r/wizardposting • u/Carbon_Sixx The Arcane Companions (Kaelis Maz, Reyes, Glimbo) • Feb 16 '25
Goblinlike Foolishness (Shitpost) Cartomancy is a shockingly violent school of magic
328
u/Archimene Mage of Mischief and Secrets Feb 16 '25
Indeed it is. No one expects player cards to be lethal, but that's where they get you. Suddenly you have ten cards flying at you at mach speed and you have to pray they don't have a spell infused in them.
52
u/United-Technician-54 Nameless, Dream-Dwelling Yōkai (who uses She/Her) Feb 16 '25
That’s why you always have PONG prepared!
94
u/Naive-Nebula-1725 Feb 16 '25
He’s a wizard but he just doesn’t know it yet…
26
u/G-Sus_Christ117 Istandil Amandar, Sonomancer, Independent Contractor, Metalhead Feb 17 '25
This pic goes so hard
57
33
23
u/GizmoGauge42 Feb 16 '25
So... does that mean Gambit is a wizard?
12
8
u/Conscious-Ad-6884 De-Ux the Demi-Incub, lead researcher of Orc Grass (Oink Weed) Feb 17 '25
His cards are enchanted with fireball
17
u/KaizerKlash Artificer Feb 16 '25
This is lesser cartomancy. A greater cartomancer (or mappomancer for the inferior dialect) can change the destiny of billions by a simple stroke of a quill on the map. By shifting the lines on a map they can level mountains, erase cities and destroy countries. On their scales depend the travels of all, on their key the very meaning of the universe and their ink the perception of the world.
Their philosophy : all that exists must be mapped, and no map may be wrong. If what they depict is wrong, then it is a problem with the world, and the world will be taken to task for its errors.
Of course, the weaker cartomancers can only conduct minute changes, like river or elevation alterations, but the greatest practitioners can simply alter the distances between objects (including astronomical), erase cultures, countries, cities, names, mountains, resources, minds and the very essence of magic. If it can be mapped, it can be controlled, and the cartomancer only requires the dedication, skill and faith to enforce their will onto the maps on the subject matter, and subsequently the maps shall enforce their depiction of the world onto reality.
Join the Map Men, we have a catchy tune :
🎵Map Men Map Men Map Men Map Map Map Men Men🎵
8
6
u/locke_zero Feb 16 '25
Geez having your soul trapped in a Pokemon card for all eternity is a pretty horrible way to go.
9
7
5
3
3
3
2
2
2
u/totallynotrobboss Thrak the dwarven artificer/Elisa the android Feb 17 '25
Thrak: quick! See if any of them are Charizard!
2
2
u/JosephTaylorBass Feb 17 '25
The dueling wizards hit each other at the same time and exploded into a shower of loose cards
2
2
1
324
u/CordiallySuckMyBalls Bingus, Necromancer of MILFS Feb 16 '25
wtf could you even be wearing that isn’t a wizards garb