r/adhdwomen • u/h-h-c • 21h ago
Diagnosis My adult diagnosis led to my mom getting diagnosed at 70.
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 21h ago
I wish my mom would listen to me about getting diagnosed herself. Literally see her struggling ALL the time but according to her there is no way she has it 😑
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u/jensmith20055002 20h ago
My mom vacillates between “I do not have ADHD” and “ummmm I love my ADHD it is what makes me so fun!”
Well the emotional dysregulation and stimming by constantly touching my arm to make sure I’m listening and repetitive out loud anxiety processing is hard on the rest of us.
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 19h ago
Oof I can only imagine how bad that all is. I'm sure it severely overstimulates the rest of you. My mom for the longest time kept telling me I didn't have ADHD even though I was diagnosed by my doctor. Once she heard how much my medication was helping me, she finally realized I was right. Made me super hopeful she'd go for herself at that point but nope
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u/zitpop 11h ago
Omg thanks for giving me language to describe out loud anxiety processing!
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u/VandeFan1 7h ago
Agree!!! My mom has done this for the last few years. I could tell it had something to do with things she was anxious about, and she was struggling to understand/retain. Since starting the process of getting my own dx I’ve become more confident Mom has ADHD, too. Trying to get the neuropsych test lined up with her. I think her doctor is getting the picture too.
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u/braingoesblank 19h ago
I recently told my dad I thought my mom was autistic and he said, "yeah... I think so too. But also I think I am on the spectrum, too. But we can't tell her. She'll never listen."
So me and my twin sister (AuDHD, ADHD is definitely from our dad) just send her relatable memes and reels via Instagram to gently guide her towards her own conclusions 😂
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 19h ago
That is hilarious. Especially if she's like "omg I totally relate to that" and you can be like "yeah I'm sure, it's someone who has ADHD..." I'm glad your dad notices it and agrees with you, especially since he also has it. One of those takes one to know one situations 🤣
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u/braingoesblank 19h ago
It's even funnier when she sends us ADHD/autistic coded memes and doesn't realize it's coming from an ADHD page. Like we're changing her algorithm 🤭🫡😂
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 18h ago
Haha omg that is epic. Soon that's all she'll see and maybe by then she'll believe you all 🤣
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u/auntie_eggma 20h ago
Same. I've been gently/humourously pointing some things out here and there but I'm not pushing. She's 75 and not really super open to the possibility. She hasn't even fully accepted my own diagnoses.
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 19h ago
Sounds about right. There is no way you can be ADHD even though I'm sure you clearly were showing signs lol. I've slowly been trying to point things out to my mom too but she's soooo stubborn. Acts like it's basically a cancer diagnosis or something. I don't blame you for not wanting to push at that age but regardless I'm sure it helps you feel a little better that you can point out a few things at least
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u/kewlausgirl 12h ago
I told my Psychologist about my parents. That are very opinionated and had a hard time accepting my ADHD diagnosis at first. Then my ASD diagnosis was even harder to accept.
I told her I'm not sure about my Dad but I do wonder if he has ADHD. However, my Mum definitely has Autism as she is like a more extreme version of myself lol. It's even harder when you know it comes from a place of care, but it can be very harsh and judgmental.
My Psychologist just had a little bit of a knowing smile and told me that boomers are one of the least emotionally stable generations. And the most stubborn. And that she could imagine just how hard it must have been for me as a child growing up, undiagnosed and unsupported. To now.
It kind of made me realise that man if she says this then there is no hope in ever changing them and convincing them to get a diagnosis lol. Everything always applies to other people but never to them lol. There's no hope there. And they will still struggle but will just continue to think it's everyone else and not them.
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u/h-h-c 9h ago
It took me about 4 years to get diagnosed and prescribed meds after I first suspected I had ADHD. I think for the first year she was confused that I thought I had it. For the next 2 years she slowly accepted that I had it.
Just in the last year she started asking me "Is that ADHD?" about herself. Like, "I could never have a normal job because I couldn't sit through a meeting" or how it feels like her brain "shuts off" when something isn't interesting.
