I can't anymore

[u/Zephyrus_Minimus]

Masturbation has destroyed my life. I've been battling with it for over 12 years (I am 25) and can't get rid of it. I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I repent I have the hope to get rid of it for good. Sometimes I stop for several days, weeks, or even months, but it always comes back.

You may think that I am suicidal, but no, I just feel empty, not even depressed or sad. I've laughed like a crazy dude after my last relapse, knowing that I am shackled to it for the rest of my life; really felt like the joker and that movie hah.

I have dreams too, and can't get them achieved because of this, I want to get married, have a loving muslim wife and kids, but every time I get motivated for several weeks, shaytan takes advantage of my weak moments to make me go back to this sh*tty deed.

I haven't prayed at all in the past two days, and I don't even feel guilty, even though I have knowledge I am doing a huge sin, my heart feels empty, and this sin is the root cause of it.

Subhana Llah, am I condemned ? I see all my friends striving and approaching their goals, while I am fat, stinky, and can't get anything done in my life, although I work and will graduate soon in sha Allah. I am afraid I'll ruin everything because of this.

Wallahi this is funny, I feel like I might go crazy if I never stop it, I can feel the repercussions on my social interactions, my life, health, mind.

And the worst is that I know I have the potential to be a great guy and moreover a great muslim. I know I can become more than just "this". I want to take control of my life rather than being controlled by it.

I also wanna get married, and tried to. I met a nice, pious muslim girl in the muslim marriage sub in the end of last year, and we exchanged for about a week respectfully, and I had the best niyaa to involve my parents and go speak to her walii since we were from the same country. Everything was going smoothly and we shared every single value and had the same principles, until she asked for a photo.

I instantly got rejected, but may Allah reward the sister, she said it in a respectful way and wished me the best. I felt empty for like an hour after our last interaction. then I cried like I never cried. I let everything come out, wallahi the tear were flooding, and all that came out of my mouth was "alhamduli Llah". And deep down, I knex it would've ended like this.

Funnily enough, this interaction left me motivated to change for the best to have more chances in seducing a girl (not saying it unrespectfully, I respect all muslim girls and have no female friends).

So I decided to definitely stop masturbation. I've lasted 50 days until the urges came back (I've started from the first time she messaged me), so even that didn't suffize.

Well I don't know why I've told that story ahah, but I guess I had to let it come out.

After that, I joined a masturbation healing discord server to have some tips, and I tried everything, like cold turkey or parental control, but this of course didn't suffise.

Even though I said all this, I don't lose hope in the Allah's ability to guide me and make me stop this sin for good. I just don't know what to do anymore, I prayed everyday in the last third of the night in the masjid (like 8 times) during the last 10 days of ramadan, and even before, I made stopping this sin my goal during this month and made lots and lots of duaas.

But I relapsed tree days after Ramadan. Is there a wisdom in this that I don't see ? Or am I just a bad person who'll end up in jahannam ? I am afraid of losing my faith, and stoping prayer is a step to it. Please don't remind me of the gravity of stopping prayer I have the necessary knowledge to know it a a horrendous sin, and that the difference between muslims and kuffar is salah. I don't even know what I am looking for with this post. Maybe advice ? From someone who stopped this sin ? idk. Please help a struggling brother. Allah gave me so much in this life yet I can't get my self to thank Him by stopping to fap.

[u/MasturbationIsHaram]

Assalamu aleikom, nothing is impossible, Allah (Subhana wa Ta'ala) is Al-Qawi, The All-Powerful. Every big success comes from never giving up. Lowering the gaze, being in wudu, making du'aa, surround yourself with people and protect yourself from being alone are ways to stop that haram. Taqwa (piety) is the way to protect oneself from that haram. May Allah (Subhana wa Ta'ala) save you from that haram!

[u/Zephyrus_Minimus → u/MasturbationIsHaram]

Thx for the comment bro, I like the name btw 😄. Yeah regarding being alone unfortunately I am living alone in another country for my studies. I don’t have problems lowering my gaze, even for like several weeks or months, until I stumble upon a sexual picture in social media, then I relapse.

