r/adhdwomen • u/Flat_Distribution818 • 1d ago
General Question/Discussion What calming tools and techniques have actually worked for you as an ADHD adult?
I’ve tried a lot of tools over the years to manage overwhelm and emotional dysregulation — from breathwork and mindfulness to nervous system resets. Some really helped, some didn't. Lately, I’ve been focusing on simple, body-based practices that feel more ADHD-friendly — and they’ve helped a lot. But I’m still curious:
What’s actually worked for you in a real, lasting way? What didn't work and why? And what tends to get in the way of using the things you know are helpful?
Would love to hear your experience — I think we can learn something from each other here.
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u/ystavallinen ADHD likely AuDHD | agender 1d ago
When I was living my best life....
- 35-minute walking commute to work.
- Zero work from Friday dinner to Sunday night.
- Two activity clubs with large groups of friends
I was doing my very best back then.
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u/icey-queen 5h ago
what happened that made you change?
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u/ystavallinen ADHD likely AuDHD | agender 5h ago
It was structural. I was in grad school. Life was smaller.
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u/Sheslikeamom 1d ago
Taking a few deep breaths.
Shaking my body and jumping a little.
Doing a supported hand stand. I did one after a phone call with a nasty customer rattled me and it instantly relieved a lot of anxiety.
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u/Flat_Distribution818 6h ago
Shaking and jumping works really well for me as well. Will def. try the handstand!
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u/Silent_Medicine1798 22h ago
I have an imaginary hedgehog named Frank. He represents my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. He was born prickly, and when I am overwhelmed (ie, dopamine depleted) he will absolutely bristle with spears, and flags and sirens- all trying to draw attention to these anxious/intrusive thoughts.
When I am having a meltdown - like today - I acknowledge Frank in a neutral/friendly manner. ‘Oh, Frank, you’re back. You are extra prickly today, aren’t you? Well, come in then, hop in my pocket and we’ll be off.’
That allows me to acknowledge the thought and view it mindfully, even if it is the most powerful, alarming thought ever. At the end of the day it is just a hedgehog gnashing its teeth and making a ton of noise, but it is just a hedgehog.
You get the idea.
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u/Flat_Distribution818 6h ago
That’s so creative! Do you have Frank since you were a kid or did you create him later on on live? It sounds like a very useful tool to distance from one’s thoughts.
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u/Silent_Medicine1798 6h ago
Thanks! Actually, Frank is new. I got to researching how dopamine impacts (or causes) anxious and intrusive thoughts. It breaks down like this:
- a bad thought comes up, this happens constantly to everyone (‘what if I accidentally dropped the baby’), but in a normal environment your brain attaches no urgency or importance to that thought, and the thought slips on by without a big issue.
- dopamine is what causes urgency and importance to be attached to a thought. It can be visualized as flags and sirens attached to the thought drawing our attention. In our dysfunctioning brain, too much dopamine is attached to this bad thought. So flags and sirens and flashing lights are attached to a thought that should have none of those.
- the only way to really undo that inappropriate flagging is to get used to it. Like if a fire truck goes racing by your house every day - perhaps the first day you are really worked up, but after a while you realize that the truck is not for you and you can just ignore it. Same thing with those thoughts that have dopamine flags inappropriately placed.
So I had to work out a visual of something that was NOT threatening - but that could also match the urgency and discomfort of the moment and Frank the hedgehog was where I arrived.
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u/marthachx 1d ago
Heavy blanket/lap pad, a fun visual timer, good earplugs in every bag and every room (all for over stimulation)
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u/Wild_Efficiency_4307 1d ago
Noise cancelling ear buds
Rosebud jounaling app (used >3x/day)
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u/Euphoric_Beautiful 21h ago
Second this ^ Didn't realize how much the noise around me affected how overwhelmed I got in public until I got noise cancelling airpods hahaaa
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u/divegirl88 20h ago
I work in a secure building so I can't wear any kind of Bluetooth kind of actual ear plugs that connect to a device... Do you have ear plugs that are just like noise ear plugs that aren't actually connected to a device? Like I'm thinking ones that are for light construction workers or something? LOL
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u/GenXMillenial 1d ago
EFT tapping, meditation daily, social time in moderation with people I like, cooking when I have the time and no rush etc..
I have started to really evaluate my life since diagnosis a few weeks ago. I started dropping what I don’t truly enjoy like I don’t attend PTO meetings anymore, I communicate openly when I need help now to my teen and my husband and I sought work accommodations.
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u/divegirl88 20h ago
My ADHD therapist and I are starting to explore EFT tapping in a couple different modalities within that. We started with some meditation and I found that I didn't really like the like five senses meditation because while I could sit through it I didn't really find a benefit in that kind of a trying to connect with my body and five senses but I do find an almost instant benefit in the connection I get through EFT and so we're exploring that and the phrasing and intention that I use in the moment or even at the end of the day to kind of shut down the stress and overload that I get from my highly functioning executive job.
Is there a specific routine of EFT that you have found most beneficial?
