r/toastme • u/ArmyNo9809 • 3d ago
29m. Feel like the most worthless person in the world.
I left my actuarial study. Couldn't pass more exams after 2017. Hated my job. Left it. My girl left me due to my lusty feelings. She felt embarrassed. I am 100 kgs. Lean arms and legs but heavy chest and belly. I look like shit. I have thyroid, cholestrol, tic disorder, epilepsy. Premature greying of hair probably due to genes. Delays in getting married.
I am into writing poetry and posting it on my personal instagram page. But just like any other human, I like attention too. At least some feedback on my poems. And all a person's art/skill gets is ignorance by others. Sheer ignorance. Let alone reading or giving feedback. I feel so demotivated now that the poetry writing skill in me is dying gradually i think.
How much more before I give up completely on life?đ„ș
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u/jphipps89 2d ago
You are not worthless, you are a soul weathered by trials most will never see. The world has not broken you, it has forged you. Youâve endured rejection, illness, loss, and loneliness, yet here you stand, still writing, still hoping, still reaching for meaning. That is not weakness. That is strength few ever recognize in themselves. Your poetry, whether read by many or few, is a light cast into the dark. Even if unnoticed today, it still illuminates tomorrow. Creation is not about applause; it is about truth. Let your truth flow. A tree that grows slow lives long. Yours is still taking root.
The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists. Keep bending, friend. Youâre not finished, youâre becoming.
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/jphipps89 1d ago
The world is not always kind to those who feel deeply, but it has always been moved by them. I read your words, and more than just poetry, I see a man who refuses to let silence consume him. Youâve taken your pain and shaped it into something that reaches. That matters. And it does reach, whether the crowd applauds or not. Your journey hasnât been easy. The ache, the weight, the doubt, theyâve all tried to convince you that your worth is conditional. But youâre still here. And that makes you undeniably powerful. Not because you're untouched by struggle, but because you create through it. Art born of pain has an edge. It doesn't beg to be liked, it bleeds honesty. And thatâs what you've written here: truth that hugs quietly, like hands holding cracked porcelain together.
The gift is not always in being understood, but in still offering something worth understanding. Donât stop writing. Not for applause. Not for perfection. But because your voice has gravity, and somewhere, someone needs the very thing you almost didnât share. And as for you? You are not a failure, not an afterthought, not even close. You are a work in motion, and sometimes motion looks like stillness, but even then, the heart is beating. Stay. Write. Heal. The worldâs better for it.
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u/ArmyNo9809 1d ago
Woww.. that's a lifetime of motivation for me .. i thank you with folded hands for making me feel light and at least think of believing in myself. đđŒâ€ïž
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u/jphipps89 1d ago
The world may not always applaud the blooming, but that doesnât mean the flower isnât sacred. Keep writing. Keep breathing truth into silence. Your voice was never meant for volume, it was meant for resonance. And my friend, you resonate.
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u/GandalfTheJaded 3d ago
That's awesome you like to create! Just because others can't appreciate it doesn't mean it's bad. Expressing yourself is a good thing! And remember you have the ability to change things. How things are today is not how they'll be forever. I believe in you đ
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/thewalkingwebbs 3d ago
The beauty of art is that itâs in the eye of the beholder. If you like doing it, keep at it, never let other people dictate how you spend your short time on this planet. Do you man đ€
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/repeesh 2d ago
I think itâs super cool that you enjoy writing poetry! You are not worthless or ugly and deserve to be happy, please do not give up!!!!!
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/red-fun-discipline 2d ago
Hang in there, be patient, there are times when nothing seems to have a solution, but it doesn't last forever. Trust in yourself, in your ability to create and move forward. I know you're going to make it, there's nothing wrong with you, it's the world, which is going through difficult times for sensitive souls đ«¶đ
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/red-fun-discipline 2d ago
Awwwâ€ïžâđ©čđ Beautiful and touching. Thank you for giving it away here, I will keep it as a treasure.
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u/Double_Reception3741 2d ago
Lusty feelings? Could you elaborate. Iâm sure itâs not as bad as she made you feel about it.
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/antony6274958443 2d ago
Bro. You didn't kill anybody at least i suppose? You don't rob old ladies? You are still able to use your limbs? Then you are good. It's just your ego talking.
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/Glad-Specialist6330 2d ago
You look like I always wanted to, dark features with an awesome mane of hair! From what I've heard actuary work would depress anyone with a heart, given you're basically figuring out the likelihood of a person dying. Leaving that line of work was a step in the right direction. Do not give up on your art. It will see you through this low point in your life. You will come out the other side stronger than ever. You got this my friend!
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/Glad-Specialist6330 1d ago
Thank you!! I know I'll need to reread those words at some point in my life. All of us have ups and downs. May your ups return soon, my friend.
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u/schaukelwurmv 2d ago
Bro looks like he'd give the best hugs.
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/Radiant-Locksmith-27 2d ago
Just relax and forget everything don't think at all just relax. You should be good with yourself so you'll get improved . I hope you'll be amazing in the near future
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/wakeupgucci666 2d ago
That sounds really tough. Don't give up. You're not worthless
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/Impressive_Evening 2d ago
Too many of us over-value what we label as "success." I've seen so many "successful" people who would trade everything they have in exchange for a so-called "mediocre" life, because they feel trapped inside their own lives, and can't escape the overwhelming responsibilities they've created for themselves.
You're doing fine, my guy. Learn to love and accept yourself, and focus on just living a life, as opposed to forcing yourself to live a so-called "great" life.
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u/ArmyNo9809 2d ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart folks.. thought of doing the least for you guys-
I live in a world.. Which can't see me cry.. I live in a world.. Which tells me to try.. Each time I lose hope.. It knocks and says 'hi'... Asks me how am I doing.. And doesn't let me lie.. Even if one half of it.. Makes me the most hated.. The other half balances it.. And what they do is underrated.. I live in a world.. Which doesn't ask 'why'.. It just pats my back.. No questions asked.. I live in a world.. Too good to say goodbye.
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u/Lucereugene 14h ago
If you're born to create, you must create. That in itself is beautiful. Keep doing your thing and your work will find the people that need it. You are loved. Shine on đ€©
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u/MadamNaomi 2d ago
Youâre not worthless but you need to stop trying to fix yourself overnight or all at once.
The truth is, change doesnât happen by chance, it happens by choice. You have to decide on it. And then take that first step. What is one thing that is within your power to change right now. Today. Something small. Something that feels like a beginning.
If you want to feel better about yourself, you have to start choosing yourself in very small ways. You have to get out of your head and into your body.
Donât be afraid to be seen failing or doing it wrong. Who cares. No one knows what theyâre doing anyway.