r/adhdwomen • u/Time-Champion497 • Mar 07 '25
Cleaning, Organizing, Decluttering Somebody in this sub's neurotypical boyfriend has helped me do dishes!
This was so long ago I don't even know when (six months?), but someone wrote that their neurotypical boyfriend filled the sink with hot, soapy water while he was making dinner and just put the dishes in it.
I thought, That's a brilliant idea, I could do that!
I bought a really fancy drain stopper and . . . did nothing. For months. But last week I filled up the sink first thing in the morning, put all the breakfast and my kid's lunchbox prep stuff in the soapy water and went to work. By the time I got home, they were not sticky with syrup or had hard oatmeal on them. They were ready to go right into the dishwasher. (Our dishwasher is old and we don't fill it up after every meal, so we just run it at night.)
I've done this every weekday morning for two weeks and it's somehow changed the whole dish washing routine? Everything is way easier. It adds a little bit of time in the morning to run the water until it's hot, but not even that much.
Anyway, thank you random Redditor for telling us about your boyfriend's weird dishwashing habits!
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u/HomeboundArrow sincerity-poisoned Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
i'm giving YOU direct credit for this idea because i never saw the original, so thank you 😤💯
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u/other-words Mar 07 '25
I have so many things around that I’ve purchased for my house and have not yet built / installed / used because for some reason that’s the hardest step? Why do we do this! Good for you for finally using the stopper and sharing this great idea!
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u/Purlz1st ADHD-C Mar 07 '25
You would love my framed artworks propped up against the wall.
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u/cougartonabbess ADHD-PI Mar 07 '25
Comments like this are why I love this sub, I feel so seen it's scary
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u/velociraptor_puppy Mar 07 '25
Sameee. I literally FINALLY bought frames for so prints I got like 4 years ago, so now that they’re framed I’m pretty sure they’re going to sit in a stack on my desk for at least another 3 years before I maybe think about where to hang them 🙃
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u/texaspretzel Mar 07 '25
I ordered pictures for the frames that I’ve been planning to put up for a couple years… they’re still in the mailbox lol
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u/charsometimes Mar 07 '25
Not helpful but I like this look. It's giving NYC brick art apartment vibes
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u/NixyVixy Mar 07 '25
How dare you!?!?!?
I have a Rubbermaid tub (ok, it’s two tubs 😝) that have framed and unframed artwork. Good grief Charlie Brown!
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u/TwistedOvaries ADHD-C Mar 07 '25
Look at you all fancy with your two tubs. I just filled my one and then stuck a bunch of pieces on top of books on my book shelf.
Only reason most are hung up is because of my husband. But he has his own issues so he doesn’t even notice unless I ask him to hang them. So I have to think to do that. 😂
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u/spookylibrarian Mar 07 '25
I moved into my apartment 3.5 years ago and my framed prints are in a bin in the exact same spot in my kitchen that we put it on the day I unpacked.
I’m moving out of here in 3 months.
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u/karebearofowls Mar 07 '25
You would enjoy my wedding photos laying in a pile on top of their empty frames on a bookcase.
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u/anadoru Mar 07 '25
I never managed to reply to our wedding photographer (mother's childhood friend) which pictures I wanted edited, and now it's soon been five years and even though I really want those pictures I don't think I'll be able to ask him if he'd still be up to fix them. I think he's even retired by now...
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u/karebearofowls Mar 07 '25
Luckily mine didn't ask which ones to edit. She just made the decision on her own. Since we had 2 photographers for 12 hours. Ended up getting 500+ edited photos back.
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u/Time-Champion497 Mar 07 '25
Now is the perfect time to ask him! Everyone's got money anxiety because of Trump. You're doing him a favor if he needs the money.
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u/singaroundie 29d ago
Wedding, children, etc. My oldest turns 18 this year. I have had pics on the wall, but our walls have been plaster and lath the last 5 years, and I can’t bring myself to put holes in them. I already patched and reattached cracks from previous tenants. This thread will probably make me figure it out really soon, though!
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u/morrowsong Mar 07 '25
Oh hey, I have one of those too. Originally it was a pile of unframed artworks that had been sitting there getting bigger for a few years so at least I got a step further... 6 months ago!
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u/ever_thought Mar 07 '25
i'm trying to buy frames and passepartout for three pictures (old animal atlas pages) that i bought on a trip to paris six years ago. i had this picture in my mind of how they supposed to hang on my wall. i changed apartments twice... i managed to ask a handyman to put three screws in the wall last summer. there are different frames and pictures hanging there since the summer, "temporary" ones. i really want to buy the frames and finish the idea from six years ago...
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u/dowetho Mar 07 '25
Can you use the command Velcro strips to hang them on your wall? It’s the only reason I dare to hang artwork because it’s crazy easy, doesn’t make holes, and you can move things around easily.
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u/packedsuitcase Mar 07 '25
And all the cat climbing wall pieces I ordered two months ago and haven't installed.
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u/MsSweetFeet Mar 07 '25
Lmao me with my rolled up prints still in the canisterfrom my honeymoon 4 years ago
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u/buggiegirl Mar 07 '25
Jealous you got the artwork IN the frames! I have the empty frames gathering dust while the artwork is either still on the fridge (kids) or rolled up in a tube someplace.