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u/GenXMillenial 20h ago
I used Brad Yates EFT videos on YouTube. I discovered that long before my diagnosis. I used it for emotional regulation, preparing for interviews (which worked!) and calming down and focus (which I laugh about now that I have medication).
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u/Whole-Wrangler-702 1d ago
Weed. Don’t tell my psychiatrist. I don’t use it all the time and I definitely don’t use it during my workday, but when I need to chill in a hurry, it works better than anything else.
I will also remove my self from the room if a conversation is escalating to an argument, and I will do some deep breathing and play a few games on my phone until I have settled again.
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u/Flat_Distribution818 6h ago
Tbh I am jealous. A couple of years ago weed used to work very well for me. But then one day anxiety kicked in and now I feel terrible if I just smoke one puff.
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u/Runner_highs 1d ago
What has kept me sane the last week was going out on a run (also a walk helps, just going outside and exercising), or pink noise on noise cancelling over ear headphones with a timer set for a couple of minutes and eyes closed. That’s my version of meditation, otherwise my brain is just running in circles.
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u/divegirl88 20h ago
What is pink noise?
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u/Runner_highs 17h ago edited 17h ago
It sounds a bit like a waterfall and I find it less aggressive than white noise. You find various apps with the sound and also videos on YouTube to listen to it. For me it has really been a game changer.
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u/divegirl88 17h ago
I also listen to solfeggio frequencies before bed sometimes so I'm curious if there's an intersection with colors of noise
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u/bjorkhage 1d ago
I use ear buds to take the edge off noise. Deep breaths. Meditation apps with guided meditations.
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u/Scroollee 23h ago edited 23h ago
A little bit unconventional but at night I sometimes daydream about all the worst people in the world getting what they deserve… you know, the Trumps, Bezos and Musks of the world, the narcissistic oligarchs, the selfish multimillionaires , the rasists, the fascists, the religious fanatics, as well as all the murderers and rapists and warmongering people, the thugs and bullies and all the bad seeds of earth… unbelievable soothing.
But since I’m against the death penalty I sometimes struggle with the logistics of it all and end up being an involuntary dictator that incarcerates everyone where they need to undergo extensive education about you know, ecology and global warming and human rights and how to be a kind and decent human being as they have to struggle to make their ends meet and have to do shitty labor … all to get the insights of how it is to live at the bottom and being stripped of everything. If they actually do learn and show progress, they might be introduced to the world again.
And the rest of us just living in a perfect world where everybody takes care of everybody and equality for real, you know. A world without money and useless things where everyone instead strives to learn and have a real social and intellectual evolution together. Where creativity is encouraged and where we’re living symbiotically with the rest of the worlds creatures.
Maybe not for everyone. 🤷🏻♀️ it calms me though 🫠
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u/scatterbrainedsister 1d ago
- Breathing & exhaling deeply (sometimes while rocking back & forth)
- Letting those around me know I’m overstimulated so they can adjust (partner or family, not just random people in the vicinity lol)
- over ear headphones
- nature that overwhelms me, ik it may sound weird, but for example going to the beach is extremely calming, I even listen to ocean and thunderstorms before bed (brown noise helps adhd)
That’s everything just off the top of my head… oh & maybe a quarter of a blunt lol, definitely don’t need that much to help
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u/riverbird303 1d ago
music is my savior. noise canceling headphones. in ear and over ear. wired & wireless hidden everywhere so I don’t lose em. I made a playlist of my favorite calming songs to help ground me and get me to breathe. Stuff like Calm Yourself Down by Jason Wade Tam or Be Where You Are by Birdtalker. It kinda forces me to take a minute and shut out the world.
Cannabis also helps physically relax my muscles and slow my brain but comments were deleted for suggesting that on r/adhd and some strains can make people anxious so ymmv
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u/BitterBloodedDemon 22h ago
Chamomile tea.
And while I wait for that to kick in, panicked distraction scrolling.
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u/Single_Calendar9032 22h ago
Breathing exercises and using ear inserts (Loop or Flare are good products on the market)
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u/ContemplativeKnitter 1d ago
I do find that breathwork helps, especially a technique that Headspace calls “noting.” It’s about sitting with your negative emotion, not getting rid of it (which would definitely be my preference! But since I can’t figure out how to do that, I’ve tried the breathwork). I do find that I have to practice really regularly for it to help, though.
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u/Tacox706 22h ago
Long term stuff that just helps overall is exercise for me. It took a decade for the habit to stick but moving my body has been huge for regulation overall. Bullet journal is also a must. I do not do anything artsy. It is pretty basic but the only thing that keeps my life together. I use it for work, personal and just tracking things about my health.
Short term/emergency: ICE! I NEED to cool my body down, even if it is uncomfortable. Making myself cold just sort of turns things off for my brain so I have enough time to gain control again and start to regulate. So that is ice pack right on my skin, for example. Anything to just regulate my temperature.
