Malicious compliance in response to weaponized incompetence

[u/snickerdoodlesrule]

Okay, I’m new to the page! I want to hear all of your stories or moments of malicious compliance in marriage.

Mine is when I asked my husband to move money from another shared bank account to our checking for bills. You guessed it, he didn’t move the money. This was the 3rd time that he “forgot about it” and I was tired of asking. I watched our checking account go into the negatives/ with overdraft fees. I confronted him and he said that I didn’t tell him which account, but we only have one main account for both of us to pay bills from. The account is connected to our debit cards!

The next day he went for lunch at chipotle. As he was checking out he realized that he didn’t have cash or money on his debit card. He called me at least 5 times asking me to transfer money, since I was near the bank that day. I did transfer money, but not to the account with the debit card, because he didn’t say which account 😉

We haven’t had any problems with him transferring money, since.

Edit: We share all of our bank accounts. I crunch the numbers and can’t always be responsible for budgeting and going to the bank/ doing transfers!

[u/BimbleKitty]

Im curious why you didn't make it just to make her happy? An untidy bed to me is jarring and uncomfortable so having it smooth and made is soothing. It's a little love note having it done for me

[u/Time-Maintenance2165 → u/BimbleKitty]

Because it's neither jarring nor uncomfortable to him.

[u/BimbleKitty → u/Time-Maintenance2165]

I understand that, you're saying he's selfish and puts his lack of concern above her discomfort? I'm just curious why not doing something that's trivial to please someone you love is a choice for him. Please let him answer

[u/Time-Maintenance2165 → u/BimbleKitty]

Nope. I'm not saying that. There's not a clear simple answer that's objectively true. It's different for every single couple.

[u/BimbleKitty → u/Time-Maintenance2165]

Agreed, yet this is the one we were discussing, don't move the goalposts. Its true in this case, she wanted it done, he didn't care enough to do it ofteb in spite of her making it clear it was important. Keep up. You're just uncomfortable acknowledging this is objectively not caring and its far too common. Finis

[u/Time-Maintenance2165 → u/BimbleKitty]

I don't know which goalpost you think I've moved. I'm not just talking about other cases. What I've said also applies to this specific case.

It's not that uncomfortable acknowledging that. It's that I genuinely don't have nearly enough information to make a judgement generally or for this case.

[u/BimbleKitty → u/Time-Maintenance2165]

Really? Ok I would have thought 'my wife loves', 'Im meh.. and told her so', then her pointedly making her side

is a clear indication she valued something, he did not, but he didn't consider doing it to please her until she made it clear non verbally as well as verbally. Seems pretty damn clear he didn't consider a trivial action worth doing to please his wife, because he dismissed it

Took him a while to pick up she really wanted it. Which bit is obscure to you in this tiny scenario of considering a partner? Or am I talking to a ragebait bot rather than an obtuse human? Ffs I get my situationships favourite shower gel in, consideration is the basis of any good interpersonal relationship

[u/Normal_Opposite6233 → u/BimbleKitty]

You're absolutely correct that this is trivial.

It didn't take him long at all to pick up that she really wanted it. It took her that long to communicate that.

You're the one being obtuse by asking that and then blocking.