So me and my boyfriend met in person, but had to move for family reasons, we've been together for over a year and i've fallen asleep countless times on the phone with him. I always just assumed he would hang up, but yesterday i decided to pretend fall asleep and i heard him talking to me about how much he loved me for like 4 minutes!! Do your partners do anything like this?

I cannot wait to be in his arms again

I used to post here in the very early days of our relationship. I've noticed more recently this sub has become a place of breakups and just pretty sad. I thought I'd pop in and update everyone. We started our LDR in 2017, moved in together 2019. We applied for our partner visa in October 2023, married November 2023. Our daughter was born March 2024 and our spouse visa was approved just last week. Long distance CAN work. ❤️

Me and my girlfriend broke up this morning and i don't know how to cope with it, we've been dating for a while and i don't think i can move on, she was my first real long distance girlfriend and i loved her to bits, i still do... our relationship was good until she told me she had to take time away from our relationship to study on her upcoming exam that was supposedly one of the hardest tests in her country, although it was a bitter pill i knew i wanted best for her so i endured it, but i didn't realize until much more recently how much i was hurting myself(mentally) in the process, i started blindly trying to continue the way we were when we first started dating and i started noticing that she was getting drier and drier with her responses and when she responded, minimum was within the hour. We also used to call a lot which carried our relationship, we maybe did more than we were supposed but that eventually stopped, although i wanted to continue she just couldn't find the time. I'm not angry at her or anything like that, i'm just so pissed at the timing that consumed our once bright relationship, towards the end i started noticing her distancing her self from me, i do get jealous and self conscious but i never get insecure, i never assume the worst about what she is doing or if she isn't responding i don't assume she is in someone else's arms but i do tend to notice the little things, it was only this morning in when i told her and told her that sometimes she hurts me she finally broke her silence and told me that mavbe the timina isn't riaht and that she hurts me she finally broke her silence and told me that maybe the timing isn't right and that she might not be the right person for me, i wanted to protest, i wanted to change her mind but something told me that maybe this might be a smarter option than hoping blindly to go back to the way we were, so we broke up..., I love her and i still do im worried she might never love me back but i have to accept it. (sorry this is long this rant is the only thing keeping me from crying). To xxxxx і love her i always will, i will always hold out for you i promise, i know i can't have you now, but if i have the option to start over i promise we can, or maybe in another universe my love😔. Thanks if you read it all.

I was seeing my ex-partner in an LD relationship since January 2024.

I am still at university. It’s my final year.

I did everything I could. I was supportive, gentle and caring. I asked about her day every single day. And her dreams and she’d ask me to remind her of things. We spent so many laughs and good times together.

I went to visit her over the December and January school break. A month together. It was the best time of my life and I tried to make sure she could see how much I loved and appreciated her during this time. It wasn’t perfect but we had so much fun and so many laughs and maybe one or two moments of brief conflict inbetween the endless memories of happiness. She was adamant that I move to her and I was okay with that because I loved her so deeply. I’d do anything for her. The flight back was the worst moment in recent memory but I took comfort in my pain knowing I’d see her again. That the time I gave her a big hug with tears in my eyes wouldn’t be the last time.

She started feeling sad and I tried my best to help her. I even tried to take on some debt to get back to her quickly. I believed I’d see her again but she just never got happy again. I genuinely tried my best to make her feel better.

2 months later and with me having an exam in 2 days I write her a heartfelt message telling her I love her, reaffirming my intentions to build a loving relationship with her and telling her those memories are so vivid because they were the best moments of my life.

An hour later she sends me some messages telling me she wants to end things as she doesn’t see the point of continuing to feel so sad. I tried to tell her I’d be coming to be with her permanently in around a year and while I understand the frustrations at least that’s something to look forward to.

She told me she’d rather have someone now than wait. Despite her telling me she wanted me to be the father of her kids and telling me she loved and respected me so much. Telling me at the airport it isn’t goodbye forever when I had to go through the TSA with tears in my eyes. Despite all the times she cried on the phone and in person and I soothed her and treated her as gently as I could.

