I have a metal plate and screws in my right ankle from a bad break back in 2014. I was standing next to the bed talking to my girlfriend today, and bent down, then when I stood back up, managed to swing my ankle into the corner of the dresser.

For those of you that don’t have hardware, there is no more immediate, intense, blinding pain than hitting your hardware. It sends waves through your bones kinda like when Jerry puts a pot on Tom’s head and hits it, and you see his head vibrating around. Thankfully while it’s a very intense pain, it’s very very short lived.

My eyes must have rolled back in my head, I inhaled sharply and yelled some manner of profanity before holding completely still, tensed up.

My girlfriend: “you ok?” Me: gritted teeth yeahhhh My girlfriend: did you just see god himself with that reaction? Me: I got such a clear view of God’s face I became a believer again for a whole 15 seconds.

Now the running joke in the house is, “if you want to believe in god again, just do something to make yourself miserable” and tbh… it’s pretty damn accurate.

I found this book and gave it a few glances at certain pages and it's very good, I recommend it for those deconstructing.

Talking to any christian who, at some point, genuinely believed in jesus and christianity in general for a good portion of your lives. I'm talking about at least 5 years of your life being completely dedicated to jesus and believing that everything was real.

I'm on the same boat, I was a devout christian for the first 20 years of my life, and it took me 3 years to fully deconstruct it, but after a long battle I came to the conclusion that god was too egoistic and have done so many things that would not align with his teachings. I genuinely believed he portrayed an oudated authoritarian patriarchal figure that society no longer needs.

I have some issues with the church and christians as well, but that's for another story. I genuinely believed I really had a 'connection' with jesus; I used to pray and beg for his attention for hours for days and months.

Edit: ugh also how the bible handles women and marriage in general.

What's your story?

throwaway account

after much reflection and extensive research, i realised that i don’t believe in god, and it’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened.

just for context: my entire family is christian, from my parents to my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, my cousins and even down to extended family members i don’t even know. my parents met in a church when they were fresh adults, got married in that church, and had kids that grew up in it. all of our family friends are christians, and so are their children. suffice to say its all ive ever known.

im still a teenager, and i know its not gonna be like this, but i really see my entire life going haywire after this.

im about to be an adult soon, i don’t know what direction to take my life in. it feels like every part of my life has to be centred around god. my parents are honestly quite liberal in comparison to other staunch christian parents, but still are very conservative. the fact that i have to get married to a christian, have children (which i don’t really want), and hold beliefs that i entirely do not believe in is just ridiculous to me.

the more i learn about christianity, the more i realise i do not want to be a part of it. i just feel so alone and scared and im afraid that if i fully deconstructed, my relationship with my entire family would come crashing down, and i don’t know if i have the strength for it. i love my family so much, and i know they want the best for me, so im seriously considering if its just easier to stay in my conservative community and lead a life i do not want.

i really don’t have any issue with the prospect of being worm food but i am especially scared that i’m wrong about this. i’m terrified of going to hell and suffering forever, but the sacrifices i have to make to avoid that seem worse.

it’s been giving me so much anxiety lately and every sunday when i go to church i feel sick. any advice or consolation would be greatly appreciated.

So yeah.....I (23 male) was a teenager going through puberty and all, and masturbation is something I definitely struggled to quit doing for a long time. However I was raised in a very strict fundamentalist Christian household so if I was caught even looking at a girl my mom would beat the living shit out of me.

There was this one morning where my mom had gotten angry with me, and I don't even remember what she was angry about. I was around 14 or 15 at this time, and my mom would very often threaten to call the cops and have me put in jail for masturbating, and I remember her saying that I deserve to be in jail with rapists and perverts

My whole life has been dealing with shit like this from people.

