Posting because I'm feeling really low, tired, trapped.

Backstory of event: I had a weekend climbing trip planned with friends at an airBnB. We were going to climb both days and have a fun evening in between. Well due to a sad life event "cat being rehomed" my wife didn't want to be home alone so asked if she could come. I said sure but just so you know it's a climbong trip(she doesn't climb) so you will be on your own for a chunk of each day.

She starts changing stuff: First thing she does is say the AirBnB my friend got doesn't work for her, she wants a hot tub and pool so she has something to do while we are climbing. So she books us a hotel room at a resort instead of staying at AirBnB with friends, annoying but ok I can see wanting some warm water and the AirBnB was kinda packed anyway.

Then she doesn't want to leave early to get to area, ok I will miss a few hrs of morning climbing but I can handle that. I have the rest of the weekend right?

I get to the crag and she goes to the hotel. 3hrs later she is calling asking when Ill be done climbing she wants to experience hotel with me. I remind her I'm here to climb and one of my friends isn't even at the crag yet. Thise is followed by texts guilting me and saying I've already been climbing for three hours isn't that enough? She is sad and feels unloved so I cave and go to the hotel. It's honestly nice and I do have a good time with her but I still wish I was climbing.

Next change is instead of dinner with friends since she is to tired we are having dinner at the resort/hotel. Not stoked about this but don't feel like I have a choice. After dinner I remind I offer a compromise for the next day. Originally I wanted to be climbing at 9am but since we have the hotel access till 11 I'll stay till then and go climbing after. She then complains about what will she do while I'm climbing and she wants us to spend quality time together... Which ya I also want but this started as a climbing trip with friends. After a light fight in which I express how sad I am to not be climbing and she expresses her frustration that I don't want to spend time with her... climbing is cancelled for the day and instead we are going to the pool and for a walk instead.

So what was two days of climbing with friends ends up being 3-4hrs of climbing and a whole lot of couples time.

I feel crazy. I feel gas lit for wanting what I want. I feel so very very unheard. And I can't even express any of this because then I'll be "ruining" our nice time together and I don't want another fight. So I'm trying to make the best of the situation and enjoy my time but I feel sooo beaten down.

Anyway thanks for listening.

Update. She is offering to drop me off with friends for climbing and drive home her self. Which feels good but having a little bit of a hard time trusting the offer due to the last few days of events.

Edit. Ok wow, didn't expect so many responses. Thanks for all your thoughts. Definitely both helps validate and understand where I'm not seeing stuff. It's hard to get perspective when you are in a pattern with someone for so long.

Lemme just say that she is a good and caring person but she has a lot of mental and physical health complications and is inappropriately relying too heavily on our relationship. I see that. I am working in therapy on finding the balance between being a supportive partner and not becoming a life raft.

She asked me to take her and my daughter shopping yesterday. After shopping she wanted lunch... by that I mean a margarita. After a few minutes of sitting I ordered some food and they left the table to go next door for a mani/pedi.... an hour and a half later they emerged transformed and elated. Her next stop was another watering hole... one pitcher later and we headed closer to home where there was a band playing...

After a bit of fun flirting (she is just naturally kind and bubbly... makes friends everywhere she goes... nothing inappropriate) with random people at the bar... she stopped... froze.... turned around to face me and said "I'm here! I'm hear right now!, can you see me?? I'm right here!". And she was.... she just stared at me with a wide grin. Then she turned back to watch the band and leaned back into me. I pray that she couldn't see the defeated sadness in my eyes as she was soo happy.

It has become clear to me just how destroyed I truly am. I used to be thrilled to see her... it's been a few years now since I have. At any time I knew she would dissappear again... and who knows when, If ever she will return. It tears my heart out all over again every time she fades away. I'm no longer the same person... just fractured and torn.

To clear up some things ...

So, her personality is fractured, and we generally do not see a complete picture of her... once in a great while all of her pieces align and it is very obvious that it's her... even to her... she describes it as waking up and will ask me how long she has been away. This time... I didn't answer.... it's been years

Hi all. To not bury the lede - Dad made it and is progressing well!

Thank you all for your support and comments. It was one of my lowest moments, and all the comments helped massively in getting me through so I could show up for my family. The operation went well and while we're not out of the woods yet - it's looking better every hour.

