Help! My host is constantly micromanaging me

[u/butt_sama]

Hi all, I'm wrapping up a short-term WWOOF experience I've been at for a couple weeks, and I'm struggling on how best to address conflict I have with my host. We got along great at first, but the more I've worked with her, the more frustrated and resentful I've become. She has a habit of micromanaging what I'm doing and will often tell me to do things as I'm already doing them. She also often shoots down my ideas for making a task easier without providing clear reasons why, and she will sometimes neg me about silly things like how much water I use to cook pasta or how much oil I fry my eggs in. I guess it just boils down to what I percieve as a lack of trust in me to manage myself and contribute independently to tasks that need to happen around the farm.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I can't decide whether to open a conversation about this with my host in person, mention this in my review, both, or just let it go and move on and I'd appreciate some other perspectives on this.

[u/RainbowKoalaFarm]

I would talk about it. She’s supposed to be teaching you, if you need to use less water to make pasta ( or shower or whatever) or it is reasonable to explain the why. You mention contributing independently to tasks on the farm as needed? Was that part of your agreement with her? If you are on a farm for only a few weeks usually you’re picking up projects in the middle or starting something someone else will finish and it takes a long time to understand processes and priorities, however again she should be teaching you and demonstrating those things not just using you for labor.

[u/butt_sama → u/RainbowKoalaFarm]

Hi! Thanks for the input. I had just come off a particularly trying day when I wrote this so it sounds a little bit whinier in retrospect than I'd have hoped 😅 By "independently work on projects" I just mean having a discussion with her about how to handle a project and then just continuing to work on it on my own.

I think at the end of the day, it's mostly just a mismatch between how I prefer to learn and work and how she prefers to teach. I've worked odd jobs for a while before WWOOFing so I'm pretty good at just getting dropped into a situation and getting right to work with minimal oversight, but she prefers to be very present in the teaching process. I'm sure that's great for some, but just not for me. I think I'll just sum up my experience as such in my review and move on, but I appreciate you weighing in all the same. :)

[u/RainbowKoalaFarm → u/butt_sama]

I think it’s more than fair to put that in a review. If she has otherwise been pleasant I think it’s also fair to talk to her about it, so she can find more of a balance, or warn people:/seek out people who want very specific instructions if she’s growing or producing something she feels needs pickiness’s or wants more control in her kitchen ect.

[u/Proper_Badger_5525]

Wait are we at the same place? I wouldn't bring it up because you're towards the end of your stay, and you're unlikely to change them.

[u/JoePortagee]

Wwoof is voluntary and you can leave at anytime. Once I left when I arrived at a place - the farm was a real dump and I got bad vibes from the proprietor. The few wwoofers who were there said I wasn't the first one to leave immediately so there's that.

But in your case, perhaps use this as a learning opportunity to set boundaries and discuss how you're feeling (in a low affective approach!). Most people have good intentions, perhaps there's some culture barrier here? Then again, perhaps not - but at least you'll know! Setting boundaries is a very very important life skill... Good luck!

[u/mamachainsaw]

I once quit a farm over being micromanaged. I was suppose to stay for the season but only managed a couple weeks before the cookie incident went down. Sounds like you’ll be moving on soon. Give it a few days after you leave and then write a fair review.

[u/butt_sama → u/mamachainsaw]

Great advice, thanks! Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.

[u/CuddleFishPix]

I wwoofed once for a brief time and this sounds similar my host. I felt like I was supposed to read her mind. And I didn’t know I was doing stuff wrong and she’d sort of bark at me

[u/Alarming-Ad-9106]

If it’s unbearable, then just leave. But if you’re toward the end of your stay, consider being apathetic for the sake of enjoying the rest of your time. If someone is micromanaging you, and they sense push back, it will only get worse from there. With each time they micromanage, try just smiling and saying thank you - even if it’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard.

That’s worked for me in the past. Usually the person in charge will see me as grateful and happy to receive their direction, trust me more, and eventually lay off.

[u/Interceptor__775]

I worked once at women's house , where everything was great she cooked food and i was doing my work fine as gardening and one day she told me i'll give you easier job even though i didn't mind gardening and she said i can paint doors and i said ok , the problem is i have 0 experience with painting the doors and she told me to not waste too much paint on door cause it create like wave paint on door so she want the doors to be painted smoothly but i was really bad at it and she get mad at me everytime i paint part of the door and she tell me " look" pointing out to the paint wave on door xD anyway i told her i can just stick to to gardening instead and she agree but i felt uncomfortable that day cause i felt like the good energy is no longer there and the next day i left early morning without notifying her cause i didn't wanna have conversation in first place i just left and moved on.