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u/TwistedOvaries ADHD-C Mar 07 '25
I have the same style. 😂 if it wasn’t for my husband every piece would be propped up against the wall.
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u/itsamommabear Mar 07 '25
You would love my collage frames on the wall with the stock photos still in them 🤦🏻♀️ they’ve only been there for a year… or so
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u/Ammonia13 Mar 07 '25
That’s an “in” way of displaying them as long as you have space on the floor…which I do not….
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u/sydeyn Mar 07 '25
i literally just hung up all my artwork after sitting around the floor of my living room for a year😭 i just didnt want to have to drill into the concrete walls
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u/ComputerGremlin 29d ago
Same...we moved 6 months ago and I've managed to put three pictures up. The rest are propped up against the wall.
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u/HomeboundArrow sincerity-poisoned Mar 07 '25
not me in my office next to the pile of tech manuals i bought but haven't even openned yet, because as soon as i checked out my cart my brain was like "cool we've read all those books now 👍💯"
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u/Time-Champion497 Mar 07 '25
This is the problem! My brain thinks "buying" and "using" are synonymous.
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u/other-words 29d ago
My brain broadly thinks “thinking about doing” and “doing” are the same thing. Composing a text in my head means I sent the text. Making an outline for a paper means I wrote the paper, and now the paper is boring and I can’t make myself actually write it. Learning about decluttering strategies for adhd is basically decluttering, right?… Sometimes it’s useful though, because if I want something I can’t have, I’ll focus on imagining what it would be like in elaborate detail, and sometimes it helps?
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u/lizznoonan Mar 07 '25
It’s so incredibly frustrating. Like how is it that we gather enough focus to plan the thing, pick the thing, and acquire the thing but can’t do the thing? Or if we do, it’s not for at least 2-?? months.
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u/Key-Kiwi7969 Mar 07 '25
2-?? years?
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u/TwistedOvaries ADHD-C Mar 07 '25
2 decades is a possibility as well. Actually I have fabric I bought in 1993 and haven’t made the quilt yet.
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u/oakmeadow8 Mar 07 '25
I can not tell you how much I appreciate your existence! I'm in my fifties and have project supplies that have been around for decades.
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u/TwistedOvaries ADHD-C 29d ago
It so nice to see I’m not the only one. I feel bad about the fabric every time I move it. Yet I can’t get rid of it. There is also the fabric I got in 1996 and the fabric I hunted down in 1997. I’m 55 maybe by the time I’m 80 I’ll actually do something with it.
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u/Banglophile Mar 07 '25
Waiting for the optimal time/circumstances. Unfortunately, it's never the optimal time/circumstances.
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u/Veniceissinking Mar 07 '25
I bought a pair of solar lights to install outside because my stairs are old and treacherous and no one can see my house/apt number at night. I bought them 2 years ago. They are still in the box.
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u/littleSaS AuDHD Mar 07 '25
Go and unpack the lights. Put them outside to charge tomorrow. Do they need to be installed? Mine are on the ground but they do the trick, and I often pick them up and use them like a torch when I'm walking down the side to my front door.
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u/pdxgreengrrl Mar 07 '25
I make impulse purchases of things that I think will be useful. Then they arrive and I don't put them to use immediately for a 1000 different reasons. Recently, I told myself I had to return any purchase that I don't put to use with 48 hours of its arrival. It's helping me slow down on purchases and preventing me from losing money on things I buy, don't use, and don't return in time.
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u/Puzzled-Fix-8838 29d ago
You are able to...return things???? If I don't get enough momentum up to use things, there's a less than zero chance I'll actually get around to returning them!!!
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u/Regular-Soil-6264 Mar 07 '25
Ooo, you nailed it! This is my life, lol! I have good intentions, but they’ve just all been sitting in boxes a while waiting to be installed or hung lol.
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u/buymesomefish 29d ago
I have a sewing machine bought almost a year ago and never set up, sitting in a box in the middle of my living room. I’ve kept it there thinking that the inconvenient placing will make me set it up one day. Nope, I just deal with tripping over it every day.
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u/other-words 29d ago
What if you ask a friend what they need sewn and then you’ll HAVE to set it up
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u/Ammonia13 Mar 07 '25
Oh my God I have like a whole supply of things in this house so that I could totally remodel every room on the days I have motivation and that motivation never comes lol
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u/Patitahm Mar 07 '25
Yes, I have a bidet, new shower head, instant pot and rice maker still in the box. And a wall planer board somewhere 😭
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u/other-words 29d ago
I also have a bidet hose that I haven’t hooked up, because finding the wrench sounds too hard and ensuring the water is fully turned off before installing sounds too scary. Once I do it, I know it’ll take less than 10 minutes, but I’m still not going to until I am “ready” 😂
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u/Regular_Football_513 29d ago
I just bought a Roomba to make keeping my floors easier because vacuuming.. It just never gets done. And now I actually have to take it out of the box, set it up and figure out how to use the thing 😭
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u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 26d ago
Because they require focus. When I'm focused I don't remember this kind of projects, and when I remember I'm kind of scattered and unfocused. So I delay them untile the magic moment happens.
