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u/throwawayacci 8d ago
I mean, they're very pretty, but I would find it kind of irritating to be forced to eat everything from top to bottom.
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u/MegaMugabe21 8d ago
Yeah exactly. The joy of a good charcuterie is having a bit of everything, not eating each component one by one.
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u/Estrellathestarfish 8d ago
Novelty "charcuterie" for events are such a racket. No culinary skill required, just paying well over the odds for someone to shove some mismatched pre-prepared foods in a cone, or a wine glass or whatever the vessel du jour is.
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u/paputsza 8d ago
idk about calling things like this charcuterie
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u/HurtsToBatman 8d ago
I don't agree with calling anything charcuterie. I lived for over 30 years without hearing this word, and I've lived over 40 without ever needing it. Fuck that word and these hipster doofuses using it.
Just call it what it is. It's fucking lunch meat. I ate it as a kid in school. My mom made me sandwiches. I'd pull them apart, eat the bread ana cheese, then eat the ham and salami by themselves. It's 2nd grade fucking lunch meat. Fuck this pseudo-fancy-ass bullshit. It's lunch meat. It's not a quiche lorraine or a croissant your made from scratch. It's just fucking lunch meat. It's from walmart for $5/lb. It's not some fancy-ass shit that needs a 4-syllabble french word. It's just some goddamned lunch meat.
Fuck.
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u/Calm-Citron-8883 8d ago
I mean for a backyard BBQ maybe it is lunch meat but charcuterie is a real industry with real technique and intense preparation. Especially in fine dining. Its salami infused with fennel pollen or prosciutto which is sometimes aged for years before you get it. Spicy coppa, nduja, cappocolo. It's delicious, exacting, and there's people who dedicate their entire lives to perfecting it. There are great masters who people will travel to other countries for an unpaid internship to learn from.
You should try some of the good stuff. Might change your mind.
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u/HurtsToBatman 8d ago
I've experienced pollen a lot in my life. It hasn't real done anything for me, personally. That said, my wife sn't as lucky. It fucks het up.
Anyway, Capicola is great. Even in the dried, hard form l in the dried hard salami sectiin. I love that shit. So yeah, you're right, that stuff isn't "lunch meat." But it's lunch meat-adjacent. You eat it with a ritz and some Cabot seriously sharp cheddar, -- butb that doesn't warrant a french-ass name.
And in not disxounting the effort. I'm criticizing the word charcuterie that people desperate to sound sophisticated use as they "entertain."
These people have an "entrrtainment room" that nobody's allowed to enter because it will mess up the vacuum patterns made by the minimum wage nanny who goes above and beyond to oay their bills.
Anyway, cultivate the berries or whatever. Infuse it into cheese and meats. I'm not against great food. The name is just cringey af, as the kids these days say.
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u/Calm-Citron-8883 8d ago
Yknow, I get you now. I work with alot of Chefs who use words like "deconstructed" "elevated" "reinvention" and like to plate with edible flowers or quenelles with the wrong amount of sides or use "fruit caviar" and don't shut the fuck up about how we are all pirates (thanks bourdain) and I feel like your beef and my beef are in the same category but about different things. So, respect. Sometimes it's the little things.
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u/HurtsToBatman 8d ago
So are you like a chef or something? You went to knife-skills school or whatever? I'm genuinely curious. Like, did you study the ratio of flour to baking powdder when breading chicken? Did you lesrn the science behind brining in salty liquid? Or did they you just get the Spark Notes, which says you can use pickle juice for chicken and soy sauce for beef?
Also, what is.the correct chili powder to cumin ratio for my tacos? Tacos at actual restsurants are always cubed 9r shredded beef -- or they're taco bell. I make my own. So did you lesrn something better than this for tacos
Thanks in advance
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u/notimeleft4you 8d ago edited 8d ago
I think we found where RFKs brain worm went.
I’ve never seen someone so triggered over a word before.
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u/HurtsToBatman 8d ago
Lol fuck, that's definitely possible. There's not really a logical reason for my distaste for the word chacuterie.
See, I was thinking the worm was like the entity in the movie "Fallen", so he'd have to die for it to transfer to another body. I guess not if it's in me because it's definitely still inside his brain, too.
Did it undergo mitosis and divide? If it can do that, it definitely explains why so many people
use thebword chsrcuteriesupport maga.Hmmm, interesting theory you have. There may be other explanations, but that could be one possibility.
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u/Crow_eggs 8d ago
Hang on, sorry, are your go-to examples of fancy food... quiche lorraine and croissants?
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u/kapricornfalling 8d ago
Really disappointed this isn't a glass of pizza rolls and heart shaped uncrustables like i thought at first glance
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u/DanzillaTheTerrible 8d ago
This is so many levels of wrong. Charcuterie does not belong in wine glasses. Cookies do not belong in charcuterie. And is that honey in a stick? WTF.
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u/admiralargon 7d ago
Those honey tubes are fun, I've gotten them at farmers markets, and wouldn't be the worst way to add honey to charcuterie but I do not charcute so I do not know the rules. Also the way this presentation (?) Forse the meal to be linear defeats my understanding of a proper board.
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u/North_Notice_3457 8d ago
I would definitely be bartering. “Trade you my skewered salami for your impaled strawberry?”
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u/V0lkhari 7d ago
Why do people who do these stupid 'cutesy' things always have sleeves that are too long?
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u/815456rush 7d ago
This is annoying, but I went to a fancy reception thing for work once and they had crudite in plastic cups with ranch at the bottom- honestly, I prefer a cup to a plate in that context for spillage/balance reasons
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u/stripeyhoodie 8d ago
Demurely gobbles mouthfuls of cheez-its from the bottom of a wine glass 🤭