She says this in a cold text message like we had barely been talking for a month. No warmth. No indication this hurt her. And now I’m blocked and alone.

I can honestly say this is the most devastating day of my life and I’m so heartbroken I’m writing this just to have another human being say something to me that isn’t just cold and callous. Anything. While I get ready to go back and study for a big final in 2 days.

Sometimes despite trying everything they just don’t want it to work out.

we’ve been together 2 years.. been in the same country on and off but currently living apart due to lack of visa, but we are very serious and generally have a very healthy and positive relationship and good communication, plans to see each other in a couple months and desire to live together long term once we sort out the legal side of things. i’ve never had any reason not to trust him. we both like to party, go out dancing with friends and i have no issue with him doing that. 2 days ago he told me that he’s been having issues lately when he goes out there’s always at least one girl that tries to flirt/dance with him and nothing has ever happened but he feels temptations because we are apart and lacking physical intimacy. until this weekend, he kissed someone (a stranger) in a club (while visiting a friend in another big city, so also not anyone he’s likely to run into again). he told me about it the next morning and was visibly afraid of my reaction.. extremely sorry and says he regrets it, it will never happen again etc. but i don’t even feel jealous honestly i just feel so disrespected and angry, hurt, annoyed. it doesn’t feel like necessarily something to end the relationship over, i feel so committed to him but at the same time i just feel so disgusted by his actions/disregard of our commitment and i don’t really know how to move forward currently. i don’t think us being LDR is any kind of valid excuse, though i do understand that it’s a contributing factor. I have never even come close to doing anything like that with someone else. I wouldn’t even entertain someone flirting w me to get to that point (???). i haven’t felt like talking about it with my friends yet, i think i will soon but i needed to vent somewhere.

My girlfriend 23 and I 24M have been together for almost two years and have been long distance throughout the school months because we go to unis 6hrs apart. We have been able to be back in our hometown together the past month so we’ve been together almost everyday. Everything has been great and we rarely argue. This morning I saw a message on her phone from an unsaved number and weve always had free access to eachother’s phones in person and casually let eachother know if we missed a call or text. When I saw the message I thought it was a weird text so I opened the message thread and found shes been texting her ex for two days with a 20min phone call yesterday.

I asked her about it and she started apologizing and said she has nothing to hide and he texted her off of a new number (I know for a fact she has had him blocked since they broke up 3 years ago and they never kept in contact). She said she told him she doesnt have romantic feelings for him anymore on the phone call and thats why he said he was sad. She said he said just got a new phone and thats why that number wasnt blocked but she knew it was him because of the area code. (we werent together in person yesterday when he called her)

I am completely blindsided and I dont know how to go about this. Her and this ex broke up because she said they were both toxic back then but they ended on good terms and she just blocked him to forget about it all. He is in the military and in a different country than us. I dont know what to do, we’ve never had any issues like this at all before

It was in early December. I wrote a couple of depressive posts on Reddit, not hoping for support, but rather with the goal of saying something, and one person responded to my posts. He wrote me a private message and we started chatting. It's funny, but on the second day of our conversation I already confessed my feelings, which he accepted. We communicate every day. He has mental illnesses, I have the same (BPD), which makes it difficult to have a dialogue sometimes, since almost every day one of us feels bad (usually both at once), but we are still together. I am in the far east of Russia, he is in Germany, there are a little more than 8,200 kilometers between us. Most often, it is difficult for us to understand each other, since I am bad at English, but despite this, we communicate on Discord every day. If something is too difficult for us to say, we record a voice message in our native language and translate it. The time difference is also very noticeable, before it was 9 hours, now it is 8. My sleep schedule is very disrupted because of this, but I am happy with it. Our calls usually last 10-11 hours, and I love it. He is the sweetest and most handsome person in the world, I really love listening to his voice, I love joking with him about different topics, I love his creativity! (He plays the guitar and other musical instruments very well, he can also draw). I also love to draw, and I often dedicate my drawings to our relationship, I am very happy that he likes my drawings. He is my biggest fan. At the end of August I am going to study in China, we agreed to meet in September, because he will have a day off, and my birthday is in September. I really hope that everything will work out, and I will be able to hug him. He is the most precious person in the world to me:3

My (39F) boyfriend (34M) broke up with me last night due to the distance. We live in a state over from each other (8 hour drive, 2 hour flight) and have been seriously dating for 9 months. We were currently seeing each other 1-2x a month over the weekends (every other weekend when possible but sometimes only one weekend a month). Everything was honestly doing perfectly, we are so compatible.