It's amazing to have a community in which I was able to express my darkest fears and be heard, and get support. Thank you!

A good buddy of mine always brings his wife to boys night. It’s not that we don’t like her, but he’s not really himself with the boys when she’s around. Football games, grabbing drinks, catching up with the homies, she’s there sitting in the corner watching him. I never bothered to ask because I don’t want to meddle in their relationship, but he’s a watered down version of himself when she’s around and I can tell he doesn’t have as much fun when she’s there. Maybe she doesn’t have any friends, but how do I bring this up to him?

Why is my (58M) wife (44F) so critical of me? Almost anything I do she has a negative opinion about, from the number of times I clear my throat to noise I make when I’m eating. I realize I’m not perfect, but it seems like everything I do is a problem with her. We’ve been married for 17 years, she’s beautiful and very outgoing, which is the opposite of me. Earlier tonight, she was out of town when we were talking on the phone. She criticized me for sounding like I was drunk. I’m not drunk. But it felt like she had to find something to pick on me about. So there is always something. My self-esteem is suffering and I don’t know why she has to point out everything that bothers her about me. It really hurts-it’s constant. I’ve asked her why she has to point out all my faults, but she gets very defensive. If anyone has advice, I’d appreciate it. We are not at the point of divorce at all, but it breaks my heart.

Wife of 16 years told me she can’t see a way forward anymore with me and moved to her parents last week as I granted her space. I’ve got the kids week 1. They’ve definitely made me focused and standing upright. But once they’re asleep, I can only think about her. Wondering what she’s doing, who she’s with, what she’s talking about, what she’s thinking about. Then I think of how much I miss looking at her, miss her smell, miss her presence in the home. I wish I could truly just not think about her during this time but it seems to worsen. I love her more than ever and do not want this. I just have no choice anymore.

So in January I found out that my wife of 12 years and mother to my 3 amazing children had been cheating on my from August through December. We had been distant of late and she had convinced herself that I was being unfaithful when traveling for work and used that justification. I've never done a thing during our marriage. Half way through the affair we started having insanely amazing sex and reconnecting in ways I didn't know were possible. Even after catching her (texts/pics) our relationship kept getting better. I'm honestly happier in our marriage than I've ever been and she says the same. But I can't shake the resentment and tend to throw her infidelity in her face from time to time but I always regret it. Does anything but time heal the hurt and betrayal? Am I just prolonging the inevitable or can I forgive and move on with her?.

I'm 37, sitting here waiting for my girlfriend and about to go through the worst breakup. She's 36 and out of nowhere sprung up having kids.

We've been together 4 years. I was upfront about not wanting kids. She seemed ok but recently told me she thought I would change my mind. Having her in my life had me reconsidering my stance. I've never loved anyone this much or felt soo loved in return. Our relationship has always been great. She's my best friend.

I know she's gonna leave me and it physically hurts. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep thinking I'll wake up.

After thinking I had a perfect life with my wife and three little kids and 15 years of a relationship that I thought I was very happy, my wife blindsided me telling me she didn't love me and she didn't know if we wanted to be together.

After a few months of therapy, I realized that she was going through a hardcore midlife crisis including an emotional affair with a friend of mine.

Now we are In an in-house separation, not talking about what to do next. I'm planning to stay in the home with the kids and telling her if she needs space she can move out, but I'm feeling completely lost about my life because everything was built about my family.

I don't know what to do and I feel very alone regardless of how having many friends. I think they're getting tired of me talking about my issues for nine months already and I don't know what to do.

I'm writing this after a few hours of cooling off. Mostly because I don't have many IRL friends, mostly acquaintances so when I'm going through it, I just keep it to myself.

Tonight, my wife and I said our final goodbyes to the relationship. This year would have been 8 years married. She had been done for a long time, and I could tell she changed, but I held on hope. It stung when she said she met another man. I'm not mad tho, I just want her to be happy even if it isnt with me. I understand not wanting to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy. In the next coming weeks, lawyers will be involved, I'll realize that the place I call home, will not be my home. That all the things I own will be donated or sold because I wont have the money for storage or a place to keep it. I'll realized that I will have to rehome all my animals, because like my material possessions, there wont be a place for them. I'll realize that I wont see my kids as much. That I wont be there when they fall asleep, or when they wake up. Or when they call out "daddy" 50 times just because they think its funny. Thats what is hurting the most.

