I host a monthly pool party/bbq for the neighborhood families. I buy about $200 in steaks, hot dogs, and drinks, book the community party room, and send out invites and reminders. It's become a great way for the adults to connect and catch up, while the kids swim and play.

One of the neighborhood boys doesn't behave appropriately - ie: splashes kids in the face when they ask him not to, pushes kids into the pool, calls them names, growls at kids if they win a game, doesn't follow the rules of games, and such. It's unpleasant for the other kids, and he makes the younger ones cry. His mom yells and threatens to take him home, but she doesn't, so he continues misbehaving. I'm not well-informed on autism, however, my stance is that the parents are responsible for ensuring their kids behave appropriately or removing them. Instead, other parents have to get involved to yell at the kid to leave theirs alone or comfort their crying kid.

After the last party, two of the kids asked me not to invite that boy again because he ruined the day for them. I agree with them and believe that as part of my responsibility of hosting is to create a guest list of people who add positively to the event.

My husband disagrees because 1) he thinks I should first bring up the issue to the boy's parents and give him one more chance, 2) we can't actually "exclude" them since it's a community pool, and 3) he's just conflict-avoidant and doesn't want to ruin relations with neighbors.

What do you think, would I be the asshole?

Update: Thank you all for the advice - I decided to speak with the parents and tell them that I'm in a difficult position as the event host who wants to ensure my guests safety and enjoyment. I'll explain the impact on my guests when the mom didn't remove the misbehaving boy, and that I'm now hesitant to host another event. I'll listen to their response (hopefully apologetic and proactive) and go from there.

For those of you debating whether I can or can't "ban" the family from the community pool, that's not the point here: my question was about the etiquette around not inviting someone to a recurring event.

I (16M) was the product of what is pretty much a friend with benefits type relationship between my dad (at the time 33) and my mom (at the time 22.) My mom didn't want to be a mom. Yet my dad didn't want my mom to abort. From what little I have been told there was an agreement. My mom would leave, my dad would raise me on his own but if she wanted to, she could come back into my life whenever.

The first 7 years of my life were just my dad and I. He didn't date any other woman; it was just us two and his family. I remember my mom would send me gifts on my Birthday and Christmas with letters attached. I remember members of her family doing the same. When I turned 7, my mom came back. I started spending time with her. She would take me to parks, zoos, and aquariums etc. I also met her family. I loved this, although I now know my dad didn't like the fact that my mom randomly showed up out of nowhere wanting to spend time with me, although he did soften up to it over time. I still have contact with my mom. I don't see her as often as before. But I still love her and see her as much as possible.

There was no conflict due to this situation at all until when I was 14, my dad met a new woman. I will call "A" for this. A and my dad started dating when I was 14, married when I was 15. A brought her twins (15M for both) from her previous relationship into her marriage with my dad. I have a good relationship with both my stepbrothers. I have a decent relationship with A but 2 things always bugged me. 1. How my dad seemed to rush into marrying A (he proposed to her 3 months into their relationship.) 2. A wanted me to call her mom literally the day I met her. She had two reasons for this. 1. I don't have a mom, and I need one. 2. She wants our family to be more united. I always just shrugged this off. I got away with it because when my dad married A it's like he forgot about me completely and didn't care about me. I also felt like it wasn't my place to complain.

That's the context of all of this. We're a year into Dad and A's marriage. A's birthday is coming up. All of us bought her a gift but she says she doesn't like physical ones and also said she wants a more "verbal gift" from me. Last night at dinner I learned what this was. She asked me if I say yes to letting her adopt me so she could be my mom. Of course it caught me off guard. I said no, I already have a mom. A doesn't like the fact I talk to my actual mom still, and she said that she's my mom because she's at home with me every day and is married to my dad. Then called my actual mom a part timer in my life. I told her no, I'm sorry I can't her son but even if my actual mom is a part timer she was there for me a long time before she was. I received an angry scolding for this from both my dad and A. A specifically has been cold towards me since then. I'm struggling to comprehend this, and need to ask anonymously if I was in the wrong here?

I (34F) have been married to my husband (37M) for 8 years and have 3 children (6,4, and 1). I had a cousins baby shower on the same weekend my son was going to an overnight camp. I knew it would be hard on my husband to get him to the camp with the three children so I arranged childcare for the youngest. I also got everything packed and put out for him for the camp. I left at 10am and the kids had ball hockey at 11:30-12:30 and then had to be at the camp for 6:30. The rest of the day he had nothing else to do. I asked him to give the kids a bath after ball hockey because they got muddy. At 3:30 I left the baby shower and let him know I would be back at 5:20 and to meet me at my parents at that time (closer to the camp location). At 5:15 I text him and he said the kids were still getting dressed so I instead had to get my mom to drive me back to the house. At this point it's already after 5:30 and the kids are just getting outside with soaking wet hair. He said he put the kids in the bath a long time ago but "couldn't" get them out. I exploded on him because how could he not get them out as the parent? On the way there, already late, I ask where his scout necker is (which was a requirement for identification) and he says he forgot it even though I set it out with all the stuff he was supposed to wear. He says he didn't know he wore one even though he takes him to scouts every week. Then we get there and he also forgot to bring my son's jacket or even a sweater (we are in Ontario and it's still cold here). I was so upset I didn't talk to him the whole way home. He says I'm an asshole for exploding on him and ruining our night. He says he does way more than most fathers. I am just sick and tired of having to manage everything. Planning and packing every single thing and he is still late and things get forgotten. I asked what he did all day and he said he "cleaned" and "tried to install a light in my sons room" but the light is sitting in the exact same spot as when I left and the house was a total mess when I got home so I'm not sure what he did that whole time. I'm just tired of everything falling on me and still things like this happening. So Reddit, AITA?

