hi ya'll. i've been working with my aba company for almost a month now and it's definitely the hardest job i've ever had. i knew that it would be, going in, but i feel like i'm in over my head. maybe more importantly, i feel like i might not have the right personality to be an rbt.
i'm a pretty quiet person, so talking all the time isn't natural to me, even with kids. i'm an only child, and whenever i looked after the kids in my family, i was the chill cousin who would mostly let them do their own thing and come to me if they wanted me. now i have to force myself to talk all the time, and i feel like the kids can tell it doesn't come naturally to me.
none of it comes naturally to me. i'm bad at getting out of my own head to just be silly and play. i catch myself being too soft-spoken when i'm supposed to be authoritative. i get so nervous thinking about coming into work and doing something wrong that i start most of my days nauseous. some of the kids seem to like me, but i don't have the natural charisma/ease that my coworkers do. i overthink everything.
i'm still showing up to work being cheerful and giving it my all, but i feel like i'm using all of my energy trying to get to the point that my coworkers already start off with. and i worry that i'm hurting the kids somehow by sticking them with someone who can't easily connect with them like their other teachers.
has anyone else felt this way, and did you get better? or am i just in the wrong profession? i really do want to help these kids. i just don't know if i'm what they need.