r/Jokes Sep 13 '24

MODPOST Announcement: An Update to the Rules of /r/Jokes

293 Upvotes

Hey there, folks!

As many of you are aware (and have raised concerns about), there's lately been a worrying rise in the amount of spam, the number of bots, and the presence of low-quality content. This hasn't been limited to /r/Jokes, but since we're a text-based subreddit, it has been more evident here than elsewhere. We've also seen a lot more in the way of karma-farming, with most of that happening in comments.

You probably know how it goes: Someone posts a joke, and as it climbs toward the front page, a bunch of barely relevant garbage starts to appear in the thread. Half of the time, said garbage reads like something that ChatGPT would drool out after trying to gargle a sock full of magnets. The other half of the time, it's typo-ridden gibberish or low-effort clutter (like "this" or "lol") coming from accounts with dropshipping links in their profiles. Either way, it disrupts the conversation and makes the subreddit less enjoyable for real, earnest users.

In order to combat this, we've added a new rule:

Comments must be original and contributory.

We encourage you to read the rule in full, but put simply, comments offered in /r/Jokes must be written by the people submitting them, and they must be intended to entertain, inform, educate, inspire, or enquire.

Did a joke remind you of a story from your childhood? Share it with us! Has someone accidentally written "who's" when they meant "whose"? Provide them with a friendly lesson! Is an account trying to promote an "AI-enabled" or "NFT-based" "investment opportunity"? Downvote it to the darkest depths of Tartarus and report that filth!

Ahem.

You get the idea: The vast, vast majority of well-meaning users are unlikely to be affected by this, but we wanted to have some public-facing information available. Also, even though we'll be implementing some new systems behind the scenes, we'll still be relying on your reports... so if you see something that shouldn't be here, use that "report" button!

We'll leave you with this:

How many bots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None... but they can hallucinate how to screw it up.


r/Jokes 6h ago

A man asked his wife if she would get remarried.

1.1k Upvotes

“If I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?” he asked

“Well, I am still young and I don’t want to live alone, so I probably would.” she replied softly

“Would you stay in this house?” he asked

“I guess I would, since it’s nice and I really like it!” she replied.

“Would you let him drive my truck?” he asked

“It’s useful where we live and I get a kick out of driving it myself,” she replied with a laugh

“But would you let him use my golf clubs” he asked

“No, he’s left handed”


r/Jokes 1h ago

A wealthy man tells another guy: "I’ll give you $50K, but your worst enemy gets double that."

Upvotes

The guy smiles and says, "Cool. I’ve always wanted $150K."


r/Jokes 3h ago

I pay a guy $30 to each week to clean up the poop in my backyard. He just quit without giving me any notice.

294 Upvotes

Pretty sure he found out I don't have any pets.


r/Jokes 8h ago

One day, Peter the Pig found a piece of bacon on the ground and decided to try it. He was shocked at how delicious it was and he began to actively seek out and eat bacon every chance he could.

483 Upvotes

Naturally, many of the other pigs found this deeply disturbing and they went to see Farmer Brown to talk about Peter's strange behavior. He told them, "Bring Peter to me and I'll give him some intense counseling sessions."

So Peter went off with Farmer Brown.

A week later the pigs went up to the farmhouse to ask how Peter's counseling was going. Farmer Brown opened the door and, munching on a piece of bacon, told them

“Don’t worry about Peter. I’ve cured him.”


r/Jokes 7h ago

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger's leg..

146 Upvotes

You can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?"


r/Jokes 5h ago

Invested 0.5 Million in the business 3 months ago and got a return of 3 Million today

97 Upvotes

Anything is possible if you are lying


r/Jokes 14h ago

what's the difference between a mathematician and an engineer?

370 Upvotes

They put them both in a room with a woman and say they can have her, but they have to approach her only half a distance that lies between them, each time.

The mathematician gives up, stating he cannot reach the woman.

The engineer will continue because he knows he will get close enough for all practical purposes.


r/Jokes 1d ago

How many incels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

4.1k Upvotes

None. They just sit in the dark blaming the bulb for not screwing them.


r/Jokes 2h ago

What do you call it when I force my dog to do sit-ups?

34 Upvotes

Animal ab use


r/Jokes 2h ago

After all these years I’ve decided to identify as a root vegetable.

29 Upvotes

I just needed to beetroot myself.


r/Jokes 9h ago

Always love a woman for her personality.

84 Upvotes

They usually have something like ten, so you can choose.


r/Jokes 6h ago

Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train

37 Upvotes

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman:

"Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?"

The woman answers:

"I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for one night, why don't pretend we are married?"

The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies:

"Yeah of course!"

And so the woman says:

"Good. Then fucking get it yourself you lazy ass."


r/Jokes 1d ago

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

3.4k Upvotes

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”


r/Jokes 2h ago

They say one swallow doesn’t make a summer…

19 Upvotes

but it sure makes the evening more memorable.


r/Jokes 16h ago

What makes a sound that goes "Clip clop clip clop clip clop BAM clip clop"?

79 Upvotes

An Amish drive by.


r/Jokes 19h ago

Photons move at nearly 300,000 km. per second, the maximum speed at which information and matter can travel in the universe. Why is it that they can move more quickly than any other thing in the universe?

124 Upvotes

Because they are traveling light.


r/Jokes 8h ago

Why can't two congruent supplementary angles ever win an argument? Spoiler

16 Upvotes

Because they're both right.


r/Jokes 1h ago

If 2 people can make a baby in 9 months...

Upvotes

... then 558 people should be able to make a baby in 1 day.


r/Jokes 17h ago

In retrospect, the Covid-19 pandemic could have been avoided, but it’s like they say…

65 Upvotes

Hindsight is 2020


r/Jokes 21h ago

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words on earth!

126 Upvotes

“Are you still holding the ladder son?”