r/adhdwomen • u/Yorimichi • 1d ago
Rant/Vent Selling my dopamine stash is making me question everything.
I got diagnosed with AuDHD last year, immediately got put on medicine, and I think I first just felt relieved after having taken unnecessary antidepressants for almost twenty years and never feeling like it was what I struggled with. Since getting medicated I have started to a unmask so much that I sometimes think I’m getting worse? My sensory and sound is killing me. I’ve lost my appetite (no one should want that).
More than anything I feel increasing sadness that I can’t get fixed. I’m 44 and I feel like I have struggled to repress my inner weirdo my whole life. I’ve had tons of careers and haven’t been able to keep up with any of them, when people climbed up the career ladder I tried to keep my head over water. I’m at uni now but have NO confidence despite doing well. Where was my help, my fucking fidget spinners? As a child I had horrible anger attacks, hated all food and couldn’t stand being hugged. I struggled with reading faces and look everything seriously. No one suspected a thing, and it makes me furious.
As the title states I have started to sell of things. Not just for money but they don’t suit my life anymore. All the money I have spent on dopamine shopping, sugar, coffee. I could cry. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore, clothes is just one thing, but from at least a former fashion lover, it’s important. I used to love all the prints, colours, all the things. Now all man made fabrics basically rub me the wrong way (huh see what I did there?)
I live in denim and crisp cotton shirts, it’s basically everything I can stand. Sport bras make me panic, jewellery feels restrictive. Has this always been me or is something wrong? Everything feels wrong. When I dress up I feel like I’m wearing drag. And I’m mourning my twenties and thirties when I should have allowed myself to be the introverted nerd that I am, instead of drinking, trying to have fun and getting burnt out because it wasn’t for me. I also mourn the the spending money I’ll never get back, the pathetic pension savings that are mine, and still feeling like I don’t belong - but maybe I could have.
I have the best husband and dog, a lovely house, and over all a great life. I just feel like I’m past my prime, and I never got to bloom.
EDIT - You are all amazing, I have a long train journey tomorrow, so I’ll sit and read all the replies properly 😊🥹
Also I never knew I wanted to be MOSS so much!
I’m not happy that so many of you are struggling - but hearing that it’s many of us that are here together is a nice feeling. I know that the ”do you consider ADHD a disability” posts have been up lately, and this is basically my take on it - does society fit around you? Does it feel seamless? Or do you have to adapt, mask, change, exhaust yourself in order for it to work with you? In that case I consider it a disability.
2.0k
u/tenuredvortex 1d ago
I never got to bloom
Maybe you're more like moss than a flower.
Moss is 450 million years old and imbued with ancient wisdom. It provides shelter to little things and its sponge-like function helps to soak up rainfall and keep its surroundings lush, which enables nearby plant life to thrive. It plays a vital role in the development of new ecosystems; mosses stabilise the soil surface and are among the first plant colonisers of areas affected by forest fires or deforestation. Moss grows in so many different environments and benefits them all uniquely. Even when it goes dormant, moss can survive seemingly impossible conditions. There are about 12,000 species, some of which adapted to low-light conditions and are luminous. Frickin' luminous!
Moss won't bloom, but its existence — like yours and mine — is fascinating, powerful, and necessary.
325
228
u/Sure_Satisfaction497 1d ago
This morning I woke up crying over similarities I share with OP... Thank you. I think several "me's" have been needing to hear this for a long time.
55
u/Top-Service-6654 1d ago
I feel the same way about the several “me’s” & when I think about it,( which quite frankly I try to avoid as it not only gets me down it also overwhelms me), I don’t really know who I am & at this stage in my life will I ever get the chance to figure me out? It’s a damn shame.
30
u/Sure_Satisfaction497 1d ago edited 16h ago
I've been figuring out who I actually am for the last three or four years after losing everything (including my adderall bc I moved state) when I became self-advocating in the midst of being taken advantage of, and have finally found some stability.
As "quick fix" as it sounds, the thing that's brought me the most peace was letting go of needing to be someone. I read "Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Mindfulness" audiobook and ever since I've just been... Content?
14
u/Top-Service-6654 1d ago
I shall check out that book, thanks. I hope you got your meds sorted out. That’s a lot of upheaval to go through.
14
u/Sure_Satisfaction497 1d ago
Ofc! The audiobook is really nice because it feels like the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy narrator is talking with me about my life, and it's less than six hours.
Still working on the meds, unfortunately, but staying hopeful.
Thank you 💞💞
22
u/QWhooo 1d ago edited 23h ago
The audiobook is really nice because it feels like the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy narrator is talking with me about my life
Well if there has ever been a way to sell me on a book, it's this!
Bonus: I found The Easy Way to Mindfulness on hoopla thanks to my library!
Edit: At 15:45 in the book, the narrator says "Don't panic!" and I broke out laughing and had to stop washing dishes and immediately edit this comment.
14
u/Top-Service-6654 23h ago
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy & the narrator telling me not to panic really resonates with me! I’m definitely sold! Thanks again!
2
u/Sure_Satisfaction497 16h ago
I'm so happy to hear you're liking it!
2
u/QWhooo 7h ago
Well, the narrator's voice is nice indeed, and the author's ideas behind mindfulness seem pretty logical. I'm liking those aspects.
However, I'm about a quarter of the way through now, and so far it seems like it's more focused on quitting smoking than I need to hear. It's making me think about all the people I've been unable to encourage to quit smoking, most of whom I can't help anymore (not all for the saddest reason: some are because they've succeeded on their own, and some are because we're just no longer close).
I understand smoking cessation is the author's main claim to fame, and that he's trying to use that to build towards more general mindfulness, but it kinda feels like it's taking a while. So far. I'll probably update this comment later, for posterity.
Still, I can appreciate how powerful the approach is if it can actually help people realize they never have to smoke again! Maybe there's hope for me too, when I'm feeling stuck in my redditing or puzzle-gaming, or even stuck in hyperfocus on something good that I just need to take a mindful break from.
2
u/Sure_Satisfaction497 3h ago
Yeah, he does spend a chapter talking about addiction and smoking, but he does wrap around to how it's relevant. I'm sorry it's bringing up bittersweet memories for you 💞
5
4
u/SeeStephSay 16h ago
I’m playing a lovely cozy game called “Wanderstop,” where you basically just make tea.
The video game creator said they experienced burnout and needed a way to express their feelings surrounding it.
They did such a good job! I’m almost to the end, and I’m a little sad about it, because it has given me a lot to think about, and also..it’s so cozy - like a warm hug. 🥰
1
2
u/apyramidsong 7h ago
Wow. Allen Carr was how I finally got sober. I should check that mindfulness one out.