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u/Ok_Translator3903 24d ago
While I wish we all didn't face these struggles, I cannot tell you how validating it is to see I'm not alone in this. You are my people ♥️
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u/PonderWhoIAm Mar 07 '25
One thing I started doing was if I had dishes in the sink and I was going to warm up food in the microwave, I'd give myself exactly the amount of time I had to warm my food up to finish the dishes.
I was surprised by how quickly the dishes got done.
Now if only I implemented that in other areas of my home. Lol
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u/spider_queen13 Mar 07 '25
I do this too! also if I'm putting the kettle on for tea, I'll tell myself to do some dishes while I wait since there's no sense leaving the kitchen
another thing that I've found helpful is letting myself do things partially
example: I'll start to empty a clean dishwasher while I wait for my tea, I might just empty the top rack, but it's a start and when I come back later the dishwasher is half done already so it feels like an easier task to tackle
sometimes I'll empty a clean load over the course of an entire day, just a few dishes at a time, because it's less overwhelming and still works for me
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u/TrumpsCovidfefe 29d ago
Do you have any advice for laundry?
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u/ChainUnusual4328 26d ago
I hire a service. On Monday morning I put all our clothes in garbage bags, someone picks it up and returns Tuesday morning washed and folded. Sometimes I get spicy and even put it away before the next weeks load comes back lol. It seems like such a waste of money, but honestly laundry is probably the hardest home task by far. It is SO refreshing to not have 17 stages of laundry floating around the house at all times. I just put it in my "healthcare" budget lol
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u/TrumpsCovidfefe 26d ago
I am going to look it into this. I have a child with eczema that I have to wash with a special detergent. I do not have a lot of money, by any means, but I feel like the laundry situation is just not able to be dealt with between my physical issues and my task avoidance and undiagnosed. Thanks!
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u/ChainUnusual4328 24d ago
Good luck with it all! I know I felt like a failure hiring a laundry service. I feel like meal kits, housekeeping etc. is less taboo lol. But laundry was my nemesis. So I’ll be that stranger voice that normalizes it for you! My place does it by weight, so I’ll do towels and blankets at home - but those are the easy ones to fold anyway 😂. It’s freed up a lot of background noise in my brain so I can be more present with my toddler and my family.
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u/TrumpsCovidfefe 24d ago
Yeah I love doing towels and blankets. I almost always have that done. It’s All the clothes that kill me. All the different colors, sizes, shapes and my kids constantly outgrowing sizes, etc, having to decide whether it gets hung up or folded, how to fold it so they fit in drawers as I live in a small house for number of people. Ironically, the meal thing has never been too bad for me. Having grocery pick up and online lists has helped me a lot because I don’t go to the store and only get half the stuff on my list or at least half of the stuff i remembered to put on my list. I just order multiple times if I forget stuff and go pick it all up at the same time lmao! For all of the tasks I struggle with, the laundry is the worst and it’s just not something I ever even thought about. So thanks!
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u/TrumpsCovidfefe 16d ago
I just got my laundry done by someone with poplin; she was awesome. I kept most of the sheets and towels at home, but it was still almost 150 pounds! I tipped her extra to separate everything by size so I can put the stuff my older kids have outgrown into storage bins for the youngest(she agreed to do this before I sent it off) and I was able to use that time to reorganize the closets and I’m so happy. I feel so much better about the whole situation. Thank you!
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u/gophercuresself Mar 07 '25
Combining tasks is the only way I keep the kitchen clean! Waiting for the kettle to boil and then the coffee to brew is enough time to wipe down the sides or sweep up or pick some dead leaves out of the plants, or do the cat litter. As long as I drink enough coffee then things stay reasonably sane
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u/cocoa_boe Mar 07 '25
lol I try to do this if I’m cooking something that doesn’t require a lot of attention. For some reason I don’t mind if everything else is a disaster but I can’t stand a messy kitchen. Probably my mother’s influence.
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u/Capncrunchey Mar 07 '25
I do the same! plus sometimes just setting like a 5 minute timer and say I'll do whatever it is for those 5 minutes and by the time the timer goes off I'm either done or so enthralled by whatever random task it is that I keep going. giving myself that little timer is so crucial for me
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u/nightblo00d Mar 07 '25
Someone posted a few months ago that you can run your dishwasher when it's full and that you can use the express cycle and if something isn't clean from that just run it again.
Why had I never realized any of that? Literally life changing. I hosted a group for dinner using that method for the first time recently and it was the easiest it's ever been. I'm genuinely looking forward to seeing how much easier it makes things during Thanksgiving for me.
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u/neatyall Mar 07 '25
Or running an incomplete load simply because you need more forks or something. I've read a post before on how efficient dishwashers are with water, that it shouldn't be as much of an issue as we make having an absolute full load every time we run the dishwasher.
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u/dellada Mar 07 '25
I swear, so much of my struggle with chores is trying to do them perfectly. “Take out the trash” becomes, “change the litter in the litter box, flatten all cardboard boxes, vacuum the house so you can throw away the dust at the same time, go through the fridge for any expired food, empty the bathroom trash cans into the larger trash, and THEN take it all out at once.” It’s so hard to just separate one tiny piece and do it by itself.