Hi Reddit, English isn’t my first language, but I’ll try my best.

My mom (59F) and I (27F) have been “living together” for the past 10 months. I say “living together” because I’m only home 2–3 days a week—I usually stay at work or with my boyfriend.

She moved with me to Europe from Latin America. It was hard for her to adjust at first, but she’s active and has built a little community here. She’s retired and brought some savings to live and travel, and when she moved in, I started covering rent and bills. I’m lucky to have a good job and was okay with supporting her.

We don’t have the best relationship. I felt free for the first time when I moved out at 20. But I still wanted to be there for her.

We share my room (I have roommates), and she’s been living with me while we handled some long paperwork processes. Now she’s going back to our home country, so I planned a surprise Apericena (small dinner party) at a restaurant with family and friends.

The idea was to tell her we were going shopping so she wouldn’t suspect anything. I was getting ready and, to be fair, I can be messy when picking an outfit—I lay clothes everywhere. I eventually picked something, did my makeup, and suggested we leave early to take pictures at the park since the flowers are blooming.

Suddenly she said we couldn’t leave because I had to clean up. I told her I’d do it when we got back, but she insisted: “You always say that and never do it. You’re arrogant and disrespectful. I can’t talk to you.”

I offered to clean right then, but she kept going, calling me stuck-up—maybe just because I was dressed nicely? It hurt. A lot. I started crying. It brought back bad memories from how she treated me growing up. I called my boyfriend and cousin because I was so upset.

Then I told her: “You have no right to talk to me like that. I never disrespect you. That ‘stuck-up’ daughter of yours planned something really nice for you today. And now you’re making me feel ashamed when I’ve spent so much time and money.”

She responded: “I’m not going.”

I was furious. I canceled everything. Fifteen minutes later, she came back and said, “Let’s go.” But I was emotionally done. I told her, “No. It’s canceled,” and left to see my boyfriend.

It’s been a day. We’re not talking. I’ve gotten mixed opinions. Part of me feels guilty—this was supposed to be a good memory for both of us. But I also feel really hurt.

So… AITA for canceling the dinner?

So 3 weeks or so ago my husband was talking about his diet & I mentioned about how he should have more fibre in it and he was like ‘how do I get more fibre’ and mentally I thought we both have access to google but I didn’t want to be rude so I replied with the answer(s) and he goes ‘you wouldn’t make meals like that for me would you’ and I responded ‘I’m your wife not your mother’. He said it was an extremely rude thing to say and hasn’t spoken to me in 3+ weeks. For context we have 3 children and he is only here for a day and a half a week as he works away so he would have expected me to bulk cook on the weekend for him to take with him. My response wasn’t meant maliciously and I haven’t apologised because I genuinely meant it, we have been together for 15 years & it genuinely made me feel so resentful, the way he said it and the expression was puppy doggish and it made me feel like he was manipulating me - he can never be bothered to research or implement for his health even though he’s a highly intelligent and capable man. I guess I feel frustrated he will pour everything into work (15 hour days etc) but on the home front, the boring day to day it’s all on me. This isn’t the first time he’s ’gone silent’ but I usually always make good or apologise and this time I haven’t. It’s just so awkward and the longer it goes on the more resentful I feel over it - he’s pretty much my only solid adult interaction in person, both physically and mentally and I feel super alone but also sorry for him because he must really be a sad and cruel person to inflict this on another person. Writing this has made me realise just how deeply unhappy I am with him LOL, but anyway, AITA?

Edited to add - he is on a salary & very high up in his company - he earns the same for a 40 or 80h work week, he is not paid by the hour and overtime isn’t a ‘thing’ for the role he has - he isn’t being forced to stay there by anyone but himself.

I WFH 6-8h days on the weekdays and a couple of hours across weekend days.

Edit 2 - thank you for all your responses. I wasn’t looking for some sort of validation of me not being the AH - I know my comment was out of line and rude regardless of my intent, but I didn’t feel it justified 3 weeks (going on 4) of the cold shoulder. I guess I just wanted some differing view points from others because sometimes you don’t think rationally or fairly when you’re in a situation & I was beginning to question if I should apologise regardless of him ignoring me just to make good and make peace. For clarity he has a chef that makes his meals mon-fri & I cook for the household ofc no questions asked on the weekend and don’t have an issue with this. The responses have given me a lot to think about.

