How long should you give a new therapist before deciding they aren’t for you

[u/alexy90]

Hey All,

I finally took the plunge and found a therapist after almost a year of free therapy with the nhs and different charities. The issue is after the first session I didn’t feel like i gelled with them. I feel really quite bad as it’s such a shallow thing to make a judgement call on so early on but I found myself clock watching, zoning out and just generally wanting the session to be over. I’m also not sure the type of therapy is really what I’m after, I was told by a recent charity I was attending that I should look into EMDR and this is that, but it’s around 4 sessions. I’ve honestly had almost a lifetime of mental health issues and I’m not sure that’s all going to be resolved in 4 sessions. Something more long term is what I was hoping for.

Appreciate any input. Thank you

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[u/Sufficient_Rate3133]

Hello, as I'm a therapist myself, I can recommend that if you didn't like a therapist from the first meeting and you don't have a connection, there's no point in continuing.

EMDR is a very good type of therapy, but the type of therapy is determined depending on the problem you have and your own characteristics.

If you have lifetime mental health issues, it's better to go for long-term therapy, preferably to a therapist who uses an integrative or multimodal method (that is, different modalities together, because one client request is addressed by one modality, and another by a completely different one).

If you have any other questions, write to me privately.

[u/ArmouredBardi5]

Hiya OP.

Deciding if a therapist is right for you can be hard, especially when you're in an alternative mindset or don't fully trust your own judgement (coming from a place of experience).

How long would you want someone to give you if you were the therapist? 1 session? 2? How much time do you feel trialing this person, if it does turn out they aren't the right one? How many therapist are you willing to trial? Some will say go they are all the same so ho with the first, some will say that you have to go through hundreds of therapists to find the right one (a little like love), what's your thinking on it?

In the end, it's therapy that should be helping you and that is what most therapists want for their clients. If you decide that you don't gel with them, be honest and open with why and what you expect (or want) and they might even help you to find the right one, but they shouldn't get defensive. And if they do, they definitely weren't the right one.

Do what's right for you at this moment, you'll figure it out.

[u/madformattsmith]

I'd say after about 3-4 sessions in, that's when I know if I feel fully comfortable with them and can learn to fully open up.