r/wizardposting • u/airavanwa Mystic • Mar 01 '25
Wizardpost Explain this gap in your resume
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u/GoombaBro Gombus, lighthouse keeper and 3rd level transmuter in study. Mar 01 '25
Getting banished to the Endless Lands sucks. My wizbro sent me there for 3 eternities after I took the last slice of pizza.
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Mar 01 '25
[deleted]
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u/GoombaBro Gombus, lighthouse keeper and 3rd level transmuter in study. Mar 01 '25
Not really. It had devilpig bacon which is pricey but not hard to get. Dude was just annoyed I took it without asking (he paid for it but it was MY tower hosting that night!).
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u/HiddenNightmares Artificer Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
How did you escape? Or is it one of planes of existence where time is faster than your origin point.
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u/GoombaBro Gombus, lighthouse keeper and 3rd level transmuter in study. Mar 02 '25
You know, after 3 eternities I forget how. I just sort of waited it out and eventually the universe collapsed in on itself. Once I was a singularity all time and space stopped meaning shit and I sort of just teleported home across the 4th dimension (time). Since I went back in time to before I got banished I technically never was there so my memory of it is a bit fucked.
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u/GrummyCat Cat sorcerer Mar 02 '25
Confusing, but probably not as confusing as having 9 lives. Do you have any idea how strange it is to wake up as a damn kitten after dying? I have to crawl my way out of a space-time rift to escape my dimension of birth, after which people try to kill me for coming from a space-time rift.
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u/GoombaBro Gombus, lighthouse keeper and 3rd level transmuter in study. Mar 03 '25
So what happens if one of your prior lives get resurrected? Do you go back into it, do you control both, or is there just two of you now?
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u/GrummyCat Cat sorcerer Mar 03 '25
It's actually a rare case of resurrection not working. I'm in a different life, and the magic that rebinds a soul to its body can't steal it from my new one. In that case I'm somewhat mortal, except resurrection would work on my last life, if I ever get to it. However, I can restock lost lives if I live long enough. And trust me, I am powerful enough to make sure I will long enough.
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u/Woahhdude24 Mar 01 '25
So I'm just not allowed to Meloncholically wander the land while jamming to Dungeon Synth for a couple of years?! Just because you, sir, want to sit in this office for years, at a time.Typing away on your inferior computer, it doesn't mean i want to. I swear this job market sucks why doesn't anyone seem to understand. I'm just gonna go back to my tower and loot treasure from another realm to pay my bills.
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u/lit_beats_enjoyer Mar 02 '25
I can make money from the comfort of my tower
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u/Woahhdude24 Mar 03 '25
I'm happy for you, sir. I just choose to wander and find relics or treasures. I like hanging in the tower for periods at a time.
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u/nameond Mar 01 '25
What, it's only 7 years
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u/Guardians_Reprise Mar 02 '25
For real. Employers will look at your Scroll of Magnificent Feats, see a detailed record of your accomplishments spanning 3 eras, and ask why there is a gap of a couple years.
Like bro. I had just befriended the Dragon of Crystal Keep. He was chill as fuck. Of course we hung out and smoked pipeweed for a bit.
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u/Leon_Of_Lions Golemancer Adept Mar 01 '25
Soul searching and astral projection, really had to just go searching for my inner me for a year.
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u/FuchsiaIsNotAColor Mar 01 '25
Spiritual wizards are posers. What do you mean you need to open the third eye? Just conjure one.
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u/No_Rub77 Mar 01 '25
what's with all the footprints
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u/Dry-Paper-2262 Mar 01 '25
It's AI generated with a noise filter to try and cover it up
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u/Bloodchild- Nephesh, spellsword Mar 01 '25
I would add that ai can't create image they are trained to unblur image of what they are tasked to.
So you give noise to the ai and say, it's an image of a wizard in a desert.
The ia will take the noise and unblur the image. But since desert image have footprints most of the time it will add some.
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u/MeBadNeedMoneyNow Mar 02 '25
show your work
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u/pharmajap Mar 02 '25
Orientation of the footprints doesn't match the direction they're moving in. The three "lines" of footprints don't meet smoothly (or in any way that makes sense). And it looks like our boy has... four toes and half a sandal?
