r/MomForAMinute • u/JamsBuggish • 1d ago
Encouragement Wanted Am I someone to be proud of, Moms?
I've been working my ass off to be a prideful son, but damnit does my own mother ignore it.
I'm 16, a junior in highschool and I've been trying really hard to be a good son. The main problems, I'm not her ideal kid. I don't do sports, I'm not above a 3.0gpa student, and I don't rely on her. That's her ideal.
My favorite feature about me is my musician skills. I play 2 instruments, and I made it into my districts Honor Band 2 years in a row. A highschool event for only the best students in the school district, only avaliable through an audition. It's my favorite activity.
Playing music.
Every year, since 3rd grade, my mom has been absent from my concerts when she's the one who pushed me to be good academics wise and music wise. When I got my award for being a 3.5gpa (its since then dropped to a 2.8)student and involved in music. Even when I was invited into National Music honors society, she was absent. If she isn't absent to something, she's late. This year I was promised she would make it to my honor band concert if she got off work early. In which, she was off work at noon, concert at 6.
She didn't come. I looked everywhere for her, I almost cried mid concert. My time to show off my skill and pride was taken from me, because.."I was too tired." She told me. My grandmother I hadn't spoken to in 2 years, and ran into at work, showed. I don't even like said grandmother. I cried in my boyfriends arms for a solid second before I told myself it was just fine and I didn't care. I did.
The next day when I was telling her she owes me for missing it, I was labeled as entitled and that I should feel like my mom owes me for it. My older half-sister told me that. I felt kind of ashamed because I wanted her to do something to make me feel better. She didn't even tell me she was proud of me for making it into the band again, and didn't do much to make up for it. (I had asked for fast food and that was it, I was willing to push over for some mashed potatoes from KFC.)
She isn't proud of me, but I hope someone else is that isn't just my partner, who I know is proud.
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u/HellCat70 1d ago
OH you can bet your BOOTS this mom is super-proud of you!! I'm sorry she's missing out on what a great son you are, you deserve better. Remember that sometimes the families we create is stronger than the ones we're born into. Don't let this change who you are inside, this too shall pass.
Be strong and know that you're worthy and loved <3
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u/Merryannm 1d ago
The biggest regret in my life is that I was not there enough for my children when they were in their teens. Cultural conditioning had told me that āteenagers want their spaceā and also that I was to busy myself with my own pursuits so I wouldnāt be conquered by depression by the fast approaching āempty nest syndromeā
I was so wrong.
I wish your mom could know this NOW, and not have to come to understand it some years later like I did. I cannot give my children back that time they should have had with me. All I can do is be a better mom now to them, and tell you clearly and with absolute certainty that you are a wonderful person, well worth a motherās love and pride.
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u/Hannah-kinSkyWalker 1d ago
Hey duckling.
This mum is so proud of you! The work youāve put into your music and the successes youāve earned are amazing. Congratulations!
You are not behaving as though you are āentitledā by expecting to be celebrated and prioritised by your mum. Your mum is lucky and blessed to have a son who tries his best to be the greatest son and person he can be. Itās heartbreaking that she doesnāt see that right now, and you have every reason to feel sad, disappointed and let down. Hopefully she will see you and all that you are soon, but for now you have all of us.
Take care and know you are special and loved. Xo
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u/Just-Another-Poster- 1d ago
Hey there. I'm a mom who totally supports my musician son. You sound like him. He loves what he does and also works hard at making his life work. Music can really touch the soul. I'm leery of people who don't get that. You have soul, and i hope you see the value in that. Play on, my friend.
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u/Affectionate_Tap_532 1d ago
Honey Iām so sorry. You are doing such an amazing job, and it sounds like youāre doing it all alone. Iām so sorry your family makes you feel āentitledā for thinking that your mom should attend important things. That IS her job, and she is failing, you arenāt.
Iām so proud of you. My son is 6 and if he has half of your drive and motivation when heās your age I will be so happy. I love that you follow your passions- I am a lifelong piano and bassoon player and music has carried me through many hard times, even back in high school.
Lean on your friends, trusted adults and teachers, and listen to your community of loving moms here! You are doing amazing, against the odds, and we are all so so proud of you! Keep it up and come back next time you need another boost, I would love to hear what you conquer!
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u/I-need-books 1d ago
I am so, so proud of you, sweetheart š„° I am so sorry your birth-mother isnāt able to show up for you. Please be aware that the parents who are there, are rooting for and are proud of every single one of the young musicians playing, and that includes you š„° I am a band mum myself, and know that many of us feel that way. Please do not let anybody take away your joy for music ā¤ļø Which instruments do you play?
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u/JamsBuggish 1d ago
Flute and Oboe! Flute for about 8 years or so and Oboe for 1 (Just started this schoolyear)
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u/I-need-books 1d ago
Wow! You are so lucky, I am almost jealous! I was given a clarinet when I started many years ago, even though I wanted flute. I donāt mind it anymore, they are both equally lovely instruments. And oboe - you are a soloist, then. Your birth mother is definitely missing out! The oboe have so many beautiful passages in classical music, and it is one of the most difficult instruments to play - again wow!
Please listen for my applause and cheers when you play next time - they will have to be in your head, but they are real nonetheless š„° Here is a big hug from your greatest fan š„°š„°š„°š„°
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u/AlterEgoAmazonB 1d ago
I am incredibly proud of you because I know how important music is in the world. Sometimes people don't realize that music changes lives. You have done so much to be proud of and my best advice to you is to look in the mirror and say "I'm proud of you." As a surrogate mom when your mom is still living, I also want to say that your actual mom is going to deeply regret being absent. Life is soooooooooooo short. Don't look to her for validation. For whatever reason, she is "unable" to do that for you or for anyone-probably including herself. Meanwhile, I am brimming with pride about your extraordinary music abilities and your kind and gentle spirit. That's what I love most about you.
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u/NyxieThePixie15 1d ago
Sweetheart, you're doing amazing. Honors band sounds incredibly tough and the fact that you've been in it multiple times is so so good.
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u/Purple-Gap2522 22h ago
Iām so proud! Iām from a family full of musicians so I know what a big deal this is! Hell, tell us where your next concert is and I bet those of us who are near you will be there. I know I would!
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u/No-Baby-1455 1d ago
I am so sorry you are feeling neglected. It is amazing what you have accomplished with your talent. You should be so proud of yourself. While grades are important, your ability to keep giving it your all is most important and a skill that will take you far in life. I know you dont know me but I am SO PROUD of you for discovering one of your true passions and accomplishing so much. I would have loved to hear you play. Tomorrow morning, when you wake up I want you to stand in front of the mirror, stare yourself in the eyes and tell yourself, "You are talented, you are someone to be proud of, you can do amazing things, you are worthy and so incredibly loved. I love you, I love you, I love you." Do this every morning and tell yourself the things you want to hear from your mom. You have got this, dont ever doubt yourself again. You are wonderful and loved.
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u/Mediocre_Dog_6781 1d ago
I couldnāt be prouder of you! Music takes skill and dedication, and it gives so much joy in return. I hope you can feel that joy, even though your family isnāt giving you the validation you so richly deserve. Youāre a good son, and a good person. Iām glad your boyfriend sees how exceptional you are. ā¤ļø
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u/gundam2017 1d ago
Hey son. This mom is so proud of you. I played clarinet for years and i know how hard you're working towards getting better. Honors band sounds amazing!