My girlfriend is at a Bachelorette party in Vegas this weekend. The group had the great idea to post and repost a "buy our girl a shot" story with one of the attendee's Venmo listed. When I first saw this on the friend's story I was amused: hey if people feel like sending a few bucks as a form of well wishing by all means. I thought about sending 15 bucks myself as it wouldn't be a burden on me.

However, shortly after my girlfriend messaged me and told me to chip in $100 minimum, informing me that all the other attendees boyfriends or husband's (they're all close friends, big group) chipped in $100 at worst. Her justification was that it's her close friend getting married, as her boyfriend I should be helping contribute to this happy milestone in her friends life, with the sub implication being that "everyone else's SOs paid a pretty penny, it'd make me and her by extension look bad if I didn't pay the $100 minimum". The kicker: the girls started posting stories with screenshots and tags of everyone who paid's payment thanking everyone later in the day. They're all drinking hard and living it up and I don't think they meant for it to be malicious but this had the effect of making me feel like I couldn't be the only significant other who didn't chip in yet for my gfs sake. I eventually relented and paid (and got tagged in a story after).

While $100 won't break my bank at the end of the day, the principle feels so wrong to me and I feel gross for having essentially been roped into donating the money for them to party. The other thing I mentioned to my friends is if a group of us guys tried to pull that for a bachelor party we'd be ridiculed so the whole thing feels slimy. WIBTA if I refused to pay out of principle and my gf was maybe privately ostracized upon due to everyone else's boyfriends paying up? I know they wouldn't publicly shame her but they would definitely be thinking "wow, all our boyfriends/husband's chipped in for this fun thing except (gf)'s

Tl:dr: GF is at her lifelong friends Bachelorette party, they made a shots gofundme basically. I felt forced to pay an amount more than I would have liked in order to match all the other boyfriends who chipped in for my gf's sake in keeping up appearances.

My daughter 11f had a soccer game today and I 39m was able to take her. I also took one of her teammates 11f home from their game as well.

This girl and my daughter are kinda friends but they aren't super close and IMO the girl can be kinda mean sometimes and she was on the ride home.

My wife and I still have our daughter in a high back booster seat even though it's not a legal requirement at her age in our state and this girl doesn't use one.

She started making fun of my daughters booster seat saying things like " your a big baby " and " you sit in a baby seat ". My daughter got upset but then told this girl " i like my booster seat i can see out the window a lot better then you can with it " and " i have my owne seat in the car just for me with my own cupholders and a special place for my snacks " she then proceeded to show this girl the secret compartment her booster seat has that she keeps her snacks and sometimes toys in.

This made the girl stop teasing my daughter about her booster seat and the rest of the ride went okay. We dropped the girl off at her house and then we went home.

But later I got a call from the the girls mother, she was furious with me saying that her daughter came home and said my daughter was very mean to her and made fun of her for not having a booster seat.

I told her that her daughter wasn't being very nice and maybe if she was nicer to my daughter this wouldn't have happened. But this just made her more mad.

She said I was a terrible father and still insisted I make my daughter apologize to her daughter but I still refused because i don't think my daughter has anything to apologize for.

Since then she has sent me a few angry text messages demanding I make my daughter apologize.

AITA?

I live in France now, but I’m originally from Canada. My whole family is still there, so I only see them once or twice a year, usually for just a few weeks. I love them a lot and really look forward to these visits.

In a few months, they’re planning to come see me. The idea was to rent a car and travel around France for two weeks — my mom, dad, me, and my girlfriend. My parents know her well and like her, and it’s always been fine.

Enter my sister. I love her, but her boyfriend is obnoxious as hell. They’re very on-and-off, and he and I don’t get along. He doesn’t seem to care much for me either.

My sister tends to make plans last minute, and she asked to join our trip. Of course, we said yes — she’s family. We adjusted our stays to add a third room. The car fits five, right?

I started getting excited. I’ve been planning around work, making sacrifices to get time off, and really looking forward to connecting with my family. Then, on the phone with my mom, she drops the bomb: my sister’s boyfriend is coming too. My mom had said yes without talking to me.

This isn’t the first time. On a past trip to Canada, the exact same thing happened — same group, same boyfriend. My sister asked last minute, my mom booked them a hotel room, and I wasn’t consulted. I tried to be the bigger person and gave him a chance. But honestly, I was uncomfortable the whole time but I was polite, didn’t complain.

Now it’s happening again, and I feel blindsided. My mom knows I don’t feel comfortable traveling with him. I think it was wrong for her to say yes without asking me. I get that it seems like a double standard because I’m bringing my girlfriend — but this trip was meant to be about my family, and I’ve really been looking forward to it. My parents aren’t huge fans of him either, but they’re trying to be fair.

When I brought it up, my mom said she can’t say no to my sister — she doesn’t want to be in that position. So now it falls to me to talk to her.

Am I an asshole for telling my sister I don’t want her boyfriend to come? I know this isn't retrospective per usual — but I’m genuinely lost. I don’t want to hurt my sister or damage our relationship, but I also don’t think I can do two weeks with this guy, especially not while feeling like I have to tiptoe around just to keep the peace.

