Please no judgement, I need to rant somewhere safe and I’m feeling a little lost.
I know what a lot of people think and would probably say - why are you still together ?
If I’m honest, it’s because I’m not financially independent right now and we are living at his parents due to irrelevant life stuff.
Yes I haven’t been the best to him during my luteal, lashing out, being nasty, raging and ranting. This was largely before I knew or realised I had pmdd.
He’s been the most part understanding but there’s still that little niggle there - rolling his eyes, that huff, telling me to keep my composure to help myself and others around me in a really REALLY patronising way etc
Never doing any research, never listening to me when I’m calm, always avoiding talking about anything that involves my emotions because he thinks his are more important
I used to wallow in the feelings of overwhelm and become paralysed with the ‘why me’s’, I still do but internally now and not so often. I’ve started exercising more and eating better, started talking to myself kinder - however - no matter how much I look after myself, have things that help me regulate, I am reminded every month of how emotionally immature he is.
His lashings out, his reactiveness, me treading on eggshells about mentioning anything he does that upsets me. Yet the understanding he wants from me, I do not receive.
There’s a lot more and I probably could have written this more cohesively but I am feeeeeeeeling yano