r/daddit • u/Longjumping-Sail6386 • 1d ago
Advice Request I wish more people checked in on me
Call me sensitive or whatever but we just had our third boy and everyone asks "how's the Mrs and the baby" and nobody has asked how I'm doing. I think I have sleep apnea. I have trouble breathing. I've gone to the doctor for a consult but these things take time. I've put on 60 pounds in the past year. If someone asked me how I was doing my answer would be scared, depressed, insecure. I wanna get back into shape but I have to fix my breathing first. I feel like I'm trying to get out of a mud pit
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u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep 1d ago
Congratulations on the third. Is he healthy? Mom recovering well? How are you holding up?
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u/Longjumping-Sail6386 1d ago
The boy and the mama are healthy. We are all tired. I'm worried about my health. I had a blood screen waiting for the results. Then a sleep study
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u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep 1d ago
That's rough. I can't imagine going back to those infant days. Wife still wants a third and I can't see how. More power to you.
I need a sleep study too. I've been thinking about trying that magnetic nose strip thingy first.
Anything in particular you're worried about?
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u/Longjumping-Sail6386 1d ago
I've tried the nose strip and it didn't help.
I'm just worried about finding out I have some sort of irreversible damage or something
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u/Oreoscrumbs 1d ago
If you are snoring or have apnea, it's not your nasal passage, which is why the strip didn't work. I'm about 30 pounds heavier than I was when I didn't snore, and it got better when I lost some of the weight.
60 pounds isn't nothing, which is probably why you're getting winded. Pick up something that weighs 60 pounds and walk with it. If I was carrying a 60 pound sack, I'd probably get winded walking through the garage, too.
The good news is that you should be able to lose the weight. Pay close attention to what and how much you eat, and start taking those walks.
You will need to be in some kind of shape to be active with your kids when they are running around, and you need to be around to raise them.
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u/No-Target6061 1d ago
They will fix you up. You will get a breathing machine for when you sleep then you will sleep better and then you feel better then you can exercise then you will lose weight and then you will feel even better.
It will get better. Good luck.
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u/Imaginary-Teacher129 1d ago
Try and get out on some light walks and you'll start to feel some changes. Healthy choices don't have to be massive. I'm sorry you're going through it, this stuffs really hard on a good day, let alone when it's a string of bad ones. You got this though
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u/Longjumping-Sail6386 1d ago
A big reason I have sleep apnea is I'll get winded walking to the garage. It's scaring the shit out of me. I'm waiting for my blood panel and then I'm doing a sleep study
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u/Long_Duck4077 1d ago
I don’t think those two things correlate necessarily. I have had sleep apnea since my early 20’s when I was in fabulous shape. But I did notice later in life when losing a ton of weight that it seemed to lessen. But hang in there brother! I hope you are ok. Work on eating healthier and i bet some of this goes away. I know it is hard with kids sometimes however
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u/DalinarOfRoshar 1d ago
I feel this in my bones.
I’m past the stage you are in, but I’m so sick of the macho expectations that so many people have that say dad’s are fine and don’t have feelings and you don’t need to worry or think about them.
I’m sorry. If you need you talk, we’re here.
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u/RagingAardvark 1d ago
Did the breathing problems begin after the weight gain? Has anything else changed, like starting a new job, getting a pet, or moving to a new house? I'm wondering if it could be environmental allergies / sensitivities.
I hope you get some good health news and get on a better path. I have asthma and allergies, so I know how much shortness of breath can affect everything, beginning and ending with one's state of mind. Sometimes I find myself being impatient or grumpy for no apparent reason, til I stop and realize that I'm having a mild asthma attack; I do my inhaler and suddenly everything is less irritating.
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u/spottieottie85 1d ago
Get a sleep evaluation, sometimes it can be easily done at home. You may not need a C-pap. My apnea was low grade and the doctor recommended a wedge pillow. That simple change made a huge difference in my sleep and surprisingly cured my migraine headaches.
But yeah, nobody gives a shit about dads. I’ve had periods of being insanely lonely and overextended. Nobody asks how you are. If I were there with you in person I’d buy you a beer and toast to you. Hope there are better days ahead.
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u/Late-Stage-Dad Dad 1d ago
I requested an at home sleep study and 2 weeks later I was fitted for my first CPAP machine. My wife requested a sleep study, spent one night in a lab and was cleared. Your primary care Dr. can request the test and the results are pretty clear cut if you have sleep apnea. I had an AHI of 30. 😯
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u/Froot-Loop-Dingus 1d ago
Sorry you are having a rough go of it. I started to gain some lbs myself and started to snore more. Not sure why you feel you need to get the apnea in check before your weight, your 60lbs are weight gain is probably what is causing it/exasperating it. So maybe you have the order flipped. Losing some of the weight has helped me in that department.
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u/shadowkan33 1d ago
I understand how you feel. I'm new to the dad life, my son just turned 3 months, but everyone always asks about the baby and/or my fiancee and how they're doing whenever someone calls or texts. I think unfortunately it's just the way society is but we all understand each other. I have tried making it a point to others that they don't ask about me. Reactions to that have been mixed at best
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u/BesnardBros 1d ago edited 1d ago
It seems to me you’re looping. You feel like shit so you’re not trying but the less you train the worse it gets.
Snoring and sleep apnea can be simply due to the weight gain.
Wait for your blood results but if you have nothing wrong, start by walking.
I don’t know about your kids but mine refused to sleep during daytime if I didn’t walk them to sleep and would wake up the second I stopped. Needless to say, that helped me losing the stress weight a lot. And from there starting to run.
But yes, people are always asking about the baby and the mom. It’s assumed dads suck it up when we obviously don’t.
Be strong, for yourself and your family! Good luck.
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u/SimplySeano 1d ago
You’re doing a great job dad. You’re appreciated by your family. I’m happy to hear you are taking care of your health. That makes me feel you want to be there as long as you can for your family. Being depressed and being a dad can be challenging but not impossible. Mental health services may be available. I needed the help to overcome my alcoholism. The sleep apnea may be related to the weight gain. Start small and the rest will follow.
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u/grippaman 19h ago
I'm sorry. This happens too often and it's lousy. Thanks for sharing here and know that you're seen!
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u/warchild-1776 1d ago
are you ok? your post reads like my life.... except I'm fighting for parenting time in the courts.
your kids need you, apena can be related to weight gain, don't wait to figure one out before the other.
think of the example you need to be for your children. don't be too proud to talk with a therapist. take the little wins , go for a bike ride, take a short hike, wake up early to catch the sunrise.
you got this, you are just a bit off track. make the plan to get back on track and envision the dad that you need to be