I split dishes into three steps. All of my washing is by hand. The first step is “put dirty dishes in the sink and fill with soapy water to soak.” I do just that single step and then leave. The next step is for whenever I’m in the kitchen next - “empty the soapy water and scrub the dishes, put them on the drying rack.” And then the third step for the next day, “put the dry dishes in the cupboard.”
Doing any one of those steps counts as “doing the dishes” that day. It really helps!
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u/nzonfire Mar 07 '25
This is why I hate the advice to habit stack. If there's too many steps I just won't do the main thing.
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u/BBClingClang Mar 07 '25
Oh my god. This is so very much me. I need to tell Perfection to kiss my ass.
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u/MathematicianOdd4999 Mar 07 '25
I always think that if something’s worth doing it’s worth doing poorly. If chores are too much, half arse it. It really helps get things done. I’ve started unloading the dishwasher in sections it’s helps!
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u/littleSaS AuDHD Mar 07 '25
I handwash but use the dishwasher as a huge drying rack. I empty the sinkside rack while the kettle is on in the morning, the top shelf of DW while I'm making my lunch and the bottom row while the dinner is on.
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u/Kimmeroo22 Mar 07 '25
This is ME! I need to mop the floors, so first I need to vacuum, but why vacuum unless I’ve cleaned all the counters to sweep any crumbs onto the floor, and while I’m doing that I should start with dusting the fan blades and anything else up high then work my way down by dusting light fixtures, wiping down cabinets (HOW do cabinet doors get so dirty?!? Like the middle of the cabinet door that no one touches?!?!?), THEN cleaning countertops and then sweeping/vacuuming before I can mop. I’m so tired thinking about all of that, so I will do none of it. The other day my partner suggested to just mop the floors? And I was like… well here is why I cannot mop yet [long list]! He replied, “or you can just mop the floors if that’s what you want done?” Not life-changing overall, but my brain was sort of jolted into the thought of, “wait people can just DO THAT?! Without 57 other steps? Why? HOW?!?” And then I just… mopped the floors? I’m still confused by it, but the floors were clean and I felt good about it?
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u/oakmeadow8 Mar 07 '25
This is EXACTLY how I do dishes as well as all the other household tasks. Once I complete a step, it's time for a break. It might be a 15-minute break, or it might be a day or two break.
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u/ChainUnusual4328 26d ago
Yes that is exactly what "take out the trash" means to me, too! So since I don't want to do all that, I just don't do the thing lol. And then somehow get mad at my husband when he does the thing, but doesn't seem to notice the million other things. Like it drive me nuts that he will vacuum - and like ignore whatever other thing popped up on my radar as "more important". But he's actually doing something. While I am just sitting there cycling through all the things that need to be done, but nothing seems rewarding enough - so I just sit there lol
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u/superalk Mar 07 '25
THIS IS SUCH GOOD ADVICE!
I've started running the dishwasher last thing before I go to bed no matter how (not) full it is, and always waking up with clean dishes, and it's been a GAME CHANGER
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u/Iamgoaliemom Mar 07 '25
I usually run the dishwasher every day. It's just easier for me to keep on top of that way.
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u/HerdingCatsAllDay Mar 07 '25
When I'm having a hard time getting started because I know all the dishes won't fit, I tell myself to "just put 10 things into the dishwasher" and that'll help. I end up putting more in but the pressure of not having to fit everything in is off.
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u/Alligator382 Mar 07 '25
That’s a great idea!
It reminds me of exercise advice I got from my physical therapist. He said to plan each day to run/walk outside for 1 minute. That way it doesn’t seem too daunting and once you start, you’ll probably just keep going and actually exercise for longer.
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u/Muddy_Wafer Mar 07 '25
Dana K. White (author, podcaster, and my ADHD housekeeping guru) says it’s something crazy like it only takes 7 dishes for it to be more energy efficient than handwashing. She toured a dishwasher factory and asked them a bunch of questions when she was writing one of her books.
She’s amazing. Seriously has changed my life. sliiiightly Christian housewife-y, but she keeps the god stuff to a minimum and her methods seriously work long term for my brain. My house has been steadily getting less and less chaotic and more and more functional for the last 2 years, and I have a 4 year old. That’s freaking miraculous. I’ve never done anything this long, and it’s easy to get back to after I have a rot month and all the good habits I’ve built disappear for a bit.
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u/vincentvanghosts Mar 07 '25
God I loved her books! I just read them a couple months ago, and I never felt so seen. My apartment is like 50% cleaner now, too — still a work in progress but miles ahead of where it was before!
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u/Comfortable-Spell726 29d ago
Which book of hers would you recommend to read first?
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u/Muddy_Wafer 29d ago
How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind. I like to listen to the audiobook so I can start working while I listen.
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u/That_Television_1553 Mar 07 '25
And they also clean stuck on food so no rinsing or soaking necessary!
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u/YourMom304 Mar 07 '25
When I let go of the need to wait for a full load to run the dishwasher (which of course would be after dinner so there would then be too many to fit at that point) I started seeing the bottom of my sink 😅 We do a load after dinner, and I work from home so I run it again in the afternoon to clear any stragglers from the night before, and breakfast and lunch dishes.