10
u/Amazing-Essay7028 16h ago
Hell, I'm 40 and still figuring myself out. I feel like my mom is still figuring herself out too.
It's funny because as a teenager I thought I knew who I was. But in reality I had a lot of health issues I didn't know about, and unhealthy attachment styles. I know if she "met" me she would think i was a bad ass, so that's all that matters to me lol
122
u/Dandelient 1d ago
As a mycologist with ADHD, your reply is a balm and a delight. When my kids were in elementary school, I did some class visits with my dissecting microscope and this book: Plants That Never Ever Bloom. I showed them mushrooms and mosses and lichens and lots of other things. There are so many organisms, many helping each other out in mutualisms that the vast majority of people never see, yet they are crucial as you described. Thank you for reminding me of this happy memory :D
33
u/Teddy_Lightfoot 1d ago
I bought a UV torch so I could look at lichen at night and see the beautiful colours.
6
83
u/Ok-Pen-9533 1d ago
You have helped so many of us realize that we are Moss, today.
I've always loved Moss. ❤️
41
u/vpblackheart ADHD-C 1d ago
I resonate with the moss idea. I love finding it. I love taking photos of it.
I seriously considered making moss terrariums. I purchased all the supplies. When I got ready to start making one I found I couldn't uproot them from their homes. 💚
12
u/naledi2481 1d ago
Buy the moss! I’ve tried transplanting and unless you’ve got a good setup with the right balance, humidity, light etc it’s m in der results but you can buy big chunks of farmed terrarium moss online.
9
u/Reguluscalendula 23h ago
Moss meant for aquariums also works well in closed terrariums. They like the higher humidity and don't get as stringy in weird light.
42
u/kittenbritchez 1d ago
I'm having a bit of a shit day, and this moment of acceptance and perspective made me cry. (In a nice way) I'm going to go be my fascinating, powerful self now. Thank you.
30
u/Top_Hair_8984 1d ago
I cannot say how much I love your beautifully thought out, in depth reply. It's a vision I can see and feel. I love moss, it's deep greens and many textures, it's resilience, it's treasures. I once saw a moss waterfall! It had rained a few days before, water was still dripping through the cliff of moss on rock. It was ethereal to be honest.
And I sure resonate with your post OP, post and your reply.
25
27
u/MeaghanJ1623 1d ago
Holy shit. This made me feel content with my brain, instead of angry at it. Thank you.
23
u/Interesting_Pause_76 1d ago
I found that I have SO MUCH MORE capacity for forgiving myself for past fuckups due to what I thought was a function of brokenness now that I’m not mad about it. The rude thing about ADHD is that being hard on ourselves or angry with ourselves LITERALLY makes the executive dysfunction worse.
22
21
u/naledi2481 1d ago
This resonates so well with me. I’ve always loved moss and admired it beauty and mystery far more than flowers. I’m currently growing a moss wall in my jungle garden but never once planted a flowering plant for the purpose of its flower.
I think the thing I love the most about this analogy id that Moss is so RESILIENT!! Moss thrives where few others can. Despite its delicate appearance, it’s incredibly resilient—able to survive extreme environments from icy tundras to scorching deserts. Moss can dry out completely and enter a dormant state for months or even years, springing back to life with just a drop of water. It doesn’t need soil to grow and can carpet rocks, trees, and forgotten corners with soft, green life, quietly purifying air and holding moisture in fragile ecosystems.
I feel like this describes me so well, I can fit in an adapt almost anywhere and when things are tough, all it takes is a tiny taste of life to re-awaken. This gives me hope during the dry spells of life.
19
20
u/Ordinary_Panic_6785 1d ago
That is a truly beautiful way of looking at life, and is definitely something I needed to hear. Thank you for this.
34
16
15
u/Creative-Fan-7599 1d ago
This is beautiful. I feel a lot of the things op brought up feeling, and reading this brought tears of gratitude. Thank you.
12
12
10
11
u/pearlsbeforedogs ADHD 1d ago
Shit, I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed and hopeless and frustrated today and this just made me cry, but in a good way, I think. I definitely needed to read it.
10
u/sillypenguin8 1d ago
Wow, like everyone else in the replies I love this take 🙌 curious whether you’ve thought about this before or if the concept just came to mind bc of OP’s post, but either way I like the way you think!
6
8
6
8
5
5
6
4
5
5
4
3
u/mossonamushroom 19h ago
I love this so muchhhhh and definitely feel like an outsider in another realm with all the blooming going on around me, thanks for the reminder that there’s place and necessity for both 🙏🏻
3
u/snippyorca 17h ago
My friend, your username checks out in the most beautiful way. This is so lovely. Thank you for sharing this with us today.
3
3
2
u/Party_Revolution_194 2h ago
This is just a reminder of why I love this sub. I love coming to this little community of women whose minds make meaning in similar ways to mine. I love you all, thank you for existing.
183
u/aanyelsewhere 1d ago
Hi lovely,
the grief after diagnosis and medication is definitely common. I was so angry and sad that I had spent so much of my life unnecessarily struggling. it's totally normal that you feel like your symptoms have gotten worse as well. it's a mix of you noticing them more and unmasking.
you aren't a completely different person now, but you're reframing how you view yourself and your history. give yourself time and space to get to know this new version of yourself. you don't have to figure out everything right away.
it might be helpful to think of this as a new beginning, an opportunity to remake yourself and your life now that you really understand yourself :)
68
u/aanyelsewhere 1d ago
also, you definitely aren't past your prime. you aren't a flower, you're a person (you can think of yourself as wine that gets better with age though). 44 is still young. Definitely take the time to grieve, but don't get lost in the past. there is so much ahead of you and now you are able to take it on knowing who you really are❤️
36
u/tigrovamama 1d ago
Thank you. I am not the OP, but I have been grieving the realization that I wasn’t supported or understood (even by myself) and how hard I have had to struggle my whole life. I appreciate how you are framing it.
12
u/Busy-Preparation- 23h ago
Yes me too. So many doctors and no answers. Just drugs that didn’t address the actual issue. I am in a very weird phase of my life understanding what has just happened for the last 50 years. I happen to have 5 autistic kids in my class this year and I know exactly how to handle them. I feel like crying sometimes but it won’t help my younger self. I have suffered deeply. I am grateful to finally know though, I can take better care of myself now that I am aware of my autism. I almost feel like I am the little girl inside again except this time I know what is happening.
