It's pretty much opposite of the American thing. Many other countries have multi-generational households, while most Americans leave home at 18 and retire to a nursing home.
Yeah, but do those other countries meet up once a year to eat a giant bird, then go to a different room to immediately watch TV and take a nap? That’s what family is all about…right?
I mean, holidays that center around a feast are definitively not unique to Americans. In fact Thanksgiving isn't even unique to Americans, Canadians have their own Thanksgiving in October.
We monetize lots of holidays, Thanksgiving is probably the least monetized. The only thing you buy is food, and yes you buy too much but then you just eat leftovers for a week. Not much consumer waste around Thanksgiving.
Feasting holiday = monetizing family is a pretty hot take.
Are you really making fun of thanksgiving by saying we eat a giant bird(aka turkey?). Personally thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday and one of the few times all our cousins and uncles get together. We bonfire and sing pre printed lyrics of songs. We eat a delicious meal that everyone contributes to and yes football is on in the background after throughout.
Personally thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday and one of the few times all our cousins and uncles get together.
This was what I was "making fun of". I get that it's hard to get together when this is a massive country and families are often dispersed, but the point was that it's typically Thanksgiving when families all come together, then it's see you later until next year.
Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving, but it IS silly how much of American idealism is centered around the concept of family, but for a lot of people it's one or two times/year that the family gets together in this type of way.
I grew up outside the US before moving here. When I was a kid, we'd see both sides of the family at least 1/month. Shorter drives (under 2 hours), but still, way more frequent.
America, as I gather, does have some issue with lack of familial contact. That being said I have 18 first cousins, 5 siblings. As you said many are 3000 miles away in California or even 3 hours away in New Jersey and are starting to get married and have babies. I see plenty of my family and even cousins about once a month or two and we plan a cousins fest at a lake house in the summer.
You’re generally right though and I feel like an exception and am lucky for it.
I never understood this aspect of US culture. Why is it considered bad to live with your parents? Why isn't it considered inhumane to leave your parents in nursing homes? In my country, culturally speaking, it is considered a sin to leave your parents on their own under any circumstances (although that is changing). I can't imagine any of that in my scenario. Neither as a parent nor as a son.
Living with your parents is considered bad because it's perceived as a failure. Like you weren't able to make it on your own. In my subculture putting your parents in a nursing home is a shameful thing. People wouldn't normally tell you that unless it's because they need 24/7 care and even then it's still iffy
I currently live at home because it just makes sense financially for all of us. I help with bills and other expenses which allows my parents to not have to spend every dime my mom makes or my dad gets from SSA. and in turn I'm not paying 2k a year for a 1 bed apartment and eating ramen every night.
But when I mention it to people, they ask what went wrong for me or why I'm afraid to live alone. I'm not, I'd LOVE to. I just cannot afford to do that.
Just to play devil's advocate a bit. The main reason most people, including me, left home at 18 and never returned is for the benefit of total freedom.
I think it's fairly common to 'mask' your true personality a bit when you're with family. It's especially real when you're something your conservative family doesn't fully support like being gay for myself.
Even if I wasn't gay though I would never want to live with my family again lol. I love having my own apartment with my partner and have loved it when I was single too. It's just such a freeing feeling to do and act like however you want in your own home. I come home, immediately take off my pants, and dance around in my underwear to music, get high and eat yummy food, watch "embarrassing" shows.
Having the freedom to do whatever I want is something I'd have to give up living under someone else's roof.
There isn't a need to play devil's advocate for what I said??
Your experience is totally a valid path for what you felt you needed but I'm talking about the general stigma I get when I talk about choosing to stay home to help in various ways. To which you're kinda playing into with your need to play a devil's advocate lol. I'm not saying people shouldn't move out based on my experience, I'm simply sharing mine and why I feel it needs to be more normalize so it's just not looked down upon.
Because America is all about success measured in how much money you have and everything else takes 2nd place. If you ever meet an American, they’re guaranteed to ask you what do you do (for a living) within the first few questions. They leave homes for college which is usually not in the same state they’re graduating high school in and then get jobs with national companies which will move them wherever they’re needed. It’s very hard to maintain relationships with your parents when they’re across country. America being so big is also another reason why people end up so far from each other. It’s also cultural, and parents often think their jobs are done once the kid goes off to college.
