r/relationship_advice • u/Helper-Monkey87 • Nov 10 '24
My partner (28M) whispered "I hate you" when he thought I (37M) was asleep. Do you think he means it?
Me (37M) and my partner (28M) have been together for seven years. We've had arguments in the past and almost broke up more than once. The arguments have calmed down and gotten less frequent over the years. We had an argument today while making dinner. I put the dry pasta in the pot before putting in the boiling water from the kettle and this really got him angry. I was supposed to heat up the water in the pot and then put the pasta in. He stopped talking to me the rest of the evening. He went into a different room and I went to bed. At about 2am, he came into the room and he thought I was sleeping and whispered "I hate you" and walked back out. I tried to go talk to him at around 2:30am but he is not responding to me, just sitting on his iPad. He may be calmed down by tomorrow. What are your thoughts on this?
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u/ffyam Nov 10 '24
I’m pretty sure he means he hates you.
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u/OkArm6043 Nov 10 '24
This is a wild guess but you might just be right🤔
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u/NoHandBananaNo Nov 10 '24
An age gap relationship turned sour you say? Surprised pikachu.
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u/Last_Friend_6350 Nov 10 '24
The difference between 21 and 28 is huge. He’s matured enough that he’s no longer happy in the relationship. He definitely hates OP.
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u/ToEmpathyAndBeyond Nov 10 '24
They were 21 and 30 when they started dating. Even worse.
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u/rmg418 Late 20s Female Nov 10 '24
I’m 28 and wouldn’t even look at a 21 year old lol I do not understand age gaps like that, doesn’t even sound fun
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u/kittykatkonway Nov 10 '24
I can't like this comment more.
I worked with youth the better part of the last decade, and from 29-33, i can tell you I can't fathomth interest in a 21-24 year old. Let alone younger.
Wtf do we have in common?
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u/system_error_02 Nov 10 '24
I'm a straight guy so I can't speak for m+m relationships but for me in my 30s I don't even look at anyone below 30. The maturity difference is just way too big.
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u/Lunaphire Nov 10 '24
To be fair, I've had terrible luck with people in their thirties being critically immature, too. It varies drastically from person to person, age isn't the only factor. My ex was 33 when I broke off the engagement, and I was so tired of feeling more like his mom than his partner after nearly a decade. 😥
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u/turtleturtleTUT Nov 10 '24
Yes the partners were 21 and 30 when they met, but the younger one was 21 and is now 28. The person we are commenting under was just talking about the younger one’s growth and the older one’s being oblivious (apparently) to how much the younger one has changed. I’d also say there’s probably some resentment in there around the younger one’s 20s being sacrificed to this shitty (by OPs account) relationship.
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u/BlergingtonBear Nov 10 '24 edited Nov 10 '24
Especially, resentment around the banality of domesticity, I'm sure.
The pasta fight is probably more about a seething realization he's spent his party and discovery years playing house.
And now that he's 28 he's also old enough to look at 20 year olds and be like "wait, that's kinda young" and see his situation from a birds eye view.
OP should have a chat then let him go.
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u/eumonigy Nov 10 '24
You're spot on about everything, but the catalyst for this argument was definitely when he realized he's with a man who is 10 years older than him and somehow STILL doesn't know how to prepare pasta. This relationship is doomed and rightfully so.
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u/emi_lgr Nov 11 '24
The growth of the younger partner can also be stunted when they date a much older person. Even if the older person isn’t toxic, it’s natural to defer to the person with more experience, which slows down personal growth and maturity. OP’s partner likely never matured as much as he would have if he were with someone closer to his age. The “I hate you” very much reminds me of a child that’s upset at their parent.
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u/Unlikely-Path6566 Nov 11 '24
Some old men only like to date younger men or women. There was a 14yr age gap btw my partner and me I was 18F he was 32. It was all about control which is what he did for years now I’m 37 his run off with someone younger and is now 52. Now I look at it it’s totally gross.
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u/Yassssmaam Nov 10 '24
And I’m going to take a wild guess and say the fight wasn’t really about the pasta
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u/Royal__Tenenbaum Nov 10 '24
ITS NOT ABOUT THE PASTA
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u/grampytrampstamp Nov 10 '24
Kept looking in this thread just for this.
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u/elleplates Nov 10 '24
Me too, too far down!!!
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u/grampytrampstamp Nov 10 '24
I say it to myself way too much. Just wish we could insert the GIF.
