r/CemeteryPorn • u/camiapia • 3d ago
My little brothers grave
My little brother had Down syndrome. He died of pneumonia. The stone was found in my family farm. I is buried in Lysekil in a small fishing town in Sweden. We will bring small stones from his favorite beach and seashells to the grave and some flowers. And his name was the same written on his id card. Erik was a young man who loved party’s, dancing, joking, eating and he loved the police and hockey. He lived a short but independent life. He learned how to read when he was 26. And he was very emphatic and loving brother. Miss him so much. RIP little one ❤️
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u/Heavy-Attorney-9054 3d ago
I can't think that I have ever seen a headstone tell so much about a life in so few characters.
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u/NectarineSufferer 3d ago
He sounds like so much fun, finding myself wishing I could’ve hung out with him lol. I’m sorry for your immense loss, he sounds like a great brother and person. The stone is beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/AlexWayhill 2d ago
I lost my brother 11 days before you lost yours. I know what you are going through. Let's take it day after day, until we can finally let the sunshine back in and go on with our lives. That is a wonderful idea to collect things he would have loved and to place it as his final resting place. Take care and all the best.
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u/PanicLikeASatyr 2d ago
I’m sorry that you are experiencing the same loss as OP (and am also sorry for OP’z loss but grateful that they shared their brother with us).
Something about the wording of your comment reminded me of the best comment about grief on Reddit that I’ve ever read, originally posted 13 years ago. I hope I am not overstepping by sharing it. But as you take it day by day, the waves as referenced in the comment will get gradually smaller and/or more predictable
Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
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u/AlexWayhill 2d ago
Thank you for sharing this beautiful comment. That is a great analogy and it's close to what I feel when the wave hits me. I am wearing my brother's shirts and belt, ride his favorite bike and when shopping, I'll take his rucksack, so I always have something from him with me. 2 weeks ago, I took a drawing he made to a local tattoo shop, so now something of him will live until the day I die. Thank you once again.
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u/PanicLikeASatyr 1d ago
It sounds like you are honoring him in so many beautiful ways and keeping him with you through daily life whether it’s day-to-day living or perhaps future adventures where his art will be exposed to others via your tattoo and will also get to go to places he loved and perhaps ones he would have loved to have gone too. Your homages to him made me tear up a bit because that is like the platonic ideal of sibling love. I’m glad you found the quote helpful. I remember reading it way back in the day and refer back to it often. The dude truly captured grief in a profoundly beautiful and accurate way. May your waves continue to become more navigable 💜
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u/AlexWayhill 1d ago
Thank you for your words ❤️. My primary language is not English, so I am not sure if I can really express what I want to say. You make me imagine a future where my brother is still with me, as part of my life, and that gives me strength. 8 weeks and 2 hours ago, I lost my brother and my best friend, but today, I feel a bit of weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for being with OP and me and for feeling with us.
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u/FaraSha_Au 3d ago
I think this is the most beautiful grave I've seen. Thank you for telling us who your brother was.
Hugs.
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u/Impossible-Taro-2330 3d ago
Beautiful. RIP sweet Erik.
I am American, but am familiar with the area, as my family has Summer houses in Fjallbacka, Grebbestad, and Marstrand. That is a serene and beautiful area to rest forever.❤️
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u/meowser143 3d ago
What a beautiful way to remember him and to share the gift of his life with others. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss ❤️❤️
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u/Donna56136 3d ago
I’m so very sorry for your loss of your precious brother. The stone is beautiful.
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u/Own_Variety577 2d ago
I really like the use of the stone from a place he loved. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/JanetandRita 2d ago
This is such a lovely grave marker, the writing makes it feel even more personal than a photograph.
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u/FycklePyckle 3d ago
Reading your tribute made tears fall down my cheeks. He sounds like a lovely guy and how lucky to have a big brother who loved him so very much.
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u/ABOBROSHAN 3d ago
Vila i fred Erik.
Kolla med lokala polisstationen om de har något nyckelband eller dylikt med Polisens logga som de kanske skulle kunna ge er. Alt. Maila regionens e-postinkorg.
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u/camiapia 3d ago
Vi har fått så mycket fint från polisen. Han hade alltid en neon gul väst där det stod polisen på baksidan. Vi köpte barntröjor med med polis tryck och sydde på stora vuxen tröjor. Av polisen fick vi koppar, nyckelband, emblem och mycket mer. Han brukade legga folk på systemet och dirigera om trafiken. Polis Erik kallades han. Polisen var på sjukhuset och hälsade på 3 veckor innan han dog. Men tack för tips
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u/ABOBROSHAN 3d ago
Vad fint!
Han verkade vara en otrolig person, och han kommer att leva vidare genom era minnen. ❤️
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u/Global-Jury8810 3d ago
Oh bless his beautiful heart and soul. Your family did good with the stone.
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u/TheRopeWalk 3d ago
Sorry for your loss man. Some beautiful worlds you wrote about him. He sounds very loved
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u/Cristeanna 3d ago
So sorry for your loss. Erik sounds like he was a fantastic guy and very loved by you and his family.