Unironically, my dad only cares about my work and whether or not I am making him grandchildren. He doesn't see me as a person any more than he sees his dogs as non-sentient beings.
Depends on the home. Though I’m big American, but German. Which is click the the US than Asian or African countries. My mother wouldn‘t even want to live with us and would prefer a decent retirement home. Preferably with an apartment, but perhaps a room.
And with dementia becoming more common due to increasing life expectancy, a western family can‘t spend one adult doing 24/7 care. Not with an average age of 40 or more.
There is no culture of families moving in together in the US unless your historical roots dictate otherwise. Mexican families, Japanese families--they may do this. But my folks put their parents in a nursing home on both sides of the family.
Parents kick their kids out as soon as they can sign a lease.
Not all parents are good parents. Many, many Americans come from abusive households. Consider yourself lucky if you have decent parents that don’t use you for their own gain and ego.
My folks live in the woods outside of a small town in a rural state. My father still works, 100% remotely. The town barely supports a gas station, there's no way I could find work in my field anywhere nearby. It's not ideal, but what are ya gonna do? Work at a gas station all your life because your folks like that town?
In other countries, do kids who stay with their parents after 18 get privacy and respect?
It probably depends on the parents, but I would say a large portion of people in the US who chose to leave do it because their parents say "my house, my rules" and won't let you live your own life. I stayed home for a few years after 18 and I put a lock on my door, because they were disrespecting my space, going in my room when I wasn't there, using my stuff, spilling food on the nice sheets I'd bought for myself and not cleaning up. They flipped the fuck out. They didn't see any problems with their behavior because even though it was my stuff that I'd paid for, it was still their house and I was their kid, so they had the right to control me and what I did in their house, even if I was an adult with a full time job. So I left. And they spent the first 6 month belittling me, saying I would never make it, I would come back to them when I failed, etc.
Once my mom told me the whole extended family was coming over for a dinner in a few weeks. I was horrified, because they never cleaned and the house was disgusting. I'd given up trying to get them to keep it clean a long time ago and just kept my space and the things I used clean. But if family was coming over for dinner, it needed to be deep cleaned. So I worked my ass off and got it clean in time for the dinner. That's when she told me she lied, no one was coming for dinner, she just wanted me to clean their mess. Another one of the many reason I left and haven't looked back.
Once they need nursing care, they will have to go into a nursing home. Their house isn't fit for someone who needs assistance. Just cleaning after them would be a full time job.
Many people are "forced" out essentially at 18. If you are 18+ and live with your parents without paying hundreds at least in rent, then I can assure you that you have parents that actually love you.
My co worker was telling me about how his grandpa was planning to sell the house they lived in. I was mind boggled like ‘Why wouldn’t he keep it in the family?? Give it to you or at least sell it to you??’ Fortunately, his grandpa did sell it to him.
But it is frustrating when I see families leave nothing behind for their loved ones.
One thing I like about immigrant families - they generally work towards the success of the younger generations. Give them the best advantages possible. Whereas with others you see more of the "okay you're 18, see you for Thanksgiving!".
An example would be pissing away money on interest for college loans when my parents could've easily afforded it. I went to a state school with scholarships, it wasn't a lot of money (but it is when you're 18).
I’d say 18-22 most American kids “need to be” out of the house, perusing some career/ college and stabilizing independently. Otherwise, you’re not perceived well by society.
I mean, that’s the universal age for adulthood, not really an American thing alone. You either study or start working by that time wherever you go.
The difference is, Americans used to be able to afford a life/family by doing low to middle class jobs. That may not be the case for everyone but you are still supposed to work or study to get a career regardless of your accommodation situation.
Similarly honest question: why are we so insistent on bad faith in positive comments? Mentally reassembling “Y is an X thing” into “no-one else but X does Y good thing”.
The defensive posture only sets up others to think “hmm, Y is a good thing, seems universal. Maybe its not”
There would be a lot less dickriding if americans would stop whipping it out, slamming it on the table and proclaiming it the greatest dick to have ever dicked.
If you constantly shout about stuff like "the greatest country in the world", "most free country in the world", "every country is jealous and wants to be like the us", then maybe people wouldnt be so inclined to point out that you are anything but...