The dunes also seem oddly regular but off in perspective somehow... but that could be shitty art, or just how the Endless Sands do.
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u/ean5cj Alchemist, Healer Mar 01 '25
Nah, it was me - I was there first and kept running in circles. My bad.
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u/MoarVespenegas Mar 01 '25
That was when I strayed out of thought and time, the stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth.
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u/CordiallySuckMyBalls Bingus, Necromancer of MILFS Mar 01 '25
He went festival hopping for a year and a half
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u/iiTzSTeVO Mar 02 '25
It's absolutely disgusting that it's seen as poor etiquette in our capitalist hellscape of a society if you've not worked full time from the legal working age all the way until retirement or death, whichever comes sooner, without a break. We have lives. There are plenty of good reasons to take some time off. Fuck.
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u/equality-_-7-2521 Mar 01 '25
I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time.
...and I had to go back for it which was a whole thing.
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u/aSeptagonBullet Unbound Sentient Space^(Time), 7^(7), Paracausal Septomancer Mar 01 '25
"Which one? The 300 year vacation to the underworld, or the 70000 year gap when I waswasnt lost in the space between dimentionsrealities?"
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u/dZQTQfirEy Mar 01 '25
I love the style of this image, does anyone know who the artist is? Or where I can find more art in this style?
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u/awesomedan24 Mar 01 '25
I searched for form and land
For years and years I roamed
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u/Guy_panda Mar 02 '25
I gazed a gazely stare
That song has always given me visions of walking through a desert just like this picture tbh
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u/wafflelegion Mar 01 '25
Walked along the sand dunes of the Sahara desert for forty days and forty nights with nothing but a pack of Newports and a fifth of henny
I really do this shit
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u/Blue_Checkers Mar 01 '25
For those years, oaths and contracts with dwellers in the outer darkness preclude me from recalling the details of my employment to the uninitiated.
(None
Don't
Ask)
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u/AbbotThoth Mar 01 '25
What sort of self respecting wizard wanders the wastelands in their bare feet? Get some proper boots, man!
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u/zeal00 Mar 01 '25
Darkness took me; and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell.
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u/PastyDoughboy Mar 02 '25
…I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell.
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u/mike13243546 Mar 02 '25
A Wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to...
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u/UN404error Mar 02 '25
I'm taking a break while I move to a different state. I'm flat out going to tell them that I have the means to do it comfortably and wanted a break. I have worked since I was 14. Why not take a few months off in your 40s.
See how that goes.
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u/Sufficient_Two_5753 Mar 02 '25
"Um, I took some time off to worn on my art." Translation: "necromancy is harder than I thought...."
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u/Alistaire_ The World's Worst Jellomancer Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
I was sent to a jelly world. It was filled with ravenous gelatin based life forms. Many a gelatinous cube tried to absorb me, but none were successful. The terrifying Jellosaurus Rex would hunt me at sunset every night. I had to gorge myself on jelly roaches to stay alive for 3 weeks because I couldn't find any other easy source of food. But eventually I met a race of sentient jello beings who taught me jellomancy.
They had found me unconscious and near death in a shallow swamp made entirely of mostly liquid jelly. They took me in, fed me, clothed me, and taught me how to hunt in that cursed jello world. Did you know there's over 500 types of edible jello? Some of which were a sufficient substitute for meat and even bread. I was one of them. After several months, I had mastered their strange quaintly wet and warblely sounding language.
I was in that world some 15 years. I was deep into my study of the arcane arts of gelatin based magics when I learned of a spell that can open a portal. And all the components were readily available! So I made haste, and began work on it. It took me several tries to get the right location, but I had finally done it. I cannot describe to you the yearning I had for food that wasn't made of gelatin. Drinking water, instead of a thick flavorless jelly.
I have never returned to the world. Though I do deeply miss all the friends I made their, that was not the life for me. But I took their kindness and hospitality to heart and have focused my studies on jellomancy. It is significantly weaker in this world, and components are harder to come by, but I've made it work.