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u/Idyllic_Zemblanity Nov 10 '24
I do want to say tho, wtf, Don't ever put pasta in first again, please!
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u/SpicyMustFlow Nov 10 '24
I mean. He's right about the pasta? But that's a little "silly billie, why are you doing it ass-backwards? Haha" and not a stony sulk for hours.
OP, your boyf hates you.
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u/lurkerlcm Nov 10 '24
It reminds me of the video where the American woman breaks up the spaghetti as a joke and tells her Italian boyfriend it's so it will fit in the pot. And he's going "No, no, no, my love, my love, no!" He is naturally shaken to his core, but he's still loving about it.
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u/Neacha Nov 10 '24
How about when Archie and Mike fight on "All in the family" because Mike puts on a sock and then shoe, sock shoe, rather that putting on both socks first before the shoes.
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u/jojothebuffalo Nov 10 '24
It’s one of the most memorable scenes in the whole series if you ask me. Such a stupid argument
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u/bury-me-in-books Nov 10 '24
They're such a funny couple. He's so dramatic, and she teases him so much. It's adorable.
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u/Lost-friend-ship Nov 10 '24
https://youtube.com/shorts/pfLzEY0fbJA?si=hFu0yhdGJuTYzsEN
😂😂 I’ve watched this 5 times now
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u/Albuquicky Nov 10 '24
OMG I love the Pasinis! They're so cute. But this boyfriend needs to get some counseling.
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u/9inkski3s Nov 10 '24
Nah he needs to get the boot to his ass. That’s emotional abuse to stonewall your partner over something so minor. Abusers don’t deserve second chances.
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u/Lost-friend-ship Nov 10 '24
Hahaha I’d never seen it but I had to hunt it down 😂
Is this the one you mean?
Sharing for others: https://youtu.be/CPkdKiuD5i4
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u/jupitermoonflow Nov 10 '24 edited Nov 10 '24
Yeah I was thinking about it and if my bf did that I’d be like “what the heck are you doing, weirdo?” And he’d make fun of me too if I did that… but it’s not that crazy, I’m assuming Op was just gonna add the boiling water and let it cook for another 10 mins. But to be mad for hours, and actually fight about it… Nah this goes deeper than pasta
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u/Yassssmaam Nov 10 '24
Right?
This is a complete guess, but im not a divorce lawyer and usually the “my partner blew up over something so silly” is more like “my partner told me over and over to please do some small thing for them but I never do it and it’s taken on a life of its own because my partner feels disrespected and this seemingly trivial issue has revealed a larger pattern of rigidity…”
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u/bury-me-in-books Nov 10 '24
Yes, or conversely, "my partner blew up over something so silly" might also be "my partner is abusive and I haven't realized it yet because I'm so sure if I had just gotten the pasta right, and my hair right, and my clothes right, and if I had been more gentle when I gave him a foot massage, and more quick to get his food to him, and more flattering in the way I said how handsome he was, well, maybe he wouldn't have blown up at me at all, and everything would be fine, because I'm really the problem here honestly"
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u/9inkski3s Nov 10 '24
Or a third option “my partner blew up over something so silly” may mean “my partner is interested in someone else and is looking for any excuse to create an argument and break up”. We have seen it over and over in different subs and other groups. Is generally either what you wrote or what I wrote and occasionally the first option above your comment.
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u/ConstructionNo9678 Nov 10 '24
Without any more information about what the arguments from the past were about and why they almost broke up, it's impossibly to say for sure. I'm thinking your version may be more accurate though. Unless OP is leaving out the actual argument earlier tonight, if you stop talking to someone and stonewall them for the entire evening over a minor mistake then you're part of the problem.
At this point I think that it's kinder to both of them to just break up.
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u/occasionalpart Nov 10 '24
"I deserve the black eye, it's for my own good. It actually hurts him more".
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u/SpicyMustFlow Nov 10 '24
Can confirm about the abuse, having been the recipient of towering anger over trivial things.
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u/MrMcFunStuff Nov 10 '24
Dating a 37 year old man who can’t boil pasta correctly sounds exhausting.
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u/hackberrypie Nov 10 '24
Ha, well my first reaction was "that's the wrong way to boil pasta" but I suppose if the water from the kettle truly is boiling when it goes into the pot and you can keep it boiling then it might work pretty close to the normal way. Maybe he's had success with it before.