The main (only) barrier to anything is that I have two small children (4 and 6) and have a custody arrangement with my ex husband (we share 50/50), so I obviously cannot move from the state. In fairness to my (now ex) boyfriend, he did tell me at the very beginning of our relationship that he would not want to move to where I live. We were so early into dating that I didn't really think of the implications of that because who does think about those type of future plans when you just start dating.

We sat on facetime last night for three hours and just cried to each other. I am so fucking gutted it hurts to breathe.

People who have moved in together or are close to moving in what are things you wish you knew before hand? And just general advice on moving in together.

My vision is so blurred as I type this. It's over after 2 years of giving it our all. The distance got to us with visa situations and our family's different cultural perspectives adding fuel to the fire and making things worse. We have so much respect still for each other but we know it's not going to work. I HATE THIS FEELING. But thank you to this sub for giving hope for this long.

My boyfriend (20m) and I (18f) have been dating since September of 2023 and have never met. We talk everyday and have over 7k km distance between us . I am overjoyed but I am so very nervous… I’m excited to meet my lovely boy on Thursday but I’m so scared of things being awkward and not as I imagined.

leading up to now (nearing our meet), they don’t seem to be excited and their tone changed. I don’t have as much joy for the meet anymore whereas I was sooo excited before. I expect the meet to be okay , not happen or lead to further disappointment. I asked them how they’re doing since some people act moody from stress or other things. I know I could ask what’s going on with us particularly, but I have some anxiety about it due to having an idea what this foreshadows. Maybe this is all my anxiety and in my head. I just wish there was more happiness.. we don’t have to do this if there isn’t any .. I want to feel like they want to see me, enjoy talking to me.. I’m bummed.

I know there’s been a lot of negativity on this subreddit lately but I have to get this off my chest. My bf (24M) and I (20F) have been dating for nine months. Things were wonderful up until now. The other night was our nine month anniversary. He said he’d call me at 9:30pm, and did not proceed to do so until 11:30pm. The entirety of our call, he was venting to me about what’s been going on at work, but he didn’t let me talk about my day either. He didn’t wish me happy anniversary until 1am of the next day, before proceeding to fall asleep before my very eyes on the phone. Lately I haven’t felt like his priority, and I made sure he knew that. But he keeps pinning it back on me and questioning me feeling this way even though I tell him exactly why. We used to plan and have dates all the time, especially for our anniversaries. But those don’t happen anymore, unless I’m the one to bring it up, ask when our next one is or plan it, etc. Not to mention that whenever I present him with confrontation, of any kind, instead of wanting to apologize and work out what can be done to fix it, he completely shuts down, sulks and starts self deprecating, saying things like “I’m not good enough” “you deserve better” and “you should leave me.” I was trying to let it slide until now.

Tonight I made a gut-wrenching discovery that he’s been leaving very flirtatious comments on several girls’ posts. I’m talking calling them beautiful, darling, etc. I’ve talked to him in the past before about seeing things like this and that it bothered me, to which he apologized but now it looks like he’s made no change, as his excuse is constantly that these girls are his friends. From my knowledge, you do not talk to your friends like that, more or less ‘friends’ you don’t know in person and appear to be random women on the internet. Especially one in particular whose comments are very romantic back to him, and he’s even reposted her pics on his story before. Not once has he EVER posted me.

I’m currently confronting him about it and letting him know how angry I am, especially since this isn’t the first time I’ve told him that it hurts me. He’s spamming my phone, trying to call me, and pinning it back on me but also trying to tell me he loves me and only me. I just don’t know if I can believe him anymore after the damage has already been done. I don’t want to let him go because of how long we’ve been together, but I think I’m at my witt’s end.

