r/wizardposting • u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin • Feb 17 '25
Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Just a reminder! Abandoned dungeons that have not been seen with mortal eyes for centuries, normally dont have cleaning staff.
If there are no bodies, debris, dust, weapons or equipment scattered, etc. Keep a look out for slime cubes! And despite common misconceptions, slimes are NOT GREEN! they are often clear, which results in unwitting adventurers waltzing headfirst into them.
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u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Feb 17 '25
Just a reminder, but legally, the slimes are categorized as "cleaning staff" for your taxes. Report them, and claim the write-off.
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u/imdefinitelywong Abracadaniel || Transmuter of Butterflies and Fizzy Rainbows Feb 17 '25
TAXES?!‽
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u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator Feb 18 '25
My dear fellow mage...
Why do you think dungeons are always under attack by "adventurers"?
They are not adventuring, they are tax collectors for the (insert name and title of the presiding government official in your area)
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u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, Ice Queen of New Avirion Feb 18 '25
Oh right, I forgot I was paying for those guys. Thanks for the reminder!
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u/zenpony1 Feb 18 '25
Do skeleton useing brooms count as cleaning staff, or does one have to enchant the brooms to count
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u/Stippes Feb 18 '25
If the skeletons are reanimated then yes, they do count.
Fun alternative though, enchant the brooms and leave the skeletons dead.
Attach the broom to the skeleton's hands and watch how paladins are starting to lose their faith as they cannot banish the undead anymore.
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u/Visible_Scientist_67 Feb 20 '25
This is such a magical tax question, I'm leave it to the professionals but now I'm curious
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u/Re-Sabrnick Dungeon Crafter, Monster Collector Feb 18 '25
When they learned about that they starting wanting wages too. I need to get better about picking out the brain bits in my slime staff.
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u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Feb 18 '25
Yeah, just pay your accountants, instead of feeding them to the slimes. Way safer in the long run, because you won't need to find a new one each year.
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u/reaperofgender Novice tiefling artificer & sorceress, lacks training in both Feb 18 '25
Look, just say they get to keep the loot off of any adventurers they catch.
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u/NiccoR06 Feb 17 '25
Is the dungeon moss safe to eat?
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u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Feb 17 '25
Most often, no. There are many varieties of moss you can find in dungeons, but most are going to kill you in one way or another. For example, brown mold causes a magical cold.
There is a specific type of moss cultivated by dwarves, which is enjoyed like a pipe weed. It requires careful and skilled cultivation, along with generations of selective breeding for the spores.
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u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator Feb 18 '25 edited Feb 18 '25
Not raw, no.
However it can be useful once properly distilled by an alchemist for various Shadow Ward potions and the like.
And also is good in a martini
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u/Harmless_Chimera Chimera, Set'ram's Druidic Beastman Feb 17 '25
If you have a high enough acid resistance you can uses them as a instant shower.
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u/Hectate Feb 18 '25
Poor Bob. He thought he had acid resistance. Alas, as can be seen by his remains, it was only his cuirass that was resistant.
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u/TheReverseShock Professor of Divination and Magical Law Feb 18 '25
Rookie mistake. Acid proof clothing does not make the wearer acid proof. Unless they're sealed fully, of course, which is counterproductive to using the cube as a shower.
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u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator Feb 18 '25
And useful for pets and familiars for fleas and lice.
However make sure that the target of your acid resistance spell or potion is your FAMILIAR ONLY, because if you fail to denote this specifically you may end up giving acid resistance to the pests on your pet
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u/Harmless_Chimera Chimera, Set'ram's Druidic Beastman Feb 18 '25
It is quite good for getting pests of my fur and is a lot less tedious than releasing the acid myself or burning them off.
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u/anarky98 The 98th Anarchy, Remotely viewing many places from far away Feb 17 '25
This shall be scripted into my meme compendium
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u/Vyctorill Necromancer Feb 18 '25
What the hell are you feeding that poor cube?
It’s green!
A healthy specimen should be perfectly clear with an immaculately flat face and extremely crisp corners.
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u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Feb 18 '25
This cube is not mine, but rather one I've located in a dungeon while traveling. A minor illusion was cast upon it to make it easier to spot, likely by another adventurer.
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u/BigLargeNefarious Transmuter Feb 18 '25
I've heard that the abundance of farmable leaf matter gave rise to the popularity of Chlorophyll Cascade scrolls. Those cubes are the one enemy you can count on being countered by a simple coloration spell
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u/dynabot3 Dynamis, Witch of the Tall Grass Feb 17 '25
Asking for the location of this dungeon. I've been looking for a cutey gelatinous cube pet.
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u/Quizzelbuck Wizard Feb 18 '25
What do you think blobs and Oozes do? Blorb-a-blorb about, and make ninja turtles? They ARE the cleaning staff
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u/No_Prize_7695 Mino the Steady-Handed Feb 18 '25
We should normalize warnings such as these. Young, spunky adventurers have been dying a lot more often, especially after all those books they've been reading. Should've seen my apprentice saying his wand choose him. While sure, this is true in some contexts, it was very obviously a training wand.
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u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Feb 18 '25
Very true! The amount of young adventurers who just walk through doorways withought even hesitating to consider it could be trapped, frightens me.
I'd hate for them to lose a friend becuase they stepped through a teleportation arch set to random.
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u/Deathdragon444 死竜, God of Mimicry & Teaching Feb 18 '25
You do not speak for all of us. Though I will admit, the "cleaning creatures" do sometimes do a spotty job on my dungeon.
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u/Ordinary_Pen_8844 Egrid, reality warping artificer Feb 18 '25
Good idea, I may just get some! My dungeon is really messy…
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u/OnlyTalksAboutTacos Buwunmbo of the Fibly clan, Aromancer, Kickball Wizard Feb 18 '25
So what you're saying is they're hiring
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u/somegnoll Auraour, Master of Bartlesmark Keep Feb 19 '25
God damned books never tell them that the slimes are dyed. Although, it does make my job of booby trapping dungeons easier.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Feb 17 '25
Look for floating remains. Then, grab a stick and try poking the floating remains. If the stick gets stuck, that's a cube. Incinerate it immediately.