English isn't my first language, but when I switch to it I can talk much more open.

For me masking has become a somewhat involuntary thing. But I have noticed It becomes way easier to break free from it by speaking in another language when I want to show my true self. The difficult part now is to say "hey this might sound weird, but could we maybe switch to [insert other language], I'dfeel more comfortable with for sharing certain things."

I wanted to share this and maybe find out whether this is a common thing.

those enlightened geniuses who one day saw a blurry YouTube video and decided they knew more than decades of scientific research. But what turns my stomach the most is how they use autism as their trump card of terror: "Don't vaccinate your child, or they'll end up autistic!" As if that were worse than, I don't know... a real disease that can kill you. Of course, because for them, being autistic is so terrible that they'd rather risk measles outbreaks. Such impeccable logic, huh? Thank you for making it clear that for you, our existence is your worst nightmare. Seriously, what a compliment. They don't care about science, or public health, or respect. They care about having an excuse to feel special and rebellious while they throw us under the bus as if we were a medical error instead of people with courage and dignity. But hey, what can you expect from people who believe Bill Gates wants to put chips in our blood? With that level of critical thinking, it's no surprise that they don't understand autism. The sad thing is the damage they do along the way.

Hi all,

I am going through an ASD diagnosis, and apparently it’s likely I have it (haven’t got the official outcome till next week though)

I am wondering how do you guys tell if/how you are masking? From when I was a teenager I really started trying to pay attention to how people reacted to me, rehearsed different lines for making small talk, pushed through the discomfort of hugging people and did a lot of work on trying to act normal.

It’s been about 15 years since I started this process, and after a lot of trial and error - it has gradually become second nature to me. I also worked in customer service for many years which helped ingrain those habits more strongly.

I think it helps me out in the world, but I’m not really sure if (or when) I am masking, and not sure how to stop.

Likewise I feel like I changed my personality to try and fit in a long time ago, and I’m not sure if I am my natural self or acting out a mask in many circumstances.

Any suggestions? Cheers!

I'm a 31 year old man with my own home and a middling professional career. I live in one of the safest and most prosperous countries in the world. In so many ways I'm very lucky and have come so far and achieved so much.

I still feel like I'm crippled by shame and embarrassment for the way that I am. I'll say something weird or do something stupid and people will look at me like I'm subhuman and I just want to crawl into myself and never talk to anyone ever again. It's like all my friends secretly know this about me and only indulge my stupid self out of pity. No one reaches out of their own accord and asks how I am. I guess I shut people off and enjoy my own company because of this. A viscous cycle.

I've realised that carrying this around has taken a profound toll. I think maybe people look at me and know that I'm not ok. I try and smile, I try to be nice, but I feel like they can smell the depression leaking out of me. No one wants to talk to a missery guts. I came to this realisation after seeing my psychologist and it was a bit of a revelation.

The worst part is that the one person who did care about me. Who wanted to grow old with me, has left, because I drove her away. She adored me and only wanted to spend time with me and it wasn't good enough. I was grumpy and short with her for no god damned reason. We're still friends but now she's gone and I am alone. I think I may have made a terrible mistake.

And nothing stops, I've got to go to work and put in my hours and try to be worth something at my workplace were no one talks to me or notices me. I've got to try and arrange renovations for my unit and a million other things. I feel like I'm coming apart, imploding, and there's no rest breaks from the forever responsibilities. I just wish this shit wasn't so damned hard all the time. I just wish that I was enough. I wish that people would see me and treat me like a human.

And everywhere I look, things just seem to be bad and forever getting worse.

I'm just so fucking tired...

I recently found out that my ex got married, and it caught me off guard how much it affected me. The thing is—I’m also married now, to someone who is truly amazing, kind, and emotionally available. I love my husband and I’ve moved on from my ex. But seeing those wedding photos still stirred up something I didn’t expect.

