r/iamverybadass • u/Aquilax420 • Jun 07 '22
😬TikTok Cringelord😬 As soon as someone uses the words "alpha male"...
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u/dere_licious Jun 08 '22
Too many dudes mistake their insecurity with being an alpha
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u/Shikurra Jun 08 '22
being an alpha
The term alpha doesn't exist in this context in the first place
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u/Perfidious_Ninja Jun 08 '22
Not a single thing in this is something an "alpha" would do. It's the violent fantasy of a weak loser.
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u/kutes Jun 08 '22
What's weird is that this is an excerpt from a fantasy erotic site written for women by women
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u/bleunt Jun 08 '22
Acting all jealous and shit over your ex dating others is insanely fucking omega.
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Jun 08 '22
"I love a man that disrespects me, the boundaries I set, and thinks of me as property"
- every woman ever apparently.
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u/thenearblindassassin Jun 08 '22
Such a powerful alpha but continues to lust after a disinterested girl.
I thought women were drawn to alphas? How does he not have to keep them at bay with a stick???
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u/Gunch_Bandit Jun 08 '22
That's when you reply with a video of you and your date reading his texts together and laughing at his stupidity.
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u/koalificated Jun 08 '22
Alpha male crawling back to their ex doesn’t sound very alpha like to me
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u/rangda Jun 08 '22
This is an excerpt from some kind of horny book written for horny women. The account posts snippets from shitty romance novels à la 50 Shades of Grey edited with clips of white guys in business suits.
It seems like a main theme of these is possessive jealous stalkers. Eew
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u/F3n1x_ESP Jun 08 '22
The fact that some women are attracted to this kind of behaviour baffles me. It sounds like an incel fantasy.
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u/zomgitsduke Jun 08 '22
lmao who is this for?
The abuser? Make them feel powerful?
The abusee? Make them feel like they need this in life?
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u/Main_Zoe_Zueiro Jun 08 '22
This has another names, let me recall, a Yes, Abusive behavior, toxic relationship, harassement
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u/_UnOrdinary Jun 08 '22
What? What the-
Thats literally the opposite of alpha, isn't that right?
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Jun 08 '22
Girls just love being trapped with one hyper violent weirdo that stalks her and threatens to beat up anyone else she tries to date. Totally healthy dynamic, never ends up in abuse or murder, just happiness
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u/QNSZ Jun 08 '22
This is also just abusive LOL
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u/agiro1086 Jun 08 '22
That's pretty much most "Alpha Male" shit. It's all one step away from a restraining order
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u/Thejuiceis_loose Jun 08 '22 edited Jun 08 '22
The ikea cocktail glass really makes it for me
Source: I own seven.
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u/4_jacks Trained to use the Tiger Knee Jun 08 '22
Tell us you broke a cocktail glass without telling us you broke a cocktail glass
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u/cptnmilkerz Jun 08 '22
“isabelle i can’t get laid, and you messaged me about my laptop for sale that one time, so i’m gonna assault your date and rape you”
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u/TheSlavGuy1000 Jun 08 '22
Translation: I am insecure in my masculinity and I don't understand no means no.
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u/Half-blind-bear Jun 08 '22
Imagine you are on a date and the lady is texting and looking at her phone at the start of the date and then 30 minutes later some dude shows up and wants to break your fingers.
This dude did nothing to deserve a beat down
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u/Mountain-Lowa Jun 08 '22
Lmfao i would die of laughter. Jesus christ are they self conscious. 💀💀💀
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u/SnooCats5701 Jun 08 '22
“You wouldn’t dare” = enablement/encouragement
The proper response is “I’m calling the police” and then blocking him.
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u/ImNotTheNSAIPromise Jun 08 '22
Yeah but this entire thing is made up by the guy who thinks he's an alpha male.
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u/ShastaFern99 Jun 08 '22
The real proper response is "You step foot in this club and I'll shoot your dick off"
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u/Dr-Dungeon Jun 08 '22
‘Lose the date or I’ll come down there myself and give you both a comprehensive lecture on why women don’t like nice guys’
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u/ffucckfaccee Jun 08 '22
his stoopid suit and placed cigar and glass :') bet he has a pointless lil stirrer for his whiskey too and Peaky blinder cap, long pauses and poignant face pulling before saying a single calculated word in a forced deep voice just to be extra pretentious
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u/helloitsmepotato Jun 08 '22
This appears to be an excerpt from a shitty romance novel by an author called Shandi boyes.
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Jun 08 '22
That’s an anagram for Handsi Boyes. The tik tok references the removal of the hand of a man, sometimes colloquially known as a boy. A boy who touches a female in excess is known to be “handsy.”
Coincidence? Probably.