I (45 female) recently was eating dinner with a good friend and former neighbor who moved away 6 months ago. We had been there for approximately 20-25 minutes. We were talking and laughing and being pretty quiet for a noisy restaurant since we both do a kind of “silent laugh” - one of the things we have in common. We were just served when the man (older guy about 65 maybe) sitting at the table next to us had finished his meal. He was waiting for his check and looking at his cell phone. When all of the sudden, he started making sucking noises (like my grandparents used to, to clean their teeth) and then he snorted. And it wasn’t just one snort, it was multiple and deep each time. It literally echoed off the walls. Now the first time, I let it go and didn’t say anything but had to fight gagging. I happen to have an extremely sensitive gag reflex. And sounds like that can get me started. Meaning up to starting to vomit. Not only that if I make my way to the bathroom it is like my brain says “ok let loose” and I always loose it. So I stopped talking, turned my head and did breathing exercises to try to not go down that rabbit hole. I just got “cleared” and we were chatting and eating again when he did it again. 🤢 So again the same process. But this time I gave him a “look”. Because I am not his mom and he is old enough to know manners (whether he knows them or not… well obviously not). He clearly didn’t care or didn’t understand why I gave him an angry grin. 😠 Not too long after that he did it again! And if it happened a 4th time I would not make it to the bathroom. And not only that he was ruining my meal. So after getting myself through plugging my ears and humming I asked him to please stop snorting.
He looked at me and said, “mind your own business little lady. I am enjoying my meal like everyone else here.” I replied with, “well if you do it again I will puke and make sure I do it on you.” He looked really angry and I instantly felt like a teenager being a brat for that reply. I almost said sorry when he got his check. He signed it and left. I had to take breaks because I had waves of feeling like I was going to start gagging. I did make it through but almost lost it when I got outside on the walk to my car. I was raised to be polite despite the situation and I normally am but I almost ruined dinner for everyone had I not been able to calm that reflex. That “little lady” comment had me seeing red! Needless to say, not my most mature moment. AITA for chastising him? Or should I have tried to make it to the bathroom knowing I wouldn’t have made it?
Edit: 1. I am aware of misophonia. The volume of these snorts was quite literally reverberating off the walls, and my friend agreed it was way over the top and offensive for a restaurant. So it’s not just me, and not misophonia. The teeth sucking.. was more in line with an annoying noise.
2. The request was calm and though I didn’t quote it, I was calm and polite and asked please.
3. Several have posted “he could have health issues” to which if he had done it while he was eating, I would have just paid for my drinks and left! Some people have “ticks” that they can’t help like clicking or Tourette’s. This was not a “tick”. It was after he was done eating and seemed to be part of a “post meal ritual” that I truly believe someone has point out to him in the past given his reply. 4. I see that I was wrong in threatening to puke on him. I was so irritated about the “little lady” comment. 🥺. Again not my finest moment. But I shouldn’t have to leave because of someone else being so offensive and lacking etiquette that their actions are literally reverberating through the room. 5. I didn’t know if he had ordered dessert… so I didn’t know how long we all had to listen to this cacophony, when I asked him. He hadn’t received the check yet.
6. My gag reflex, though sensitive, has NEVER been challenged like this in a restaurant. Never once. So it’s not so sensitive that I shouldn’t expose myself to the possibility of noises in public. I do have methods to calm it. This was excessive and in all my life has never happened like this.

My (19m) gf (19f) has cancer. She's been really sensitive to the chemo and her meds so she is really weak, but sometimes she's also sore so she hasn't been sleeping much. This has been a big issue for her as it just makes the chemo and recovery worse. She had a chemo session on Friday early in the morning and she came over to my place so we could hang out and I could take care of her.

She ended up passing out on me and before she fell asleep was telling me about how she was feeling bad overall. I was happy she was resting and didn't want to wake her up. My sister (16f) was on her period She texted me to ger her some water

Our other sister (14f) was at the store and would be home in like 5 minutes. Because my gf was asleep on me I didn't want to wake her up I told her to wait. She said she didn't want to wait and told me to ger her water. I told her no, and explained that my gf was asleep and that I wasn't going to wake her up. We went back and forth untill my sister called me a lazy fucking bitch. I told her that I wasn't going to wake her up to get fucking water, I'm going to care for my gf. She then said that she didn't care abt my stupid gf. I told her to fuck off, and I called her a bitch. (that was all over text btw) She told me I was a dick, and has ignored me any time I've tried speaking to her and I talked about this with our other sister who says I over-reacted and that I should apologize and that I should have just gotten her water. I'm starting to feel that I over-reacted and I also believe that maybe I should have gotten her the water,

My SIL and I are both pregnant with girls due within 2 months of each other, I’m first. We shared with them the baby’s middle name before they found out they were having a girl and they recently told us they were considering a nearly identical first name and the same middle name. When i was surprised that it was almost the same exact name she acted surprised like we haven’t previously shared the name. Which we did on multiple accounts.

