Very unsettled, unsure what to do

[u/Lucadrio]

I feel so unsettled at the moment and I’m not sure what to do about it or if there’s anything I really can do. I’m not in crisis or anything just really unsettled. I can’t really post the situation without totally giving away who I am because I am pretty sure someone is keeping tabs here but it all basically comes down to this idea of self sacrifice and a fixation on dying (no plan, no immediate danger or risk). I don’t feel depressed, if anything I feel kind of wired

idk what to do. I’m with a CMHT but this isn’t anything they can help with, the only thing I can think that I need is to talk it all out with someone and get it all out of my head and figure it out because the more I think on it the more desperate I feel. but helplines/Phone lines and web chats/messages aren’t secure and I can’t share this with anyone I know irl. CMHT focuses on medication which I neither need nor want. I can’t just try to medicate away the knowledge I can save lives. even if there was someone there I could talk to to sort through all this I just don’t trust the service enough to risk it

the only option I can think of is some kind of private therapist but not only can I not afford it I just don’t see how word wouldn’t spread anyway. it’s a similar risk

it’s not crisis or mental illness but it is mental health i guess bc the stress of it is twisting me up, and it’s all been building. I can barely function or focus on anything.

it’s a difficult situation and I’m not really expecting any advice, I suppose this is more a vent where advice or support would be welcome

[u/AutoModerator]

This sub aims to provide mental health advice and support to anyone who needs it but shouldn't be used to replace professional help. Please do not post intentions to act on suicidal thoughts here and instead call 111 if you need urgent help, 999 in an emergency, or attend A&E if you feel you won't be able to wait. Please familiarise yourself with the sub rules, which can be found here. For more information about the sub rules, please check the sub rules FAQ.

While waiting for a reply, feel free to check out the pinned masterpost for a variety of helplines and resources. The main masterpost also includes links to region specific resources. We also have a medication masterpost which includes information about specific medications as well as a medication FAQ.

For those who are experiencing issues around money, food or homelessness, feel free to check out the resources on this post.

For those seeking private therapy, feel free to check out some important information around that here.

For those who may be interested in taking part in the iPOF Study which this sub is involved in, feel free to check out the survey here and details here and here.

This sub aims to be a safe and supportive space, so any harmful, provocative or exclusionary content will be removed. This includes harmful blanket statements about treatment or mental health professionals. Please be aware that waiting times and types of therapy/services available can vary across different areas due to system structure.

Please speak only for your own experiences and not on behalf of others who may not share the same views - this helps to reduce toxicity, misinformation, stigma, repetitions of harmful content, and people feeling excluded. Efforts to make this a welcoming and balanced atmosphere is noticed and appreciated by the mods and the many who use or read this sub. If your profile is explicitly NSFW, please instead post from another account that is more appropriate for being seen by and engaging with the broad range of members here including those under 18.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Exciting_Arugula5332]

Years ago I was referred to a CMHT by an outpatients psychiatrist, and at the time they weren't the service that I needed. Like yourself I needed to talk, and already had a very good counsellor at my local Mind centre. Back then it was voluntary contributions only to see a counsellor. They were grateful for a few pounds each time I visited, though I put more in on weeks when I had spare money left.

You also mention about 'word spreading'. The counsellors at Mind were (and most likely are) bound by confidentiality. So unless you were to tell them something where there was an immediate and serious risk to your life or that of others, what you say to your counsellor stays confidential.

I suppose I was initially moved by your description of the stress of it twisting you up, which is exactly how I felt, and I needed to share what at the time felt like a terrible secret I knew all my life. Now it's no big deal and has no power over me.

The only other thing I can say is that when I was attached to the CMHT I had access to workers if I needed to talk. Sure they weren't medically trained psychiatrists, but they were basically decent people, and what you tell them they will have probably heard before. You say that they are there to deal with medication - well yes they are, however if you need to talk they will listen. I very much doubt they will think "ooh it sounds like Lucadrio need their medication upping". Dr's waiting lists are already unsustainable as it is without being added to unnecessarily.