Constantly having to eat bad food would drive me nuts, but very unclear if that's what's happening here or if the partner is just abusive or otherwise volatile.
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u/MrMcFunStuff Nov 10 '24
When you pour boiling water into an empty pot it’s going to stop boiling, unless you’re preheating the pot as well as the water which is just insane.
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u/gooderj Nov 10 '24
Yip, my wife and I argue now and again over silly things like that which on the odd occasion, escalate into a bigger argument, but I’ll never say I hate her. OP, if he comes up to while you’re “asleep” and says he hates you, he definitely hates you. Time to leave.
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u/itsacalamity Nov 10 '24
The one thing my ex and i used to argue over was the zipper merge! Which is stupid as hell to fight about, but boy howdy do people get het up about it. But there's dumb silly back and forth arguuing and there's "I hate you" and those are v different.
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u/Fast-Grapefruit-6127 Nov 10 '24
I’m not sure why but I get the feeling his partner hates him.
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u/Ssn81 Nov 10 '24
He definitely means it. Time to exit stage left
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u/megenekel Nov 10 '24
He should definitely leave, but he should wait at least one night until soon-to-be ex is asleep to whisper in his ear, “I hate you, too.”
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u/committedlikethepig Nov 10 '24
Nah. Say it with your chest as you walk out the door.
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u/itsacalamity Nov 10 '24
Better if he's awake and just 'resting his eyes" so he actually hears it
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u/shanghai-blonde Nov 10 '24
Exit pursued by a bear
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u/ThrowRArosecolor Nov 10 '24
😂😂😂. I love this double meaning
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u/The_Boots_of_Truth Nov 10 '24
When I choose the bear, this is usually the type of bear i'd choose, even as a woman.
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u/No_Thanks_1766 Nov 10 '24
Best Shakespeare line ever. Fvck the sonnets and Hamlet, this is it
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u/aprss Nov 10 '24
You know how much hate you have to have to just leave where you are to walk to a room to voice your hate to a person and walk back out. Lmaooo it was bothering him so much he had to let it out
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u/dolcenbanana Nov 10 '24
I don't know if he meant it necessarily because when I'm mad I will think to myself similar things.
That being said... The fact that there is so much resentment that they are arguing over pasta water is more of a tell that this relationship is over.
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u/ZucchiniPractical410 Nov 10 '24
1) Yes, he absolutely means it.
2) That's f'ing creepy and scary
3) Time to take your incorrectly cooked pasta and leave
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u/TotalAd4830 Nov 10 '24
3) Time to take your incorrectly cooked pasta and leave
😆
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u/eebieteebie Nov 10 '24
That is sooo creepy and scary! People are really missing that part.
OP, if he waited til you were sleeping to come through just so he could whisper that he hated you... I'd be so scared what he would do next.
Although, I'd have taken a bow and left at the pasta thing. If anyone, anyone, dared to get mad at me when I was graciously making them food they would end up with the plate over them. Truthfully. That's so disrespectful, and I can't help but feel that's the tip of the iceberg of nasty shit he's done/said.
Please go find yourself someone better.
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u/Familiar_Fee_1236 Nov 10 '24
exactly. only chefs and italians are allowed to get this mad over pasta.
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u/Disastrous-Ad2510 Nov 10 '24
No 😭✋️ this also made me mad an I'm Australian who tf cooks pasta like that
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u/rumi_oliver Nov 10 '24
Yes, and it has nothing to do with the pasta. Get everything in order and leave to rebuild ASAP.
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u/kb48209 Nov 10 '24
“ITS NOT ABOUT THE PASTA”
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u/MissionHoneydew2209 Nov 10 '24
I wonder what else he whispers when you actually are asleep?
Always believe people when they tell you they hate you.
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u/asdfhillary Nov 10 '24 edited Nov 10 '24
My ex once told me that choking me was the most pleasurable experience of his life. I’ll receive all the downvotes but I definitely went back to him four times. Trauma bonding is serious and the high highs of this kind of intense relationship can really keep you hanging on. But I’m glad that you all told her he does hate her, and it’s not about the pasta.
Because I agree she should leave before it gets worse.
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u/midgethepuff Nov 10 '24
It takes the average domestic abuse victim 5-7 times of leaving to stay gone for good. Don’t feel bad.