7
u/aanyelsewhere 21h ago
it's important to feel that sadness though! it can be very cathartic to cry❤️
2
2
10
87
u/esphixiet ADHD-C 1d ago
It is a common occurrence for people to experience "skill regression" when they start to unmask. I believe what you are experiencing is in line with this. It sucks. I feel like my ADHD is so much worse now than it was when I was dx. But we're also not designed to mask, masking is how we often reach burnout.
30
u/SarryK ADHD-C 1d ago
I‘m going through something similar to OP‘s story. I‘ve really been struggling. 2 years post adhd diagnosis, on stimulants, I think they work for me, but social capacity 0, ability to do shit 0, sensory sensitivity 100.
Would you have any resources you could point me to to read more about skill regression? Thank you!
21
u/Tyza010 21h ago
I’ve been diagnosed a bit over a year and also on meds. Got a lot more stuff done but constantly exhausted and feeling antisocial. Found out that I was also autistic and while the meds helped me be productive my autistic brain couldnt handle how much i was pushing myself.
Found out the hard way that doing that on meds was a sure way to burn out. What helped me was theraphy both talk and occupational and taking part in a women with adhd support group. Found out in the group that most of us struggled with the exhaustion on meds.
Learned different ways I could actually give my brain a rest instead of dissociating from my body by scrolling instagram. Had to schedule that rest because on meds i didnt feel my bodys need for it. Learned to pay atrention to my eating because surprize you use up more calories and need more proteines to rebuild your dopamine and adrenaline supplys.
While i still struggle with socialization and sensory issues I find that its often related to me starting to neglect taking care of myself. I even went to rave twice (like hard german industrial style) and I had so much fun! And that was with 0 alcohol but while taking my meds delayed so they were helping me feel more regulated and not in crash stage.
I havent done anything like that in almost 10 years after my mental health and migraines started getting worse in uni due to untreated adhd.
It can take time to find the right dosage and routine (for me eating and rest since i forget both on meds). I now take multiple smaller doses and I can adjust the amount depending on how Im feeling. Some days I take a smller dose if Im having a day that requres less time in full focus and on days where I have a lot of brain work/changing activities I take a extra delayed dose to make sure Im able to focus more evenly later in the evening.
Sorry If tldr, rest and diet combined with theraphy helped a lot with the skill regression, social battery and sensory sensitivity.
6
u/selfiesofdoriangray 13h ago
Not who you were replying to but just want to say I’m coming up to 3yrs since my diagnosis and I’m absolutely burnt the fuck out.
Just wanted to let you know I am here with you. Overwhelmed and somehow feeling simultaneously over- and under-stimulated.
We’ve got this, babe. It sucks so bad, but I have faith that there are better times ahead. So let’s keep going.
3
u/BubbleRose ADHD-C 12h ago
Not who you were replying to but just want to say I’m coming up to 3yrs since my diagnosis and I’m absolutely burnt the fuck out.
I think it could legitimately be really bad burn out for a lot of us actually. It makes sense since we have to play catch up and think and research all the time. It's a lot of work to figure out how to handle yourself once you get diagnosed and know what's "wrong".
I've definitely struggled with pacing and being patient with myself while I'm trying things and working out what I can realistically handle, and in what ways.
2
u/esphixiet ADHD-C 1d ago
Honestly I think google would be a better resource than me. It's something I've seen on a variety of content creators who specialize in adhd, so I don't have publications as references, just multiple personal accounts (including my own).
62
u/OrindaSarnia 1d ago
I don't know about the selling things, because meds didn't really work for me, and I still have boxes of "potential"... things I bought to do great things with that will never be...
but after being diagnosed at 37 there were overwhelming waves of grief for awhile.
I kind of went through it twice, once after the diagnosis, and then again about 14 months later when I had tried just about every permutation of medication and I had to take a break and get back to some point of equilibrium before I eventually decided to stop trying... that was 2 years ago, I might still "try again" at some point, we'll see.
Anyway. I always had a pretty decent sense of my weaknesses, and despite scoring very high on the LSAT in both my early and mid-20's, I had always struggled with completing school work, and decided law school probably just wasn't for me... and my first thought post-diagnosis was that maybe if I had known it was ADHD, and not just "me", I could have figured out how to negotiate law school! Because while my life is fine now, I know I'm not using all my "potential" (both the shit in the boxes, and my brains...)
I dove into trying meds, optimistic that maybe if one worked, I would be crazy and go back to school at 38! My kids were in elementary, I only work part time, it could finally be my time!
But meds didn't work, and like you describe, if anything it felt like understanding why I did things allowed me to accept my behavior and I theoretically got "worse" for awhile... maybe I still am "worse".
My husband is generally supportive but there are still areas of conflict with it all... I've heard women talk about reaching their 40's and just no longer giving any shits anymore, and I feel like I experienced that to some exponential degree, because I already ignored a lot of societal expectations, but now I was also ignoring my own expectations for myself...?
It's all just a little wild, but I think most of what you're going through is to be expected.
You have to grieve for the person you might have been.
And be angry that no one in your life was able to help you have a chance to be that person... knowing they were in a position to help... but they are also flawed people and even if you had known sooner, they might not have been able to actually help anyway.
People talk romantically about "the one that got away"... but it's like that other person you could have been is the one that got away from yourself.
22
u/HyperventilatingDeer 1d ago edited 15h ago
Yes. I relate to OP and this so much. The grief is astounding. I definitely felt I “got worse” after my diagnoses. I still feel like I haven’t regained my coping mechanisms (though some were unhealthy and prob shouldn’t be regained). I struggle daily to exist and previously considered myself a high achiever. It’s exhausting and depressing.
Hugs. I have no advice but I relate and feel for us all.
30
u/Thequiet01 1d ago
Two things:
You may still need the antidepressants. Depression is a common issue with ADHD and Autism both, especially when diagnosed later.
You’re in a time of major emotional upheaval and grief. This is not actually a good time to be making significant decisions like selling all the stuff you used to enjoy. Once things settle down you may well enjoy those things again and regret getting rid of them. Don’t let your anger at the late diagnosis motivate you to do things that are effectively just harming yourself.
Try to focus on positive things. Find what you enjoy now. Explore new stuff. You can’t change the past, so where are you going from here? You still have a life to live.
24
u/kedriss 1d ago
I am a similar age to you and I got diagnosed with adhd-pi last year. The combination of that and perimenopause is screwing me up badly. Its like everything I thought I knew about myself has been thrown off a cliff.
Which is to say - i dont have any advice but i feel your pain. It sucks.