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u/gunslingersea Jun 08 '22
I think the part that I hate the most is the stock footage of a guy in a suit pouring a drink. When your screenshots are evidence of a class F felony, captioning them over a liquor commercial doesn’t make it any less cringe inducing.
This guy probably posts sepia tone images of Tom Hardy in a tie with some caption about how loyal but brutally violent he is. In actuality he punches the drywall and yells at his dog when he loses money on a football game.
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u/damnusernamegotcutof Jun 08 '22
Writing these "alpha" hypothetical situations is incredibly.... beta
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u/batkave Jun 08 '22
Anyone who uses the words Alpha and Beta to describe themselves vs another male, you know they are not firing on any cylinders.
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u/Vetty81 Jun 08 '22
I think it's more like being stuck in 1st gear and flooring it. All the RPM none of the speed. And sure, lets add in a few missing cylinders too.
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u/punkhobo ACTUAL BADASS. CERTIFIED BY MODS Jun 08 '22
I like how they imagine it's just a well dressed dude pouring himself a drink from a decanter. Something tells me that this guy doesn't wear a suit or even know what a decanter is
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u/gylez Jun 08 '22
Dude… who writes this shit?! 😂
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u/Obvious-Gate9046 Jun 08 '22
I'd say I see a great deal of jail time in this idiot's future, but this all reads like somebody's hypermacho fantasy.
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u/RodRyansPoolCleaner Jun 08 '22 edited Jun 08 '22
Im not to familiar with the alpha male mindset. But I was under the assumption they never went after exes because they’re drowning in pussy ?
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u/lolipopdroptop Jun 08 '22
I wish people who call themselves alpha male know its cringe and unattractive
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u/EMB93 Jun 08 '22
I read this as gay triangle drama before he mentioned the womans name, much more fun that way!
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u/StankyPeteTheThird Jun 08 '22
This made me physically cringe. Also what exactly is “alpha” about obsessing over an ex while sitting alone at home? Fucking lol.
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u/poppalicious69 Jun 08 '22
You just don't get us alpha males bro... I'm so alpha I'm sitting at home alone crying into a bowl of cereal and using my tears as milk #justalphamalethings
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u/drfishdaddy Jun 08 '22
Huh, I was under the impression that stalking your ex and demanding she never be with anyone ever again was the literal internet incel definition “alpha male”.
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u/Imaginary-Salad-4535 Jun 09 '22
It's not alpha, pathetically insecure.
I bet you in real life this guy wouldn't say two words to either his ex or her bf, and he would just sit at home and have this cringey fantasy in his head.
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u/Yeetyeetsss Jun 08 '22
It's so cringe that these people use a concept that doesn't even exist, man
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u/FiredBoy Jun 08 '22
They’re called alpha males because the don’t know the rest of the alpha-bet
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Jun 08 '22
An "alpha male" wouldn't have lost his girl in the first place, and he wouldn't be sending four or five text messages at a time begging that girl to take him back.
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u/hmahood Jun 08 '22
Moral of the story: don't date an alpha male. Them mfs will stalk you for the rest of your life.
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u/Derreston Jun 15 '22
All this Alpha Beta Sigma Sugma bullshit is just horoscope for men
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u/Melodic-Advice9930 Jun 09 '22
I swear to god it’s gotta be high schoolers making this shit
Right?
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u/mechnick2 Jun 08 '22
These alpha male type dudes would probably have a better chance at women if they spent more time talking to them (like actually talking to them, not being a creep) instead of making up fantasy scenarios in their weird little circlejerks
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u/Frying_Raijin Jun 08 '22
But, doesn‘t this make this Alpha a beta, when he writes stuff like „ end. The. Date. Now. I will come break all of his fingers“ PLUS, he is the Ex -Alpha bf, so wrong by deffinition
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Jun 08 '22
This is some fanfic writers imaginary scenario. Men don’t say “brushed your skin” that’s how women who write fan fic describe shit
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Jun 08 '22
Oh man, you cant imagine how some "alphas" describe themselves.
Its a mixture of movie references, character impression and fanfic level dialogue stiched together into a Frankenstein monster of cringe
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u/Far-Worldliness-3769 Jun 08 '22
I thought I was still in r/animalcrossing and boy howdy was I confused for a minute
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Jun 08 '22
Alpha Male is just Super Secret Bro-Decoder Ring speech for Incredibly Insecure. Now I'm gonna have to nuke this account and live in the woods while the Broluminati hunt me for the rest of my life. I've loved you all. Goodbye.
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u/VladamirTakin Jun 08 '22
Not fast enough friend. I'm risking my own skin talking to you. Pack two pairs of undies, one pair of socks and one pair of cumsocks. Grab the nearest pineapple you have and stuff your extra socks with potatoes for self defence. Leave your house through the bathroom window and don't look back. They are comi
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u/Lechatnoirdeux Jun 08 '22
You guys sure this isn't from booktok? This kind of power fantasy is pretty common in romance novels.