My daughter has down syndrome, this very much touched my heart. Sending love 💖
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u/boogiewoogibugalgirl 3d ago
I love the simplicity of your brothers stone, and that alone gives it character. I just really love it, and I'm sure that your little bro would have as well. My condolences to you on the loss of your brother. I know that you must really miss him a lot. Hang in there. ❤️🤍
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u/molluscstar 3d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. Erik sounds wonderful and the stone is a beautiful tribute.
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u/Ready_Chemistry_1224 3d ago
Thank you so much for sharing your brother with us. This is beautiful and made me visualise him dancing and laughing, enjoying life based on your description of him. What a great way to remember someone 💕
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u/No_Nectarine8982 3d ago
He sounds like an extraordinary guy, and a gift of a brother. Thank you for sharing his story with us! <3
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u/interperseids 2d ago
RIP Erik. I wish all headstones were like this, such a beautiful tribute. May he party in the next world. ❤️
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u/GentlemanJoe 2d ago
THis is lovely. He sounded like a good guy and it's very cool that he learned how to read. Thank you for sharing it and telling us about him. I'm sure anyone who sees this will know that he must have been someone very special and very loved.
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u/Green_Mare6 3d ago
So beautiful. I'm sorry he's gone. I can see he will live in your heart forever.
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u/TheIrishmanInMe 2d ago
My older sister has downs and I hate to think about the day that she will no longer be with us. All the strength in the world to you and your family OP. People don't understand how truly special needs can be a gift for families.
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u/RickyTheRickster 2d ago
I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my nephew last year he had Down syndrome, I got a tattoo in remembrance and I think it was one of the best decisions of my life it helps me feel closer to him although he’s not here anymore, for someone with down syndrome he lived a good long life, my nephew wasn’t able to make it past 1.5 years so although its short for us, for him it was a long and for-filling life, full of happiness and love, I’m not religious is anyway but I do believe in being close to the dead and even though he’s gone there’s no reason you two still can’t be close.
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u/Ok-Plant5194 2d ago
Beautiful, simple, and yet memorable and unique. A tasteful tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss, and honored to help hold his memory. 🫶
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u/Calm-Reason718 2d ago
Beklagar sorgen. Lät som han hade ett fint liv
'It's better to burn out than to fade away'
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u/Mississippihermit 2d ago
Scares me seeing my birth year on a stone. He was 3 months older than me. May he rest in glory, I am very sorry for your loss.
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u/Kai-Zz 2d ago
I work with adults with Down syndrome and I have seen my fair share of friends go. I love this grave stone so much! When we lose a friend we go to the cemetery and decorate the gravestone or the outside of it with the persons favorite things and interests. We also have memorial stones in the field connected to our building and we decorate those too. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece ❤️
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u/Kalea-Bane 3d ago
I‘m so sorry for your loss. ❤️ It’s such a beautiful stone and I’m sure your brother gave the best hugs because in my experience people with Down syndrome give the best hugs. ❤️
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u/Flat-While2521 2d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. So incredibly sorry that anyone ever has to endure this pain.
I’m going to call my little brother.
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u/Guinea-Pig-Cafe 2d ago
So sorry for your loss, OP. This is a beautiful tribute. May his memory and the love he gave you all remain as vibrant as it is now🖤
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u/sidhsinnsear 2d ago
What a beautiful way to honour his life. I love the idea of the stones and seashells. May his memory be a blessing.
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u/ComplexSquirelll 2d ago
He sounds wonderful. My sister had learning disabilities but also taught herself to read before her death aged 32.
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u/antibac2020 2d ago
I’ve never commented on this sub before, although it’s been appearing more and more frequently on my feed. His headstone is the first to ever stop me in my tracks and really need to look closer and know more about the person. I love that his name is written as it was on ID. He sounds like he was amazing person, and it’s very clear he was loved deeply.
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u/colderthantoast 2d ago
The love you shared is yours an no one else's. No one on the whole world had what you had with your bother. From someone who lost my younger brother who was my best friend
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u/DangerousArea1427 2d ago
im sorry, dude. he died young but at least he knew he had a cool bro in you.
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u/SuckerForNoirRobots 2d ago
Sounds like he was deeply loved, and still is. A short, but beautifully fulfilling life.
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u/ELMOCOPTER 2d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. The headstone is beautiful and a wonderful tribute to your brother.
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u/Mississippihermit 2d ago
One of my favorite headstones I've seen, this is so touching and natural. I'm not crying.
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u/LittleArcticPotato 2d ago
What a beautiful stone for who I am sure was a wonderful man, I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
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u/No_Yesterday7200 2d ago
What a perfect stone for a perfect young man. He sounds like a beautiful soul. May his memory forever be a blessing.
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u/timbotheous 2d ago
Such a beautiful stone for a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing it with us. We are privileged to hear his story.