13
u/Ok-Pen-9533 1d ago
Perimenopause is a frickin nightmare. My memory has always been really really bad but now I wonder how I am functioning on a daily basis. Good luck.
8
u/So_phisticated 1d ago
I think the advice is that if it is perimenopause, then OP speaking with her doctor is the next step. It might be time to start on HRT, which can help a lot with mood swings, concentration, memory, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I've also been told that it's better to start HRT sooner rather than later as symptoms can get worse the longer you wait and become irreversible.
3
u/shewantsbags 1d ago
came here to bring up perimenopause as well.
i keep reading that adhd symptoms can get worse with the onset of perimenopause for some women, regardless of medications or other coping mechanisms that worked before. i hope that won’t be the case for many of us, but if it IS a thing, it at least comforts me personally to know that symptoms would be getting out of hand not because i’m not doing something wrong, but because my body is just changing. and therefore i need to change with it.
totally understand the grieving of who we used to be if that happens. been doing a lot of therapy in the last year after ending a long-term toxic relationship… and in a recent session, i had a shocking realization that i basically let someone fundamentally change the way i think about myself for the worse. i’m now working through the guilt of “letting” that happen as well as grief for losing my identity to that relationship as i work towards the identity i want for myself now. not the same, but i imagine it would be similar. so, i feel sad for OP and hope things work themselves out.
17
u/AnotherOrneryHoliday 1d ago
I’m not sure if this is relevant or not- but some of this could be normal grieving. It makes sense that you would be sad or frustrated that this wasn’t caught and treated earlier.
And/or maybe not being on anti depressants was helping with some of your mood stuff? Glad that the diagnosis of AuDHD makes more sense, but could be something to the antidepressants too if you feel like your mood has taken a tumble.
Good luck with figuring stuff out- they say that unmasking can be rough and is a rough process, but things do settle down after you discover your new normal.
67
u/OwlLadyFace 1d ago
Have you considered getting evaluated for ASD? I know for some people getting their ADHD treated leads to the ASD being unmasked.
69
u/aanyelsewhere 1d ago
She said Audhd which is ADHD and ASD :)
64
u/OwlLadyFace 1d ago
Thank you. ADHD attention to deal not so great this afternoon
16
u/kittenpantzen 1d ago
I also missed the u in AuDHD on the first read and got halfway down the post and was like, "wait a minute.. that's autism. Like, I'm no psychiatrist, but that is very clearly autism."
30
u/Puptastical 1d ago edited 1d ago
Omg. Yes!!! I was noticing that since I have been medicated for ADHD, I’m less concerned about being weird. Idk if that makes sense, but like for example, I now have way more stims. I do this flappy thing with my hand and I used to try to hide it, but since I’ve been medicated, it’s become more prominent and I like doing it. I’m not embarrassed
7
u/Amazing-Essay7028 1d ago
I had the same experience. Diagnosed with ADHD and medicated almost yrs ago. We suspected ASD as well but my doctor wanted to see what ADHD meds would do. I feel more autistic than ever so I'm getting assessed soon lol
6
u/1newnotification 1d ago
Do you know what the relationship is there?
Like, why would being medicated for one make the other more pronounced?
9
u/Amazing-Essay7028 21h ago
I'm thinking if I have any links saved I can send you that explains this better than I can. But I'll explain my personal experience.
From what I know, it likely has something to do with how ADHD has been an asset in some ways; I'll explain.
My ADHD makes me impulsive, spontaneous, and extroverted. I'm more likely to take risks, call a friend, stream online, play games with other people, go out to eat, etc. I wasn't like this ALL the time, so I'd always just figured I was an introverted extrovert. For a while I was super into astrology and my sign is a water sign but my rising sign is a fire sign so in my mind I was like, "wow that makes total sense why I feel extroverted AND introverted". The medication lowered my impulsivity and ability to be spontaneous and "go with the flow". These were "assets" to me because when I'm feeling more extroverted I seem to be more confident and it has helped me in many ways.
All that to say, I found it much harder to mask for longer periods of time, which would require this extreme decompression and down time after, sometimes for a week or longer. A couple summer's ago I was in bed for a week decompressing after spending 3 days out of town with friends. I didn't think that was normal. I've gone the nutrition route, investigated my health issues, and am physically healthier than ever.
On the topic of nutrition, when I stopped drinking alcohol, I had the same experience with how the ADHD was helping me be more extroverted. I self-medicated for a long time and finally just had to quit. I assumed my issues like meltdowns, anxiety, moodiness, etc. were mostly caused by alcohol. All of these things got worse (except anxiety. My ADHD meds help with my anxiety).
With that being said, after medication and then again after going sober, aspects about myself that had been masked somewhat became more pronounced. I was less impulsive, less able to take risks - any risk, needing a routine, needing the same foods, avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder emerged where it was once other eating disorders (drunk me would binge eat) , needing plans set far in advance, needing to know everything about a new place and check weather before I go, being more specific about what I pack on trips (reaching meltdowns when I forget something), needing specific amounts of time to get ready and being really inflexible when plans change, less tolerant of sounds, misophonia got way worse, ability to control yelling and hitting my hand on things got worse, started talking out loud more and saying odd things, stimming more, new stimming, started making a popping noise with my mouth randomly without thinking and while not meaning to (like during a meeting), not able to mask expressions as well, I have a tick that got worse, my germaphobia worsened, started having more seizures triggered by stress, less focused on my appearance, but more uncomfortable with being perceived by other people.
That's as much as I can think of now. A cat jumped on my back patio and while I was writing this comment my cat started yowling at the other cat so I just threw my phone on the couch and now I'm back lol
4
u/1newnotification 20h ago
A cat jumped on my back patio and while I was writing this comment my cat started yowling at the other cat so I just threw my phone on the couch and now I'm back lol
This is hilarious. I'm in the middle of something right now so just skimmed this and will come back to it soon but had to comment on this 😂 ty for your insight that I'll read later! 🤩
3
u/ivefuckinggivenup 16h ago
Shit. Just to be super clear, your second to last paragraph is you describing the autism part of your audhd? I've really been struggling to figure this out for myself and that paragraph hit me hard with the number of similarities. Also would love any links if you can easily find them - I've been a bit overwhelmed trying to find resources (which feels insane to say since I've literally looked multiple times, idk what happens)!
4
u/Amazing-Essay7028 16h ago
Hey, I'm sorry you can relate. It's hard to describe and it helped me to better understand it myself by typing it oit.
