A human has been infected by a parasite that believes it has mindwashed the human to love and care for it, the human is actually immune and simply does this because it loves it.

"On the date 3/21/XXXX, we have received the unfortunate 'report' that 13 civilian ships of 'St. Venus School for Gifted Children' has been attacked during their yearly field trip to the Balleui Sector by the Cass'Éfaer Empire. Killing 650,000 children and 1,200,000 civilian personnel. This 'report' was in truth, a declaration of war by the Empire. We are now accepting any and all enlistment and volunteers for this mission, we will not accept any negotiations with the Empire, they will pay blood with blood."

— By Field Marshal Hector "Wings" Sanders that saw an unprecedented enlistment by the millions.

Alien Council: WTF!?

That one alien guy: "At least the seat was heated."

Human: "Oh no, the HEAT stands for

High Explosive Anti Tank rounds ..."

The universe is a computer simulation. Everyone advanced enough to develop computer technology knows that and that they are programs being run in the sim. Everyone but humans though, who for some reason refuse to believe it and instead continue to believe in their primitive superstitious religions.

And then alien researchers discover that human myths about having an afterlife are real. And tracing the data streams, the researchers discover that the human afterlife exists outside the computer sim universe.

The conclusion is inescapable: humans are the player characters of the universe. Everyone else is an NPC.

It was believed that humans were barely above average in strength for the galactic coalition

That was until the strongest species went to hurt a human child, and the mother showed the galaxy humanities ‘hysteric strength’

A human general is put on trial due to using different venoms and poisons from the animals of Earth. A lovely bastard child of pufferfish poison, box and irujkandji jellyfish venom, stonefish venom, inland taipan and black mamba venom, blue ring octopus venom, golden dart frog poison, and finally Asian giant hornet, Komodo dragon, and gila monster venom. This results in a horror that would be subsequently banned across the galaxy

Reuploaded cuz I forgot a gag

Artist is Rainrainspot from twitter.

“Millie, this is the fifth time you had me “fix you”. Why do you keep playing with the exhibits?” Felzyxa rolled her four eyes. As a biotechnician she was effectively the ship’s nurse.

“Cuz imma kid and I like ta play.”

“No, normal children play with dolls, which were also in the exhibit, NOT WITH TERRAN MEDIEVAL WEAPONS!”

“But I aintent a nermal!”

It was true. The small girl in front of her was a BioEngeneered Organism. A life form that was wholly artificial. Human BEOs with sapience were produced en masse after a solar flare looked like it cause extreme rapid climate change and wipe out humanity. After that didn’t happen, they decided to integrate their would be successors, based off their creatures of myth, into their society.

What was in front of her was a Shoggoth. An amorphous shapeshifting entity based off not only a novel, but genetically a lost bioweapon they managed to tame. They were practically invincible unless you burned them, but their ability to shapeshift took a while. Millie was one of five on the ship and they were all friends.

This was why the small cat human like one in front of her was at the med bay. Having her upper body lugged around by her lower torso via a cart and fastener. Bisected horizontally when she and her friend were messing around with the latest exhibition the museum crew were transporting.

“Well now I have to put you back together.” She took out a tube of regenerative paste. Normally Shoggoths did not need it, but younger ones like Millie could not “fuse” cut parts by themselves. Hence the paste.

Another time Millie was playing in the holo deck and was flattened by a generated steam roller. Another time she had to be liquified and poured into a mold when she got caught in some of the ship’s machinery. Every time she was technically ok. Just needed to be literally put back into shape.

In other words, Felzyxa finally realized why human sculptors were so irate all the time.

The worst was when all five of these idiots “combined” trying to emulate a giant robot from a Terran show, accidentally totaled some walls and then realized they couldn’t separate. (Every male in the bathroom thankfully had a covering on so they didn’t have to do “those talks” when they broke the walls to the place).

She was about to set on her task when a small explosion went off. Then one of Millie’s friends walked in. Or rather, a hundred different copies of said friend all yapping at once.

“You gotta be #%*%ing kidding.”