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u/MissionHoneydew2209 Nov 10 '24
I am so glad you are out. Screw those people who would vote you down for having been a DV survivor.
Trauma bonding is real, and kick ass women like you show other DV victims they too can be a survivor.
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u/HippieGrandma1962 Nov 10 '24
You don't deserve downvotes. You deserve compassion. I'm so glad you got out of there!
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u/ccc2801 Nov 11 '24
Seems they’re both men. But yeah, the OP should safely leave asap.
Well done for getting out. That’s not easy.
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u/DextersGirl Nov 10 '24
My terminally ill ex whispered to me one night, "It should be you dying." He later tried to kill me.
Believe him.
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u/Mindless-Designer-38 Nov 10 '24
HWAT wtf?!?!?! 😭😭😭
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u/DextersGirl Nov 10 '24
Yeah it wasn't a very good marriage.
I got out though. Eventually.
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u/Noonull Nov 10 '24
Is he dead yet? That sounds mean but that is my question.
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u/DextersGirl Nov 10 '24
Yes. He is. About two years ago, which was about two years after I left.
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u/PandaOnTheMoonnn Nov 11 '24
We need more of this story
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u/DextersGirl Nov 11 '24
To be perfectly honest, it's quite the predictable cliché. I was 25, he was 20 years older. Didn't take him long to introduce me to meth and violence.
I had a very surprising pregnancy (I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant) a few years later. We separated, I cleaned up. Eventually he did too and we tried again.
But he had been a drinker for 30 years. Tequila mostly. Eventually the abuse began again, but this time he was getting sick too.
There were a lot of hospitalizations. The sicker he got the more violent and degrading he became. I had been clean ever since the stick had two lines and he sabotaged that (he put meth in my drinks) And still 🙄 we got married (because survivor benefits.) And then he tried to kill me on the floor in front of his daughter. I did prosecute him, but there wasn't much that happened once they eventually caught him (he ran).
And as I was trying to plan my complete escape from anywhere near him, covid came and I finally went home to my mom.
I got better. He did not.
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u/PandaOnTheMoonnn Nov 11 '24
You are an absolute legend. I hope your daughter knows what a boss her mum is
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u/Gemfrancis Nov 10 '24
I feel like I'm getting brain rot reading these.
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Nov 10 '24
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u/AcceptableFold5 Nov 10 '24
"My partner said he'd rather put rotting meat in his mouth than kiss me again and he handed me divorce papers, is this still salvageable?"
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Nov 10 '24
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u/Crosswired2 Nov 11 '24
Reddit: "Everyone always says divorce in this sub. How about marriage counseling first"
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Nov 10 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TortoiseWayfarer Nov 10 '24
They don’t want to be alone so they’re looking for any small reason or inkling to keep it together. It’s sad.
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u/Khajiit-ify Nov 10 '24
Considering my opinion on the average human intelligence has dropped dramatically recently, I'm no longer surprised to see full grown adults being complete morons.
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u/Fredo_the_ibex Nov 10 '24
"my partner is trying to kill me but he doesn't mean it tee hee what would you do?"
"my partner is cheating on my should I confront her?"
either these people have no brain to think for themselves or all these posts that end in a question with an obvious answer are just engagement bait
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u/Ok-Parfait8675 Nov 10 '24
For some reason I can't unsub. The morons that make these posts are entertaining, but the people that reply in earnest are truly something special.
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u/SteelToeSnow Nov 10 '24
Do you think he means it?
yes.
that's a fucking awful thing to say over fucking pasta, and ignoring you when you tried to have a conversation is also shitty. like, if he wasn't ready to talk yet, he could've just said so, but nooo, he ignored you.
doesn't matter if he's "calmed down" tomorrow, that's unacceptable behaviour.
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u/PhotoAwp Nov 10 '24
This has nothing to do with with the pasta. Hes probably said this dozens of times when he thought no one could hear. OP needs to get out asap.
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u/turtleturtleTUT Nov 10 '24
Honestly, they used to have a pretty tumultuous relationship that has “calmed down” in recent years? My guess is he’s said this when OP can hear it, along with saying explicitly that he wants to leave etc and OP doesn’t let it happen.
OP let this guy go. He hates you. I’m not sure what you think a normal relationship is but you’re clinging to embers right now man. Also, I’d strongly suggest talking to a therapist about what contributed to you trying to keep this relationship going for so long.