Yeah the 2nd to last paragraph is describing the autism stuff that become more pronounced. I sort of feel like I evolved. I feel the spirit of my child self inside me again. I didn't for a long time. I'm more like who I was as a child before trauma and brain injuries. I've had a few near deaths and a couple brain injuries. I discussed this with my new doctor to see what she knew about it but I read that brain injuries can make autism more pronounced as well.
I'll see if I can find links. My memory is horrible right now and I'm supposed to be working on a graphic design project but I'm going to try to remember. I'll remember when I come back to Reddit haha thanks for reading
2
u/Sweaty-Peanut1 11h ago
There are just enough differences here to reassure me I didn’t get confused and forget I posted last night. Once meds removed all my ‘fun’ spontaneous, novelty seeking, extroverted traits (or more likely masking) my autism suddenly became substantially more obvious and I was diagnosed 3 years later. Sometimes I don’t even recognise who I am - particularly in reference to how desperately I needed to have friends around me all the time (couldn’t deal with boredom) but also being a good and caring friend was such a huge part of my identity and where I derived meaning in my life and now I’m just….. too exhausted.
14
u/Puptastical 1d ago
I think for me, I masked. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 57. The stress of trying to “pretend to be normal” is what finally did me in. I had come up with like a gazillion life hacks and coping mechanisms and that was exhausting me. I originally sought treatment for depression and anxiety. When those meds didn’t work….I asked if I could be worked up for ADHD cus my adult daughter had just been diagnosed. I started getting medicated for ADHD and I was able to drop all my coping mechanisms and all the stuff I did to try to make myself fit in. And once I realized it was okay to be me, and I became more relaxed, and just “behaved the way I was created to behave”. I don’t hide my stims. I have a lot of problems with socializing and reading social cues. I used to try really hard to have friends and be social and care about things other people cared about and make conversation. I thought I had to have a girl squad and go to wine o’clock somewhere. Now I just build my Lego sets and watch Motorsports. When I do socialize, I do what makes me comfortable. I can stand in the group and eat my snackies and nod my head once in awhile but I don’t feel pressured to contribute to the conversation.
2
u/whoooodatt 7h ago
i didn't think i stimmed, but last night when we were taking pictures of my dog in his birthday outfit i was flapping all over the place. he was so cute!
1
2
u/SeeingDeafanie 18h ago
Bruh I missed that too and came to comment she has a touch of ‘tism, too lol. Now it all is confirmed and makes sense. Grieving after having to had masked for so long. I get it.
1
u/OwlLadyFace 18h ago
No one warns you about skill regression that goes hand and hand w unmasking. It’s a beast of a thing
32
u/cos98 1d ago
Honestly? It sounds like your medication is not the right fit for you. I'd talk to your doctor about this and also your therapist.
14
u/tooslowtobebored 1d ago
I agree. Either wrong medication or wrong dosis.
My first medication made me feel really weird, hypernervous and anxious. Switched to another one and I'm just calmer and more focussed but else just feel like myself.
10
u/Interesting_Pause_76 1d ago
I came here to say this. Sounds like you do still have some depression symptoms, like anhedonia (not enjoying things that you used to) and hopelessness
1
13
u/AllStitchedTogether 1d ago
In my experience, it's extremely common for symptoms to become worse/more prominent after finding out that they exist! This has happened to me with several things: autism, ADHD, fibromyalgia, even ARFID! It's like your body has spent so long ignoring all of the symptoms and sensory issues that it's trying to compensate and become over aware of them.
IT DOES GET BETTER! It just unfortunately tends to get worse first while you learn your new normal. 💜
12
u/Ampenda 1d ago
I’m 5 years post-diagnosis — it gets better. You’ve spent your whole life trying to accommodate yourself without realizing that’s what you were doing. I do still wonder what my life could have been if I had an earlier diagnosis. Not even for the medication, really, (though it helps a lot), but moreso for the peace I’ve found. I’ve realized a lot of the stuff I used to blame myself for, a lot of the ways I didn’t feel good enough, none of it was “my fault”. I’ve been able in a lot of ways to move past feeling inadequate and instead focusing on how I can reshape my life to better suit the me that I actually am. I’m middle-aged, and honestly beginning to feel like I’m in my “prime” now. It took me a long time to unpack a lot of the complicated feelings I had about my pre-diagnosis self-image. And I still have to battle some of the insecurities that stem from that. But once I started to forgive my younger self and have compassion for her, and celebrated how strong she had to be to get through all that she did without the support that I have now, it’s like I gave myself permission to start a new life.
I’ve also been on anti-depressants. There isn’t really a way to know whether I ‘needed’ them or whether they were really just a way to mitigate the pain of living in a world that just isn’t built for folks with adhd. I’m only just starting to taper off of them now — so I still probably won’t know for a while. I bring this up for two reasons. One, if you’re just coming off those meds recently, that could be part of why you are feeling things as intensely as you are right now. Two, just because you have access to adhd treatment now doesn’t mean that you still wouldn’t benefit from anti-depressants. You should really really talk to your doctor about it if you haven’t already.
You’re only 44! You have a lot of good life left to live. I’m glad you are finally getting support. I’m glad you are here! Reading about what other women have gone through on this journey has been such an important part of my growth. The people in this community are incredible. You are not alone ❤️
9
u/No_Alps1349 1d ago
I feel like I could've written this, down to the denim and crisp cotton shirts. It's tough, getting to know this almost new version of ourselves while grieving what could've been. Personally I reframe it as being excited for what my future can look like now that I have the information I need to accommodate my needs, and I'm excited to get to know my true unmasked self! You're not alone❤️
8
u/censorkip 1d ago
i’m younger than you but i relate to a lot of what you’re saying. i feel like i’ve had to grieve my childhood and what could’ve been if one person just listened to me and understood me. my dad is a mental health professional and i feel let down by my parents for never getting me help or noticing anything. my mom is just now realizing that she may be neurodivergent, but any time i suggested something may be wrong with me i was just met with, “that’s normal you’re just depressed/anxious” or “you get that from your mom”. i used to have screaming meltdowns so badly that they would buckle me into my car seat in the garage so they didn’t have to hear me carry on. nobody taught me how to regulate they just shamed me for being an unregulated little kid. i learned to regulate myself with self-harmful behaviors and the core of my being is deep-rooted shame.
the worst part is that my parents are amazing and i can’t blame them truly. i struggle back and forth with wishing i could blame them for not noticing or helping me but recognizing that they didn’t have the knowledge or help for even themselves. my mom is textbook adhd, but women didn’t get diagnosed and couldn’t have it so now she’s barely realized it in her 50s. i suspect my dad may be autistic, but extremely high masking because his father died when he was very young and his mother (also likely autistic) shut down completely. i can see how they didn’t really see what was wrong with us because they didn’t know what was wrong with themselves.
i’ve come to the realization that i don’t really want kids. i’ve always said i want a little girl but i’m realizing that i just want to love myself as a child. adults in my life would tell me, “i hope you have a little girl just like you one day so you understand how difficult you are.” i want to show them how easy it was to love and understand me. if i could raise myself and be kind to her it wouldn’t change the way my life has played out. maybe all there needs to be is the knowledge that i would make a great mother along with the knowledge that i don’t have to be a mom to love myself.