My ex was my first serious relationship. We were long distance, and I always tried to be understanding of his struggles—he was likely on the spectrum (possibly Asperger’s), and had a hard time with communication, eye contact, and expressing himself. English wasn’t his first language either, and he often seemed anxious or uncomfortable. I reassured him constantly that I liked him for who he was, that I didn’t care about grammar or small talk, and that I was just happy to be in his life.

I gave him space when he needed to focus on his PhD, never pressured him to text or call, and I even flew across the country to spend time with him. But after I got back from that visit, he completely stopped initiating contact. He would only respond if I reached out first. When I finally brought it up and said I was hurt, he told me I “think the world revolves around me.” The next day, he told me via text that we weren’t compatible and I should find someone else.

What hurt even more was that he later told mutual friends he ended things because he wanted to move back to his home country—and that our future plans didn’t align. But that was never the issue. I would’ve followed him anywhere if we had communicated openly and made a plan together.

It’s been two years. I healed. I met someone new and found a healthy, stable love. But there’s still this quiet ache. Not because I miss him—but because I never got closure. No apology, no acknowledgment of how hard I tried or how much I cared. I was so patient, so understanding. I gave him my best. And he just… disappeared.

I guess seeing him move on, get married, and live his life without ever circling back to say, “Hey, I’m sorry for how I handled things,” really brought that pain to the surface again. It makes me feel foolish for caring at all.

Anyway, I needed to get that off my chest. I wish him well, truly—but I also wish he had understood how deeply I loved him, even if he couldn’t love me the same way in return. He married someone he met in his hometown only after a few months of knowing her. Could it be possible it is just to conform to social norms?

I've been quite bored recently, so I've been rewatching some old shows; I always ask myself which quirky characters are autistic when doing so, obviously most shows writers either didn't understand it well enough, or didn't want to make a deal of it, which makes sense.

Anyway, for male character I'm going with Gregory House from House, and for female character Morticia Addams from the 60s The Addams Family TV show; so what do you think, am I right or wrong, and who are your favourites?

So my job is very bad and I overwork for pennies. My pay day is supposedly on 15 of every month. It is 6 April today. I have to describe 1k logo files per day with at least 2 words and I work 6 days every week. If I do not give the files on time, I have to work 7 days a week. Yesterday I did not give files and manager spammed me and asked me to work today on Sunday. He messaged me at 11pm last night and now again in the morning. I want to ghost him, idk if he will pay me for the work I have done so far, plus I feel embarrassed for not having messaged him. It is a freelance job so we do not have a contract we need to break or something. I had a mental breakdown and 3 times the past week I gave the files the next day and he kept spamming me.if he does not work I get no files that day and I have to do more in the following days to catch up and also work on Sundays. There were times where I worked for 2 weeks straight. I have another job I want to apply to with less work and more money. The thing is that I have a prepaid bank card and he pays me by putting the money in the card and idk I am a bit scared that he may do something against me for revenge.

I have moments where I suddenly experience this outside perspective of all of my actions and behaviour.

This causes me to spiral as I suddenly realize how irritating and awkward I have been in front of others.

I then start to fabricate this new reality in my mind where everyone is annoyed with me or simply dislikes me.

Do others experience something similar?

Am I crazy or does it seem like, if you want to be hated, the best way to do it is to be kind, compassionate, tolerant etc.?

I used to be a total asshole, but people liked me. Several years ago I had an epiphany and started caring about people and being nice. Since then, I get treated like shit!

I hate the old me and I don't want to go back to that, but I feel like my very survival depends on it.

And here's the thing, the fact that I have to and don't want to makes it that much easier, but carrying that hate is such a burden.

Also, it's so, so hard for me to dumb down my speech like I've been doing this whole post. If I speak naturally and with no hint of pretense or affectation, the disgust it inspires is palpable. See? You probably just cringed. If I'm lucky, I'm only held in contempt for it.

