Hello, am MeMe, brown Burmese and very important and loud.

I have had a serious problem recently that no matter how many toes I bite I have not yet been able to solve. Recently Mum became very round. I didn’t like it much because it made lap very difficult to sit on, but I put up with it because she was in bed for me to snuggle with a lot more which I liked.

Though I thought I was being incredibly accommodating to this inconvenience, my parents chose to insult this graciousness by leaving me for a week. No explanation, no goodbye, NOTHING.

They finally came back but when they did they bought with them a very angry, very large potato. It screams a lot, which I don’t like. Mostly because screm is my thing to do and my parents know this. It doesn’t seem to do much else, other than make noise, sleep and poop (which, again, was kind of my thing prior to this infringement of my feline rights).

I have asked parents several times to please return the angry potato to wherever they found it or give it away to someone else (though I’m not sure what self respecting cat would want such an ill-tempered vegetable under their roof. But so far they have only ignored me! They keep fussing over it, wrapping it up in blankets and treating it like some kind of bald squishy useless cat.

I’m fairly confident it isn’t a human kitten, because when Mum moved us in with Dad and he had a human kitten (I avoid at all costs) and the human kitten is just a smaller, louder, more unpredictable version of Mum and Dad. I don’t know what this thing is but I DON’T LIKE IT.

Do I have any legal recourse to get rid of the angry potato? I know I am probably due compensation in the form of pats, treats and the good spot in bed but right now I just really want the screamy flesh tuber gone.

Hello, it’s me. Cat no5, previously known as chicken no5. I’m transitioning to being my true self, including eating cat food. The humans laugh about it, keep calling me chicken, which hurts to my bones. They also keep throwing corn in front of me which is OBVIOUSLY extremely rude.

What can I do about this? Can someone represent me??

I don't know what I did. But Stewart (ginger) and B'elanna (white calico) are mad, mad, MAD!

Help!

Thanks, Momz

Itz me again da big boi.Dis me doing da finking.

So I gotz 3 hooman sibz and 3 kitty sibz.

I give ya da back story and why I do da finking.

My personal hooman sibz made de meowmy and da pawther cry .

14 billion yearz ago he joins da somefing wif da army.

He says he wantz to be a hooman pokey person 🙀( he say a da medic but dat still pokey)

So it’s been 14 billion years he’s done da aways and he called meowmy and sayz his frens have da sadz. And asks meowmy if she can sendz the pictures of us kittiez.

It does a little bit of da halps but dey still have da sadz.

If my frens want to do da sends of pictures to help take away da sadz I fink dat would give dem da smiles.

Fank you ma frens!

Helo is us RB n Baby P(crimnals at crimes!)

We hab news today! PORTANT NEWS!

As you knows, we doesNOT hab an momther! Only idiot dumbs DAD! Him is so dumb!

Acuz ob dis (it is bad crimes against CATSES) we is DOIN NEW SALE ON IDIOT DAD! Him is for sales FOR 1 MOMTHER! MUST BE BETTER DEN DAD! Also if you doesNOT hab an momther to sell then him is for sale for 3 BOCKS OB CHURU!

GO CRIMES!

Helo is me Baby p(eanut) da crimnal! Crimnal bos ob CRIMES! Today ai has did stealin blankie crimes. Dad says is dark:30 n it is BEDTIME! Dis lies n slamder n DIS IS MINE BLANKIE! Also it is CRIMES TIMES! Ai says dis is not for dad. Dad not oblowed to sleeps! Sleeps is for peanut! HECK DAD GO CRIMES! Has you did good crimes dis weeks?

Hello!

Iz Percy and I adopted a human this morning, and wanted to make sure I did not need to add anything else to my contract. Here are the promises my new meowmy made:

• use of any item in the house for comfort. If I fits, I sits.

• never to be hongry or thirsty again

• churus. Iz never heard of dem, but it sounds gud?

• all the pets and scritches I want.

• never to have to go to the loud scary place with cages again.

Did I do gud? Iz good contract?