She said she was ok naming them the same if she decided on that name I said it could be confusing and not ok with it. She’s now been sharing with everyone that they decided to name the baby that name and I feel extremely pressured and manipulated into going along with it. I feel like she took the name (it’s not significant to her in anyway, I asked) and when my husband and I previously shared the name we explained the significance etc.

This happened a few months ago, but it still pops up in my head because it was a confusing situation and I'm unsure if I was in the wrong or not. My friend likes to cosplay and they like to go to cons, so for one of the events they said on their Insta story: "If I went with someone it would be [insert random character] probably. My projects ain't ready." I've gone with them to events before and have helped them carry stuff and props because I like supporting them in their hobby and cons/events can be fun, so I interpreted it as them saying they would go as a character if they had someone to go with, and my brain assumed they needed someone to carry their stuff so I replied to the story with: "I mean I dont got anything to do tomorrow..."

My friend said: "Would u like to tote around [insert location] and hit up both the [random place] and [other random place]?"

And I said yes and so we made plans, and the day of, I was driven to their place because I don't have a car and the person driving me needed to go shopping nearby anyway so it worked out. Before my friend and I left their place, we were sitting in their car and they asked me to choose between two places and decide which we would go to. They told me they wanted to go to both but couldn't decide, and so I gave suggestions that we could go to both and gave pros and cons for both places to help them decide. 

To me it was very abrupt but maybe it was not, but out of nowhere my friend said to me that I had hijacked their day, and I was confused so I asked how I did. My friend said I had invited myself and that they before I had asked to hang out, they'd already had plans for that day with their other friends. I explained that I had thought their Insta story meant they needed someone to help them with stuff because they were choosing a character to go as, but they said that wasn't what their Insta story meant and that it meant that they had been wondering if they should go as a character to the event.

I apologized after they said I had hijacked their plans and offered to call the person who drove me to pick me up because they weren't far away and would be fine with coming back, but my friend said it was too late and so we left for the event, but I felt really bad and confused. I asked my friend if they were mad and they said no, and then said they weren't surprised I'd done something like that (I think they meant inviting myself to whatever they had planned to do) and I asked what they meant by that. My friend said that it was just something I'd do or implied that it was in my nature or character to do something like that, and I was confused by that and asked them to elaborate but they didn't say anything further. 

I ended up leaving the event early because I still felt bad and wasn't having fun because I felt like I was intruding kind of. AITA for accidentally inviting myself and hijacking her day?

So I (28 F) and my husband (33M) are expecting our first baby. With that I'm the first on my side of the family, so 1st grandkid and first great-grandchild, which is kinda special.

Today my mom told me that, for my grandma's 85th birthday dinner, she wanted to look for a restaurant very close to my home (max 10 min. By car). My grandparents live over 1.5 hour away (I know its not far for most Americans, but where I live it is considered far away.)

Now here is the deal. I'm expected to deliver my baby a month before the date of the birthdaydinner. But I dont know for sure when I will deliver. Especially with a first, I see a lot of people going 'till 41+ weeks. And in that case I wouldn't even be a month postpartum.

I do not feel ready to go out at that time postpartum because I will still be adjusting to becoming a parent, my breastfeeding will still be very very frequent and maybe not going easy, and most importantly my baby will not be vaccinated yet and her immunesystem will not be on point yet.

I told my mom that it being close by is a very nice suggestion but also explained all the above and told her I don't think I'll be ready for that yet by the time the birthdaydinner will role around. I said that I hope that she'll understand and that the rest of the family will aswell and not be mad at me for setting that boundary (they have been notorious for complaining about stuff like having to drive a little further whilst normally I'd make the drive, f.e they haven't come to visit me yet, whilst I live in this house for 3 years, just because it's too far)

My mom thinks I'm being unreasonable because 'back in the day this was the norm' and 'she also did those things with me, and I turned out fine.'

So am I being unreasonable? Am I the A**hole?

Basically, our agreement was I paid split rent, including utilities for half a bedroom I shared with my friend I left halfway through the end of the month and gave her the money that she said I owed her, which was a total of 280 and assume that was that and haven’t contacted them since until today here’s what went down

The mom: "Morning, I have already paid the electric bill and still owe the water bill. Utilities are paid one month behind. I am extremely broke and cannot afford to pay the water bill or by groceries or I wouldn't ask. Can you please pay your split of the utilities for last month and this is half of what is owed for the room of $87? My friend would owe the other $87 and her aunt would owe $174 same for me."

My reply: "No, I wasn't even there for a majority, I'm not giving y'all any more money. I'm broke too. and what happened to the 280 l already gave you wasn't that the split I already owed where is this other money coming.from? I would love to help you, but I have nothing left to give."

The Mom: "figured that would be your reply. Bills for last month are due this month. That's fine good to know what type of person you are No worries tho"

My reply: "Look, I wasn't even there majority of the time I barely even used utilities. I'm not giving you anything. I don't give a fuck what kind of person you think I am y'all aren't my problem anymore."