I wish I didn't have to rely on anyone for anything. Or instead can I just be myself and not be punished for it? No, that's not allowed. Because even when I used to be an asshole, I still cared about things. I still gave a shit. And my god do people hate that.

For the life of me I will never understand the ignorant, uninspired an apathetic lives the average person must live. They just don't seem to care about anything at all, except maybe themselves, the brighter ones anyway. What utter bliss their lives must be, to lash out at anyone who distracts them from their reverie.

They are ruled by their instincts , reason with their brainstems, and simply cannot resist subjugating all those they deem lesser than themselves. It's hard to resist the temptation see them as lower life forms, the irony of which is not lost on me. Fml.

I find it both exhilarating and exhausting. It is like having a conversation with myself. On one end, it's exciting to meet someone like me. On the other end, we have nothing to talk about, because we are both well acquainted with the subject.

It's exciting to meet people, who have a passion in something that is a side passion for me, and my passion is a side passion for them. Then we are both interested in what one another has to say, and we both have plenty of information to share on the subject.

What are your guys' experiences with this? Is your interest common? Did you develop it not knowing anybody with the same interest?

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s, ADHD, and anxiety at age 7. At first, my Asperger’s and anxiety were the most prevalent. I was highly rigid in my thinking and extremely sensitive to certain sounds (fire alarms, infinity start systems). Those traits, among others, made me a target for bullying. I learned to mask those traits, and used some of my ADHD traits (spontaneousness, hyperactivity, risk-taking) as a counterweight. As I’ve gotten older, my Asperger’s traits have been almost completely mitigated. However, my ADHD symptoms are now more visible.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I don't mean this to be negative, but... A lot of ND people talk about getting along with other ND people way better. And in a lot of ways, I do too. As far as personality, sometimes having similar views, and things like that, I often feel more comfortable with some other ND people.

But at times, I find it extremely hard to deal with being around some ND people, and I hate that it's that way. My nervous system doesn't deal well with people around some people with ADHD, or some autistic people at times. It's not that I'm trying to mentally, consciously judge them or anything, it's that it's just very overwhelming on my mind and nervous system, in a different way than being around other people is. It can make me irritable even when I want so badly to be able to be a non-judgemental understanding person for those people.

I have an also autistic family member, who I have just often found it very hard to be around. My nervous system is always so shot, trying to process the world around me and everything. Maybe even because of the way I learned politeness and social norms in a rigid way, the particular way that he's so often "rude" (maybe unintentionally, but still), not great with boundaries, or socially unaware just triggers something like fight or flight in my brain and nervous system, to where I literally just can't think straight and feel the need to get away. Which makes it extremely hard when I'm living in the same house with him right now.

And it's like this with a couple of other family members who have ADHD, too. Mentally, consciously, I want to be an understanding, kind, patient person for them. But it feels like sometimes my brain and nervous system just override that and it's so hard to be around them, especially while trying to be cheerful and calm and friendly, while I feel the sensory overwhelm and my nervous system feeling like it's being wrung out.

And I just know, if I didn't have a brain and nervous system that were frayed to bits and struggled to hold it together all the time, it wouldn't be so hard. Or shit, the way I'll randomly go through spells where I'm significantly calmer and just not as bothered by it - if I could be like that always, I could deal. But so often it's like my nervous system overrides my mental/conscious wanting to not get overwhelmed or otherwise uncomfortable from them.

Again I don't want to be negative, and I'd hate the thought of someone reading this and internalizing it. I'm not hating on other neurodivergent people for being... neurodivergent. It's just a thing where the way my brain's wired I think makes certain things extra hard to deal with from certain people, and it's like I have this idea that I'm supposed to be extra tolerant/get along with all ND people extra well...so I beat myself up for not being able to deal with it perfectly. Idk.

Well people around me tell me I laugh like a "disabled" person.