Ever since my first relationship, I (21f) have a bad habit of becoming codependent and suffocating. My boyfriend (of 3 years) and I had the ‘break-up’ talk recently, which I handled very well, and i agreed with everything he said, he then told me that he doesn’t want to lose me and would miss me very much. We are staying together based on that, so I want to find a way to stop being so codependent. So, we are still together.

The problem he brought up is that he feels suffocated sometimes, and as much as he loves me, he felt that he can never be enough for me and it was making him feel bad. I brought up my problems, but most were a result of my own actions.

I agree with him wholly, I push and push until I feel like I’m safe. I think it comes from me being scared he will leave, which stupidly is what would make him actually leave.

For context, It’s not so much attention, I have my own life that I am very happy with and have plenty of other friends, family and responsibilities. It’s a case of if I am feeling anxious or insecure, I need instant reassurance, which results in me spamming his phone, either calling or texting. I know it’s a problem because if someone did that to me I would think wth?!

(We are long distance temporarily, until end of August, which is a struggle in itself.)

Has anyone else experienced this and how have you changed your approach to your relationships? Also long-distance wise, what is a normal amount to call/text per day or per week…?

Edit— we are both 21.

So it’s been weeks since we have called each other and he hasn’t mentioning calling me. The only time he did mention calling me was to sext and for me to show my body which was last week but I had to decline him because it just felt wrong how he hadn’t called me in weeks but wanted to call for sexting. And it’s also been weeks since we have watched a show together and he hasn’t suggested anything. Today he asked me what I’m doing I told him I’m just relaxing and he tells me he’s just been watching shows… like the fact that we are both home doing nothing means we could of spend time together either calling or watching a show like the old times. I just feel like he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore. Like I know it’s been 6 months since we have seen each other but that’s entirely his fault because I’ve been wanting to see him. We then decided on seeing each other for our 1 year anniversary in June and he told me he would come to visit me. But then when I ask him to book he says he has to check with his uni schedule to make sure he has no exams but it’s like I’m not going to wait forever. It’s crazy how I’m always bringing up planning our next visit and he’s not. Like do you think he has lost interest? Like why does he not wanna spend time with me doing anything anymore? This is truly breaking my heart because I miss spending time with him and I also wish he brought up planning our next visit which is going to be probably in 2 months… and that would make it 8 months since we haven’t see each other. Everyday for me is so hard because all I want is to see him but I’m starting to feel like that’s not the case for him…

I live in Sweden and he lives in Dubai.

So, this is honestly more of a rant than actually an attempt to seek real advice, because I KNOW the answer already - have a conversation with him. But I just really wanted to talk about this with people who might understand my anxiety. Buckle in!

My boyfriend and I met on an app in December 2023. We were dating pretty much from day one, started on Snapchat (my decision, he’s always prioritized my comfort), and after a month I gave him my number. We started officially, exclusively being a couple in June 2024, although he said he viewed us as exclusive much earlier (as did I). In our over year long relationship, we have had ONE phone call. We text and snap and send reels every single day, know everything about one another’s lives, and have sent gifts through the mail.

The real reason we haven’t had a second phone call is me. I grew up with something called selective mutism, and it’s left me with a lot of anxiety and social problems. Phone calls are a huge fear of mine, especially when I still live at home and I’m never ever alone. I WANT to get past my fear and call him again, I miss his voice so much, but I just can’t with my family around.

So as you can probably imagine, the prospect of meeting him in person? Even scarier - but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I’ve told him this, and we’re constantly talking about things we COULD do, dates we COULD go on, but…they just never happen. Keep in mind, he lives about 2.5 hours south of me. Most people probably would gawk at that, but we call our relationship an LDR because the distance has kept us from being together physically. I can’t drive, I don’t have a car, but he does. Being 30, he’s got a big boy job and an apartment and everything! What’s his excuse?!