I went from Evangelical Christian to Progressive Christian to Agnostic to Atheist for these reasons

1. The more I thought about it the less realistic the idea of a Magic Man In The Sky & a Demon in the ground sounded to me

2. Too Much Bad Luck in My life made me realize there really is No God

3. Trump has done so many things that are against The Bible but Evangelicals treat him like he is the Reincarnation of Christ when he's honestly much closer to the Anti-Christ

4. Church has always been boring for me & ate up too much of my Sunday that I could have used doing actually Fun Stuff

Although I no longer consider myself a Christian, the fear I obtained from it still lingers. Whenever I feel like I’m making progress in my deconstruction journey, there’s always something that stumbles it. From hell testimonies, dream visions (r/dreams especially), other alleged “proof” of Christianity. It’s all becoming tiresome, more people need to accept that being threatened with eternal punishment is not very good for the mental mind. I came to the conclusion that I will never truly have peace unless the fear goes away. I can’t be alone with this. For some people, it’s easy to completely dismiss hell, but for me it’s not so easy. This is just me venting, I don’t think anything will truly bring me peace. In a way I feel like Yahweh is real, but as a shadow that haunts me. Some people are afraid of the dark even though there’s likely nothing there, but it still terrifies them. That’s me with Yahweh, hell, and Christianity in general. Even if Yahweh isn’t a literal deity, in a way he’s still able to cause misery, threatening the minds of people. After all he admitted it himself:

Isaiah 45:7

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.

I recently encountered Christian gym bros this morning when I was working out this morning.

There was a group of guys that were in the sauna. One of them asked if you follow Jesus. I stood my ground and said I was an Omnist.

The main guy followed the usual Evangelical script: I was lost, but found Jesus, etc...

Then he proceeded to rip on Catholics while saying "no offense" to the only Catholic guy. They follow an NPC script: Christians good, Catholics bad. I hate when people say "no offense" because they're trying to soften the blow of being a dick.

He then proceeded to say the usual propaganda on what Catholics and Muslims believe. I've seen it before with a guy who was trying to convert people on campus when I was in college. They just parrot Chick tracts.

The bright side was someone did agree with me. The main guy then led the sauna group in prayer.

It's people like him are what made me second guess Christianity.

Me 10 years ago wouldn't have stood my ground. I'm proud of myself for doing this.

Obviously those who claim to be ex gay are in denial, and suppress their same sex attractions.

Lots of them also happen to be bisexual and choose to marry the opposite sex and claim to be straight.

I don’t believe that ‘God’ can magically turn someone fully gay, straight

I have this video but am looking for additional resources thank you

https://youtu.be/oSVXUAo9Ym8?si=25EsokJV4Nl0Q2a6

Maybe it’s because my kids are getting close to the age where this happened to me that it’s been surfacing, I’ve never thought much about it until very recently.

My mom was a member of the Boston Church of Christ. I’m sure most of you know what that was like. The pastor who then took over the next church we went to, who baptized me at 12, was then arrested for I can’t even say the words inappropriate relationships with children. I knew him & his now ex wife & his kids very well. My mom let him near me. Nothing ever happened, but he brought me to Christ. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with God because of that. Later on in life, my mom actually lived with his ex wife, splitting rent on a house.

My mom also was heavy into James Dobson, and used the rod on me. It was painful and humiliating. She never apologized for it.

I’m having really bad dating experiences lately, and I just feel this trauma surfacing, and I don’t know where to go or what to do about it. Or even if it’s real.

As this post from the picture says, she fosters a pair of sisters on top of her two biological children and truly believes that Jesus brought these two to her family because he “knew our family needed little sis”. Obviously I am thankful these two littles are in a home vs a group home, but I don’t think I would say it was because “Jesus knew”. What are your thoughts on this situation? Not that I am all powerful and all loving, but something in me thinks that if I were, these two would have never been in the system in the first place.

My pastor just told this story about how this 17 year old boy got murdered and his father went on the news saying that he forgives the murderer because he thinks it’s better to forget he even had a son than accept that his son died. And since the son had a twin, the father is treated him like his dead son never existed. Apparently we’re supposed to be taking the dad’s side.

