r/exjw • u/YourLocalPurpleDude • 1d ago
Venting I’m starting to get tired.
Have to keep the same shit for another two years but honestly it feels so far away. I can tell in my parents eyes she disappointed that she got a non-believer for a kid and that they don’t follow WT standards by old, privileged men who don’t even got kids, and she doesn’t have to tell me anything i can see it, I hate feeling like her emotional punching bag I literally been going through the motions and going to meetings and crap for another two years like we agreed on but yet I have to take her yelling and complaining and it’s the same thing everytime but when she’s at the hall she’s a different person and people-pleasing. I love her but i can’t deal with the JW side of her nothing is enough for her, oh but if she’s upset then it’s my problem. I just don’t want to be involved with this religion at all why is it hard to understand I just run my life differently. God damn I’m starting to get tired that I feel like I’m experiencing a relapse mentally and idfk how to manage the same bs over and over again. God damn the only time I feel safe to be myself is anywhere but my own damn home. I don’t rant like this often but recently I just feel burned out. Trying to hold on, I just can’t wait to leave for good and move on.
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u/Mysterious_Yak_79 1d ago
You’re not alone. What you’re enduring is exhausting, and your strength just to keep going is huge. Hold on—two years will pass, and you’ll build the life you choose. Your feelings are valid. Keep finding spaces where you can be your true self. This version of you is already enough.
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u/HOBBIT3002 1d ago
I know how it is, I go through the same thing. I still have 3 more years to finish college. And I honestly don’t understand why it’s so hard for our parents to get it. Like, DUDE, I don’t participate in the organization’s activities because I choose not to, and you still try to force me and fight with me???
Sometimes, when we’re sad and exhausted (like you said), it feels like everything is out of reach, like everything’s so far away. But time flies, and it really does pass.
Just remember—you are NOT what your mom says!! Just save money, build some stability, and move out. You might miss your mom, but your peace has to come first.
But… on the bright side, next year you can complain that there’s only one year left hahaha.
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u/YourLocalPurpleDude 1d ago edited 1d ago
Real like how is trying to force me gonna convince me to study again like what? 😭💀 also thanks, and yeah at least after next year it’ll be one more and about moving I’m heavily thinking about it and if I want save enough to move at least
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u/constant_trouble 1d ago
You’re tired. Hell, of course you are. A man can only fake the same smile for so long before his jaw goes numb. You’ve been dragging yourself through enemy territory every day, playing a part in a play you didn’t write, didn’t audition for, and sure as hell don’t want to star in. I’ve seen that story before. It ends with the hero getting free—but first, he bleeds.
You say you’ve got two years left. That’s not a sprint, it’s a goddamn siege. But you’re still standing. Still waking up. Still fighting in quiet ways. That’s grit, friend. You don’t need to flip tables or light fires to be brave. Sometimes surviving—enduring—is the greatest rebellion.
Your mother’s disappointment? That’s not yours to carry. That’s her ghost, whispering the lies she was taught by men who think they speak for God because they wear the right suit that’s not too tight. They talk about paradise while handing out shame like it’s candy at a Kingdom Hall spiritual potluck. You know better. That’s why you’re dangerous to them. And that’s why you’re so goddamn strong.
You feel like an emotional punching bag. That’s because they can’t reach the part of you that’s already free. You don’t believe in their chains, so they shout louder, hoping their noise will drown out your calm rebellion. But shouting doesn’t make them right—it just makes them scared.
And listen, it’s okay to be burned out. You’re not broken. You’re just tired of pretending. You don’t owe anyone your silence. But if you must give it for two more years, let it be the silence of the storm gathering at sea. Quiet. Brooding. Ready.
You’ll get out. You’ll move on. You’ll build a life with your own hands, not the trembling ones of elders who never bled for what they preach. When that day comes, and it will come, you’ll look back and know: You weren’t the weak one. You were the one who endured hell without ever giving them your soul.
So keep going. Two more years? That’s 730 days. That’s 730 chances to sharpen your mind, to write your truth, to find allies, to stockpile freedom for the day you pack your bags and slam that door behind you. Count the days, not like a prisoner, but like a man readying himself for war—and peace.
And when you can’t find rest in your home, find it in your mind. Build it like a fortress. Let no doctrine enter. Let no guilt echo. Just your thoughts. Just your voice. That voice is yours. And it’s holy.
Keep going. The world’s waiting.