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u/Status_Response_4636 Nov 10 '24 edited Nov 11 '24
Right!? He comes into the room trying to upset…then ignores OP when he’s disturbed by that VERY disturbing thing he just did.
He’s manipulative and imo dangerous af.
Edited to correct genders
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u/SnooMacaroons5247 Nov 10 '24
I mean the age gap is a bit sus within the context of how long they’ve been together.
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u/Tiny-Act3086 Nov 10 '24
It definitely wasn't really over pasta. Listen to him. Definitely unacceptable.
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u/Healthy_Rooster9870 Nov 10 '24
Feels like there is a lot of resentment and anger going on. He probably wants to leave but somehow can't. Either way very toxic.
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u/SnooMacaroons5247 Nov 10 '24
I think the age gap considering how long they e been together could speak to the “somehow”
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u/msgmeyourcatsnudes Nov 10 '24
The man was 21 when he got with a 30 year old. That's almost his entire young adult life.
Idk, it's weird. I'm 30 and no way in hell you'd catch me with a 21 year old.
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u/SqueaksScreech Nov 10 '24
I'm 25 and even I can't date a 21 year old because they're still in a different phase of life as me
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u/stiletto929 Nov 10 '24
If he said it to your face during a heated argument, he might not mean it. (Though it would still be a terrible thing to say.) When he sneaks into your room in the dead of night when he thinks you are sleeping and whispers it, yes, he means it.
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u/DrDeannaTroi Nov 10 '24
Yeah, the pasta thing is weird and doesn't really make sense (like who taught this person how to cook???) - but it doesn't merit hate unless there is some kind of pattern of intentional incompetence that Op is using against their partner and not revealing to us.
If Op is messing up simple tasks intentionally, I could see how that would build resentment. However, his partner should just leave, not start hating his partner. Either way, this isn't healthy.
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u/BowlOfFigs Nov 10 '24
My husband puts pasta in cold water, then brings it to the boil, and usually cooks it far longer than I would. The worst I can say about the outcome is it isn't quite as al dente as I prefer.
And I don't give a damn, because if he's cooking the pasta it means I'm not the one doing the cooking (we split about 50/50), all I have to do is rock up to the table and eat.
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u/Kubuubud Nov 10 '24
It wasn’t even cold water though! The water was boiled in a kettle and then added to the pasta. I don’t think there’s any issue with cooking it that way
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u/Outraged_Chihuahua Nov 10 '24
No that's how I've always cooked pasta. Maybe it's a country based thing but I'm British and everyone I know cooks pasta like that because everyone has an electric kettle for all the tea we drink. It saves time and money because you're using a kettle for two minutes instead of a hob for 10 to heat the water, and unless this is some legendary spaghetti that was forged by an Italian pasta god inside Mount Vesuvius, whether the pasta or the water goes in first is really not important.
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u/Top_Reflection_8680 Nov 10 '24
My British husband means I legally have to have an electric kettle now, but other than tea the only thing I use it for is making broth with bouillon cubes cause it’s sooo much quicker. Never thought of preheating my pasta water! Next level
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u/BowlOfFigs Nov 10 '24
OP's partner is the issue. My point is normal people don't lose their shit because their partner cooked pasta the 'wrong' way
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u/No_Construction_7518 Nov 10 '24
So he whispered I hate you and then completely ignored you when you spoke to him? Oh honey, you deserve so, so much better.
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u/tehmimikitteh Nov 11 '24
you deserve so, so much better.
no, he doesn't. he went after fresh meat bc nobody his age would date him, and he's probably not telling all the stuff he did to get to this point where it genuinely feels like the bf feels trapped, likely due to manipulation on the nearly 40yo's part and the whole sunk cost thing.
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u/louielou8484 Nov 10 '24
You were 30 going after a 21 year old? That's a kid to me..
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Nov 10 '24
Dynamics are really weird, OP might be hiding context and the pasta thing is not the whole story. It's also weird the way the post is written pretty vaguely, no internal thoughts just a narrative.
Not judging OP, but I think there's more to the story and what kind of answer OP is trying to get out of the post.
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u/midnight9201 Nov 10 '24
It’s not the first time I’ve read a post written as a narrative and not including their own feelings or thoughts. I think the intention is to try to stick to the facts in order to get other people’s views however even telling a story like that it may be skewed depending on who is telling it or from what perspective of the situation. Like if the boyfriend posted he may have explained it differently even without adding internal thoughts on the situation.