I used to watch this guy that was my favorite YouTuber some of my best memories were of watching his videos but recently he became Christian due to mental health problems and now believes that anyone who isn't Christian is a sad depressed person and thinks it's impossible to be happy as an atheist ther is this other guy I used to watch I found out he was Christian I stopped watching him because even though his content was not in the slightest Christian related I just couldn't support that toxic religion

It's called "My Lady of Mercy" by the Last Dinner Party. It has some sweet riffs. I'm currently experiencing some anger over the concept of christian "mercy", so this song is on my playlist

I've been seeing numerous posts from people today sharing ways they were threatened or beaten for their sexuality often in graphic sexual ways.

A bit of background for my story: My dad grew up Baptist, went with us to Pentecostal church but just stopped going and declared himself atheist the more politics were brought up. He's now a Facebook Christian (tm) MAGA who has tried to induce false memories of sexual abuse from teachers into me as he got older and more reactionary and homophobic (I'm bi in a relationship with a bisexual woman) and my mom has always been an extremely shrewd Pentecostal.

When I was 5 years old l remember discovering masturbation as a sensory sort of self-soothing thing (a fairly common thing in child development) for the first time. One day I decided to try it out in the tub. My mom burst in at the moment, and was so furious at me for it she had my dad flick my genitals. And he did. And my mom gave me the "Sodom and Gommorah" talk for the first time before I could process anything. I repressed this all until today and I just can't anymore because the "grooming" talk just won't let up in the far right.

I think we need to use our voices more and more as the situation here in the US continues to corkscrew against queer people again.

Hello everyone, this is my first post, and I’m writing from my second account because I don’t want to reveal my main one. Please ignore any grammatical mistakes since English isn’t my first language.

I’m an agnostic who is culturally Hindu, and my values align mostly with liberal ideologies. I’ve known some hateful verses from manusmriti and that’s why I dislike organized religions and love being agnostic. The other day, I visited a church with my friend because it looked beautiful from the outside. There was an event going on, so I decided to disguise myself as a Christian out of curiosity, even though I’m not religious and honestly dislike organized religions.

I’m from a city called Guntur in Andhra Pradesh, India. The moment I entered the event, which was organized in an open ground, I was shocked to hear hate speech against local animistic traditions (or Hinduism, as they referred to it). They were disrespecting local traditions, calling them ugly, fake, and labeling the people as sinners. I thought, “Why not talk about your own religion instead?” But they didn’t. Instead, they kept blaming those traditions and didn’t hesitate, despite people around who could hear everything.

I felt really uncomfortable. They even dressed up as local deities and performed corny acts, which honestly made me laugh. If you visit my city, you’ll notice churches everywhere—one every 2 to 3 kilometers. It feels so intense, like they’re trying to assert dominance. I spoke to a pastor to clarify some doubts, but he realized I was Hindu and kicked me out. Most Christians I know converted about three years ago, and they’re often considered lower class by the so-called higher classes. One Christian I know didn’t even know who the Jews were or who executed Jesus. It was baffling.

My parents celebrate cultural festivals at home, but Christians here refuse to eat the food associated with those festivals, claiming they’ll go to hell if they do. These ministries target lower-class people and convert them in hospitals and schools. I even met a minister on the road who was forcing people to convert. When people complain, they hide behind “freedom of religion.”

Even the Muslims I know celebrate all the cultural festivals, saying they are praying to God in different ways. That’s how we were taught—to believe that people follow different religions, but they all align with one God. I don’t believe in this idea myself, but Muslims here are pretty chill about Hindu festivals. On the other hand, some Christians go on rants about how Christianity is saving India from “demonic” religions. When we counter their claims or try to clarify things, they accuse us of lying. Honestly, I just hate this. People like them are pushing Hindus to become more conservative, clinging to their animistic traditions.

One of my friends, an ex-Christian and now an atheist, hates these practices. Christians here can’t even celebrate Diwali. I mean, I’m not a fan of crackers, but they’re just fireworks! The government seems blind to all this. The other day, a truck drove through an area with mostly Hindus and Muslims, blasting music about how Jesus died for them and that they need to follow him.