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u/Ransidcheese Middling Pyromancer Mar 01 '25
I took 3 years off work to... study abroad? Yeah, study abroad.
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u/SortaSticky Mar 01 '25
For strange aeons I wandered worlds elder strange, and beheld there many wond'rous spectacles that tore and ripped at the foundations of my mind and taught me to question and accept all reality from the mundane to the impossible. Alas I must remain silent, as it is all under NDA you understand...
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u/Bloodchild- Nephesh, spellsword Mar 01 '25
Well I ended up into the void and decided that I should use the occasion to take some understanding from it.
Long story short when I came back the entire world had changed and all I knew had been eroded to inexistance by the sands of times.
At this point I'm not sure that this world is the one I even originated from.
So that's why there is a gap with Unknown as the duration in my resume.
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u/Icy-Veterinarian-785 Wizard Mar 01 '25
Wandering the sandy dunes of Rhûn is bound to be a very interesting story come time to talk to the recruiter.
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u/Eldr1tchB1rd Necromancer Mar 01 '25
I was simply otherwise occupied, pndering the secrets of the universe. You would never understand...
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Mar 02 '25
Just say you were traveling. They don’t need to see a passport and you don’t need an elaborate story. Most people wish they could do it and understand it.
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u/zaphod4th Mar 02 '25
weird, the footsteps says he just walks 2 meters back and forward, waiting to poop?
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u/naazzttyy Mar 02 '25
I’m not sure if OP is the Man in Black fleeing across the desert, Alatar, or Pallando.
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u/FieserMoep Mar 02 '25
Some research of mine had interesting side effects. Those years never happened yet people got memories as if they did. Reality was partially twisted by the subconscious thoughts of latent magic users to adhere to the fundamental truth they thought was real.
Lessons learned I guess. Reality in fact does take the path of least resistance.
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Mar 02 '25
“Well, I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name. It felt good to get out of the rain.”
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u/CreativeAd5332 Mar 02 '25
Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time... The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth... But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.
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Mar 02 '25
Listen man I didn't have a job for a few years because I was concocting devilish elixirs in the Chihuahuan desert
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u/Slurms_McKensei Mar 02 '25
akin to Odin sacrificing his eye and for wisdom, I pursued the power of the mind rather than that of the fiscal.
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u/Nyarlathotep98 Mar 02 '25
I walked the Sahara for 40 days and 40 nights with nothing but a fifth of henny and a pack of newports. I really do this shit.
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u/lex-do_this Mar 02 '25
I got stuck in the sea of sands looking for my ex-wife who is a sphinx...I still need your left eye for a spell martha
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u/tacocat_racecarlevel Mar 02 '25
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
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u/Horn_Python Mar 02 '25
jeeze you spend a decade or two wandering the mortal plane in search of meaning of the univers and all of a sudden your a usless hobo!
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u/GilgarWebb Secondary Archdruid of the Third Circle of the Duskwood Mar 02 '25
Ah thats your problem, you were walking every novice knows that the spell nameless steed would have gotten you to the sea in a measly 9 days of riding, and all it costs is a brief bout of amnesia.
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u/takuhee Magically Editable Flair Mar 03 '25
Look, even the best of us got banished to the desert dimension at some point.
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u/matlaz423 Mar 03 '25
"My NDA prohibits me from speaking about it. Do you have any other questions?"
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Mar 04 '25
« I was in jail -Why? -I killed the last job interviewer that asked irrelevant questions to the job I’m being interviewed for »
Turns out I wasn’t hired
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u/shinyfootwork Mar 06 '25
“I was alone, forgotten, without escape upon the hard horn of the world. There I lay staring upward, while the stars wheeled over, and each day was as long as a life-age of the earth. Faint to my ears came the gathered rumour of all lands: the springing and the dying, the song and the weeping, and the slow everlasting groan of over-burdened stone.
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u/Any_Chain1114 6d ago
Oh, that? I was on an unpaid internship in the Mystic Sands, mastering the ancient art of sand whispering. Sadly, no certificate was provided.
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u/sac_is_sus Evil Wizard Mar 01 '25
I tarried long in accursed lands that I shall not speak of (stayed at home for 3 years)