The Mom: "True but none the less you showered ate food and used internet but I didn't ask you to replace that. Really it's fine karma works its best in situations like this I'll figure it out"

My reply: "And I pay for the Internet you told me all I had to pay left was 280. I did that and now I'm gone so don't be asking me for more money that's crazy pushing all this karma shit "we see what kind of people you are." Like okay quit texting me. And who do you think you are to be asking for help and then insulting me when I decline? Why don't you think about that when you wanna talk about what kind of person are"

Tldr: was with a friend paying rent I left gave the rest of the money that I I was told I owed and now she's telling me I owe her more and I sort of called her out for guilt tripping me. Am I the asshole for not giving her money were my responses inappropriate?

Edit: I would like to mention groceries were split between household members, so we all shared

So, I was on a train (it was a 4 hour ride). I took my seat and put my bag in the dedicated space. In front of me there was a girl who had not put theirs, but instead had it on the floor, in the space between me and her. The thing is, that space is not that big and none of us could stretch their legs. After an hour or so I started to feel some pain in my legs and decided to try to stretch them, and accidentally touched the girl’s bag a few times. Note that I couldn’t stretch them sideways because there were people both next to me and her. She didn’t say anything then, but at the end of the ride, she told me that I was deliberately kicking and dirtying her bag. Was I the asshole in this situation? Like, I could have tried to move a bit but I didn’t want to bother the passengers next to us, but at the same time she could have placed her bag in the designated place and not on the floor.

Background: To say my ex and I are contentious would be an understatement. He sends me slews of insults and I’ve taken to using chatgpt to scrub my messages of anything he can use to pick a fight. We have a 12 year old together. Months ago I let him know 12yo had a competition this weekend because I had to trade weekends for it. I am also the coach. Funny side story my child tried out for my team without me knowing until I showed up. The last time he talked to me about this competition he said “you just put 12yo on your team because you’re trying to compensate for being a shit mom.” So yeah contention.

On to the story:

Comp is this weekend and last month it was moved to Exs town 4 hours away from us. We take the bus up, stay in a hotel for 2 nights and head back Sunday.

Against my better judgement I invited my ex to the competition despite the fact he was clear about how he feels. He wasn’t able to come because I didn’t give him enough notice but he didn’t insult me he just asked me to invite him earlier next time. I apologized because I thought that was fair. I could have told him earlier that the location had changed. But honestly I avoid talking to him as much as possible.

Yesterday he asked if he could meet us at the hotel. I explained that we are really only in the hotel to sleep and we’d be leaving at 8 am. I again apologized for the short notice and said I’d do better next time.

He asked for our itinerary and I sent sundays travel schedule. 7am breakfast at the hotel. 8am we leave. There are some bathroom breaks on the schedule and a stop for lunch 2+hours away b it nothing that allows visiting.

His response was to ask me why I didn’t share my itinerary with him when I invited him on Wednesday.

I apologized again and said that since he said he couldn’t see 12yo this weekend I assumed it wasn’t relevant and since there is t really any extra time, I didn’t think it would matter. I left off that it’s my weekend and I’m not obligated to invite him and that he sees child regularly so it’s not like he can’t see 12yo until summer or something. Plus I’m trying to extend the olive branch here but to say he’s hostile would be an understatement.

He pushed again asking why I hadn’t shared it. I simply apologized again because I’d already answered.

“I expect you Do better next time.” Is what he said to me.

I’m … I don’t know. Kind of feeling annoyed at how he’s acting entitled to my time after being so unbelievably rude to me (calling me a “shit mom” for involving child on my team) but also I could have shared it with him I guess. I just don’t see why I would. Besides the competition itself there’s not really any time in the schedule that isn’t spent with the team.

Even my own husband who traveled down to watch has seen me for a total of 30 minutes during the competition.

So AITA? Should I have shared the itinerary on Wednesday?

Edit: we use our family wizard to communicate as our court ordered dictates. No. It has not helped in the least, except that I can (normally) ignore messages and download them once a month to save my sanity but that months worth of messages is filled with vitriol even with no input from me, so I’m just not sure how that’s supposed to help.

Edit 2: I GOT IT GUYS. I shouldn’t have apologized. My brain was scrambled I’d walked 9 miles, supervising 10 middle schoolers for 13+ hours. I don’t normally engage at all. Like I said, he’d been civil and I thought it was a good opportunity. I understand he was being manipulative. I don’t normally apologize. I’m not like constantly apologizing or anything. I realize I messed up by apologizing. Jeesh. Haha. I got it.

I (17F) found out my recently divorced dad had been dating someone for a couple months. I met her for the first time yesterday, we went to lunch. It went well and she seemed nice enough but I was getting strange vibes from them both. My dad seemed really nervous about it which makes sense because I’m meeting his new girlfriend and he’d only divorced my mom four months prior. The whole meeting just felt off and I got suspicious because I found out they had been on vacation together the week prior which probably doesn’t seem odd to most people but for him that’s very out of character. My dad is very Mormon and so is his new girlfriend. His religion is very against sex before marriage but them spending a week alone together and the way they were acting made me think they had done it. I couldn’t care less about my dads sex life but for him it was weird so I decided to search up his name on the public marriage search and to my surprise I found out he had gotten married to this lady right before their vacation which I assume now was their honeymoon.