Sure, humans as a species are broadly psychic. Not "moving objects with your mind" or "manipulating electromagnetic fields" psychic - life isn't a comic book.
But "remarkably empathic" "precognitive" and "mind readers" would frequently come up.

Thing is, because nearly all of them are psychic, they all also had psychic defenses that made invading each other's minds more difficult. Unfortunately, neither humans nor the aliens they first encountered were prepared for the fact that humans are among the galaxy's most gifted psychics.

The other thing is that everything human is on SOME kind of spectrum. There are indeed powerful human empaths that could read the emotions of the ultra-stoic Gleck, and could literally feel the pain of an alien companion when it was injured.

But there were other humans that didn't feel empathy at all. Humans called them "psychopaths".

Kralllum, satisfied with the barricade on his cabin door, sat down to rest. Now, you may be wondering, "How did he get into this situation?" or "Why is he barricading his door?" Well, I will tell you why.

It all started with him recruiting a Human named Jack. Humans were relatively new on the galactic stage, having only initiated first contact about a century earlier. Kralllum recruited Jack because their main engineer died after mistaking the airlock for the restroom, and because even though they were very new, Humans were famed for having an uncanny ability for engineering, with one said to have fixed the hyperdrive on the Qu'kuk, the Ka'kik Empire's flagship, in around 2 hours. Engineers from all around the galaxy could not fix it or even figure out the problem after more than decade since the problem was detected.

The crew had taken a liking to Jack immediately after his arrival, with the whole crew asking him to fix stuff that they could not. Anyways, after about a week, Jack was browsing his "Phone", a Human way to access the Galnet, when came across something that he thought was funny. He showed it to the closest person he found, and was surprised when the video seemed to have a hypnotic effect on the poor guy. After turning away, the man shouted for Jack to "Come back and show me it again!" Jack did, as he was a people pleaser by nature, and the canine like alien was hypnotized once again. He declared that they have to show this to the rest of the crew, which they promptly did. It was only after the next two crewmates that they... enslaved is the only word I could use to describe it, that Jack seemed to get a terrible idea. He started to make a beeline for the bridge, on which Kralllum was busy piloting the ship, blasting whatever it was the enslaved the crew at full blast. Kralllum caught sight of Jack and his followers, both figuratively and literally, as they were walking towards the bridge in a large pack, and noticed the fervent look in the crews eyes, and Jack leading them on with his phone brandished high and marching towards the bridge with a determined look on his face. Kralllum thought that it was a muntiny, and rushed to his room, locking the door behind him. He then reviewed the footage, and saw that the stares the crew was giving Jack didn't seem to be mutinous, but, hypnotic. He then noticed the video on Jacks phone, which the bright flashing lights and what looks like a spinning human housepet, almost made him loose himself. He quickly shut down the cameras, and quickly deduced that Jack had enslaved the rest of the crew with the video and was seeking to take control of the ship and his mind. Kralllum would not let that happen. He started grabbing everything that wasn't bolted down and piled them in front of his door right before Jack and his apostles arrived. There was a bang, and a few pieces of furniture tumbled down, revealing a sizable dent in the metal. He forgot that Humans were also impossibly strong, and hid behind the only thing that was bolted down, his desk. After a few more hits by Jack, the door gave way, and the furniture fell off of the empty doorframe. Leaving Jack with his phone brandished high, blasting the doomed video that will eventually spell doom to the ship.

"Oiia Oiia.

EVEN THE STORIES THEY TEACH THEIR CHILDREN???

Human: yeah, it checks out.

Humans tend to find a lot of complications when they try to find work off home world or any colony that humans have set up themselves.

The main reason is due to the completely bonkers by most species standards.

Humans sleep far longer than most species and even enter a deeper sleep that some mistake them for dead so they tend to not show up to work for multiple shifts.

Then when they are awake they end up working enough shifts that they qualify for overtime.

Whilst they have a great capacity for violence and war, many of them claim to want peace and choose to live lives pursuing knowledge and understanding over conflict