r/wizardposting • u/fatcat3030 lich-of-a-sort • 7d ago

Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Just made a cookie dough golem, when does it stop crying?

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3.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

45 comments sorted by

162

u/Silfar_m 7d ago

Someone put all his depression in it. Successfully.

45

u/Woahhdude24 7d ago

So if you were to give this away as a free cookie and they ate it, does that mean thier depression would be transferred?

40

u/Silfar_m 7d ago

I’am not expert in curses but I think yes. It is definitely dangerous to eat or kill this cookie , it should suffer forever.

24

u/The-NHK 7d ago

I will feed my anxiety disorder to your star pupil. They shall also inherit my abandonment issues. Enjoy.

11

u/Silfar_m 7d ago

Sounds like post alchemy exam stress.

4

u/Woahhdude24 7d ago

Hmmm, I've been trying to get rid of my rival for some time now. Maybe I could create something like this using someone's Suicidal thoughts and then offer this cookie as a peace offering. Hmm oh sorry don't mind me. I was just thinking outloud.

2

u/Draconomic0n Jauté L’Vearné, Alchemist of the Draconomicon 7d ago

Who’s your rival?

6

u/Beneficial_Hurry_380 7d ago

For some reason, me. Probably something to do with my time traveling future self. I met him a couple of times and he is as much of a prick as my old master.

3

u/Draconomic0n Jauté L’Vearné, Alchemist of the Draconomicon 7d ago

Are you sure you’re not your old master. Also, I need a nemisis.

2

u/Beneficial_Hurry_380 7d ago

Pretty sure, guy got his soul eaten in the tenth hell a couple of days ago. I would unfortunately rather pass on being your nemesis, I am nowhere near powerful enough to actually do anything nemesis-y. Maybe in a few centuries.

2

u/Draconomic0n Jauté L’Vearné, Alchemist of the Draconomicon 7d ago

Darn.

44

u/Martial-Lord 7d ago

The realization that you have no soul and will never be reconciled with your existence be like:

(Mortals are free because they are created without purpose; you are a creature of purpose and will thus never experience true freedom or the fulfillment of joy for its own sake)

27

u/Necrikus 7d ago

That’s the neat part! It doesn’t.

19

u/Weredragon-0- Great Dragon Philosopher 7d ago

have you tried hugging it?

13

u/EarballsAgain Orb Enthusiast 7d ago

Yes but the chocolate eyes melted now he's blind and wailing even more. 

15

u/MotherRaven Enchanter 7d ago

Does he know the muffin man?

5

u/WidePeepoPogChamp 7d ago

The muffin man who lives on drury lane?

5

u/ActorMonkey 7d ago

Is this human made art? Love it!

4

u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 7d ago

Wait wait wait

The gingerbread man guild will be up in arms about this

4

u/Disciple_Of_Hastur Abyssal explorer, lunar scholar, & dream artificer 7d ago

A gingerbread man sits in his gingerbread house. Is he made of house? Or is the house made of flesh? He screams, for he does not know.

3

u/Alarmed-Ad-2111 [Thrice Reckless] Knightly Biomancer 7d ago

Ahh, you used the wrong spell, that spell you used was for a sadistic wizard who likes seeing his cookie dough golem cry as he eats it. If you want a happy one, just change the chant to “Avis mercurii nomen meus est alas meas” the mana structure provided from the crying golem spell should be done to use for a normal golem.

2

u/glinsvad Code Wizard 6d ago

Thanks, now my golem is levitating.

2

u/No-Run-1938 Entrati - goblin alchemist and artificer of the eclipse order 7d ago

Most don't know this but Cookie golems are stuck with a single emotion after the creation process so you'll have to remake it with a smile or angry face depending on your needs.

3

u/freedoomed 7d ago

He should be out protecting the Jewish people. Did you verify that you used the correct Hebrew word to bring it to life? It should be אֱמֶת or אמת without the vowels.

1

u/JamesDeanForADay 7d ago

This is what happens when you use kits instead of DIYing it

1

u/BlueCacophony 7d ago

When you stop looking hungrily at it.

1

u/isweariamnotsteve The guy with the evil book. reluctant Cabal member 7d ago

That's just what its face naturally looks like.

1

u/drrockso20 7d ago

Give him love

1

u/deltree711 Rincewind the Wizzard 7d ago

I've been asking the same question about myself. (When I'm not running and/or screaming in terror, that is)

1

u/WizardswithBlueHelms 7d ago

When we eat it.

1

u/araconos 7d ago

You need to bake it first. I recommend a large kiln, with Huberts Ward of Mist inscribed into the roof; it's a poor copy of Summon Fog, but it will keep the golem nice and moist and prevent it from getting too hard. It will still want to cry but with the moisture baked out of it, it just wont be able to anymore!

1

u/thedude213 7d ago

lie down, try not to cry, cry a lot

1

u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 7d ago

When you eat it.

1

u/Fun-Dragonfly-6106 DF, minimal caster | ____ Body Horror Creator 7d ago

You used the wrong materials

1

u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- 7d ago

When you eat it.

1

u/Snowpaw11 7d ago

“Frankenstein” Mary Shelley, 1818 (colorized)

1

u/Fragrant_Parsley_376 7d ago

When will they learn that candy color affects mood blue is sadness red is anger yellow is joy

1

u/Koshindan 7d ago

So that's why it's called a monster cookie.

1

u/RedShiniKaze 6d ago

When you finish eating it :)

1

u/MiaCutey 6d ago

Isaac when he gets the playdough cookie

1

u/MyHeadIsALemon Wizard of Lemons 6d ago

Isaac character

1

u/odiethethird i use my portals as blades, like a magical deli slicer 6d ago

I can see his balls

1

u/Bicc_boye Osseomancer/bone mage | different from a necromancer i swear 6d ago

You did something wrong, it's aware that it's made out of perishable food, and is grappling with it's inevitable end much sooner than most.

Golems are supposed to be too dumb to realize they're temporary

1

u/Drake_Fall Conjurer 5d ago

Give it some pants and words of encouragement and it should start to feel better.

1

u/ArmoredPhrog 5d ago

Man, theres a very good reason youre only supposed to animate golems. You cant go around giving them self awareness and emotions, they just get depression.