Does equanimity developed on the cushion transfer to real life?

[u/VegetableArea]

I've been sitting consistently for about half an hour a day for last half a year and I see some gains and progress, usually after about 10 minutes my mind quiets down and I actually enjoy the practice and the slowing down of thoughts.

However my worry is, in daily life I dont see much improvement and I tend to succumb to the suffering created by the mind as easily as before. Any insights gained on the cushion dont seem to help in my busy daily life, and I tend to fall into unhappy thought loops, same as before starting the practice.

Any hints, comments?

[u/Diced-sufferable]

I see formal meditation as a means of accessing a less chaotic mind by calming down the environment first. However, if you’re only achieving a calmer mind under certain conditions, you’re not going to have a mind that calms down in conditions other than those.

Are you interested in giving up the thought loops? Not everyone is…they can be quite addictive. Or, we want to keep the good ones - indulge the good fantasies, but don’t enjoy when the negative loops run - which are the underpinnings of the good. It’s a package deal in other words.

[u/Guts_Philosopher → u/Diced-sufferable]

What if you are interested in giving them up? How do you convert the practice into real-life applications across the majority of external conditions? How can I maintain a calm mind even if externally there is lots of chaos?

[u/Diced-sufferable → u/Guts_Philosopher]

Quite honestly, you have to want it bad enough; you have to be willing to give up attending to other things either out of habit or desire.

In hindsight, you can realize where you got all riled up, once you’ve calmed down. Pick it apart…what happened? What did you think, or when did you give up all awareness to rote, repetitive thought patterns. As you do this, it will tend to come to mind more often. What we seed tends to grow :)

[u/Guts_Philosopher → u/Diced-sufferable]

Here's my caveat to that process; it's very possible a person has that level of "awareness" theoretically. Maybe they've done some introspection/contemplation, and then overtime, they begin to realize which patterns produce them stress. However, that doesn't automatically translate to them responding to their external stimulus well, and ultimately reducing their stress cycle.

Usually, people become aware of what negative aspects in their environment are causing them stress, and then they change those.

What am I missing here? Because for me, i can understand very evidently (i think) which external variables are triggering my stress. However, that awareness in itself doesn't help (assuming I can't change the external variable itself). Curious to see what you think i am missing here in my practice and what I can do better.

[u/Diced-sufferable → u/Guts_Philosopher]

I’m picking up, from what you put down, that you are placing a strong emphasis on ‘out there’ as mainly responsible for triggering your stressful patterns. Please, correct me if I’m misunderstanding.

Even if you’re aware enough to recognize stressful patterns when they activate, there is a pilot light that is always on…a deeply held conviction that can easily get sparked into an emotional response even against your better judgement.

Those intense moments are where you dig, and you keep digging until no matter what’s happening out there, it never sparks an unreasonable reaction from within you.

Make sense?

[u/Guts_Philosopher → u/Diced-sufferable]

I appreciate the insight very much.

Do you have any recommendations or processes that help in this "digging further"? I find myself often getting stuck or having difficulties verifying if the conclusions I reach are even valid. And even if they are valid, how do I get my body to let go?

I seem to understand thereotically (e.g. I need to forgive my parents for certain things), but I find it difficult to release the trapped emotions to where the pilot light, as you described, somewhat dims over time.

[u/Diced-sufferable → u/Guts_Philosopher]

Not a problem :)

I liken it to hitting pay dirt, you know when you know. If the body doesn’t automatically let go (relax) you haven’t hit the core of it yet. The pilot light is way down at the bottom, it’s just a bunch of hot and lukewarm water above it.

Maybe it’s tied to your parents, but the core belief won’t have anything to do with them (probably) it will be about you. There is an unquestioned belief that maybe says, “I can’t do anything right; I can’t accept love; everyone will eventually hurt and betray me; everyone else is a real person and I’m not.” Even thoughts like these might not be deep enough. It will all depend on what you inadvertently picked up as a true thought, because at that time you didn’t have the wherewithal to know better.

Byron Katie has a great method for using very emotionally charged situations to pull up any surrounding thoughts for scrutiny.

[u/Guts_Philosopher → u/Diced-sufferable]

This is all very insightful. I can tell you've done a lot of deep contemplation based on your explanations alone.

Thank you for the resource and providing me with a good direction on how to proceed :)!

[u/Diced-sufferable → u/Guts_Philosopher]

You’re very welcome! I hope you do the work to liberate yourself. Scott Kiloby is also someone who approaches from the emotional angle, less so the intellectual concepts. Really good for precognitive emotions.

All the best! :)

[u/Guts_Philosopher → u/Diced-sufferable]

Once again, thanks so much :)!

[u/Diced-sufferable → u/Guts_Philosopher]

Once again, you are very welcome :)