Honestly, I’m tired of this. My dad, who used to be a liberal Hindu, has now turned into a conservative Hindu who knows nothing about its values or history. The most shocking thing I’ve learned is that Christians here are obligated to stick to one church for life—they can’t even visit others. And even within churches, higher-caste Christians sit separately from lower-caste ones. It’s just… what?

bro i forgot to mention but these people are blasting music in trucks lol..out side of my house in my area they are mostly hindus and muslims ...why they are blasting out loud lol..i just have one question ..why is god is so desparate to send his pastors to spread his religon from fake religons he created lol ...should i try keep hindu music loud even i though i am not a worshiper

Hi I know it's an exchristian group but feels same value of thoughts.

I was born into an Islamic household after my mother, who was raised Irish Catholic, converted to Islam at the age of 18. She found something mystical and unique in the religion. One of the things that stood out to her was how Irish Catholics would say, "Oh Jesus Christ," when annoyed, while Muslims would say, "Muhammad, peace be upon him," with reverence.

That contrast drew her in. Before her conversion, she was married to an Irish Catholic man my biological father but they divorced when I was four.

By the time I was five, we had moved to the UK and settled in a predominantly Islamic community. Growing up in that environment, being white and having an Irish accent made me quite popular, which naturally made my mother popular too. She was deeply involved invited to every event, every meeting, and every Friday prayer.

I spent my childhood fully immersed in Islamic culture and teachings. I wasn’t exposed to much of British culture. The only TV allowed in the house was Al Jazeera or Quranic recitations. I didn’t watch movies.

During school lunch breaks, while other kids played, I went to pray. I wasn’t allowed to make friends outside of our Islamic circle. My social world revolved around the religious groups we attended. I could recite the Quran from Surah Al-Baqarah to Surah Al-Fatiha, and that skill made me a bit of a star in the community. Because I could recite so perfectly in Arabic.

I lost my Irish accent but I still was a contrast in the community by being white and wearing a hijab Over the years, my mother married four different men in Islamic ceremonies. My entire life revolved around religion.

From the moment I woke up to the last prayer of the night, everything was structured around Islam. I wasn’t allowed to shorten my prayers with just Surah Al-Fatiha.

I had to recite long passages for at least an hour out loud or in group prayer, often led by one of my stepfathers. From the outside, we looked like the perfect religious family pillars of the community. I could quote hadiths from memory, list every sin and its corresponding punishment.

But inside the four walls of our home, there was a much darker reality. Daily beatings. Mental torture. Constant fear. I was forced to learn about the punishments of the Day of Judgment in excruciating detail.

I was shown videos radical, terrifying ones about hellfire. One of those videos haunted me for six months straight with nightmares. It was shown over 100 times in a girls’ Islamic group I was part of, and I didn’t learn the truth about its origins until I was 22.

I'm unable to find the original one but this is the one that's similar to the one that debunked it https://youtu.be/Coqv_7rGQ-c?feature=shared

I was constantly reminded that Allah knows what’s in my heart, and if I wasn’t praying “correctly,” I was headed for hell.

At the same time, I loved the praise. I loved being known as the white girl who could fast during Ramadan at just 10 years old. I wore hijab at 12, and by 16, my mother was trying to get me to wear the full niqab.

A big part of me wanted that too. I loved my religion, I loved reading the Quran for hours and hours because it stopped me getting beatings. If I was reading the Quran I wasn't getting punished.

When I would come with a hadith and discuss it and hear the oh wow you learned that wow that's so amazing I would feel phenomenal not just from the praise but from the knowledge that Allah was going to send me to the highest paradise because I was such a good Muslim.

Talks of marriage were daily. I was told I was created to serve a husband. But every night, I prayed to Allah to let me die in my sleep.