5
u/kmessmerized 1d ago
I never wanted kids until years of therapy working through my mother issues. I was still undiagnosed AuDHD when I had my two girls (suspect my mom is too but extra mean & narcissistic as survival mechanism). My oldest is my mini me. You’re absolutely right that it is so easy to love her!!! I don’t always understand her, but I always do my best to be patient and support her because that’s my job as a parent, and it was all I wanted as a kid. My parents were not amazing. You don’t need kids to prove you’re an empathetic and loving person! It feels like we’re constantly helping our inner child heal as we treat others better than we were treated.
8
u/mojoburquano 1d ago
ADHD IS a disability in the factory focused world we live in. Fuck bras , and watches, and sitting still doing nothing else to signal that you’re PaYiNg aTtEnTiOn.
I’m your age. Not to pile on to the massive pile of bullshit and changes you’re wrestling with, but perimenopause is likely upon you. The change in hormone levels associated with perimenopause, and then full menopause, make a LOT of women loose their tolerances for bullshit and start prioritizing their own wants and needs in a way that they didn’t before. It also makes our adhd meds less effective.
Try as many different meds as you can, at different levels and dosing schedules. The meds that worked for me in my early 30’s stopped doing the job and I had to completely rework my regimen.
A couple of years ago I lucked into a medical provider who focuses on adhd. I strongly encourage you to seek out the best prescriber you have access to. Not necessarily a psychiatrist, but someone who understands the ADHD brain, and possibly how our changing hormones affect our medication needs.
Bless you if you’ve gotten this far. I just have to add that ADHD has some VERY common comorbidities. ASD, depression, dyslexia, and strangely narcolepsy. The more you’re able to explore your symptoms, even just for self diagnosis, the better you can parse apart what ADHD issues from other conditions. Again, fuck bras.
7
u/mmesuggia 1d ago
Girlfriend (OP) I feel you so so much. I was diagnosed just over a year ago, about 6 weeks before turning 59. Now I’m 60, with a weekly therapist, a biweekly psychologist and a monthly psychiatrist. And meds. Tweaked and futzed with, finally think we’re getting there.
I’ve been very tempted to be angry about my wasted years where I was only just holding it together. And I did allow myself a few days of being really furious about it. But…for my own sanity, I’ve had no choice but to say to myself ( with varying degrees of success) that it’s history. Can’t turn back time. Trying to be grateful that a) got my diagnosis! ( so much makes sense now) and b) I have a brilliant team of (women) mental health professionals and c) modern diagnostics and medication is getting better all the time.
3
u/Interesting_Pause_76 1d ago
Yes! We are all doing the best we are able with our skills and resources and capacity at the time! The years weren’t wasted, it is all part of our individual journeys that have brought us to this point where we are now.
And I love that you have all women providers. Fuck yes. OP, do you have a therapist? Give yourself grace, feel your feelings, embrace the present. Growth/healing/progress are not a straight line but it does not mean you aren’t headed in the right direction. Don’t waste energy wishing you weren’t where you are. There is no right or wrong, it is all your journey. Grace and peace to you OP!
6
u/PewPewSpacemanSpiff 1d ago
It's a weird thing, but once you get diagnosed it's like your brain finally gives yourself permission to feel that things bother you, rather than aggressively ignoring them in the effort to fit in.
I absolutely get the anger. Looking back it should have been obvious that I needed help as a child, but I was told to suck it up and push through. Everyone just ignored it, and turned away when I really just needed support.
It gets better. Give yourself time to breathe and reassess and recontextualize all those memories.
6
u/salientalias 1d ago
Symptoms definitely get worse when you first find out and start unmasking. And the grief is real. Also, ADHD meds tend to make the tism worse, or rather ADHD symptoms often mask autism symptoms and when the ADHD is treated the autism blooms. Especially sensory preferences, I've noticed!
6
u/Milehighboots 1d ago
I was a late diagnosis, too, and sometimes I feel so untethered and anxious because I’m not sure I ever really established who I am, but am also so assertive and self possessed that…I must have some idea? It’s extremely unnerving to grapple with this at 42.
Anyway, more of an ADHD “I’ll share with you to show you I relate and empathize” comment than anything! You’re not alone!
7
u/corey_ell 23h ago
it's so valid to feel grief over how much you struggled without support/understanding yourself! please take time and make art about that shit because it is no joke!
i feel similarly that now that i pay attention to my sensory sensitivities they seem more pronounced to me now. i think i just have less of a tolerance for putting up with it anymore and wondering why i'm exhausted later. a good thing in the long run, but frustrating nonetheless!
i also find when i take stimulant medication or drink coffee if i have too much my sensory issues get way worse.
i wish you luck in finding fun and expressive clothes that are more sensory-friendly!
you have plenty of time to bloom my friend. post-diagnosis is so full of shitty feelings that are essential to pay attention to and properly digest. EXPRESS THEM so they don't turn into bitterness. talk to loved ones about it. and after some time you'll be so happy to be able to be a much less masked version of yourself in the world! it's a beautiful thing!
5
u/powands 22h ago
There is a massive misunderstanding of what dopamine is in the general public. Some old assumptions about it form the 50s entered common usage. They’ve been corrected in research, but the public hasn’t caught up with it yet.
Dopamine is not about happiness and fulfillment. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes you pursue something. It’s present when you’re pursuing an orgasm during sex. It is not the orgasm, it is the work towards the orgasm. It’s the hunt, it is not the fulfillment of the hunt though. The fulfillment ends the dopamine cycle. Addiction may occur when that fulfillment isn’t reached or is muted. Like - you almost orgasm but don’t. You want to start working again at it. If you don’t, you feel frustrated.
5
u/zombiepeep 1d ago
I deeply relate to this. Got diagnosed at 48 with ADHD. Also have struggled with dyscalculia all my life which wasn't dx until my 20s
It's normal to be upset, angry or feel however you're feeling. I feel angry that I was basically forced to struggle and flounder around my whole ass life and not one person in my childhood or adulthood helped me.