I was completely shocked about this because he hadn’t told anyone and i had only met the woman one time. I called my cousin who I’m close with to talk to them about what I’d found out. I wasn’t really thinking about it much I just needed to get it off my chest and discuss what I should do. Turns out after the call my cousin told his mom (my dad’s sister) who was shocked and she texted my dad about it asking if he’s actually married. As I understand it she was very supportive and wasn’t trying to accuse him more just trying to get clarification. He lied and told my aunt he wasn’t married and that I’m a psychological lier and that I have bpd. He also said that I caused his and my mom’s divorce because i manipulated my mom to hate him and that i just wanted attention. He started to try to convince my aunt and cousin and even my younger brother that i made it all up. I was fed up with him lying so I sent them all the marriage certificate to prove that I didn’t lie. He’s now upset with me and says I shouldn’t have told anyone and that it was his secret and that I betrayed his trust.

AITAH?

Im a mom of a toddler. Since being a mom, it’s kind of difficult for me to deal with more than just my child right now due to my mental health state (super stressed from being in school, working full time and being a single mom).

All of my siblings have had their children before me and I watched them basically my whole childhood/teen years (I’m the youngest).

My sibling recently had a second child and has been complaining about me not offering to watch them. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t have the mental capacity. They had an even they wanted to attend, and have been hinting all week that they really needed a babysitter for the new baby. So, I tried to be nice and I said okay, I’ll watch the new baby but I can’t watch the older one as well. Two kids (including my child) are already pushing it and a third I just know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

It’s time for me to baby sit and they come with both kids. And say that the older one will be getting picked up and left for the event. When they left, the older one informed me no one is actually coming to get them.

AITA for telling my sibling I don’t want to babysit again?

I (30F) was asked to help my grandma move from her old house into a 1 bedroom apartment in a senior community. She is in her 80s, not in great health, and her house is about to be condemned by the city because she didn’t take care of it over the decades.

She’s also an asshole whom I haven’t spoken to in over a decade because she abused and neglected my father so bad that he now has severe mental and physical health conditions that are directly caused from her mistreatment of him during his childhood and adolescent years.

Anyway, my mom asked me to help move my grandma and I vaguely agreed that I would show up this weekend to help out. The only reason I said yes is because it was my mom that was asking.

HOWEVER, I have just now flat out lied to my mom feigning a “pet emergency” so I don’t have to travel and help move my grandma in.

I am scared that I made the wrong choice and was just being selfish because I didn’t want to involve myself with that side of the family. Even still, she’s still an old lady who needs help.

Am I the asshole for refusing to help and lying to my mom about it?

My mom and I have talked in depth over the years about why I don’t involve myself in family matters. My mom knew that I don’t like my grandma and rightfully so. Even SHE doesn’t like the woman. My mom has told me stories about how my grandma told my dad to leave my mom while she was pregnant with me. My grandmother was also not shy about showing me how much she disliked me because I was simply my mother’s daughter.

My mom got mad and told me to just stay home and don’t bother trying. And I agreed. I felt great in the moment but now I’m just sitting at home relaxing into my sofa with nothing to do but feel guilty.

This is why I don’t involve myself with family affairs. I have enough issues on my own.

AITA?

They just got married and always fight. She berates him publicly regularly and he tells me she yells a lot at home. He's considering having kids because she is in her mid 30's, but I think that it would be a terrible idea. I told him that if he brings kids into the world only for them to hear a bunch of yelling at home all the time, it would be a selfish decision and not one with his kids' interests at heart. He got mad at me and told me I'm wrong.

My brother, in his 40’s decided to have a secret wedding and invited no one in the immediate family but one brother (who informed the rest of the family that this was occurring). I always had thought that I was close with the brother who got married, so this was hurtful. He attempted to make it better by having a private dinner with the rest of the family after the wedding, which I attended and there was no issue. Then he suddenly moved across the country with his family with very little notice given to anyone. I called out his behaviour and was told “not to start” so I dropped it and have been withdrawn when it comes to him and his family as I don’t want to say anything that will cause more issues. I have recently found out that he has told the family that I am the problem, and he has asked that I be removed from all family communication (we use a group chat on whatsapp to share things that are happening in our lives as we are all spread out across the country) because I am making them uncomfortable and bullying their youngest child (this child is 6 months old). I don’t believe I have said anything out of line to deserve this treatment and the fact that the rest of my family has followed through on his demands, hurts immensely. This has been going on for about a year and a half. I have thanked his family for gifts sent to me and my partner and gifts have been sent to his family as well, and there was no incident then.

Am I the asshole for calling out his behaviour initially? Or is my family the asshole for excluding me and my partner?

I (18M) am transgender, female to male. I've been trans since I was 11, and came out to my family at 14. I've always been comfortable with my gender and sexuality. My parents are divorced, and my Dad accepted me with open arms and joked about how he always knew I would be queer.

My mom took a little more convincing. She made it seem like I was personally attacking her, and even asked me to think of how difficult it was for her. She has since come around, and so has most of her side of the family. Except my uncle, who still calls me a girl and referred to the Minecraft Movie as 'Woke' for having a black woman in it.

