r/blackcats • u/fruitcloud • Jan 17 '25
Mourning lost my sweet baby today
Haven’t slept nor fully accepted the reality of my baby boy, Mac leaving this world today. He was my very first cat, had him since his birth & lost him way too soon. Just a couple days ago he started acting different, not eating/drinking, hiding, then last night breathing abnormally. Took him to the emergency vet at midnight, he was immediately diagnosed with heart failure & fluid build up around his lungs. Can’t get over that I could not help him more, I feel guilty that I didn’t have enough money for all the tests, treatments/surgeries & putting him to sleep so young. He was only 4 years old with a birthday coming up in April & a baby due the same month. Never expected him to leave so soon & always imagined him an old man with a long 20+ yr life, growing alongside my baby. All I could say to him in the end was “I’m so sorry & I love you so much” over & over again. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for this, I just wish he knew how much I will always love & cherish him.
2
u/Oranges13 Jan 18 '25
You did the best that you could do with the resources available to you. He knew he was loved. This isn't your fault.
I had to make a very similar tough decision when I was in college. My very first cat outside of my parents house. One day she just stopped eating.. Even just 48 hours later when I took her to the vet she was already in liver failure and would have required a feeding tube and intravenous fluids for several days before being able to be discharged home to me.
At the time I was basically working minimum wage which also entailed long hours at the office. There was no way that I could afford to pay for what she needed nor would she get the quality of care she required with me out of the house so much.
So I made the difficult decision to put her to sleep. I blamed myself so much because it was my fault that I didn't have the money. I could have taken out credit cards or something.. But this was in 2008 and I was laid off the very next month.
Anyway, all this to say that I understand the and suffering that you're going through, but I want you to know that it wasn't your fault.
You did the best you could do with what you had. And it's very clear from your photos that Mac was loved.