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u/Leading-Summer-4724 Mar 07 '25
Yes! “Run the dishwasher twice” has changed my relationship with dishes.
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u/tinyalley Mar 07 '25
A caveat that you shouldn't do this frequently, it's not good for the dishwasher and can lead to soap build up and your dishes may get soap residue on them.
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u/Puzzled-Fix-8838 29d ago
You can run a dishwasher cleaner through once a month, or even just a vinegar rinse.
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u/shen_git 29d ago
I'll sometimes do a short rinse only cycle first to soften particularly hard stuff then run a normal load. If something went through a full once and isn't clean I'll put it in the sink to soak and add it to the next round.
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u/neatyall Mar 07 '25
This is an incredible idea! Life changing, honestly. I love how it can sometimes be the simplest things that I would never think of.
Now for some tips and tricks with putting them away once they're clean. For some reason, I cannot keep up with dishes for the life of me. I can do the whole shebang, but as soon as it comes to putting them shits away, it takes me forever.
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u/fessertin Mar 07 '25
Okay, I'll tell you what I did that (mostly) solved this for me.
First, I got rid of most of my dishes. There's three people living here so there's 3 dinner plates, 3 big pasta bowls, 3 small/desert plates. I have a few extra of the regular cereal bowls and glasses, but that's it. That's all the dishes I keep in my kitchen. I have more stashed away for when we have company but for day to day, it's just enough to get through the day. So there's not an overwhelming number of dishes to manage. Same philosophy with pots and pans. Just the minimum number needed. I have a large stock pot away somewhere else but . mostly we use just a few.
The second thing I did was move where I kept the dishes. This was such a no brainier that I don't know why it took me so long to do. They used to be in the cabinet directly above the dishwasher, which, sure, makes a certain kind of sense. But I'm short and I can't reach those cabinets if the dishwasher is open. So it was always more of a hassle than it needed to be. I just swapped with the food cabinet right next to it and it's honestly so much easier to put dishes away. I don't know why I did it the other way for so long 🤦♀️
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u/TwistedOvaries ADHD-C Mar 07 '25
My husband hates putting up the dishes. I hate putting them in the machine. So at night he loads and runs the dishwasher and in the morning I empty.
Trying to make dishes one persons chore didn’t work but breaking it into two chores and each taking one made a huge difference for us.
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u/Alligator382 Mar 07 '25
This is exactly why my husband and I do! I hate touching the gross dirty dishes and he hates bending up and down to put them away. So he loads the dishwasher, usually at night, and I unload it during the day (I work from home). It has worked great for us!
We are good at communicating when a chore is stressful to us and switching up the things we just don’t like. For instance, when the kids were smaller, my husband HATED bath time. He would get stressed about the floor getting wet and his back would hurt from bending down. He came to me one night and said how much he was hating bath time and offered to switch with one of my regular chores if I took over bath time. And that was how I managed to not deal with dishes at all for several years.
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u/TwistedOvaries ADHD-C 29d ago
I think that’s a great way to handle it. I can’t stand dirty dishes either so I have done very few loads in 30+ years of is being together. I handle all the business stuff he doesn’t like to do. I would rather spend hours on that then a few minutes of dishes. lol
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u/Time-Champion497 Mar 07 '25
I'm just waiting for my kid to be tall enough to put away the plates. Then it's her chore.
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u/dellada Mar 07 '25
I remember reading this comment! Or maybe it was a similar one? I’m not sure if it was a neurotypical boyfriend, or just someone saying they do it themselves - but it’s wonderful! In my case, I do it anytime I have an instantpot meal. The instantpot has to soak too, so I just fill the pot with soapy water and put the dishes in that. It’s awesome!
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u/NuMe2025 Mar 07 '25
Saving this so when I go through my saved posts in a year I can remember that I wanted to try this, unsave the post confident that I will try it, then promptly forget why I walked into the kitchen and forget to take my meds before rushing out the door late for work.
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u/ginandoj Mar 07 '25
This is my secret when there's a pile of dishes and not everything will go in the dishwasher. While the dishwasher is running everything else gets a complementary soak.
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u/oakmeadow8 Mar 07 '25
"Complimentary soak" is going to be in my head while I'm doing dishes now. 😂 Unfortunately, the washer has been overbooked this evening, but please enjoy a complimentary soak while awaiting the next available cycle.
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u/justknockmeout Mar 07 '25
I hate getting my hands wet and hate stuff in the sink so I just rinse the dishes once we've finished, let the dishes pile up next to sink (we barely use any other than mugs) for a few days then put on a full load. Job became easier when I realised I didn't have to rinse/scrub out the mugs first
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u/Mshunkydory Mar 07 '25
Came here to say this 😅 so happy this works for others but the thought of it alone, having to stick my hands in that cold dirty water at the end of the day (yes I know I can wear gloves but the water can drip in if it’s too deep 😭) makes me shudder!!!