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u/TheKingsPride Jun 08 '22
This absolutely reads like some cheap stalker fantasy erotic fiction. Definitely an “imagination/illusion of danger” type fic inspired by fifty shades.
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u/GreyerGrey Jun 08 '22
Am I missing something? Everyone is talking as if the "Alpha" was the one who posted this, but the opening caption implies that it was the Ex GF who posted this, as if to mock and make fun of her ex?
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u/St3alth_t3rrorist Jun 08 '22
It feels like it was posted by a dude from the perspective of a girl. Weird fan fiction to make him look 'alpha'.
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u/AsuraOmega Jun 08 '22
If the dude who wrote this wanted to have a power fantasy, then he should have just watched Baki instead of threatening his imaginary ex gf on Tiktok claiming to be an alpha male whilst using a girly ass Sia song.
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Jun 09 '22
Ignoring the text and everything in general for a moment, what exactly is so cool about this slow mov gif of a guy pooring alcohol in a glass?
"Damn, bro, look at me, I have a suit! And and...see? I'm serving myself a glass of alcohol! I can drink!"
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u/fluentinimagery Jun 08 '22
Whike i sit there getting drunk because i can’t be social because i’m really full of shit and wanna kiss the guy…
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u/XlifelineBOX Jun 07 '22
This is to get the 10 people who agree with him to go with his insecure psychotic behavior. It only takes a few morons to make you do something stupid. Was gonna say bold but nothing bold about backward ass caveman idealogy.
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u/katt-col Jun 08 '22
When I read it the first time though the Alpha male was with another guy lmaoooo.
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u/Bertie637 I too have studied the blade Jul 28 '22
"I'm a massive psychopathic controlling bellend, which is probably why you left"- why would anybody want this?
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u/Phantom_Basker Jun 26 '22
You know my life sucks and I have a lot of self esteem issues and when I'm feeling especially down in myself and life in general I just remember that while I'm a loser at least I'm not a loser that believes in alpha/beta/sigma shit.
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u/TheRealDeadlyframe Jun 08 '22
That alpha male is gonna be shot 9 times in the chest by her new drug addict boyfriend.
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Jun 08 '22
Her alpha male ex is gonna get his shit rocked by new boyfriend’s friends Smith & Wesson
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u/Lucas1006 Jun 08 '22
For some reason this made me think that all three involved in the convo were male until Isabell was mentioned lmao
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u/dafijiwatr Jun 12 '22
Texts like that is prolly the reason she’s on the date in first place.
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u/Inevitable_Set9154 Jul 03 '22
Not an alpha, a real one would have accepted the relationship ended and moved on with their life immediately.
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u/A_British_Dude Jun 11 '22
That is not alpha male that is stuck in the past, abusive, threatening controlling behaviour and may be a sign of mental illness.
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u/ZealousidealShake232 Sep 15 '22
A-M? More like domestic abuse and stalker… and likely the person who will end up murdering you. Gross.
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u/GourmetBologna Jun 07 '22
"alpha male" is what abusers call themselves to feel better
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u/Art_pog Jun 08 '22
Yea I assaulted her new bf even tho she broke up with me 12 years ago I’m an alpha
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u/Mr_Taviro I too have studied the blade Jun 08 '22
I wonder when all these self-proclaimed alpha males are going to learn that the whole idea of alpha males is based off a flawed study of captive wolves? Probably never.
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u/Helpful_Perception41 Jun 26 '22
I'd call them a rube. Alpha males aren't a thing,neither are betas or sigmas. We're humans,not wolves.
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u/Pure-Junket9979 Jul 28 '22
Omg so cute we love abusive and controlling relationships with your ex!!💅💅💁♀️💁♀️💁♀️❤️😩🤤🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️🫶🫶🫶🫶💕💕💕💕☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💍💍💍💍💍
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Aug 15 '22
*you're abusive creepy stalker ex.
That's what "alpha males" are. Creepy, toxic and kinda dumb.
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u/Indoor_Carrot Jun 08 '22
No joke if my partner's ex texted her that while I was on my first few dates I'd ask her to call him and talk to him myself.
Heck I'd even tell him where we are and see what the spineless, insecure ratbag does. I'm not intimidating in the slightest and don't have big muscles, but I'm 99% sure he'll clam up as soon as he's confronted, like most bullies.
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u/JoyfulDeath Jun 08 '22
This is so true! Lot of people like to talk the talk but once called out on it, they are no where to be seen.
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u/kdkd20 Jun 08 '22
His Incel training is almost complete 😌