I've also been tired for a long time. Dad, mom, grandparents, all gone. My brother was my closest relative and hes gone. I'm alone and this whole situation has echoed just how alone I am and feel. I put my whole world into this family, and I've lost that as well. This was really the straw that broke the camels back for me.

I know this may all seem like "blah blah blah we all have it hard" but theres only so much I can put into words here to explain where I am in life and how heavy of a toll this has taken on me. But today, when the 'wife' was in the shower, I gave all my kids the biggest of hugs, told them the things I wish my father had said to me, and then left.

I got in the car and first song that came on spotify was that of a "farewell" type song. So I took that as my ultimate sign. I kept replaying all the videos ive seen of fathers last moments before they left this world and kept thinking that if I was gone, things might be hard now, but there would be no need to worry about me anymore. That me leaving this world would be best case for them in the long run. No need to worry about the man who has nothing and no one. I wouldnt be a burden to anyone anymore.

Driving, looking for a place to park, I started thinking of my daughter. I love all my kids equally, but she and I have a special bond. Shes autistic and I'm her person. I'm the only one who calm her down, when shes upset, she wants daddy. I then thought of what my own fathers self exit did to me mentally and while I don't think she would understand now where I went, I couldn't do that to her. Her smile, her laughter, her need for her daddy made me turn my car around and come back home. Before I left, she told me she loved me. Thats nothing new, but never happens when I'm leaving the house. I think in her own little way, she knew I wasnt doing good.

I'm sorry if this all sounds silly. Everyone struggles with their mental health in their own way. I ruminate constantly, tell myself the world would be a better place without me in it. That the 'wife' would be free to find someone that makes her happy, someone who could provide her and the kids the life I couldnt and all of that would be easier without having to feel any guilt about where I could fit into that or how I would survive in this world without them.

My daughters sweet smile is the reason I'm still here, and she'll never know that she saved my life. I just wanted to share that with someone. I dont know whats in store for me the future, and that scares me, but for today, I'm still here.

Going through my first real break up(30). We were dating for almost 4 years and everything was great for the first 2.5 and then the next year was still good, but then the last .5 months of the relationship took a down turn.

How the fuck am I supposed to recover from this? All of my hobbies were her hobbies. I cant even go on a hike without crying because thats what we always used to do on our days off. Everything just seems so hard to do. I was losing so much weight at some point I had to start drinking sodas to make sure I at least had some weight on mr.

We broke up mutually. She had issues, i had issues and neither of us were working on them, or offering to help the other solve them, we didnt want to overstep (hindsight makes me realize this is bad i know). Its so hard because I wish she cheated on me or something so I could know forsure she's a bad person or something. When the break up is on both sides it just makes it so much harder. The love is still there and no contact with her is just so tough. I see a picture I take and there's no one to send it to now.

Now I'm actually trying to get my life together and I just see no reason to. Before I had a reason to come home. Now I just don't want to be home because I'll just be left with my thoughts.

Just any advice, please, on how to make it easier or just how to start progress on moving forward would be appreciated.

I can’t fcking do anything well, i have no friends, i have no life skills, broke, no car, gym membership but i cant even get to the gym, im not fat nor strong. No partner, hardly any family, no one to call a fcking friend. I just waste away playing a game I’m not good at or enjoy, can’t afford any other games, have to listen to the same adverts on every service because I don’t want to fork over my left testicle for premium. Literally no one there for me except for my dog but now i dont even fcking have that one constant in my life. Man that dog was my everything and now a pile of ash in a box 13 years of joy and now in left with what? fcking receipts from the veterinarian’s for conditions she had..

(TA just in case)

I (38m) was with this girl (38) for a few years and she blindsided me in a breakup last month. She broke up with me after her brother died and she decided that she needs to get more life experience and worries about our compatibility, but she still texts, calls, and wants to hang out as friends. I feel like I don’t want to abandon her, but I also can’t move on because of this emotional attachment that persists by being in contact with her. Like when she texts me to hang out it’s so hard to tell her no because I really love being with her.

How do you make yourself go no contact with someone you still love and want to be around because you like them as a person/friend? I feel like such an asshole to just cut her off, especially because I still love her, but I know it’s not healthy for me in the long run.

