Just ideas!

Do a graduation announcement with a "faux" invite for the "anti party" that says instead of a party our could has asked we put that money towards his college fund - and is inviting you to spend an afternoon this summer doing something that will make you happy/smarter/volunteer/ties thematically in with his college choice/etc. If you would like to gift the college bound senior here are the details of how to contribute to the college fund blah blah blah

Another option is to do a fun fundraiser. A 50/50 raffle or a fundraiser (come to this fun place and a portion of proceeds will go towards his college fund), or auction off chores he can do before he goes to college with the proceeds benefiting the fund etc.

Or just have a party at your apartment and extend the hours and make it an open house so people can drop by in a big window. Doesn't have to be a big deal for two hours or a meal. We grilled hamburgers and hotdogs on the front lawn. Super simple.

Also a dinner at a restaurant to celebrate with the older relatives you know will bring gifts. Everyone buys their own dinner, they see the kid, they hand out cards with cash inside. Leave the relatives that won't get it off the invite list.

I grew up in rural (poverty) Appalachia (80s-90s) and yeah.. everyone worked. We saw our grandparents a lot but we also saw our aunts/uncles a lot too because we were passed around. If you were old enough to supervise a child and had free time you were watching children. Aunt Sally works second shift at the gas station so all the babies are at her house (and if she goes to help Grandma clean the hotel then her 16 year old drop-out has to stay home with them even though she is just upstairs hiding in her room with her deadbeat boyfriend) and she will watch them until Uncle Bob gets off the construction site and then he has them until everyone else gets off work. He's usually mostly sober by the time the foundry shift ends but cousin Brenda's kids are going to be there until she is done waitressing which is usually after dinner and that's if she picks them up and doesn't tell them to walk to her mom's place so she can go grab a free drinks afterwards.

Lots of multi generational households as people moved back into their parents' house when they were struggling or their parents moved in with them when Grandpa was off work because he hurt his back, etc.

But they would also move in with other cousins, siblings, etc.

Sometimes we had great grandmas that were retired but whether or not they were physically or mentally able to take care of kids was debatable and they usually lived with another family member anyhow.

When I read stories about grandparents I assume it's a socioeconomic thing.

THEY MAKE SPRAY DIAPER CREAM!!

Only the zinc oxide formula - so if you need the aquaphor or A&D kind it isn't available in spray. I discovered this when we got foster children a few years ago.

Flat out miracle.

For every family there is no "right" answer, and I know those long days when the children are little are so tough. It basically felt like I was coming home from work just to get the kids ready to go back to daycare in the morning and my days off were the only time I "saw" my children.

Looking back though, it was so short and I had little ways to "connect" more. We kept them in our room and they would come into our bed in the morning to snuggle the hour before we had to wake up. My husband and I ate dinner after they went to bed so more time with them in the evenings. There is a big gap between our oldest and younger set so we while she was activities it was baby wearing and playing while we waited for big sister.

Then they went to school and I went to a part time remote position with a lot of flexibility (after consulting for a year which also had flexibility but not as much) and now Mom was home to do the school runs, volunteer for the class parties, chaperone the fieldtrips, coach the after school extracurriculars, etc. We would've been a lot more stressed about money if I had made the jump five to seven years before and I probably would've needed to rush back to work to once they were in school to make up for it.

My kids were in school when I stepped back so I could use those hours for some work, some housework, and for my appointments without needing a babysitter. I was home for sick days, snow days, and vacations. Our budget had already been at a higher salary with daycare so the pay cut was less stressful.

The children have fond memories of daycare, but they remember mom being home...and available.

In fact we bought a business last year (not planned - just opportunity) and Mom is working more getting that up and running and they are whining a bit (but it is our business so they come and/or work with me too). We would've never been able to take advantage of that opportunity had we not had our nest egg (created during those younger years) and now we have something to build with our children.

However, it is a unique decision. I only mention it because I hear so many people say "They are only little for a short time!" and they are- but mine are remembering a different time altogether. Mine needed me more when they had friends and sports and activities.

Just additional stuff to consider - your own unique factors will carry different weights for you but don't think you "missed out" if you couldn't be home now when they are small because there is still great opportunity down the road and at any point I believe it offers value.

Your spotter is probably making this a little worse as they are just tossing you back.

A BHS is sit, pendulum swing with your arms, when arms are STRAIGHT above your head you lean and jump back, tight arch with hips driving to the ceiling, push through your shoulders and block off the floor, tight hollow hold to landing.

Here is a very basic breakdown (and a video for drills): https://gymnasticshq.com/backhandspring/

I also find this video really easy to demonstrate the right shapes (since she can hold the child through the motions) https://youtu.be/mPjuSkeDkyw?si=yEf5kqwinkTyVlbV

When you try to watch them, the motion can be so fast you aren't seeing the "parts".