It seems like I have two very different "modes" for dealing with being aspie and not intuitively understanding social conventions...either

1. I care about whether I'm violating social conventions, and I become preoccupied and scared that I'm going to accidentally violate a convention, and it makes me incredibly awkward

or,

2) I DON'T care whether I'm violating social conventions, and I become a "show-off" full of bravado and totally oblivious to what other people actually think of me.

Can some other aspies out there relate to this? Anyone been able to figure out how to maintain a "middle road" between the two extremes?

Don't get me wrong folks. I'm I can't describe how grateful I'm for this community where we understands each other since the world doesn't. This sub played a major role in my self diagnosis and I was truly happy (at least at peace) to finally know that I'm not the only one.

But reading the posts here and reading about the experiences people have which we can relate with just gives the feeling of hopelessness. Like this is probably how my life will look like, especially when I read posts/comments of older people who share their experience.

Once again don't get me wrong, I appreciate this community and averting my eyes from the truth won't change it. If anything we can use this shared experience as a heads up and help each other with the problems/situations we face. Well that's one positive side of it I guess ❤️‍🩹.

I remember coming to Reddit two months ago, desperate for help. Now, everything is better!

Thank you everyone for commenting and helping me discover myself.

Now people in order to be liked by others they focus on their looks, on being rich, on being funny enough in order for other people to be entertained enough to be around them. If society was kind, people would be much less superficial, they'd firstly value it when people do things like volunteering. Mean people would be losing social respect. Just like now society awards or disciplines people based on how much they fit in. Within a good society this would take place based on how someone contributes kindness in society. Being selfish would be seen as negative. Being rich and constantly hoarding properties would be viewed as negative cause that person is selfish and useless if they do absolutely nothing to help society with their finances.

Where do I start, it's going to be a long one so I'll try to break it down.

Background: I'm in the UK in my mid-late 20s living with my partner (SO) and our young kid's.

Dialemma: I want out, but I'm trapped, the kids and SO are happy (I think) but I'm not.

Reasons I'm trapped:

1. Morality: I don't want to rip apart a "happy family"

2. Financials: SO works and pays the household bills, my work covers my fuel and a few odds and ends so if I left I'd have to find full time employment that works around school times (SO refuses to do school runs) which is pretty much impossible without a social disadvantage

3. Functionality: I am hopeless without someone there to make me do things, I'd look after the kids but not myself.

4. Emotional/Mental strain: I absolutely HATE what SO has done but can't bare to be without someone unfortunately

I've probably missed a lot out but you get the idea.

Now onto the reason I veey reluctantly want out.

So for years SO has been cheating behind my back, I've found out a few times and forgiven over and over because I didn't want to tear the family apart, SO always posts bait pictures to social media, mostly Snapchat, being an attention seeker, obviously gets the attention and then proceeds to send nudes to garner approval of strangers, SO fucked my best friend at the time as well and someone else within 2 weeks which I lost my cool at and left, again I eventually came back for the sake of the kids and we went back to normal, today I found much more nudes, a history of revealing snapchat posts, at least once a month for the past however many years, SO even sent nudes to SO's dead dad's best mate who is at least 20yrs older and I think SO may have had sex with a mutual friend of the dead dad who is also of similar age and has a wife and kids who are unaware.....for now.

My question to you is, what do I do, I'm stuffed if I do and I'm stuffed if I don't.

The things I need to work out are:

How I pay the bills and childcare if I manage to find a full time job.

How do I find someone else because I don't think I'll be able to adjust to life alone (yes I'll probably have the kids but that's not the same).

Do I even bother leaving or do I just live an unhappy life until the kids are old enough to look after themselves/leave school.

Thank you for reading and sorry it was so long.

I am an autistic 23(f[trans-masc]) and I just ended a long term relationship of 5 years yesterday. I couldn't continue living on the edge of not knowing if he would want to continue the relationship or not after he said he wanted to break up then took it back immediately. I feel so disregulated and my heart hurts so much. Everything is difforent and wrong. How do I feel ok after having to end a relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry a month ago? How have other autistics delt with heartbreak after loosing a long term relationship? I'm so anxious all the time.