I’ve been attempting to push it more recently, but the last time I mentioned an idea I had for a weekend he could spend up here with me this summer, he…ignored it. Well, he didn’t respond to it anyway! And it just gave me this pit in my stomach, like…what if he doesn’t want to see me? I’ve told my entire friends and family about him. He told me he’s mentioned me to two friends and that’s it, and said back in June that he wouldn’t be letting anyone more know about me because of the distance and the age gap, at least until we no longer WERE long distance. But it’s been so long in my eyes, and combined with him never saying anything himself about us meeting, it makes me feel almost like I’m his dirty little secret, even though he never treats me that way. It makes me so nervous because I know I’ve taken a risk dating someone ten years my senior. But I also know that HE knows that, and it makes sense why he wouldn’t really want anyone to know…y’know?

He’s such a sweet boyfriend and he’s patient and understanding and never gets upset with me. On paper, he’s the perfect man (besides his nicotine addiction, but we can work on that), and I really don’t ever wanna break up with him because I see a GENUINE future with him. I don’t date for fun. I’m looking for a life partner to settle down with and raise children. We have the same dreams for a family/life together, and he also pushes me to pursue mine. I just wanna see him SO bad and I’m so so scared of it that I almost throw up from the anxiety, but I need to. We need to, eventually. There’s no such thing as a digital marriage and kids. I’d even move down there with him. I’m just nervous.

I know I should just talk to him about it, and I’m sure I will, eventually. I just…I want HIM to be the one to bring it up, y’know? Men are just so confusing and oblivious sometimes. Tell ME you wanna see me! I’ve already done my bit. I’ve been talking about going on dates with this man since we started talking.

And y’know what y’all? I am DAMN good at planning dates for a girl who’s never been on one! I got excited about an idea I had and started putting together an itinerary for something i knew deep inside wasn’t gonna happen. I have a whole section in my notes app with links for things to buy to prepare, pinterest boards of the photos we should take, and this Christmas I told him I think I love him in a hand written letter that went on so long I ran out of paper. I told him there I was ready whenever he is. I’m the ultimate romantic. Safe but small hotel in the city center, a day at the beach I used to go to when I was little, a day at the mall. The state fair?! Totally exciting!! And I know this guy loves fun, he used to be quite the partier when he was my age! He loves skateboarding and skiing and ice hockey, anything you could break your neck doing! We could rent out a rink for an hour, or even just do a public skate or see a hockey game at one of the local AHL teams.

I think I might just be losing my mind slightly. Long distance is NOT for the weak, I’ll tell ya that much! I wish I could just ask him to take me on a date and he’d say “7 o’clock tomorrow?” and i’d say yes and then worry about what i should wear that night and not just pout because I know we say this stuff all the time and he never really means it. I’m sick of sleeping in his hoodie whenever I miss him, of driving myself crazy stalking his socials wondering if there’s someone else, comparing myself to the girl he commented a heart to three years ago. I know what we have is real, but I want it to be REAL real. I want to kiss him. I want to look at him. I don’t even know how he walks or talks to other people or his little mannerisms or how he snores at night. I don’t know how his hands feel on my skin, our height difference or the way he smells (although his clothes smelled strongly of the cigarettes he claims not to really smoke anymore). I just want him to tell me he loves me because when I said it, he didn’t say it back because he didn’t wanna take that away from me if I wasn’t sure (he’s my first of everything). I wanna meet his family - I want them to know about me. I want that so bad. I think what’s scariest for me is that when you combine the distance with the age gap, it makes everything so much more complicated. All eyes are on you, waiting for something to go wrong. Calling him names without even knowing him. Wondering…what if those people were right? And then spiraling because it’s so scary and he’s been so sweet to me always, but can I trust it?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m the only person standing in the way of my own happiness, maybe even through my texts he can sense that I’m somehow not ready yet and that’s why. But I don’t think my fear is ever going to go away. And…we have to meet at some point, don’t we? Otherwise what was this even for?

These are a few of my favorites, and I noticed they’re mostly ones where we’re laughing. It’s been a long road. We closed the gap about 1.5yrs ago and the road is still going. I know it’s hard. If it’s real, you’ll know, and it’ll make it all worthwhile. It’s started here. 🖤

My bf and I first met 8 years ago while he was studying abroad in my country. We didn't have a romantic relationship at the time, and we lost contact. I ended up studying in his country 3 years ago, and we reconnected shortly but lost contact again. I was going through the death of my father at the time, so the past 3 years, while I was studying in his country, we didn't contact each other.