24M virgin brother here, known by the Internet as the Incel specimen (even though i don't hate women, i really want to date one someday). Well, as for my physique, I think I'm at least decent: 1.83cm, kinda fit, deep voice. I give myself a 5/10 at least. I know that being handsome doesn't make you worthy of love, but I also consider myself a good person. I'm always willing to help, i know how to control my emotions, i have a serious temper, but i'm also funny when the situation calls for it.

The people around me see me as a nice guy and a good prospect. Hell, they even tend to swear I'm a attractive guy. Great, right? Well, I'm not really attractive, or at least I'm starting to believe so. Why? Easy, no girl has ever wanted to go out with me. Not one in my entire life. Just yesterday I was rejected again, another L for the list. It kinda hurted me because i really thought it was my time to shine. This really cute girl who always searched for my help in different things and situations, who always grabs my arm or rest her head on my shoulder. I know no one owes me anything, but this time I was once again a victim of my own hopes.

I can't stand hearing my family and friends tell me I'm attractive anymore. I know they're lying, and i despise it. I don't know why they're doing it, but they're lying. I'm not attractive, an attractive man gets to date women. I wish they would stop lying to me and help me figure out where I'm going wrong, what I'm missing. I know that as a man, I must always do my best and be useful, but I would love to have someone by my side. No one owes me anything.

The long and short of it is I let myself build an attachment to this girl I work with and now I’m suffering the consequences for it mentally. For those that give a shit here’s the context.

I’ve liked this girl since Fall last year, around the time she joined our team. I thought she was cute but I didn’t start really liking her the way I do now until I slowly got to know her more and started hanging outside of work with her. We’d hang for hrs on end, like 6-7 hrs on end even right after work, just walking around drinking tall-boys and just talking. It was all platonic but I really dug her vibe, with every hangout I started liking her more and more. Then things got less platonic.

One night we hit up a bar after work and she gets really flirty with me towards the end, she started wrapping her arms around mine and resting her head on my shoulder. Long story short we ended up making out that night for idk how long. When we got to talking about it she stated she started developing a crush on me, BUT stated she just wanted to be friends (since apparently she was talking to a girl at the time). Sucked but I respected it.

The second time this happens I run into her at a bar, she’s there with her friends and I’m there with mine. We say our hellos then get back to vibing with our friends, then towards the end she comes and finds me so we can take shots together. Me and her left the bar and end up at my apartment, just when I thought I’d gotten over her by that point we’re laid up in my bed watching a movie. We start making out again and right before we’re about to progress she stops it and says once again that we should stay friends. She kept reiterating how much she liked me but couldn’t get too involved with coworkers (her last workplace relationship at our job was a toxic man that cheated on her with a minor apparently). Once again I understood but the shit definitely sucked because it felt like right when I was about to move on from her that night out just resurfaced feelings… only to end up in the same results.

This is all really on me though for allowing myself to 1. Build an attachment early and 2. Not setting a boundary myself so that I could move on quicker, since she’s a coworker it’s hard avoiding them as it is but I felt I could’ve played my part to not let myself devoid so much of my emotions, mental health and heartstrings on this. I’ve liked other girls at my job but my feelings for them never got this deep.

The reason I’m heartbroken though is now I’m suspecting her and another girl (another coworker) might be having a thing. I’m not 100% but I have a feeling. Not that it’s any of my business anyways because we aren’t/were never together, but being turned down for one alleged reason then seeing the same person “going against that” with someone else stings. Again, I did this shit to myself but it still hurts.

I have no reason to hold any attachment to this girl, but even acknowledging that I’ve allowed my brain to like her for so long that this process of moving on feels brutal as all hell. And yeah I get it, “don’t shit where you eat”, I’m just now seeing the repercussions. It’s crazy that I’m even feeling this way about a girl I never dated, yet the pain feels akin to a breakup, I’m amazed how much I let myself let this girl effect my mental health this much. Today in particular I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I’ll move on eventually but this shit sucks.

Everyday I can’t stop obsessing over how I am single and because of that everyone treats me like I am below them. No matter what I do it’s like the fact that I am 24 with zero experience makes me abnormal and a freak. I live a pretty nice life otherwise. I have lots of hobbies, a few friends (who are sadly becoming more distant as they focus on their long term partners), a good career, and I go to school to continue to move up.