Then this one has stuff about making it longer once you get the basics down: https://youtu.be/Y4-8RsN2sE8?si=b2Yv08mK5oOVTfRn

At my previous job, I had a decent sized staff and one of the staff referred to me as "Tia" when referencing me to her daughter. She's Hispanic but I'm not.

However it stuck. My staff's children called me Tia and the VP I reported to, his EA was my work bestie and she became "Tia First Name"

Which given the diversity of our staff, made some people do double takes when the moniker didn't match up with who was using it with who.

However my friend's kids call me "miss First name" and occasionally their parents will call me "Aunt" in an honorary way, but I had 14 years being called a version of auntie at work.

The switch up always amused me!

Also, the whole scenario made me forget Tia was a legit name. A kiddo at our business kept calling an instructor "Tia"! and seeming hurt the instructor didn't answer. The instructor didn't recognize the child and I kept asking what " Tia"'s name was to tell the child "No that instructor is so-and-so" and the kid kept answering "Tia". We sounded like a bad Who's on First routine.

Anyhow found out the person she was mistaking the instructor for was legitimately named Tia (and did look very similar to the instructor she was mistaken for!)

We own a place that centers around a kids sport so we have kids in our building each evening for classes and practice.

The kids get the biggest smiles when I know their names. Love them!

I actually worked more when my children were little and scaled back when they were older. It worked better for our financial stability, but over all I think it was better timing. I will say the kids notice and appreciate my time more. They were elementary through high school when I switched.

In this economy I wouldn't step back - but that's separate.

Most of your memories come from when you are older, NOT when you are a baby or toddler. I think it would've made my life easier to be home more when they were younger but it's better for them for me to be home more now they are older.

So I do think you are thinking of it backwards. I think most parents of younger children do.

Anyhow my consideration would be to save the money for a rainy day, given we might be facing a flood soon. I would try to get in a position where you can step back later and be home with your tweens and teenagers who need more guidance, supervision, and emotional connections as well as busier schedules!

Also, as someone who paid for my college education, I can say my husband and I would've been gifted with more time with our babies if my parents had planned ahead. So something to think about!

People just aren't interested in those types of programs when a recession is nearing.

I stopped doing consulting and leadership coaching last year when we started up another small business and I only worked with referrals but honestly I've seen this pattern a few times. Things dry up on discretionary programs like well being when they are preparing for economic hard times.

It's good to have a 9-5.

While Q4 was usually good for booking, I rarely got Q1 bookings. There would always be another flurry around the Q2-Q3 transition.

However, with the current political climate I don't think "soft topics" are going to get a lot of play. I saw a drop in request the previous time the current president was in term. Nature of some of the rhetoric used.

You can try to join up with others and have them incorporate your offerings into their program or focus on industries and companies that will be mindful during this time (example progressive and non profit human service agencies or community services will have a bigger focus on well being currently)

Hey! You need to talk to a doctor

Seriously. ADHD meds can make self harm thoughts worse. Time to go talk and consider a medication change.

Standard ADHD therapy is meds AND therapy. Don't neglect the second part.

Also, it's a disorder. You've had it your entire life. If it was a superpower and made everything sunshine and rainbows it would be named that

Now you have a name for the beast you can start trying to tame it. You own it, it is your responsibility, but you can get help and advice.

4.5 years dealing with major depression and anxiety? Substance abuse? You've got stuff over and above this subs pay grade. But you aren't alone.

But seriously talk to your damn medical team about the thoughts. Also start listening. Figure out how to get away from the substances, get some damn sleep, get some damn exercise, and figure out why your wife is still married to you after all this. Embrace those parts of you and one bite at a time eat the damn elephant!

Wishing you the best

Not from my understanding. CAPD/ADP is a stand alone diagnosis. It's a problem of the auditory system at the brain and not hearing loss through another mechanism. I had the feeling from the doctor that did the testing that he at least felt the ADHD caused the ADP. ELI5: the brain has trouble sorting, filtering, and prioritizing information.. Why would auditory signals be exempt?

Not saying he is right, just a sense of how he approached it.

SPD, like RSD, is a symptom usually indicating another disorder.

Both have about a 40-50% overlap with ADHD, ADP more than SDP I believe.