It's exhausting. I'm really having to relearn who the hell I am and how I can function and move in the world.
Edit: spelling
5
u/ladeepervert 1d ago
Auhd lady here. I found that adding welbutrin to my regimen really helped.
2
u/Interesting_Pause_76 1d ago
I’ll be a lifer on Wellbutrin, pretty sure!
Edit to add: I love your username
6
u/MollyKule 1d ago
When I felt this anger I really let myself be angry. For me, I realized it was grief. Grief for that child who printed pages of research about “gifted girls with ADHD” and “hereditary of ADHD” in 8th grade, I remember I had to print it all in blue ink because our printer didn’t have any black left… I was told to stop being lazy and trying to make excuses while my brother was treated with kind words and support because he was a typical presentation.
I raged and cried for that young girl who hurt SO much. Who hated herself. Who believed them. I grieved that young adult who had no support, who hated herself, who had no one to support her. I hated that I had to be the one to help myself, I hated that I had to prove to everyone else what I knew in my heart, and I hated that a fucking pill changed my life overnight. I hated being broken, but you know what? After I grieved something beautiful came, I realized that I didn’t have to convince anyone. Not my parents, my husband, no one.
I don’t need closure by making my parents understand how damaged they left me. I don’t need to try and defend myself. When it came down to it, I told those in my life my truth and left it at that. My parents can come to their own conclusions, I accomplished more than I ever knew I was capable of and I know my children won’t have to beg and plead for support (only to be denied).
I’m sure my story isn’t unique, but you should give yourself space for grief. Celebrate your survival if all you see are failures and be kind to yourself.
4
u/robojod 1d ago
I notice you’re leaning into texture, as I did when I stopped having to use fashion for dopamine: perhaps you could think about replacing your wardrobe with lux silk/cashmere/cotton versions of the things you love? Hopefully you’d restore the joy, without the icky brrrr feeling you get from synthetics?
Now you’re not spending willy-nilly, hopefully you’ll find a new use for your money that serves you better? Whether that’s a pension, your education, new clothes, enjoyable experiences.
5
u/courcake 1d ago
Oh my god the sensory nightmare tidal wave that washed over me after suspecting and then getting diagnosed was out of this world uncomfortable and irritating and stressful and maddening. And surely because it was never an issue before I’m just making it up so they don’t take their diagnosis back right?
I’m here to tell you that the sensory stuff does get better over time. It flared up as if hell was trying to take over earth for like a year for me. It’s still there but so much more manageable.
You will have your time to bloom after you get through the chaos of unmasking. Taking the mask off will finally allow you to bloom. Not all plants give flowers right away ♥️
5
u/RealIndependence4882 1d ago
I totally understand how you feel. I was diagnosed at 47. We are grieving the death of who we could’ve been, the death of who we are. When the time is right we will also celebrate who we are. Also maybe check if you have perimenopause cause that makes the ADHD symptoms worse as well.
2
u/Ok_Recognition_9063 15h ago
I said the same. It makes it all so much worse. I was diagnosed at 43.
5
u/sunsetredditor 1d ago
I was diagnosed with adhd in my mid 40’s. All my life I had thought I was a broken, horrible person and felt like an imposter when people told me otherwise. I’m 64 now and still learning and feeling better about myself all the time. I mourned my younger years, but they made me who I am. I think our experiences and our perspectives make us better, more empathetic world citizens.
Take some time to feel your feels. You have earned that. But also give yourself the leeway you would give any of us here. I am rooting for you.
7
u/dead_and_bloat3d 1d ago
First of all, it could also be, in part, perimenopause. I've read that can make a lot of symptoms more pronounced.
2 years ago, at 35, the adhd in me decided I wanted to learn how to roller skate. I spent $300+ on decent skates and gear, bc I just knew this was the thing I was going to finally take seriously! And I needed the good stuff. BUT I'm also terribly uncoordinated (also prob bc adhd), and I really struggled sensory-wise with trying to understand what my body was supposed to be doing (and with the sensation of wearing skates in general). So many nice helpful people tried to explain it to me, but it wouldn't click (prob bc of the autism). After a while of not improving, I decided it was the skates. I needed different skates. Which I then bought, for another $250. Used them once. Now both pairs are sitting in the back of my closet. I couldn't really bear to face all the nice regulars at the rink who've been trying so hard with my hopeless ass. And I feel so guilty all the time about both giving up and having started and spending all that money in the first place.
Long story short, I totally empathize with you, and how adhd and autism can intersect in really complex and frustrating ways sometimes. I'm only very recently medicated for adhd, and I noticed immediately that my monotropism took on unfathomable amounts of power. And maybe if I was medicated 2 years ago, I wouldn't have been so convinced I could do something that maybe I didn't really even want to be doing.
3
u/Amazing-Essay7028 1d ago
Do you also have C-PTSD by any chance? I only ask because I sometimes do stuff like this when I'm hypomanic and then I end up regretting it. I now have to check my eyes when I'm feeling that way to make sure I'm not actually hypomanic
4
u/Interesting_Pause_76 1d ago
Genuine question, what do you mean by check your eyes to see if you are not hypomanic?
2
u/Amazing-Essay7028 16h ago
One of the common signs of hypomanic is dilated pupils, so if my eyes are dilated and I haven't recently taken my ADHD meds then that's my personal sign that I'm hypomanic. There will be other signs as well but I started doing that to check myself because of one day I was recording myself trying to speak in an Australian accent. A few minutes in it dawned on me that I might be hypomanic so I flipped the camera around and saw my eyes were super dilated. After that I researched physical symptoms of hypomania caused by C-PTSD and it was exactly what I experience. MY psychiatrist told me about that when I was diagnosed with C-PTSD.
3
u/Vegetable_Stuff1850 ADHD-C 1d ago
I highly recommend watching this video.
Everyone has said everything else I was going to. You're not alone and it sucks. Knowing you're not alone with it doesn't make it suck less, just feel less lonely. Which is good, because feeling lonely on top of sucking is exponentially worse.
5
u/salamat_engot 1d ago
I'm also going through a selling/donation purge right now. One thing that really opened my eyes was having to move. I realized that I was spending so much money moving all this stuff in addition to the money I spent on it only to not enjoy it. That cost sunk fallacy realization has been a big turning point for me.
4
u/electric29 1d ago
I have been far too spendy for five years and now have stuff and no money, and have to do an international move. So if I ever get two minutes to rub together, I have to shed 50% of my stuff.