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u/CraftedShot Nov 10 '24
Everyone is saying the partner is crazy but I bet the 28yo has been dealing with a man who at the ripe old age of 37 doesn’t know one of the simplest cooking steps for almost anything. Dude is weaponizing incompetence all day. Probly can’t figure out how to dust or turn the vacuum on either.
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u/EveryPartyHasAPooper Nov 10 '24
Right? Had him settled down for the best part of a young man's life. Let the kid go, while he still has a little time to be wild.
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u/Creative_Pie5294 Nov 10 '24
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who did the math. This is what stood out to me as well.
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u/almostinfinity Nov 10 '24
People telling OP to run and calling his boyfriend scary clearly missed the part where a 30yo man went after someone waaaay younger than him.
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u/NoHandBananaNo Nov 10 '24
Scrolled far too long to find this.
Post smells of Missing missing reasons to me.
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u/kzchnko Nov 10 '24
Everyone here acting like he was being like that over the pasta, but you and I know good and well that's just the thing that set him off, the last straw.
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u/ThrowRArosecolor Nov 10 '24
If I woke up one day and realized that my partner went for me when I was 21 and didn’t know any better and he was 30 and in a VERY different place in life, I think I would hate him as much as I hated myself for wasting my 20s on him.
I think you need to talk to him. Maybe you two work it out. Maybe you break up. Maybe he kills you in your sleep. But it needs discussion.
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u/SnooMacaroons5247 Nov 10 '24
He keeps saying it’s the straights who just don’t get it. Problem with that logic is I’m the first person to point out the age gap issue and I’ve been out longer than his BF has been alive.
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u/zeroborders Nov 10 '24
Bingo. I was also a gay man dating someone nine years older than me (from when I was 18 to 27 and he was 27 to 36), and I’m sure that’s what’s going on with the BF. You get to an age where you realize would NEVER date someone as young as you were at the time, which means you think a lot less of your BF for doing that very thing. And not being able to do something as easy as boiling pasta correctly means BF is probably picking up the slack in other areas too—makes sense if he’s matured since they first got together but OP hasn’t. It’s easy to hate someone who you feel took advantage of you that you’ve now outgrown on top of that.
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u/SMCken21 Nov 10 '24
I’d be a little concerned for my safety when hate becomes part of the equation.
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u/Garden_gnome1609 Nov 10 '24
WTF did I just read? If this is real. Pack your shit and leave this weirdo.
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u/notsoreligiousnow Nov 10 '24
Stop kidding yourself. He hates you. Stop trying to make excuses. Leave with what’s left of your dignity.
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u/randobogg Nov 10 '24
Yes.
He means it.
He has already destroyed your self confidence because you are questioning this ghoulish behaviour.
What else are you going to let this abusive asshole take from you?
You deserve better.
GET OUT
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u/Pinkpeared Nov 10 '24
Yea, I can’t even believe I just read that.. he sounds really uncomfortable to be around
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u/PadamPadamMyHeart Nov 10 '24
That was designed for you to hear him. Ask him outright? Why did you say that? Tell us his response. It’s got nothing to do with pasta.
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u/bbeanbean Nov 10 '24
He hated him long before the pasta. The pasta was just the final straw of the day. This man's partner absolutely detests him.
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u/SnooMacaroons5247 Nov 10 '24
You probably shouldn’t have started dating a 21 year old when you were 30.
Any chance this person has a reason to feel trapped?
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u/ScaryButterscotch474 Nov 10 '24
I would say leave. This is psychotic behaviour that will not end well.
Let me guess, you earn the money or you helped to champion his career. It sounds like he got together with you young and doesn’t know how to leave.
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u/Status_Response_4636 Nov 10 '24
He did NOT think you were asleep…
He was trying to scare you OP. This sounds fucking terrifying and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
Please get the fuck out as quickly as you can!
He’s doing this over pasta?!?!? I have no doubt he’s going to hurt you sooner, rather than later.
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u/jjkbill Nov 10 '24
Hey my girlfriend and I came across this last week. She prepares pasta like you while I'm normal. You know how I reacted? With laughter and appreciation for her little quirks. Because I love her. At no point did we even get close to an argument, let alone to say I hate her.
I'm sorry but your relationship is done. Your partner is probably just too scared to cut the cord.