I suggested she tell her doctor that 2 of her 4 kids are diagnosed (the other 2 probably have it as well), and fortunately her doctor was very receptive. One of the good things about getting diagnosed as a senior is that people are less suspicious you're just looking for drugs.
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 5h ago
That does make a lot of sense. I'm the same way on not knowing about my dad because he's basically out of the picture but based on conversations with my mom and grandma he has some sort of form of ADHD or autism for sure, probably even a mix of both. My mom is definitely one of those "everyone else is the problem" or causes the problems. Can never be her. Sadly I was always the one blamed for EVERYTHING growing up so I'm a big apologizer even when I wasn't involved. When I first was diagnosed and my mom told me that I couldn't have ADHD I seriously almost believed her because how could my mom lie to me right? It's been a big mess but I'm so grateful for my supportive husband, groups like this that get it, and the doctor who heard me out and diagnosed me properly.
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u/jensmith20055002 20h ago
My mom vacillates between “I do not have ADHD” and “ummmm I love my ADHD it is what makes me so fun!”
Well the emotional dysregulation and stimming by constantly touching my arm to make sure I’m listening and repetitive out loud anxiety processing is hard on the rest of us.
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u/Away_Comfortable3131 3h ago
Mine denied it for years and is now stuck on 'meds are unhealthy and have side effects'. But that's a trade off for not being able to function in daily life. Every time I call her it's 'I need to get up and get organized...'
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u/Enough-Walrus2622 2h ago
My mom was that way basically my whole life so I was always trying to avoid any medication. After I was diagnosed I decided some/most medications are necessary especially with how well it helps me function in every day life. Yes medication can have some side effects but definitely on the same page as you, if it helps in other ways that are necessary I'll deal with it lol. Oof yeah she totally needs to get over the medication part of it and start living
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u/Apprehensive-Pear484 21h ago
It’s good to see a mom willing to consider the possibility for her own health
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u/problematictactic 20h ago
My mom in her 50s was listening to my symptoms like 👀
I feel like almost everyone in my family has it though and never knew hahaha we're all different flavours of not quite managing.
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u/h-h-c 8h ago
This is my family 100%. Both of my parents have it and all 3 of my brothers. Those of us who are putting in the work of self-examination and treatment are making a lot of (slow) progress. My 2 brothers with their head in the sand have been stagnant for over 10 years. It's hard to watch. Some people would rather fail alone than succeed with help.
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u/DreamCrusher914 19h ago
Hell yeah!! I wish my mom was still alive to be properly diagnosed and medicated so that we could have had a chance at a healthy relationship. I really think her life would have been completely different had she had a proper diagnosis and treatment. Generations of women have been fighting life with their hands tied behind their back from lack of diagnosis or misdiagnosis alone.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_1379 13h ago
I grieve for all those women who struggled their entire life.
Give you're mom a big hug from me.
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u/h-h-c 8h ago
I wish I could, she lives on the other side of the country 😭
But we talk almost every day, and it's so wonderful to hear the energy in her voice. She often ends our conversations with, "I think I'm going to go, because I feel like I can do my exercises (or clean the bathroom) right now. It usually takes me all day to get myself to do that!"
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u/Dulcette 5h ago
Me, unmedicated, reading this as I contemplate when I'll actually get up and clean the bathroom. 😭
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u/Unknown_990 Diagnosed ADHD- C. 13h ago edited 13h ago
Yeah, my mom denies everything, shes toxic with narcissist tendencies. I'd love to just be able to talk to her without it being some sort of argument or putting me down somehow. Yours sounds wonderful.
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u/h-h-c 8h ago
I'm so sorry.
It took a lot of time to be able to talk to her about my childhood ADHD symptoms without her reacting like I was criticizing how she raised me.
Eventually I told her that I needed her help to remember things about myself as a kid, but I promised it wasn't a criticism because no one would have diagnosed me back then. In the 90's ADHD was almost exclusively diagnosed in boys with behavioral issues. That made a huge difference in her willingness to talk about it.