For my birthday, my mom told me would buy me tickets for Florida's supercon, but wanted me to go with someone to be safe. Personally, I thought it would be cheaper and easier if it was just me, and I told her I would be fine. She insisted, and told me to take someone with. I asked her multiple times if it could be just me, but I also asked my friend if she would like to go with, as one of her favorite actors would be there, but she had plans for Europe. I wasn't upset, because that's great for her! I asked my father as well, but he was busy with a family emergency.

I told my mother that no one could come (Which was fine with me) but she told me my Uncle would go as well, as he liked Magic the Gathering and that would probably be there. I was floored, transphobic uncle? That uncle? I'd rather go with my grandma! (I asked grandma and she said she was too old)

I told her that I really didn't want him to come along, and I would be fine in my own. But she insisted and said the multi-person tickets were bought. I told her that as soon as he said something racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic, I would leave him alone in the con to go on by myself.

But at that point why even go? If I get deadnamed and called a girl the whole time, and people assumed that (my cosplay is military gear have fun guessing the gender!) I would spend the entire time correcting people, and that wouldn't be fun for me. Would I be the asshole if I ignored him the whole trip? As much as I don't care about his feelings, I do care about my mother's, and didn't want her to be put in a difficult position because of my uncle's weird behavior

I (17M) have been with my girlfriend (16F) for almost a year. Recently, I’ve been dealing with a lot. During Ramadan, I stayed at my aunt’s place for two weeks because my mom (42F) was hospitalized. She has an autoimmune disease and underwent her 12th surgery, a full hysterectomy due to tumors. Thankfully, she pulled through.

Staying with my aunt and uncle, who raised me, was tough. My uncle is battling alcoholism, and my aunt is overwhelmed with work. Their kids were being neglected, so I stepped in to care for them. It was emotionally draining, and I often cried myself to sleep.

All this took a toll on my mental health, and I became depressed. I didn’t realize I was neglecting my girlfriend until she pointed it out. I apologized, explained my situation, and promised to do better, even though I’m still not fully okay.

Recently, feeling a bit better, I reached out to her to reconnect. She was distant, saying she preferred to watch TikTok. When I expressed my feelings, she said, “I’m now accustomed to you not giving me enough love and attention.” That hurt, especially since I’m trying to improve.

I reminded her of my struggles and efforts, but she responded, “It’s not always about your mental health.” This is confusing because she encouraged me to be open about my emotions.

Now, I feel blamed for both my initial distance and for expressing my feelings. AITA for feeling hurt by her reaction?

So I (21F) just had my birthday last weekend and made a rez at this rooftop sushi spot that’s super hard to get into. Whole vibe was planned, outfit, nails, girls’ night, IG pics loaded and ready. It was supposed to be that night. Two days before, my friend Lena (also 21F) got dumped. Like ugly cry, blocking him on everything, texting him again two hours later, full meltdown. I felt bad for her, I brought over snacks, sat with her while she spiraled, did the whole support bestie thing.Then she hits me with:“Can we not do the dinner? It feels too fancy and romantic. Can we just go to that random bar where HE never shows up?” Girl… it’s my birthday. I told her I’m still going, she doesn’t have to come, but I’m not canceling the whole thing because her man dipped. She said, “Wow. It’s just dinner.” She didn’t show. A couple other friends came but it was giving awkward energy, and now the group chat is on thin ice. She posted one of those “fake friends be real quiet when you need them” stories on IG like it wasn’t obvious.

Now I feel bad but like… what was I supposed to do?? Cancel my own birthday plans ‘cause her man fumbled?? Idk. AITA for sticking to my plans even though she was going through it?

The title sounds silly ik.

I 18M am on vacation in Europe with my family and the from the start it was a disaster. My dad asked me to make the itinerary but he literally changed the entire first half of it without even asking me. He’s paying for everything so I didn’t mind that but I did tell him that the places he added would be boring and it’s not his type of cities which he ofc ignored. My step mum deliberately avoided taking part in any planning even when I tried to involve her. Fast forward, the first half of it went exactly as I warned my dad it would go. He went to a seafood restaurant for lunch and got mad that it was only seafood they served. Yelled at the waiter at dinner cuz his linguini had muscles on it. The whole time he was saying it was my fault for suggesting this country and city and my step mum was complaining every step of the way. Through out the whole trip they would point at literally anything and ask me what it is or what it’s made of and would reply smugly if I I say didn’t know by saying something like (well you should know) On day 3 we went to a local market when my SM pointed at a jar of some kind of nuts and asked me what they were. I replied idk I didn’t make the food. She lost it and started yelling at me about respect in the middle of the marked at which point I walked away. Later my dad said I was at the wrong for having attitude and when I said how they both have been blaming me for everything, they said they were just joking. My SM jumped in and said that my dad’s paying for everything so I should just shut up and do what they say and not have attitude.

I spoke with my mum about it and she just told me to just ignore them and enjoy it since it’s my birthday trip and since my dad depend around 20K on this trip that I should be grateful. AITA?