Cognitive issues associated with level 1 Autism

Cognitive issues associated with high functioning level 1 autism

I was diagnosed with level 1 autism 7 months ago almost 32 years old and I definitely have issues with processing speed transitions attention switching and a couple other things if anyone has any similar issues or experiences

I have to describe 1k logos per day with at least 2 words. It is a 6 day job per week... I am from Europe I get paid 300 dollars, I lose 20 in the bank so I end up getting 280$. People in my country make around 700-800 dollars per month. This job is from a nearby country and people there usually get 550$/month ....It is remote and I thought it would be flexible. It is anything but flexible. i am going through a break up from an abusive relationship, I moved back home to my parents who always called me weird and a freak.. I receive the 1k files in midnight and I have to give them back by the end of the day otherwise the manager spams me. I have sudden days off because he did not work and in order to catch up I am being made to work nonstop. A family member of his had birthday and he did not work for 4 days then he pressured me to catch up. There have been times where I worked for two weeks nonstop. I have freaking brain lesions and I get migraines with aura, I do my best not to get them cause I am in danger of brain damage but I had one last week. I pull all nighters, I do not take care of myself. I have a bad sleeping schedule and I struggle to fix it cause my work schedule is messy, I wish I had every weekend off steadily.. A therapist told me to always wake up in the morning to do the files. They are a lot of files and I cannot concentrate, I have autism amd ADHD. I did not give files yesterday and I got lectured by the manager, he told me to work tomorrow to make up. I am scared of leaving cause I am from a very extroverted and ableist country, very few people with aspergers work. I found a job where I can work 20 hours per week, sometimes less, depending on the workload. I will be getting paid more than now, the salary is per hour. I left a good job for no reason in IT support randomly last August and I regret it and I fear that I will regret it if I leave this one. I dont have many chances in life. I think I do not trying my best to be organized and wake up early to do the job everyday idk UGH

For those wondering, I have severe sensory overload and anxiety with closed toe shoes. And as such, I'm unable to wear any kind of closed toe shoes. Now, where does this come into play with my local bowling alley... well, I was able to get a disability accommodation to let me bowl barefoot. The alley manager has no problem with it, but came and told me that I cant be accommodated anymore as other customers are complaining about me. I was told that if it was a quiet day, it probably wouldn't be an issue, but I went late at night, when it was busy. Some karens took offense and went to bitch at the manager.

I brought up the (Accessibility for Ontarians with Disabilities Act) and the bowling alley manager is aware of it. He's just worried that he'll get into trouble if people leave bad reviews about the one disabled person being allowed to bowl barefoot...

His reasoning was that others might try to claim a disability to avoid having to pay for bowling shoes.

Should I try looking for another bowling place?

What were you like as babies/toddlers? Or if your kids are on the spectrum, what were they like?

Also, this wasn't for every person I suspect had ASD I came across. It might sound a little crazy but the best way I can describe it is a wild animal getting territorial with another.

I hate and they make me feel tired: • Go to crowded stores/events ALONE • Force me to do things I don't like • Attend to things I'm not interested in • Social events that do not stimulate me and I am forced to socialize • Not have special objectives or interests • Feeling like I'm not progressing • Force me to do something that society imposes on me • Feeling that life drags me and not that I live my life • Noisy and chaotic environments • Not having motivation or enthusiasm • Act as society imposes on me instead of how I am • Have obligations • Having to be aware of society and what I should do • Not having positive social contact

I love and they make me feel alive: • Focus on my special interests • Have connections with people • Distract me from society • Live as if I were alone and having fun • Have no obligations • Be motivated by interests/loves • Not paying attention to what is expected of me • Work on my projects • Have fun with my friends and don't feel like there is a social context