But she is in no way a toxic narcissist, so that makes progress possible. I spent 10 years married to a narcissist. I once read that one of the reasons narcissists can't grow is they think if anything could help them, they would have done it already themselves. Which certainly rang true to me.
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u/lemontreelila 11h ago
That’s really lovely that she’s so open-minded. I’ve found things quite different with my own mum. We were incredibly close when I was growing up, but since becoming a mum myself, she’s become quite distant—which isn’t how I imagined things would be.
These days, she’s very anxious and mostly just wants to be with my dad. She keeps to herself, does little projects around the house, and avoids socialising altogether. Sometimes she won’t even look me in the eye, and when I bring up how distant things feel, she brushes it off with, “That’s just what happens when kids get older,” which doesn’t really make sense to me.
I’m almost certain she has ADHD—her patterns are so clear—but she’d never admit to struggling with anxiety, let alone consider something like ADHD. Not even mildl
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u/GenXMillenial 19h ago
My teen was diagnosed last Fall, mine came a few months later. Now, I’m getting my younger child tested, he has so many matching behaviors.
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u/Lower_Pepper1960 9h ago
It makes my heart melt to know that after all this time she finally has a way to cope with it !
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u/KickFancy 🦄 ADHD-PI + PMDD🦄 19h ago
100% sure my mom has it, because both my sister and I have it. What is the treatment for people who are elderly?
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u/h-h-c 18h ago
Same as everybody else. You have to watch out for drug interactions, but that's also true for everybody else.
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u/KickFancy 🦄 ADHD-PI + PMDD🦄 12h ago
That was my first thought because they usually take multiple medications (polypharmacy). I would also think possibly non stimulant medication to treat because of possible heart issues (or interactions with heart medications).
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u/ChaoticBiGirl 20h ago
My mom is in her 60s. I haven't been diagnosed and neither has she but my God we definitely both have it 😅
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u/Kreativecolors 13h ago
She was able to get a stim?? My MIL was just diagnosed (no shock there) and is over 70 and they won’t give a stim.
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u/Dark_Wing_34 8h ago
I'm positive my mom has it as well, but I haven't really pushed to point it out to her mostly because hers is not as debilitating as mine.
Her term for how she gets distracted is "squirrel syndrome".
For those who don't understand, think Doug from Up. SQUIRELL!
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u/AveryDuchemansWife 7h ago
Fantastic sense of humor! Congrats!! My mom got diagnosed after she realized a lot of the ADHD kids she works with (as a teacher) had really relatable problems. My brother and I (both adults) got diagnosed shortly after!
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u/TinyRose20 5h ago
Jealous. I'm diagnosed but in the country i live in they won't medicate adults with ADHD. Fucking sucks...
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u/TrebleMajor 4h ago
Lol my adult diagnosis led to my dad and two of my sisters also getting diagnosed. It explained so much for all of us haha
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u/fig_big_fig 2h ago
Oooh. I have a question!
So, my dad is in his 50s… He definitely has ADHD too. He is ok with my choice of getting diagnosed and medicated. He was a bit sceptical of the meds at first but, after observing me,looks like his ideas changed. I actually think that he would benefit a lot from it. He is actually struggling often. He has many tactics he created for himself that keeps him on the track tho.
Still, he goes with “I spent my life like this, I am ok”. So…
How did you talk about it with your mom? How did she react? Did you have to convince her or have a talk or did she jump into it?
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u/mckenz22 1h ago
Same here! But my mom refuses to medicate for it because….well, she takes medical advice from her chiropractor😭
The one day she took an Adderall she was a completely different person: pleasant, actually listened to me when I was talking to her, offered to help me with something, didn’t need a nap, wasn’t complaining about her health, etc. She later told me she had taken a pill that day! Made me kinda sad to think that’s how she could always be. 😔 Getting diagnosed later in life comes with a lot of “what ifs” that are hard to swallow.
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