If you are thinking more specifically, like SDD with an auditory focus (subtype of SDP) I'll let Google AI explain the difference as it's probably better than my layman approach:

While both auditory processing disorder (APD) and sensory discrimination disorder with an auditory focus involve difficulties with auditory input, APD focuses on the brain's ability to process sounds, while the sensory discrimination disorder focuses on interpreting subtle qualities of sounds. [1, 2, 3]

Here's a more detailed breakdown: [1, 3]

Auditory Processing Disorder (APD): [1, 3]

Definition: A disorder of the auditory system at the level of the brain, causing difficulty in understanding and interpreting what is heard, even with normal hearing. [1, 3]

Focus: The brain's ability to process and organize auditory information, including distinguishing sounds, understanding speech in noisy environments, and remembering what is heard. [1, 3, 4]

Examples of difficulties: Difficulty understanding speech in noisy environments, following directions, or distinguishing between similar-sounding words. [1, 4, 5, 6]

Diagnosis: APD is diagnosed by an audiologist through a series of advanced listening tests. [3, 7]

Treatment: Speech therapy and other interventions to help improve auditory processing skills. [7]

Sensory Discrimination Disorder (SDD) with an Auditory Focus: [2, 8]

Definition: A subtype of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), where individuals have difficulty interpreting subtle qualities of sensory information, including auditory stimuli. [2, 8]

Focus: The ability to discriminate between subtle differences in sounds, such as recognizing different sounds or understanding the nuances of speech. [2, 8]

Examples of difficulties: Difficulty distinguishing between similar sounds, such as "cat" and "cap," or identifying the source of a sound. [2, 8]

Diagnosis: SDD is diagnosed by an occupational therapist through observation and assessment of sensory processing behaviors. [2]

Treatment: Occupational therapy interventions to improve sensory processing skills. [2]

Generative AI is experimental.

[1] https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24938-auditory-processing-disorder

[2] https://focusflorida.com/occupational-therapy/understanding-sensory-processing-disorder-subtypes/

[3] https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/conditions/auditory-processing-disorder

[4] https://www.additudemag.com/what-is-auditory-processing-disorder/

[5] https://hearinghealthfoundation.org/about-auditory-processing-disorder

[6] https://www.asha.org/public/hearing/understanding-auditory-processing-disorders-in-children/

[7] https://www.understood.org/en/articles/understanding-auditory-processing-disorder

[8] https://sensoryhealth.org/basic/subtypes-of-spd

Maybe it's treated in some cases, I was asked if I needed an accommodation for work but I don't.

It really is just helpful to know I'll not losing my mind and going deaf when I keep passing hearing tests.

Really I try to adapt my environment knowing how I am.

I'm sure with people more severe they might use other hearing assisted devices.

Talk to your doctor about auditory processing disorder.

It's comorbid with ADHD. Means my ears technically work but I feel like a person with a hearing loss a lot.

My brain doesn't like verbal instructions. I do not like video instructions. Would rather read a manual.

THIS.

I have ADHD and can be 'guilty' of some of the behaviors she dislikes. When we travel separately my husband and I don't talk often. I choose my own space often over physical affection. Etc.

However, my husband is fine with all of this. The running joke is we are two cats in a relationship and just like our actual cat we dispense affection at our choosing but are tickled pink the other person chose us (just like our cat).

We do have ways we connect and show appreciation to each other - they are just our ways that we value.

Like go...find someone who matches your energy instead of trying to push and pull someone into an approximation of someone you want to be in a relationship with.

A good morning text I had to badger out of someone wouldn't leave me feeling very cared about - vs a good morning text that came organically because they were thinking about me.

Did you know you can buy yourself out of parenting for the low, low price of $300 a month??

To think all these hours wasted driving my kids to school, helping them with homework, caring for them when they are sick, vacations, etc.

For less than I paid in daycare a month I could be justified in never being present!!

(I'm obviously being sarcastic... i just couldn't believe this sperm donor somehow thought his child support payments were an impressive contribution.)

If you have a USASF (usasf.Net) membership it is the "Cheer Fundamentals" program under the resource page. They have 3 levels!

Yes! I'm a gym owner but I volunteer coach with a community rec league that has mostly parent volunteer coaches and I know a few mini aged cheerleaders were shocked when I came to work with their team and enforced some safety rules.

It's so good to create that dynamic early so by the time they are doing the really big things (or at a 30k ppl competition!) it's baked in.

That is such a fun age group! I always tell my coaches all I care about is that everyone comes out healthy and having learned something!

Off topic if you are a usasf certified coach they have a fundamentals program that you can follow lesson plans week to week and they give you the music. Great resource and I don't think a lot of people know about it!

Some basic things we do.

-Start by having them count together. Loud! Have them clap or stomp. At that age movement with new concepts helps the brain secure the information better.

-We introduce the skill (jump, stunt, transition, motion, or tumbling) separate from the count and once we have the skill really good then we put the count to it.

-Play a racing game with finding spots on the floor. Put shapes down. Race to the shapes until the kids aren't looking at the floor then cover the shapes with something like a paper plate. See if they can race to the spots without seeing the shapes.

-Practice box steps next to another cheerleader with dots on the ground. Then practice it without looking at the dots or the other cheerleader (can they look at you and move?). Then add counts.