Nothing helps me take my mind off of being single and trying to figure out why I am so abnormal and how I can date. I’ve done all sorts of things to find someone including apps, hobbies, talking to random people in public, and dming people on my socials. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just wanna be normal and do things like try new restaurants since many restaurants also treat me like I am annoying for eating there alone

I remember back in hs I was bummed out about a breakup. And what my dad said stuck with me to this day. After seeing me sulking he said “

“how would you feel if you saw your son not being able to enjoy another day alive because of a failed relationship? All the years spent raising him, seeing his potential, knowing what he can accomplish. All of it come crashing down cause of a breakup. Don’t be in a relationship if you can’t handle your emotions. Take a step back, asses the situation and come to terms with it. Besides girls aren’t attracted to the victim, woe is me guy.”

Not exactly word for word but close enough. Stay cool everyone

My girlfriend has had a string of unfair and unlucky events hit her over the last year and a half, and their impact on her well-being and mental health is beginning to seriously affect me. We each had full-time, decently paying jobs in 2023, but her contract wasn't renewed after (through no fault of her own), an ex-employer screwed her over. She was then let go and found another job after a few months of stressful unemployment. After obtaining health insurance again, a medical issue which warranted intensive surgery and weeks of recovery (and my support) was uncovered. This past fall, her new position was unexpectedly eliminated and she found herself unemployed again. Hundreds of applications later, she hasn't landed anything and we're going on month 6 of the same song and dance: rejection, rejection, rejection. We're both trying to save money in a HCOL area & each have roommates, but her recent roommate has been a complete nightmare, leading to insomnia unless she sleeps at my place. Add in dealing with controlling parents overseas, the stress of aging, and a myriad of other inconveniences, and we've come to the conclusion that everything is screwed up right now.

She's sleep deprived, depressed, unmedicated as she can't figure out her new insurance, and generally resentful of the state of her life right now. I don't blame her one bit. Meanwhile, I've just been sitting on the sidelines trying to wade through pools of negativity, having gotten promotions during this time, taking examinations and applying for (part time) law school, and doing my best to provide comfort and stability for her. I apply to jobs for her, buy her small items her UI benefits won't cover, take her on little trips if money allows, and try to be understanding about her situation, but it's so damn challenging.

Frankly, this experience has been beyond difficult on me and the way I feel like I've been reacting has been tough to reconcile. It feels like I've taken on an involuntary second job as her shoulder to cry on, and she cries often. I must be doing a horrible job as this shoulder because as I type this, it's as if I've completely run out of comforting words to say to her and can only sit in silence as she cries in my arms. I knew she was going to have a ton of trouble finding a job at the end of the calendar year, but to see someone I know is qualified and has so much to offer an employer be thrown away like trash over and over again has been incredibly heartbreaking and has turned me into a colder person. Meanwhile, my emotional and physical needs have taken a back seat, which I also knew was bound to happen, but still hurts like hell. It feels like she can only be happy if I put everything into motion, and even if I do so, it's still luck of the draw. I'd never want to be solely responsible for her happiness and it's unfair that those are the rules of the game right now. As cruel as it sounds, with every rejection I grow more detached to how damaging this process is to her, as if it's some sort of backwards "boy cries wolf" situation and each rejection means nothing.

We had been content, and were truly a team even though I supported her logistically more than "usual". That is now completely absent. I miss watching her walk to the car in her meticulous outfits as I pick her up from work. I miss her surprising me with gifts. I miss spontaneous sex (and feel like an ogre for being sexually unsatisfied right now). I guess I simply miss the person a shitty hand has taken away from me.

I keep hoping (praying at this point?) that things will get better as soon as her circumstances improve, but with each passing week, she grows more and more desperate and begins exploring options we both know are bad for her and our relationship. Depending on acceptance to school, I may need to move a few states away, and I want nothing more to take her with me and continue to provide for her to the extent I can while it's necessary. The problem is she's looking at jobs we both know she shouldn't be looking at which will kill those dreams and lock her into where we live for years to come. She's also exploring grad school overseas, in a country where I don't speak the language well, an option which objectively may be her best right now. Both of those avenues would almost certainly end our relationship, and as she continues to explore them out of pure desperation, I just want to scream into the void.