May Allah guide me, I don’t know what to do anymore, except staying out all day out of my house and always being on wuduu

[u/MasturbationIsHaram → u/Zephyrus_Minimus]

Social media is pretty harmful to our brains. The attention span of this generation has really decreased. I think social media can be good if you don't use it for more than 30 minutes every day. If you want to use social media you have to find ways to make money like producing beneficial PDFs, guides, manuals on Canva and selling them in form of PDFs which costs 0 dollars instead of just consuming other peoples content. Inn shaa Allah we can marry soon to make Shaytan angry. When we marry we have fulfilled half of the religion and some sources even say as much as 2/3 of the religion and even our prayers will get rewarded much more.

[u/MasturbationIsHaram → u/Zephyrus_Minimus]

Also unfollow all bad pages on Insta. Lower your gaze even while on your phone. Block all trigger. Remember that you are honoring your future wife because you only want to look at her. Her upon seeing that you respect her so much will Inn shaa Allah respect you in a similar fashion.

You should know what you are good at and how you can contribute to society, simply do that and be productive. A productive person who is social can never be addicted. Praying for your successs.

[u/Subject-Water5731]

I suggest talking to your mother about things that are not sins. (I’m not telling you to tell your mom you masturbate) Just talk to your mother, let her know about your insecurities, let her comfort and guide you.

I personally had a lot of issues, and everytime i went to my mother, my mother knew how to comfort me in the best ways.

It seems that you might have some underlying issues that is causing you to relapse again and again, underlying struggles you are facing. It’s not just the urges comes and you act upon it.

And yeah, perhaps hit someone up as an accountability partner, we all are facing similar issues and we can relate to a lot of the things we are facing. Perhaps someone has a strategy or a mentality that may help you?

May Allah help you and guide you. And at the end of the day, we all make mistakes and fall into error, if you can go by weeks and months without relapsing, i think thats great! Perhaps work on other areas of your life to make up for the little relapses that you have.

In the end of the day, only Allah can help. Actualy your situation reminds me of a video.

Imam Ibn Tayymiyah's Phenomenal Advice To Who Has Completely Lost Control Of Himself Abu Bakr Zoud

Hope this helps

[u/Mundane-Log8509 → u/Subject-Water5731]

Your parents were created by Allah to help guide you. If you're struggling with sins and need to get something off your chest, and you don't feel comfortable speaking to your parents, depression is gonna kick in real bad. I've felt it myself.

I'm not talking about openly revealing your sins in a boastful manner. That is haram. I'm talking about private conversations with one of your parents to seek advice from them.

[u/CompetitiveCicada392]

I have the exact same story !! Exact same addition years! Even same age 25 ..wallahi brother I feel your pain since it's the same pain I'm going through.. I don't know why I'm writing this either but I know for sure that you are my brother from another mother! O Allah!! Have mercy on us !! We have no control over ourselves!! Please forgive us !! We are destroying ourselves!!! Ya Allah please do something!! I'm going crazy

[u/Zephyrus_Minimus → u/CompetitiveCicada392]

Alhamduli Llah I am not alone in this, really this is the biggest dicease in the male community, may Allah guide us

[u/Kindly_Gas_6124]

Abdullah, son of Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal, God be pleased with him, narrated that Abu Tharr al-Ghafari, God be pleased with him, said:

"I was once standing next to God's messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) when he turned to me and said, "O Abu Tharr! You are a righteous man indeed, and you will suffer adversities after I leave this world." I inquired, "Adversities in Allah?" He replied, "In Allah." Hearing that, I said, "I welcome and salute Allah's commands." [Hilyatul Awliya]

I recommend reading about the life of Abu Dharr.

[u/Master_Explanation99]

Focus on Yourself || Ustadh Abdulrahman Hassan || AMAU

you can benefit soo much from this brother