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u/Naive-Truck2506 23h ago
I've had many periods when exercise, particularly yoga, was very helpful- but eventually (after many months or even years), it disappears from my life for the most part. Until my ADHD brain has been removed from it for enough time that it seems shiny and new again and I get back into it. A continuous yet inconsistent cycle.
I have found listening to various hz frequencies has been effective to some degree lately.
The most overall effective and consistent strategy that doesn't include meds has probably been learning how to say no and limiting my tendency to overcommit. I have to very consciously remind myself that, even though it seems like a great idea right now, I most likely will not feel that way in the future. And, I have had to learn how to resist the urge to say yes to things I don't want to do/am not capable of doing just because I want to please others. In a similar fashion, I have also learned how to avoid negative self talk (to some degree) and give myself grace when I have things to do but no gas in the tank. Rather than continuing to push through and ending up frustrated and overwhelmed (which generally results in major executive dysfunction and jumping from task to task without finishing anything), I try to give myself space to take breaks and/or rest and come back to it. I have found these strategies make me more productive overall and lead to less burnout and feeling like I am constantly ten steps behind.
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u/BreeLenny 22h ago
Alternate nostril breathing is the only thing I’ve tried that I’ve actually stuck with. Doing that can calm me down in just a couple minutes.
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u/Flat_Distribution818 6h ago
I love alternate nostril breathing! Have you tried the physiological sigh? Works really well for me too
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u/justagyrl022 22h ago
Self Talk- I use self talk A LOT. It's probably my most saving strategy. I have some things I say to myself in certain situations kind of like a mantra. Otherwise idk I just kind of talk to myself.
Get up and move helps especially if I go outside.
I used to listen to a lot of adhd podcasts. Kind of inundated myself with the topic until some things just sank in and became part of me.
Self care. If I don't get time to myself I find myself getting pretty edgy and agitated.
Music.
Care less. Truly I try not to care as much. It's exhausting.
Honestly learning a lot about it has probably helped the most.
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u/Dogs-sea-cycling 21h ago
My weighted blanket helps every time if I'm extra worked up.
On the regular - getting to spend time in my craft room. Lots of natural light. Tons of windows, and all my stuff.
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u/Flat_Distribution818 6h ago
I was thinking about getting a weighted blanket so many times, but was never sure. Now you gave me just the inspiration I needed to buy
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u/Dogs-sea-cycling 1h ago
Do itttt! You won't regret it. I love mine so much. I sleep with it and when I don't have it I don't sleep as well. I want a lap version for the living room
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u/anonymous_owlbear 1d ago
Exercise, soften soothe allow, medication, sleep routine
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u/snoozles9 ADHD-C 23h ago
Soften soothe allow??
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u/anonymous_owlbear 23h ago
This is the one I learned in therapy https://self-compassion.org/practices/soften-soothe-allow-working-with-difficult-emotions/
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u/doctorace AuDHD-PI 23h ago
Deep stretching and deep tissue massage. I have a mechanical neck massager, an S hook for back knots, and a roller ball for my legs. I like to focus on stretching my lower back and hip flexors.
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u/Pink_Floyd29 23h ago
Long slow walks with my dog, bilateral audio stimulation, my patio swing. And nothing snaps me out of an emotional meltdown more effectively than jumping in a cold pool/shower.
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u/ApoideasTibias 22h ago
Daily early morning treadmill walk while getting an hour of my work day out of the way. I get up, brush my teeth, make a smoothie and unload the dishes, then head up for one hour on the treadmill. Every single day I do this is a better day than the times I don’t.
Generally- if I’m bordering a meltdown or depressive state, again walking on the treadmill solves it. I bring up a HUGE ice water and listen to my favorite music loud in headphones and hold onto dumbbells. It gets all the rage/sadness out in one energy dump.
I can’t run or jump because of my rheumatoid arthritis and this low impact version of cardio REALLY helps.
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u/sojayn 20h ago
Pre-diagnosis i got into proper zen meditation for years. Sat with a group, did retreats, had a service role.
It was 7 years in and a teacher said “i don’t know why its so hard for you” and i crumbled.
Then discovered trauma informed mindfulness, which is not just for traumatised people. It’s the step before the “just focus on your breath” that is the standard instruction.
I ended up getting this book and then during covid i did the full zoom course. It was a radical change in understanding my body brain connection.
Of course i got diagnosed and medicated.
Then i went on a retreat where on of the zen teachers is a doctor. We did an experiment where i had med free first few days, then i had an instant release ritalin.
It was incredible. To finally actually be able to chose which thought to focus on. Unforgettable.
This is the book i used. If it is too expensive he has a lot online for free and you can email if you have hardship. He figured this out by doing meditation in prison and with studies at maybe harvard irrc
All the best, be gentle on yourself, you are trying to climb the stairs without the right aides
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u/Jadds1874 20h ago
Journalling - even if it means just grabbing a scrap of paper at work and writing out what's going on/my thoughts
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u/PhilosophyWeekly3356 15h ago
cardo exercise and walking/hiking in nature, turning off devices, limiting alcohol and getting enough sleep.
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