-introduce small sequences with body/feet movement first then motion/arm movement second and facial attitude last. Make sure they can be in the right space at the right count then worry if their hands and arms are doing the right stuff. Major body before minor body.

-Practice making dramatic faces! Give them cues (the sillier the better) and them mimic actions and expressions they would make. I find they understand situations better than emotions. "You are a movie star leaving a parade where you see your old, mean teacher who said you would never be famous!" vs "confident and sassy". Tell your mom "I told you I could do it!". "Pretend you just got a crown!" Of course this varies kid to kid but we do facials last so you know them by then and some will just do this naturally. Major to minor movements in terms of practice!

-I take safety very seriously so even at that young age, any unsafe action is running/push ups etc. This could be leaving the floor before practice is dismissed, going to the bathroom without telling me, playing on equipment we aren't using, dropping a flyer, JOKING about dropping a flyer, etc.

-Have a call to order word or phrase. Basically when they hear the word/phrase they have to run to a certain spot and stand clean or line up, etc. So when they get crazy and silly you can get them back under control. Practice it A LOT the first couple weeks.

-That age thrives with consistency and repetition. Use the same order for practice. Write the practice goals on a whiteboard and go over the schedule like a kindergarten classroom. Play the same games over and over and over again. Don't change up your routine a bunch. Master the big pieces then don't add more until they are confident in what they have. Basically take any advice a kindergarten teacher would give! 😅

They pick up the concepts easy at that age - the finesse of technique is always the hard part!

I have multiple rings I wear as a wedding ring and go without one pretty often myself so I am in no place to judge.

But will say - I don't base my brand as being a married influencer. So it shows he is either as lazy of an influencer as we know he is or it means something.

Could be a 50/50 split of probability with them.

I think for you - you need to put down the phone.

Both examples you use, the phone usage is inhibiting you from doing what you want. That is showing addiction type behavior.

Instead, choose a different way to kill time.

I wake up and take my meds and then go back to sleep so they are kicked in when my alarm goes off in the morning.

If you have faster acting meds, maybe take your meds and then do a walk, exercise, shower, etc. Basically no video games, phones, or anything that could be a pleasant distraction and has a natural end time.

You can also use apps to lock your phone usage out during that period of the day.

I also use end of the day to-do lists. So before I wrap up work, I make a to-do list and leave it on my desk. Some people have success doing this right before bed.

Then when I get to my desk the next morning, I have the list waiting to direct me and it helps me get started.

You can also use the time waiting for your meds to kick in to make the list.

Some ideas but I think for you the biggest part will be removing the phone from that part of your day.

They actually are incomplete?

Part of the deficit in ADHD brain is a broken reward pathway mechanism. The reward pathway center is what helps normal humans build habits and do things that might not offer an exciting reward.

I'm sure I'm oversimplifying it but I do explain to my ADHDers that I provide leadership coaching to that they can't rely on habits like others do so they need to adjust their environment to encourage the behavior they want and not discount a system just because they drop it. Basically be prepared to go crawling back to your systems and build systems you can derail from and find the track again.

I'm a big believer in not brute forcing things that don't work EXCEPT when a client has ADHD I'm a little more flexible on "Three days a week is better than no days a week"

Also, I'm pretty sure it's why we exhaust ourselves. Everything has to be an effort versus things becoming auto pilot after awhile. Think about how much processing power you could save if you just did things because you had been doing them the past three weeks and your brain didn't approach every new day like a blank sheet of possibilities.

There is hope of getting illegal, or non English speaking help for this amount.

Basically if someone needs money desperately but can't find regular, standard work for reasons.

Someone who is receiving benefits and doesn't want the income reported, someone who can't work legally, or someone struggling to get a job due to a language barrier have picked up these types of gigs.

But basically if a person doesn't have a reason to work for slave wages - you should be very concerned.

Exploiting the first group makes you a bad person - hiring the second group makes you a bad person.

Also $400 a month was what we paid our home daycare provider for my first born child TWENTY YEARS AGO in a LCOL area.

So without a time machine this is not someone I would want to trust a special needs child with.

However, you were in labor for a long time and pushing for a long time.

OP will not exhaust themselves since they are going into labor knowing they need a C-section.

I do think there is a benefit to labor before C-section, but exhausting yourself probably does make recovery longer.

Nike Dri-fit socks.

I used to think they were too much for just basic, every day socks.

I am positive there are better socks out there, but I'm hooked on the stupid Nike now

We didn't do timeout the traditional way. We do it the way Love and Logic sorta spells it out

Timeout was "you can come back when you feel you can listen to the rules"

So no time limit and they were only removed from the thing. No corners or timers

If you said "Mommy isn't using nice language so I'm going to put myself in my room until I feel like I can be nice again"

That would've been our version