2
2
u/g4_ 1d ago
OP, you have every right to mourn lost time. i relate with you on that more than you can know for several reasons.
at 44, you still have so much life left to live! and clearly just from this small window you have given me into your soul, you're worth it. i know it's hard to believe that from a random stranger online, and you see all of your perceived flaws every day and have to live with them. so let me say a few things.
you are still learning new things at age 44. you are a keeper. you are extremely, maybe TOO self-aware. you have the best husband and dog, two things that do not happen to repulsive people.
whatever your reasons have been for masking and trying to conform, well, it's understandable. this world wasn't built for people like us, but we are here anyways and we aren't going anywhere.
i've been getting back into practicing my songwriting, and quite literally this week finished making this song about why i love women (i'm gay) and how they age like fine wine. i'm not trying to pick you up but it sounds like in an alternate timeline, this song could be written about you
you can't taste a finely aged wine unless you keep the cork on long enough. then, when you finally open that bottle, it was worth the wait
i am sure everyone who knows you and loves you will tell you that you deserve to let the world have a taste of your true self. you go, girl!
2
u/sheepnwolf89 1d ago
Omg this is so similar to how I feel? Like who I even? I've evolved, but I don't know into what? What are my interests? What is even going on?? Ugh 😞
2
2
u/Un_controllably 20h ago
I could've written this. I feel the same way. Sending you hugs, this feeling shall pass someday ❤️
2
u/Ok_Recognition_9063 15h ago
One word: perimenopause. It makes the bad bits of our neurodiversity so much worse. It’s really tough but I suspect that’s what has happened. I’m there too Xx
3
u/Party_Revolution_194 1h ago
Being diagnosed later in life is a serious grieving process. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 28 (I suspect autism as well but I qualify for German citizenship so I'll never get tested), I'm now 33, and the grief still hits me sometimes. It is so hard not to get lost in the "what ifs" when looking back on a childhood and coming-of-age in which you felt like everyone else was running and you were wading through clear jell-o.
And then unmasking is a whole other grieving process. It is experiencing the loss of who you thought you were/could be. Be gentle with yourself, welcome her with the tenderness with which you'd treat a new friend going through a tough time. Listen to what she needs and give her the grace she deserves.
You're not alone in this. It sucks, but there are others who can say "yeah, it sucks" and then sit quietly with you in that. You've found some of us here. Maybe see about finding some (or more) in real life? What saved me was slowly but surely adding neurodivergent friends to my reluctant little pack of lone wolves.
1
u/GallowayNelson 1h ago
Can I ask why you won’t get tested based on the German citizenship aspect? I also qualify for citizenship (not sure I’ll ever get it bc of paperwork I’m struggling to get), and also not currently getting tested, and was just wondering your reasons if you felt like sharing that.
You’re definitely right on the grieving process though. It’s rough tbh.
1
u/Gloriathewitch 1d ago
i just want to chime in and say you are not broken you are beautiful and unique, it's society that is broken because it won't accomodate people who are different
1
1
u/Kreativecolors 1d ago
Sounds like you have gone through some phases and that’s ok! There is a picture book, with little blurbs, called “A Glorious Freedom, older women living extrodianry lives” and I enjoy flipping through it. I don’t have auadhd experience, just adhd, and I’m trying to lean into the positives and reframe my thinking- yes, it can be an absolute disaster, but I’ve been listening to adhd for smart ass women and leaning into the things that resonate. Professionally, i don’t feel successful and have spent the majority of past decade being primary parent/home maker, but before that i be bopped around the world, and didn’t really establish a lucrative career. Thankfully we are doing fine thanks to my partner. I am currently reading “the mountain is you” and “pivot year”- I’m sure parts of it will trigger my ND, but I am hoping to take parts of it find my next path. I love gardening and art, and maybe that will turn into something that gives me job satisfaction. I’m just trying to follow my color.
ETA: love the moss analogy! I do lots of reiki, connect with earth, and it just totally resonates
1
u/meganiumu 1d ago
Just here to say, I feel you my friend. Good luck on with it all! People seem to manage to figure things out, I'm sure we will too.
1
u/Xanavaris 14h ago
Getting a diagnosis is just a step on a journey. And you are going to have some stressful and difficult feelings after a diagnosis. Some of it might be a level of unmasking because you suddenly feel deep down that you have permission to be yourself for the first time. And of course you will have grief and anger about all the wasted years. I still do.
Also it is not uncommon for neurodivergents to have actually developed genuine depression and anxiety because life has been such a struggle in a world where NDs are constantly put down and can’t fit in!
It wouldn’t be a terrible idea to get some counselling/therapy to help you work through these feelings. From experience it helps a lot (if you can find the right person to help you).
1
u/Pinkiepiefish 12h ago
Your experience sounds a lot like mine, I’m also Adhd. When I first started on adhd medication, my mother noticed that a lot of my behaviours that I had, as a kid/teen where reapearing, so that made her question if the medication was helping. What both my mother and I learned, was that the medication was helping with my adhd.
However that ment my autisme got to be front and center, so all the tings I had learned to hide and suppress from childhood and my teenage years, started to be visable again. So it did look like I had lost some skills (social) and was way more sensitive to a lot of things, like noice and fabrics (people😅).
I appear a lot more autistic now, also cuz all of the coping skills I had learned, in my than 34 years where for unmedicated adhd. I had not learned any coping skills, that matched how I was now.
It is hard, to not have any coping skills and be an adult, that ofc gets judged based on my age u know🤷🏻♀️ I am 37 years now, and yeah Im still way more autistic presenting (that might also be cuz I notice the autism now), and there are areas of my life that are harder now, I try to focus on the areas that have gotten better.
I also had a period, where I kinda felt like I did not know my self. What helped me, was finding the things that where still the same, like I have always loved the sims and reading books as interests, and what personality traits where still the same.
-3
u/jensmith20055002 1d ago
Well that’s just bullshit!
5
u/jensmith20055002 1d ago
Sorry to be blunt. And sorry that you weren’t you.
You are allowed to sit in the pity pot for a short while. Wallow around in there. Cry. Mourn. Then get out because your life is pretty good.
Maybe you had so many careers because you are a multipotentialite https://www.ted.com/talks/emilie_wapnick_why_some_of_us_don_t_have_one_true_calling/transcript
The experiences that you have had make you who you are and we here at adhd women love who you are.
Marie Kondo what no longer gives you joy and thank each item as you give it away.
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community rules.
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to send us a modmail. Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.