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u/Naralina Mar 07 '25
Get some flower wire, twist one end into a hook and use it to remove the sink plug! Boom, no wet hands 😎 (I hope I explained myself well enough, it’s 02:00 am and English is not my mother tongue lol). Or, now that I think about it, you could also get those plugs that come with a chain attached, that makes way more sense than what I said first but I’m still keeping it in my comment lol. (Edit: grammar)
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u/SharknadoRemaster Mar 07 '25
I've always done the dishes with rubber gloves, had people tell me I was dramatic my whole life 😅, but my body will turn inside out if a wet piece of food touches my hand
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u/shediedjill 29d ago
I literally cannot touch stuff in the sink without gloves and people think I’m dramatic too! I’ve even started bringing dish gloves to family trips where we’ll be doing dishes 😂
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u/Maleficent_Peanut449 26d ago
I am confused. Why pile up the dishes next to the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher. They won't break if they sit in the dishwasher until you have enough to run it. Also how big is your kitchen that you have enough space to do that. Also why rinse the dishes? Is your dishwasher not working properly? You shouldn't have to rinse your dishes if you're going to put them in the dishwasher. Food scraps should be scraped of but otherwise they are good to go
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u/AnkuSnoo 24d ago
Yeah and apparently dishwashers work better when dishes are dirty - can’t remember why, I think because there’s something for the soap to cling to or something like that.
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u/CharlotteLucasOP Mar 07 '25
I wish I had a dishwasher. But knowing I gotta physically scrub those dishes does motivate me to soak them ASAP.
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u/_idiot_kid_ Mar 07 '25
This is why I hate the stupid ass single basin sinks that stupid ass landlords are putting in every stupid ass rental. I hate my goddamn sink so much. Sinks are meant to have 2 compartments. One you fill with soap and water and leave your dirty dishes in. The other side stays empty to be used as a sink, wash hands or a single dish or whatever.
My ADHD parents figured this one out 30 years ago but the stupid fucking single basin sink trend had to ruin my life and kitchen.
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u/Purple_Chipmunk_ Mar 07 '25
You could get a square plastic tub like the Brits use for washing dishes and place that in the big sink to subdivide it!
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u/Traditional_Win1875 Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
Get a big bowl or bucket or Tupperware or something and put it in your sink or next to your sink as your “second basin!”
Personally, I love having one gigantic sink, but whatever is the first cup dirty, I fill it to the brim with soapy water, and every utensil throughout the day gets put inside. When it comes time to load the dishwasher, I empty the cup, rinse the silverware, and they’re all ready to load in the dishwasher without anything caked on. Use the same concept for larger dishes!
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u/oakmeadow8 Mar 07 '25
I installed a huge double basin sink with a burly ass garbage disposal when I first got my house. Dishes on one side and everything else happens on the garbage disposal side. I can live without a lot, but these two things are critical for my sanity.
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u/AnkuSnoo 24d ago
This is part of why I hate people putting dishes in the sink. If I then need to drain some pasta or wash some veg etc then there’s all this stuff in the way and I don’t wanna have to touch someone else’s wet dirty dishes.
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u/gophercuresself Mar 07 '25
I'm a strong advocate of soaking washing up! Nothing feels like more of a waste of my time than scrubbing something off a plate that would have virtually cleaned itself if I'd just left it for 10 mins in some hot soapy water
Even if I'm just leaving a plate or bowl for washing up later I tend to run a small amount of water in there and leave it level so it doesn't dry on
I've just 'invented' an automatic cutlery cleaner because I get so bored doing the pile of cutlery after the big bits have gone
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u/Maelstrom_Witch Attention Deficit Witchcraft Mar 07 '25
Cutlery cleaner you say
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u/gophercuresself 29d ago
So it's like a straight plastic vase filled with water with a cage in it for cutlery. Then a usb motor with a water spinny thing on it gets lowered in from above. It spins the water quite fast one way for 30 seconds, then back the other and keeps doing that for half an hour, though you can stop it whenever. I put it on when I start the rest of the washing up and by the time I'm done, I stop the washer, take out the cage and give it a rinse then dump it in the drying rack! I'm still experimenting with how to get the best out of it - like adding things to help it wash off dense greasy things like Nutella - but I'm surprised at how well it seems to work!
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u/Lasshandra2 Mar 07 '25
If you have fewer morning dishes to soak, consider keeping a batter bowl in the kitchen sink.
My batter bowl soaks the cat dishes from their previous meal (they are fed twice daily). Plus it’s from a Halloween set. Has bats. Bats, batter. 🎃
And this dish washing is the first thing I do, when I get home from wherever. It gets my hands really clean, pandemic and all.
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u/quingd Mar 07 '25
IT'S THE PERFECT CYCLE!! Sink full of water, put all the dishes in throughout the day as they're used... So the food never dries on, and when you're ready to wash you just drain the sink, soap soap, wipe wipe, then you put the stopper back in and rinse the dishes, and tonight's rinse water becomes tomorrow's soak water!!.
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u/Dread_and_butter 29d ago
My husband puts all the dishes in the sink and just leaves them. It drives me mad because it’s impossible to fill up the kettle or mop bucket etc, and he’ll leave it so long the water looks gross. I think I’m more impressed that you’re emptying the dishwater yourself consistently every day than that your dishes are clean!
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u/girlwhopanics 29d ago edited 29d ago
This is a great reminder too that our habit changes and growth are on different timelines than NTs. So often I beat myself up when I come up with a plan, create a support for that plan, and then it take months to actually act on the plan… and when I do it feels like less of a win bc I’ve been thinking about it for so long. I’m really working on giving myself more grace on this specifically bc the shame I put on it makes it harder!