Meowmy a spar hooman did dis “marride” thing today. So I guess I hab step-pawther now. Dat kinda cool I guess, he nis an givs treats an Churus. But dey no bring me to weddin! Dey say is no cat in corthous, but I say dey coulda snuck me in so I can see.

Need big soo fur lie bout cant come an soo fur no invit!

• Maleficent the Magnificent

Dis me all alon stuk playin wit meself cuz no bring me along. I luk so sad, no?

Luckilee I got awaye. Can I soo for emoshunal trama??? Pls advise. Mew.

Frens, I needs to do a sad. My mommy is supposed to be home from bacation today, but American Airlimes isn’t letting her come home to me! Da plane was supposed to be at 12:08, den 12:38, den 1:15, den 1:59, den 2:10, now 2:41! She might not get home until anodder forever! And if she gets home late, she won’t be able to pick me up today, and it gunna smow 5 inches tomorrow, so she might not be able to get to meez! Am I eber going to seez her again??

MUST SOO AMERICAN AIRLIMES!!

-Jiggy da distraught Piggy

Soes, I finds this boxes ands I sits inside its. Thats means its mines, rights? I normallies doesnts bahthers withs the paws because I is kings. Buts theys says theys needs this for yards werks. Silly hoomans. Anyways, I likes its ands wants to keeps its. Cans a pawyers makes thems goes aways?

.

My Big Friend Miles (29NB, my Favorite) Accuse Me, Chester (2M dilute Orange Good Boy) of Stepping On Christmas Cookies just because Paw Print somehow appeared on them. They say that it not my Sister Nona (2F, tabby and white) because her Paw is Much Smaller but, counterpoint, I, Chester, am a Good Boy. Unrelated but also attached a Picture of my Toe Beans to show they Definitely Not what Step On Cookie.

Iz so mad rite now, dere's dis stuff stuck between mi toe feathurs n' it's COLD 😡. - Oscar BBB, MM

Hello is morgana the beautifull agin

Mes mammi stepped on mes paw and it hurt much :( her did ver fast pologies and I does a believe of herses guilt

Now I needs to know how to proceed with negosiayshuns for kompensayshuns. I has done much good looking ver sad to get ekstra treatos bc of her causing mes pain (see picshure for proof of sad) her has given me only 1(!) licky treato. This i no feel is enuf!!!

(Mammi: her paw is fine gave her some time to recover and checked it out later she didn’t even start limping or anything. Was just a big shock to the both of us as I was walking backwards and didn’t notice her. Def still feel bad tho)

Kneads to soo meowmy and person cawled grumurr!

I can’t. Just can’t.

OH MAI GAH, DIS NOT GUD.

I wuz doing a birb patrol (see photo) n I heerd Pawfurr joke dat "Dad iz cookin' for few dayez". Dis not gud, Dad gib good treatoes (like 🍕) but he only do kibble.

No wet fud while Meowmy gone. Me n Boo iz bery nerves bout de Airlimes. we heerd yor storeez bout bad fings happen. She go way for so many bi()llio() no...()billee() BILLYUNZ OB YERZ!

Fren Niko, I sorry yoo mite see dis, I kno iz hard for yoo cuz yoo gotz de PTESSDEE bout de Airlimes.

Iz Mez princess Murgatroyd, angel and fairy ruler. Iz was minding my own business when my smallest hoomans, 7, decided he wanted cuddles. Being fair and kind Iz obliged. He fussed well and I got a bits excited so Iz gib him lub bite on his finger.

Well he had to go to the pokey place for yucky medicine yesterday and then bigger pokey place today for better medicine. Cos is infected. Some how dey are saying dis is my faults.

His paw is a bit swollen but he's ok. No my fault I lubs him, and he knows waah properly. Meowmy no let me snuggle him nows. Cos standing on his bad paw is also wrong apparently!!

Can I soo for salamander and my littlest one back?!

Photo is me looking innocent but sad!

Murgatroyd, 21. No longer grabbing sore teeth!