It's pretty much opposite of the American thing. Many other countries have multi-generational households, while most Americans leave home at 18 and retire to a nursing home.
I never understood this aspect of US culture. Why is it considered bad to live with your parents? Why isn't it considered inhumane to leave your parents in nursing homes? In my country, culturally speaking, it is considered a sin to leave your parents on their own under any circumstances (although that is changing). I can't imagine any of that in my scenario. Neither as a parent nor as a son.
Living with your parents is considered bad because it's perceived as a failure. Like you weren't able to make it on your own. In my subculture putting your parents in a nursing home is a shameful thing. People wouldn't normally tell you that unless it's because they need 24/7 care and even then it's still iffy
I currently live at home because it just makes sense financially for all of us. I help with bills and other expenses which allows my parents to not have to spend every dime my mom makes or my dad gets from SSA. and in turn I'm not paying 2k a year for a 1 bed apartment and eating ramen every night.
But when I mention it to people, they ask what went wrong for me or why I'm afraid to live alone. I'm not, I'd LOVE to. I just cannot afford to do that.
Just to play devil's advocate a bit. The main reason most people, including me, left home at 18 and never returned is for the benefit of total freedom.
I think it's fairly common to 'mask' your true personality a bit when you're with family. It's especially real when you're something your conservative family doesn't fully support like being gay for myself.
Even if I wasn't gay though I would never want to live with my family again lol. I love having my own apartment with my partner and have loved it when I was single too. It's just such a freeing feeling to do and act like however you want in your own home. I come home, immediately take off my pants, and dance around in my underwear to music, get high and eat yummy food, watch "embarrassing" shows.
Having the freedom to do whatever I want is something I'd have to give up living under someone else's roof.
There isn't a need to play devil's advocate for what I said??
Your experience is totally a valid path for what you felt you needed but I'm talking about the general stigma I get when I talk about choosing to stay home to help in various ways. To which you're kinda playing into with your need to play a devil's advocate lol. I'm not saying people shouldn't move out based on my experience, I'm simply sharing mine and why I feel it needs to be more normalize so it's just not looked down upon.
Because America is all about success measured in how much money you have and everything else takes 2nd place. If you ever meet an American, they’re guaranteed to ask you what do you do (for a living) within the first few questions. They leave homes for college which is usually not in the same state they’re graduating high school in and then get jobs with national companies which will move them wherever they’re needed. It’s very hard to maintain relationships with your parents when they’re across country. America being so big is also another reason why people end up so far from each other. It’s also cultural, and parents often think their jobs are done once the kid goes off to college.
Unironically, my dad only cares about my work and whether or not I am making him grandchildren. He doesn't see me as a person any more than he sees his dogs as non-sentient beings.
Depends on the home. Though I’m big American, but German. Which is click the the US than Asian or African countries. My mother wouldn‘t even want to live with us and would prefer a decent retirement home. Preferably with an apartment, but perhaps a room.
And with dementia becoming more common due to increasing life expectancy, a western family can‘t spend one adult doing 24/7 care. Not with an average age of 40 or more.
There is no culture of families moving in together in the US unless your historical roots dictate otherwise. Mexican families, Japanese families--they may do this. But my folks put their parents in a nursing home on both sides of the family.
Parents kick their kids out as soon as they can sign a lease.
Not all parents are good parents. Many, many Americans come from abusive households. Consider yourself lucky if you have decent parents that don’t use you for their own gain and ego.
My folks live in the woods outside of a small town in a rural state. My father still works, 100% remotely. The town barely supports a gas station, there's no way I could find work in my field anywhere nearby. It's not ideal, but what are ya gonna do? Work at a gas station all your life because your folks like that town?
In other countries, do kids who stay with their parents after 18 get privacy and respect?
It probably depends on the parents, but I would say a large portion of people in the US who chose to leave do it because their parents say "my house, my rules" and won't let you live your own life. I stayed home for a few years after 18 and I put a lock on my door, because they were disrespecting my space, going in my room when I wasn't there, using my stuff, spilling food on the nice sheets I'd bought for myself and not cleaning up. They flipped the fuck out. They didn't see any problems with their behavior because even though it was my stuff that I'd paid for, it was still their house and I was their kid, so they had the right to control me and what I did in their house, even if I was an adult with a full time job. So I left. And they spent the first 6 month belittling me, saying I would never make it, I would come back to them when I failed, etc.
Once my mom told me the whole extended family was coming over for a dinner in a few weeks. I was horrified, because they never cleaned and the house was disgusting. I'd given up trying to get them to keep it clean a long time ago and just kept my space and the things I used clean. But if family was coming over for dinner, it needed to be deep cleaned. So I worked my ass off and got it clean in time for the dinner. That's when she told me she lied, no one was coming for dinner, she just wanted me to clean their mess. Another one of the many reason I left and haven't looked back.
Once they need nursing care, they will have to go into a nursing home. Their house isn't fit for someone who needs assistance. Just cleaning after them would be a full time job.
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u/jotakajk Feb 27 '25
Honest question. Do Americans really think “taking care of your family” is just an American thing?