Also, by you, i dont mean you personaly, but the loud minority im sure you hear about regularly.
Actually, europeans are the only loud minority here. I literally never see the boasting youre describing outside of /r/conservative. Yet the dickriding of americans by europeans, in which they go on and on about how americans are so stuck up, is never ending
There's a massive difference between "taking care of your family because it's a social expectation" and "taking care of your family because no other options exist".
The amount of Americans who have children but one parent is required to basically pause their career, because child care is literally equivalent to rent in terms of cost, is absurdly high. We don't have paid maternity leave. Apply this principle to every other social safety net you can think of, because we don't have shit here in America.
It is when you have no social safety net whatsoever and the near dead elderly are still the primary carer for their aged, disabled children. And everyone else looks on like that's a heartwarming virtue, rather than an act of sad desperation.
No. But in some cases yes. Imagine 350 million individual people with individual life experiences. Some of those people are really stupid. Some of those people are really smart. Some have varying degrees of empathy. Some are narcissistic assholes.
Sometimes the empathetic get to lead. Sometimes the assholes.
The phrase "That's what America is all about" doesn't imply that other countries can''t also be all about that thing.
If my friend asked me what kind of pizza I liked and I said "I'm all about that salami" that doesn't mean other people can't also be all about that salami.
No and I'm not sure how someone could come to that conclusion. Americans are well aware that American culture is highly individualistic. That's one of the reasons that a man still taking care of his adult son was considered praise-worthy.
A large portion of a certain political party vilifies humans who are different than them. So they don’t see a majority of the humans outside of America as, well, humans
Having lived in neighborhoods that were primarily South Asian or East Asian after being sent out to go make it on my own at 18, you have to be willfully blind to think that white North American culture is especially family focused.
this isnt an honest question, you are taking a bad faith argument. obviously americans dont think its just an american thing. but its what “being american” is all about for a lot of people. how much of a superiority complex does someone need to have to comment something like this?
I’m taking a class on intercultural communications, which goes over a lot about what makes Americans unique. We are one of the most individualistic countries, its arguable that we care less about taking care of family than most cultures
How do you actually watch this and your first thought is “he thinks that’s an exclusively American thing”.
It’s a damn compliment, and he’s saying that America’s values are about integrity looking out for each other, absolutely no one said anything about it being “just an American thing”
By your logic, if I say “wow this wine is so good, it’s exactly what French wine should taste like”, then I’m implying that being good is “just a French thing” and no other wine can be good
Don’t try to hide behind the words “honest question”, we both know you just wanted to get mad about something.
Sadly it’s not much of an American thing. This judge dismissing the case isn’t an American thing either. Him going to a privately owned prison which costs taxpayers (who are thinking about transgender laws) $200 per day is an American thing.
Well, we dont have many information about the US daily life here besides from the disgusting food and the school shootings, so I was trying to educate myself.
I now learn you are really aggressive to foreigners too, so thank you for that
Has nothing to do with US life that’s just you not listening to the video you watched . I don’t care where you’re from , I am aggressive when it comes to dumbassery though
Well, it has lots to do with daily life. For starters, a 96 year old taking care of his disabled son is a crazy scenario in much of the world, so I guess that’s a big cultural shock to me.
Also the judge says, “taking care of family is what is America is all about”, which implies this kind of situation are part of American culture, so I was curious if the country renounces to take care of elders and sick people because they see it as moral imperative for their relatives and think people in need are only their families responsibility.
This kind of behaviour is so odd I wanted to ask if it was regular in the US or it is only that judge being an insensitive prick
“I was curious if the country renounces to take care of elders and sick people because they see it as moral imperative for their relatives and think people in need are only their families responsibility”
So you asked if Americans thought taking care of family was exclusively an American thing? Seems like a pretty separate question to me.
Well, I am sorry I didn’t met your expectations. As I said, American culture is widely unknown here apart from the usual stereotypes about school shootings and unhealthy food
I have no expectations of you. I just don’t understand your explanation of why you asked the question. It doesn’t align with the responses your question illicits.
no, and someone saying "this is what America is about" is hardly implying that, it's just implying a good wholesome connectivity but yall are having an aneurism over nothing
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u/jotakajk Feb 27 '25
Honest question. Do Americans really think “taking care of your family” is just an American thing?