Op saw the idea, bought the drain stop, and then, it took time for her to actually try it, but eventually she did and it’s working! I think something similar happens when I fall out of routines, I used feel so bad about starting them back up, but now I just do what I’m called to do without judging it so much and it really helps.
Like, Expecting myself to be able to floss every single day is unrealistic, I’ve never been able to do anything every single day. But a few times a week? That’s not fucking nothing, that’s the whole game! My life has gotten better after accepting that 60-80% is my 100%.
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u/girlwhopanics 29d ago
Thinking of stuff as “experiments” takes a lot of the pressure off too, like when something doesnt work, the experiment failed, not me.
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u/logdemon 29d ago
This!! I just commented something similar before scrolling through the rest of the comments but I’ve come to realize we just have a built in brewing/processing time compared to other folks who can think it and then do it. I love this idea of thinking of stuff as experiments where sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t! Thank you.
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u/shediedjill 29d ago
Someone else posted in this sub recently that most dishes do NOT need to even be rinsed or soaked (except for eggs was the consensus lol). Most dishwashers can handle way more than we’re giving them. I still definitely take food off that’s really caked on there but I’ve been rinsing way less and they were right, I’ve been wasting so much time for nothing!
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u/Ornery_Adeptness4202 29d ago
Yeah I was really confused by this comment. I rinse my dishes and put them in the sink. My husband often doesn’t rinse the dishes and puts them straight in the dishwasher even though I think it’s gross. They all come out clean, zero soaking. The pots and pans soak.
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u/Comfortable-Spell726 29d ago
I am going to try this! Another recent discovery is “Dawn Powerwash” spray. I’m pretty sure it is just Dawn mixed with alcohol in one of those continuous spray bottles. I don’t like getting my hands wet and it’s fun to spray.
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u/princesskeestrr 29d ago
I love that stuff! I tell everyone about it and am flabbergasted when they don’t just go out and get it:)
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u/nnylam Mar 07 '25
Ah! I have to hand wash all my dishes (no dishwasher), but I do something similar - I leave them in the sink and fill them with warm water so that when I have time to do them later they're 'soaked' and ready to go when I have the oomph to actually do them.
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u/LadySerena21 Mar 07 '25
…better late than never that I see this, would’ve helped a ton growing up lol
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u/toadallyafrog Mar 07 '25
i already HAVE a drain stopper which is useful for the occasional sink-laundry (usually bras lol) but you're telling me i could've been using it for DISHES this whole time?? no sticky stuff that needs scrubbing??!
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u/Time-Champion497 Mar 07 '25
I had a drain stopper too, but it was like a piece of round plastic and it was awful. I bought a FANCY one.
But I never do laundry in the kitchen sink, I always use the bathroom sink. But it's too small and makes a mess and you're telling me I could just use the big kitchen sink???
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u/Maleficent_Peanut449 26d ago
How are you doing your dishes, aside from using the dishwasher, if you don't use the drain stopper? Doing dishes is filling the sink with dish soap and hot water, then the dishes go in and after a moment to let them soak you start cleaning them.
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u/toadallyafrog 26d ago
... i just don't fill the sink? i rinse the dishes to get food off and stick them in. if i hand wash, i use a sponge and running water. i've never filled the sink to do dishes. eta: and soap obviously but i just put it on the sponge
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u/Celeste_Minerva Mar 07 '25
If you're leaving it to sit all day, you may not even have to use hot water.
I have copied my partner's similar routine of filling the dish up with water when setting it in the sink - sometimes rinsing it out, but not always, cutlery in a cup or bowl filled with water. Most of the time I add a drop of soap, and he doesn't seem to do that for the soaking part.
Thank you for posting!!
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u/couldbestabbed Mar 07 '25
I also highly recommend those sponges with the hollow handle you can fill with dish soap. They're great for simple things like plates; you get it wet, quickly wash one or two things you need, and be done. Or end up going with the momentum and doing more! Win-win either way.
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u/midnight_aurora Mar 07 '25
Oh my god if this can work you have no idea how much frustration, guilt and shame spirals, and overwhelm this will save. 😫
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u/Time-Champion497 Mar 07 '25
Doing dishes is the WORST.
I didn't think it would help or that I could be consistent. I certainly don't think I could do the original "wash dishes while making dinner" because I'd burn dinner!
But it's really helped. Much more than I thought it would.
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u/midnight_aurora Mar 07 '25
Thank you so much, and may you be blessed with less dishy stress forevermore
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u/notarobot_trustme Mar 07 '25
Been doing this for years and it’s the only way we can keep the kitchen clean in my house! It’s such a game changer
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u/Bobolots 29d ago
wow, I'm trying this. Thank you for sharing!
I used to be in the CleanMama cleaning group on FB, and someone in there shared that when putting dishes in the dishwasher, she put all forks together and all spoons together, etc, and it changed my life.
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u/logdemon 29d ago
For some reason us ADHDers need time to brew or process. It can be months from when I hear or think about doing something to the time I actually implement or try it, but I’ve come to learn that’s just my brewing time and I’ll do it eventually when my brain has decided it’s been enough time.