In January, we reconnected and ended up realizing we had mutual feelings and started dating. But I had already had plans to go back to my home country for 3 months.

So far, we've been 3 weeks long distance and things were going better than expected. We talk and make efforts to call almost every day.

However my bf started a new job 4 weeks ago. His job is really stressing him out, and he finally confided in me that he is having a really hard time because of his job and is scared we could end up breaking up because of it.

I asked him to elaborate a bit in case I did or said something that would make him think that. He admitted that before we started dating, he had a really hard time last year, and he was contemplating suicide. He didn't give too many details about why. I sent him a message basically saying that I also struggled with my mental health in the past, and I would be here for him. He just read it and didn't reply. He's probably a bit overwhelmed and taking time to organize his thoughts.

While I've dealt with my own depression I haven't really experienced supporting someone else while they are going through depression. If I was back in his country, I would try to do little things to let him know he is loved, but I'm not really sure how I can show support for him while we are long distant.

I guess I'm wondering if you were in his position. What would you want your SO to do to make you feel better or comfort you?

I’m F 20 To people who are in serious relationship who think of marriage, how do you feel assured of marriage or future commitments? Is it important for you that your significant other’s parents or at least mom knows about you if they tell you they want to marry you?

I’m really want to know different perspectives. I’m a person who got trust issues.

So i want to know what are the things that make you feel assured of future with your significant other. Since there are guys and girls out there who will tell you they wana marry n all but not really having that intention?

TLDR: asking for opinions since i want to know different perspectives

Hi everyone!

I'm not sure if I'm able to ask a question like this on the sub but here goes nothing.

Me (Canada) and my partner (USA) have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now. We have been able to visit each other only once due to personal life issues preventing us to see each other more often.

She and I have been looking into the citizenship process in both of our countries but everything just feels so overwhelming and it's been very difficult to get the answers to our questions, where to start, which documents we'd need for the process, etc.

We were also wondering which citizenship would be easier to get so we can start there first, Canadian or USA.

I would love to have feedback, advice or stories on how some people here who are in a similar situation with countries and citizenship with how they made everything work.

This means the world to me, I am desperate for answers

Thank you!

I’ve been talking to a guy on and off since December and we have a great connection. We can talk for hours all day long.

However he has a couple of red flags and some changes in his behavior/communication that my gut and intuition tells me is just off and that’s what is stopping me from proceeding with the relationship.

I have been cheated on in my last relationship so I wonder is it just baggage and insecurity from that?

I think there is some baggage… but I also just trust my intuition really well and I know that something is off, even if I don’t know the complete story (and I never will because it’s Long Distance).

Whenever I bring up my concerns to him, he always brushes it off as me and my baggage from my divorce and I end up feeling bad or crazy like I’m overthinking it.

I don’t wanna list all of the red flags, there’s too many. But it’s just a bunch of little small things that add up into this big picture that he might be a little too insecure, too sexual, and too promiscuous for me and I just have trouble trusting someone like that in a long distance relationship.

I actually never do long distance, we kinda just started chatting on a dating app accidentally and here we are.

Can you guys share some LDR stories and how your gut/intuition played a part in it?

[27F] [25M] he claims he doesn't look at his explore page only his reel tab. when I clicked on his explore page right away there was 3 girls dancing in their bra and underwear with their boobs and butt bouncing. i'm really sad upon finding out and he claims he doesn't look and gets upset at me saying I don't trust him. he keeps telling me to trust him and but it's been a slippery slope. we've definitely been working on this and he gave me his instagram password and everything because he claimed he had nothing to hide. once i saw his explore page i definitely questioned him a ton. he felt uncomfortable and decided to change his password back. he tells me i'm making him feel uncomfortable asking questions to which he gives "i don't know" "i don't remember" answers. i told him i want to be with him and work out and he said he needs time to think, he hates having to reassure me a lot which is something I told him i'm trying my best to work on. he told me it doesn't matter as I will still need reassurance. what do you guys think?