting with him until I was ready. He then got mad at me until he finally conceded and he texted me today saying “i miss you” after having no contact for over 12hrs.

I’m at a loss and this is genuinely hurting me, but I don’t want to make him hurt the way that I do and that’s what is stopping me from breaking up with him. I just need some advice on how to go about this and whether or not I’m overreacting… I feel like from the outside looking in it seems that way but this was a pattern of behaviors that has led me to blow up at him like this. I’m not perfect, but I do want to be better so please feel free to give me criticism.

I have been friends with this guy for 2 years now. He doesn't really have any other friends. I often act as a therapist for him in many areas of his life. He is a compulsive liar (he told me this himself a while ago). Four days days ago many girls approached me and warned about things he has done or said to them over the course of 2 years that made them feel very uncomfortable and violated their boundaries.

The next day I very respectfully (and would consider it too mildly) talked to him about it hoping he would take accountability. He was quite unreceptive, only saying "I did this to myself" and "I know" and I only about covered half of what I had intended to discuss with him. He called me at least three times that evening, which I didn't pick up because I was very busy with other things and was waiting for him to take accountability or at least apologize to the other girls. He still hasn't done either. During that time he also me many texts (the first 2 attached photos).

The next evening I texted him back (the third photo). I called him after he requested as much and we discussed further. He still wasn't taking much responsibility, seemed to not understand some of the points I was making, and didn't seem to understand that this wasn't about me and I was just a messenger. He then texted me on instagram with disappearing mode mid call that when I didn't pick up his calls the night before, he had been close to ending himself. I screenshotted that because I didn't want that disappearing, which notified him as much. He got very angry at me for screenshotting it so I deleted the screenshot and sent him proof that I did. He said he felt betrayed wouldn't talk to me again. I back pedalled and tried to rectify the situation because if he's not talking to me he's not talking to anybody else and he is unstable. Photo four shows his last messages to me that night.

The this morning, I woke up the texts in photos 5 & 6. He has sent me more since but I have not replied or read them. Is he manipulating me or am I just being harsh? I haven't yet decided how I'm going to proceed.

I have posted previously about manipulative friend/classmate who is likely to be on the narcissistic spectrum. Well, we did have a conflict stirred by her cause I was doing better in class and that stirred jealousy from her end. Saw the true reality of her, exactly what my intuition was warning about. Though situation was resolved. We both apologised, I apologised even though I wasn’t at fault, never mind. Post conflict I reached out to her, we went out, things between the two of us, there was tension beneath both of us were in silence. Cause I cannot trust her anymore after that conflict and discussion we had. She had deflected the whole situation and victimised herself. She has and is trying to sabotage me and my career, extract all my work expertise from me so she can implement in her career, since, we are from the same field. Well, the past two weeks, we haven’t contacted each other as I have been trying to stay away from her as much as I can. Though, she had mentioned earlier she doesn’t work with ego with me, which is false. Her behaviour suggests something else. Anyways, we saw each other in class yesterday and we both ignored the other. I thought of talking to her to keep it cordial but I did it finally today…. I greeted normally with warmth and all smiles in front of everyone and she responded with shock and silence…her facial expression of sort of self pity/victimisation. She said something I dont recall, followed by asking about my work, I gave her one liner answer nothing too in detail and ended the conversation and moved away as I needed to be somewhere else. Apologised to my other friend who was standing beside for not greeting my friend. And moved on. My manipulative friend didn’t like it.

What can I do. I'm on holiday with a good friend (f) of mine. We agreed I'd visit her half a year ago. The last time I visited her we separated with feelings for eachother. We've talked about our relationship many times and wanted to confirm it with this trip. She told a "friend" of her that we were figuring things out between us. Suddenly he booked a vacation to her since then the talks between us got weird. Wanted to come over in januari but she told me she wanted to work on school. Suddenly in those two weeks he popped up out of nowhere.

She didn't talk to me for two weeks and when I finally got to talk to her she told me they were in a relationship when though she's Demi sexual I've seen her tests. Now I'm here but can't get a word out of her when I ask her personal questions she avoids them and she's on her phone constantly texting him. She doesn't want to talk about their "relationship". We've agreed I'd visit her house next time I was there, now I'm not allowed to get close to it. More things we agreed to do she suddenly did with him and are now off limits. And when I try to take a picture of her she suddenly dives away while he filled his entire Insta with pictures of her. She's 19 and he's 37 years old.

Should I give her the hard talk that this isn't how friendships work? Or say goodbye when I leave to never contact again

I guess

I had a "friend" who had both the number of me and my siblings. When I did something she considered odd or weird she would contact my sibling who would then contact me. It always made me feel uncomfortable but we slowly drifted apart and I came to the realization that she was never my friend. Or when I got mad about something; she would then contact my sibling to say "why was I mad?" It seemed like she wanted to gang up on me. I've never did that to any of my friends with siblings. I never contacted their siblings to complain to them.

my younger sister is absolutely a narcissist and manipulator. she threw a fit a few days ago and took her anger out on me. as i’ve dealt with this from her for 20+ years, I know not to feed into it. I get an “apology” text this morning. do I forgive her for the words she said? sure, because she was manic and maybe didn’t mean all of it. but I won’t ever forgot the words she has said to me in her rages, and she holds it against me when I tell her that her words hurt. she’s my sister, I love her, but fuck she can really do some damage.