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u/Annapecorina Nov 10 '24
I’d say this relationship has reached an end. However, I do want to address the atrocity you committed by putting pasta in a pot without the water boiling first. This is a sin.
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u/AardvarkDisastrous70 Nov 10 '24
He hates you. Also, it sounds like you don't know how to make pasta
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u/Patient_Rabbit7433 Nov 10 '24
Take a deep breath. Secondly love yourself and choose not put yourself in situations where people yell at you over pasta and come in your room and secretly whisper they hate you. You are worth loving You choose to love yourself
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u/ForkFace69 Nov 10 '24
That's a motherfucker that will piss on your toothbrush there. Hell no I'm not staying.
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u/pizzalover505 Nov 10 '24
Daddy issues. He’s mad because you are 10 years older than him and don’t know how to make his Mac & cheese correctly. I’m mad about it too, honestly.
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u/Notablueperson Nov 10 '24
Yup. Partner was 21 when they started dating, now he’s almost 30 like OP was when they got together and realizing that there is a reason this guy had to date a 21 year old and not someone his own age
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u/HairyHeartEmoji Nov 10 '24
you went after a much younger man, and you're incompetent. I have a hunch why he hates you. leave
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u/emogirl450 Nov 10 '24
Is nobody going to address the fact that OP was just going to casually prepare pasta by pouring kettle water over dry pasta 😭
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u/beautifulpiscesx3 Nov 10 '24
Of course he meant it. Your partner thought you were asleep and said he hates you.
It makes you wonder how often he said it...after arguments or nightly thing. All this over how you prepared dinner is an overreaction. Something else is going on. He's resenting you for something..idk what, but a loving partner doesn't do that.
I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who admitted their hatred for me when I'm asleep...in my vulnerable state. Oh no. He gotta go.
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u/Equal-Brilliant2640 Nov 10 '24
He does in fact hate you. He’s just too cowardly to break up with you like an adult
Don’t fall victim to “sunken cost fallacy”
He will eventually become abusive towards you directly. Get out now
Check out the “is your relationship healthy?” quiz
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u/Fun-Reporter8905 Nov 10 '24
Large age gap relationship having problems again? Shocker!
He hates you friend. Sorry
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u/Mmoct Nov 10 '24
That sounds scary, I would not be comfortable or feel safe around someone who could act that way. Your bf is abusive imo
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u/Kind-Tooth638 Nov 10 '24
Is he Italian - they are very passionate about the correctness of cooking pasta.
Joking aside - hate is not a word you say to someone you love. Even if he thought you were asleep, he didn't just think it. He was verbal about it. You deserve better.
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u/ArtemisAxV Nov 10 '24
Maybe the guy you started dating when he was 21 and you were 30 is starting to mature and realizes he hates you and your guts but doesn’t know how to end it? Idk just a thought.
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u/Future_Prior_161 Nov 10 '24
He hates you and is a man-child.
Anyone who’s that picky about how you cook to the point they’re mad (and it sounds like controlling) about the exact way to make pasta doesn’t sound very pleasant to live with.
Does he depend on you monetarily and can’t leave of his own accord? What is the real issue here?
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u/HotCartographer4114 Nov 10 '24
He waited until he thought you were asleep, but he didn’t care enough about your feelings to make absolutely sure that you wouldn’t be able to hear him.
He didn’t care whether you heard him or not. This is a relationship that no longer functions in any meaningful, positive way.
Shake that turd loose and flush.
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u/inmyheadtho13 Nov 10 '24
Even if he didn’t, it’s a weird and creepy thing to whisper to their partner they think is asleep.
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u/dib1999 Early 20s Male Nov 10 '24
Yikes. This is the kind of shit a toddler does when you tell them no chocolate before bedtime. Unless it's the 6th time this week you've messed up dinner and the man is literally starving, I don't think I needed to hear the words to know how he's feeling about you dude.
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u/dib1999 Early 20s Male Nov 10 '24
I'd hate to just turn a person to numbers, stereotypes, and a paragraph on a screen, so I'm putting this in a reply instead of my original comment.
OP you've been together for 7 years. That means you were 30 and 21 when it began. This wouldn't be the first case of a person who felt they "wasted their youth" and has grown resentful. And that's kinda what it sounds like to me.
Big leap, it could be any number of things, but I've heard the same story many times before, and you certainly fit the criteria, based on your short descriptions.
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