I wasn’t afraid of death I welcomed it. As I knew I was not a sinner I knew Allah was not going to send me to hell because number one I was a child a number two I was a devote Muslim! I cried silently, begging God to take me. Suicide wasn’t an option. The punishment for that was even worse.

Yet deep down, something told me this wasn’t normal.

I still went to school with other British kids. I had a bright personality, a sharp sense of humor.

Sometimes I’d joke about the beatings, and people’s shocked reactions reminded me this wasn’t okay.

By 16, I had a plan. My mother had plans too marriage. I stole money from my stepfather and bought a cheap phone with email access. I applied for a job as an au pair. Just after turning 17, I packed a small bag and got on a coach. I disappeared for two years, working for a Muslim family, still praying daily, still asking to die. I kept contact with my mum, but she didn’t know where I was.

I was legally an adult, so she couldn’t force me home. I didn’t see them for two years out of fear they’d send me abroad to marry. When I finally did see them, the reunion lasted less than three hours. I broke down emotionally, and it ended with me getting headbutted.

I left again, this time for Ireland. It was in Ireland that I began to unravel. The real me started to emerge, and it was painful. I’d cry to Allah, asking why He allowed Shaytan to whisper these doubts. I prayed so hard my knees were bruised.

Then, one day, I just stopped. I came out as a lesbian. I took off my hijab. I was 19. At 20, I returned to the UK and reconnected with a friend from my Islamic group. We planned a quiet dinner at her house. She knew I no longer wore the scarf but didn’t know I was gay. When I arrived, there were 20 women waiting. They pinned me down and read Quranic verses over me like an exorcism. I screamed, begged them to stop—but to them, it confirmed a jinn had possessed me. After about 15 minutes, something inside me snapped. I fought back punched, kicked, even bit someone. I was hysterical. But I got away. The bruises lasted weeks.

I stayed in contact with my mother and siblings until I was 23 and then I cut them off completely I haven't seen to them in over 12 years. I haven't spoken to them in 10 years.

As I got older, I learned to laugh about some of it, or at least to say, “It wasn’t in my control.” I’ve managed to move forward without the lasting psychological damage many endure.

I’m lucky I have a strong mind and a light heart. I have an amazing job, a home I love, and a life I’m proud of. But there’s one thing I can’t shake. The fear of hell. It lives in me. It disables me. I believe in God because I can’t not. He’s my inner monologue, the one I talk to when I’m scared or grateful. But I don’t believe in Islam anymore. I don’t believe in the pain I was taught was holy.

I’ve talked to British friends about childhood abuse they can’t relate. Muslim friends (who practice more culturally than religiously) and I laugh about beatings with sticks and belts to ease the trauma. But at night, my heart sinks. What if I’m wrong? What if Satan tricked me? What if I’m deceived? I don’t want to be punished. I don’t want to feel fire under my feet. I don’t drink. I don’t use drugs. But I’m a lesbian, I have tattoos, I don’t dress modestly by Islamic standards.

I don’t feel ashamed but I’m absolutely terrified of God. I know so much about religion. I studied the Quran, the Torah, the Bible. I know the beauty in all of them, and also the pain. I want to believe there’s a reason I survived 17 years of physical, emotional, and the kind of abuse no describable. I don’t want to believe life is just suffering, and then nothing.

I spent years trying to learn about other religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Mormons and so many others but I can't relate with any of them as for me personally I can just see too many fakeness in them and that's from my Islamic upbringing of the way I was taught that if Jesus was god's son and God loves he's children so much how is he going to let him die.

Do I want to believe in Allah? No. Not as I was taught. I don’t want to follow any religion or ideology. I just want to be at peace with my God whoever He or She is because I know He knows me. I’m tired of being afraid. The fear controls my life. I avoid risk. I watch my health obsessively, terrified something will happen to me.

I live in a diverse community now. Every day I see Muslims, and I wonder is this a sign? I’ve had therapy for my childhood trauma, and it’s helped. But I can’t bring myself to go to therapy for the fear of hell. Because at the end of the day, there’s still that question: What if…?