What's been most difficult is that this isn't our fault. Neither of us did anything to set us on this path, and I can't abandon her now. I would love to cry for a day straight and sleep for the following week. I'm tired of...all of this.

He’s 66, a retired physician, and works out or cycles nearly every day.

Wednesday morning he went into the hospital with what he thought was pneumonia. My sister and I flew in Thursday. As it turns out it’s a mitral valve issue leading to heart failure, and this morning he was intubated. Prior to this he was directing his care - and he set all this up before going under. He told all of us the series of things that would happen, but not that we wouldn’t get a chance to talk to him once he went into icu and got intubated.

I’m now coordinating care, trying to keep my mom and sister in good spirits, and hold it together. He goes into surgery in the morning and there’s a 5-10% chance he doesn’t make it.

I can’t sleep, despite having to get up before 5am. I’m just laying awake freaking out because I don’t want my dad to die and I’m terrified. I have friends and support, but I’m holding all this on me. I don’t know the point of this, but I guess I needed to write it out. So thanks for reading.

Edit: he made it through surgery! Thank you all for the support. Still need 24 hours to ensure he’s out of the woods but I can finally sleep. Will give a more detailed follow up later but I appreciate all the kind words, it made the difference between 0 and 3 hours of sleep last night.

Evening all. I, like many others, have suffered with anxiety and depression most of my adult life. I have had the depression under control for several years now which I put down to having such a supportive wife. Anyway, I am 41 years old and my anxiety these days seems to be at an all time high. I imagine that it is mainly due to my current employment more than any other contributing factor.

The question I have is this; for those of you who have previously managed to get your anxiety under some kind of control, how did you do it? I have no interest in being medicated as I've done that before for the depression and it didn't agree with me. As above, my current job isn't ideal so I am attempting to start somewhere new, but the thought of going through the whole process involving interviews etc turns me into a trembling mess. Any and all suggestions are welcomed folks and apologies for the long read :-)

Hey guys, I just joined this subreddit a few days ago and I've been reading a lot of the entries posted. It seems to me like a majority of us are all struggling with similar issues (i.e... breakups, relationship struggles), and I was wondering if anyone maybe had some input.

For context, I'm 25 years old and I've been struggling immensely with a relationship that ended 3, going on 4 years ago. We were together for 6 years and had been through it all. I understand adolescence, and young adulthood are very developmental years.

I've been through a lot of s*** since then and feel that most of it was self-inflicted/self-deprecating. I didn't take the status quo, post breakup route of working out, self-improvement. All I did was work a lot more, drink, and involve myself with people, places, and things that weren't in my best interest.

As I've gotten older, I've taken a different approach to coping. I've started working out again. I'm eating healthy. I'm going to therapy, and getting involved in my community in ways outside of bartending.

The real problem here is that I just can't seem to get her out of my damn head. I still see and interact with her in my dreams. I haven't been happy in any relationship since her. I don't know what to do. I really wish I could just delete her from my memory. That relationship has been the catalyst of all of my insecurities, defeatist ideations, and ultimately my overall lack of progress in life.

I'm open to questions, critiques, and maybe some motivation if you've got any to spare.

Thanks for reading.

I'm 25 and have never had a girlfriend. I had a crush in high school, but it wasn't a relationship, and she left without closure—she just disappeared. Afterward, I focused on my studies, went into engineering, and after graduating, moved abroad for a job.

I go to the gym, run, play tennis, love reading, and enjoy life in general.

I don't know what I'm missing. I live alone in a new country and am at peace with my solitude.

I am doing therapy on and off.

But there are moments that feel terrible because I haven't found love yet. I don't know how to deal with it, and I'm vulnerable enough to say that sometimes I cry because of it.

I'm introverted, but I've challenged myself to go out to events, but mostly they are men and much older women. It's the country I live in; it has a crazy male/female ratio.

Even at the gym or when I play tennis, it's always 90 men and 10 women.

I've tried dating apps on and off and had terrible experiences.

People usually enjoy talking with me and find me funny and nice.

I met a couple during the last social event and the girlfriend asked me why I'm still single as she finds me a good person. And i get that so many times people say why you don't have someone and they start speak good about me which hurts because I don't what is wrong with me.