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u/Eiskoenigin 29d ago
Everything goes into my dishwasher the way it is, even pots and pans. It all comes out clean
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u/airysunshine 29d ago
Oh yeah, I always rinse and do a light wash down on dishes the night before if I’m too tired to actually wash them, so it’s easier to either hand wash them the next day or put them in the dishwasher
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u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 26d ago
I have good news for you! If you soak them for more than an hour, the water temperature will make almost no difference.
You can skip the time to make the water hot!! :)
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u/3plantsonthewall Mar 07 '25
DON’T DO THIS IF YOU HAVE PETS, ESPECIALLY CATS (drowning risk)
also NO SHARP ITEMS
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u/MrsLSwan Mar 07 '25
A cat is not going to drown in sink water 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/3plantsonthewall Mar 07 '25
Okay, maybe not if you only do a couple inches of water (still possible, but sure, super unlikely).
But I was imaging a deep kitchen sink completely full of water… which is still very unlikely, but not a risk I’d take while I wasn’t home.
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u/Mshunkydory Mar 07 '25
How is this not a realistic possibility??
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u/MrsLSwan Mar 07 '25
Am I in the fucking twilight zone? Cats don’t fall in sinks and drown. That isn’t a thing. What do they lose consciousness as soon the water touches them and therefore become unable to jump out of the water??? Do they just put their heads in and forget to come up??? Common sense people.
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u/Mshunkydory Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
You might be in the twilight zone
“Water hazards exist inside the home, too. Cats, and especially kittens, could land in anything filled with water (bathtub, sink, toilet, bucket, etc.) and drown.”
And for the record, humans who know how to swim can still drown. It’s not always as easy as just “jumping out”
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u/MrsLSwan Mar 07 '25
Ummmm, ok. You go ahead and worry about cats dying in sink water then? Go you.
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u/TheDodgiestEwok Mar 07 '25
Lol this was so silly.
It is highly unlikely that a cat would drown in a kitchen sink filled with water. Especially not one filled with dirty dishes. Cats are generally very agile and have strong survival instincts. Most avoid water and would be cautious around a sink. Even if they were to fall in, they can climb out easily.
Like, I appreciate the warning but this does not seem like a reasonable fear for all caps lol.
The no sharp items rule is legit tho.
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u/12thMemory Mar 07 '25
Other than the dishes I hand wash, I haven’t scrubbed or soaked a dish in years. I scrape off the majority of the big stuff and toss it right into the dishwasher. One in a thousand dishes needs a rewash. Even if the dish was covered in baked on food, odds are it comes out clean as a whistle.
Once I realized I didn’t need to pre-wash dishes it changed the experience from a chore into am easy task. I let dishes build up in the sink and generally load while making dinner. Right before bed I add the last few dishes and start the cycle. Dishwasher detergent has come a long way and they really rely on food debris to work their best. Without food to break down, your dishes become the target.
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u/HaplessReader1988 Mar 07 '25
This worked for me until I moved to a house with hard water... sigh.
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u/12thMemory 29d ago
That sucks. Does your dishwasher have a built in water softener? My parents moved to a hard water zone and bought a dishwasher with a softener built right in.
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u/HaplessReader1988 29d ago
I didn't even know such a thing existed. Too bad.I hadn't heard about it before I replaced it last year!
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u/12thMemory 29d ago
As hard water causes a significant reduction in appliance life expectancy, look at the Bosch Benchmark series when you start looking again.
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u/HaplessReader1988 29d ago
I may be moving out of this house before I need a new dishwasher, but I'll keep it in mind!
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u/Time-Champion497 Mar 07 '25
Oh yes, I keep seeing that modern dishwashers can handle dirty plates!
Our dishwasher is old (and I suspect poorly installed). It clogs up if there's even a little food on the dishes and doesn't drain properly and soap sticks to everything. If we owned I would replace it in a heartbeat.
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u/12thMemory 29d ago
Strange, my dishwasher is from 1994. I definitely wouldn’t call that modern. That sucks that your landlords is so temperamental. Hopefully one day you have a place you own and, when you do, buy a Bosch.
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u/abraxas-exe 29d ago
i might start doing this! i don’t like the noise dishes make when you take out a piece that is actually towards the bottom so all the dishes crash against each other. i don’t care about touching gross food if i’m already wet. so what i do is i organize all the dirty dishes in the sink and then start washing
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u/AnkuSnoo 24d ago edited 24d ago
I’m from the UK and it’s quite typical to have a “washing up bowl” in the sink - basically a plastic tub that sits in the sink and you fill it with hot soapy water and wash the dishes in that instead of in the sink itself. It’s helpful because when the sink water starts to get nasty you empty the tub into the sink and while it drains away you refill the tub and keep going. In my household growing up my mum would usually have it filled up with water all the time to put dishes in throughout the day (especially ones that needed soaking). For me I don’t like touching things that are cold & wet & dirty so as an adult I always kept my tub empty and just used it when actively doing dishes in hot, soapy water. Either way it’s excellent, especially if you don’t have a double sink - if you need to use the sink (to drain things/wash veg etc) you can just lift the tub out temporarily.
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