r/blackcats • u/fruitcloud • Jan 17 '25
Mourning lost my sweet baby today
Haven’t slept nor fully accepted the reality of my baby boy, Mac leaving this world today. He was my very first cat, had him since his birth & lost him way too soon. Just a couple days ago he started acting different, not eating/drinking, hiding, then last night breathing abnormally. Took him to the emergency vet at midnight, he was immediately diagnosed with heart failure & fluid build up around his lungs. Can’t get over that I could not help him more, I feel guilty that I didn’t have enough money for all the tests, treatments/surgeries & putting him to sleep so young. He was only 4 years old with a birthday coming up in April & a baby due the same month. Never expected him to leave so soon & always imagined him an old man with a long 20+ yr life, growing alongside my baby. All I could say to him in the end was “I’m so sorry & I love you so much” over & over again. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for this, I just wish he knew how much I will always love & cherish him.
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u/LiliAtReddit Jan 18 '25
I had a hospice volunteer tell me once that death really makes no sense to humans. Our natural, and very human reaction, is to find things we did wrong so we can blame something, to make some small bit of sense. She recommended not doing that, and instead write down the little things and moments we want to remember.
I am so very sorry for your loss. He WAS very young. Remember, his time was filled with love, affection, and safety. He wanted for nothing in his life with you. And you did the hardest part: you did not allow him to suffer. That’s the deal. They give us all that amazing love and fun, and in turn we do not let them suffer.