I'm not a model but i like how i look. But when you only have 0 to negative experiences sometimes i doubt myself maybe I'm not good looking enough maybe i am short. I don't know.

I'm not that desperate all the time but when it feels lonely and when i think that i am 25 and i have never experienced love or a relationships it really hurts i hope someone out there can feel it.

Again i know that nothing would change if i don't change and take actions but I'm pretty sure that i am doing what i can.

I go to the gym , i try to go for meet up events as much i can.

I try dating apps and apps to find friends.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I posted here a few days ago (I’m So Lost) and I just came back here because I see that the community really comes together. I’m not doing well, guys. These past few days have been sleepless and filled with loneliness, sadness and anxiety the likes of which I have never experienced. I am missing her more and more each passing moment and I just can’t seem to get around it. Mutual friends keep saying “give her time” but how much time is enough?!?! I’m drowning here and I can’t seem to continue treading water.

Earlier this morning I actually called the Veterans Crisis Hotline because I have reached that point. I feel so broken and left for dead that I can’t imagine five minutes from now, much less days going forward. A guy I served with had told me once before he took his life that it “hurts to breathe, the weight of the sadness and loneliness makes it hurt” and never could fully grasp that. But now I do. How can a person make you feel the happiest and most at peace you’ve ever felt one moment and then break you into a million tiny pieces the next? And how do you go on from there?

Context: She's on her period

What do I do. It all started out of nothing, we planned a nice day to have fun and hang out. And then she suddenly stopped talking, I asked what was wrong (no response), I asked if she still wanted to do what we planned (she said no), I asked what she wanted to do instead (she said nothing), I suggested things (she said no).

After that I just sat on the floor and did nothing while she did the same, I asked her if she was upset and if I did anything wrong (no response). I told her I wanted to do stuff because I didn't want to waste time doing this (It's been an hour and she's still ignoring me). I then get frustrated because she keeps ignoring everything I say after we've already talked about that, she knows I don't like it. Since I'm getting frustrated my voice raises a little bit and I curse (not saying "fuck you" just cursing in my sentences out of frustration). She then gets up and goes up in her bed. She starts crying. I assume she just wants to be alone so I leave her alone, then I realized she's probably going to get mad at me for not comforting her (foreshadowing). I go up to her bed, calm and collected, and start comforting her. After she stops crying I nicely and calmly ask her what's wrong and why she was crying. She says "because you were cursing at me and you were being mean to me", I say, "well why do you think? I was asking you things nicely and you kept ignoring me for an hour, naturally I'm going to get to a point where I get frustrated" (she ignores me again). I sit in silence on her bed with her for half an hour. I then ask if she wants to do anything (she says she wants to do absolutely nothing the whole day). I then say "well what am I supposed to do then? I thought we were going to hang out and have fun and do things?" (she tells me to just go on my phone or something).

This just frustrates me even more because we planned that day out, and now its been spent 3 hours doing absolutely nothing. Mind you, I hate wasting time like this. So I get frustrated to the point where I'm breaking down and crying, I start asking her, "what did I do to you/what's the problem/why are you acting like this towards me" multiple times and she just ignores me each and every time. She then speaks up and says "well what do you want me to do then", me the one crying wants her to comfort me (yes I want her to comfort me even after this), she says, "no, because you didn't comfort me" (YES TF I DID!?), now this just makes angers me and I'm being driven crazy at this point (like crazy crazy). I start asking her what her problem is, what did I do to her to deserve this treatment (mind you, I can say I've been the best boyfriend ever to this point, surprised her with her favorite treats 2 days before). She then starts laughing while she's talking. This just absolutely destroys me. Her? Laughing at me while I'm crying and vulnerable in front of her. She won't comfort me or apologize. I'm over here crying ugly.

She then blames her fuckass period. Saying she can't control herself from laughing. (Basically just justifying how bad she treated me). Does anyone's girlfriend treat them like absolute dog shit because her period or is it only me 😂. Like you can literally control yourself from being so damn shitty to me, you aren't being possessed by the period demon of pure hatred.

Anyways what do I do after this. She apologized over text after I left. But this is just got way to extreme, I'm not forgiving her for laughing at me while at my most vulnerable state. I can't bring myself to. It's been a day, what's the healthiest thing to do in this situation. (yeah there probably is some missing pieces of the story here but I honestly can't even remember most of it)