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u/GxdsFury 2d ago
I didn’t make it past the second sentence in the caption before it started to rain
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u/nectarsalt 2d ago
Thank you so much for telling me about your brother. I can tell that he was so, so loved. I had an uncle with Down syndrome who was such a blessing to me and to my family. He died a few years ago, also of pneumonia. He too loved parties, playing jokes on people, and dancing. When my brother and I would misbehave as kids, he had a policeman’s hat he’d wear around the house while he’d pretend to arrest us.
After he died, my brother got a tattoo of his name in his handwriting, but I wish we had thought to put it on his headstone.
I know that if your Erik is anything like my Tommy, his memory will live far longer than the 36 years he had on earth, because you will never stop talking about him. You’ll tell your children about him, if you have any. You’ll tell your friends, you’ll tell strangers on the internet. He lives again every time you mention his name. And now he lives on in the memory of all of us internet friends.
If you want to tell us more about him, i’m listening. My beloved uncle died 5 years ago and sometimes still I find myself bursting with things I want to tell people about him.
May his memory be a blessing to all who knew him, and all who were touched by him.
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u/Miscalamity 2d ago
RIP, Erik.
I'm so sorry. This is beautiful, and your remembrance brought tears to me.
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u/BarnBurnerGus 2d ago
My brother died on your brother's birthday. My condolences for your loss, he was too young.
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u/SameCity474 2d ago
Så vacker grav! Gick i samma skola som Erik ett tag, han var en solstråle i mänsklig form. Vila i frid
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u/usernamenc 2d ago
I am so so sorry!! I lost my little brother too in 2016. He was in his 20’s & my only brother. We miss him terribly. I am so sorry you and your family have to miss him!
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u/AdministrativeCow612 2d ago
I am so sorry for your loss of a brother . I am still with my sister, she is 56 years old, and if she leaves before I do… I can’t even imagine my life. I will pray for you both and pray that God gives you a sign of kind to let you know all is well in heaven . I’ve thought sometimes over the years that people with Down Syndrome are actually angels walking amongst us. 🩷🌸🩷
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u/GentleSaidTheRaven 2d ago
Nobody comes into this life unscathed. Erik sounded like a pretty awesome guy. I too like hockey. I am so sorry for your loss. 🙏
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u/PanicLikeASatyr 2d ago
Thank you for sharing Erik with us. A beautiful soul, beautifully remembered. 💜
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u/Cravegravity 2d ago
Sending you and all his loved ones love and light. May your happy memories keep him alive in your hearts, and give you strength through your grief. 💖
His stone is a perfect memorial. He sounds like a great person, and someone I would have been honored to know. Hugs.
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u/Unhappy-Praline8301 2d ago
The stone and your post brought tears to my eyes. Incredible simplicity to show such deep love. So sorry for your loss.
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u/Skirl-girl 2d ago
This is so touching. Thank you for sharing the beautiful story of your brother, Erik ❤️.
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u/MartianTripodz 2d ago
Wow, your brother left behind such a legacy of love. He was clearly a lovely guy. That is also a beautiful final resting place. Down Syndrome people often bring so much joy to so many, it really hurts when they leave us
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u/crowpierrot 2d ago
Oh this stone is so beautiful. Having the engraving done in his handwriting is so special
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u/EmmalouEsq 2d ago
What a beautiful memorial. I love that you bring his favorite places to him. He seemed like a wonderful young man to know.
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u/Great_Inevitable 2d ago
I love how it's almost heart shaped itself, like a child's hand drawing a heart on a card. A beautiful story and a beautiful stone, testament to a lifetime of love and empathy. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope his memories bring you peace. <3
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u/Acceptable-Effort-82 2d ago
I’m so sorry you even had to plan this out, but you did beautifully. I never would have thought of something like this
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u/OldPersonalite 2d ago
Vila i frid Erik. Du togs från din familj allt för tidigt. Mina tankar och går till dig OP. Kram!
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u/No_Budget7828 2d ago
This is one of the most beautiful stones I’ve seen. I’m so sorry for your loss 💜💜
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u/adia0793 2d ago
So sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you, losing someone’s never easy, especially a sibling.
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u/B767-200 1d ago
Oh Lord. Such a loss. Sending prayers. Also, forgive me for sending the following - I think of this every time a child is lost as to me, we are all Gods children.
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u/Ohsnappitynap 1d ago
Thanks for sharing this joyous introduction to such a sweet soul and obviously very loved brother and son.
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u/thosmarvin 1d ago
Please forgive my practical question…are there measures in place to keep the earth from swallowing that stone in a few years?
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u/Key_Jelly598 1d ago
I’m so very sorry for your, and your family’s loss. His headstone is beautiful, it’s heart shaped ♥️
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u/DeputyTrudyW 1d ago
Rest in peace, beautiful one. Beautiful stone and thank you for telling us his story
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u/Miacaras 14h ago
He was a few days older than my sister. I'm so glad you had such a beloved brother. May you treasure the memories. Truly a beautiful marker you've placed.
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u/ThrustTrust 13h ago
Every part of your post and picture tells me your little brother had a great life surrounded by his great family. You have my respect. Thank you for being the standard by which we should all hope to measure meet.
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u/canavarisvhenan 3d ago
I am so very sorry for your loss. The stone is beautiful 💗