Malicious compliance in response to weaponized incompetence

[u/snickerdoodlesrule]

Okay, I’m new to the page! I want to hear all of your stories or moments of malicious compliance in marriage.

Mine is when I asked my husband to move money from another shared bank account to our checking for bills. You guessed it, he didn’t move the money. This was the 3rd time that he “forgot about it” and I was tired of asking. I watched our checking account go into the negatives/ with overdraft fees. I confronted him and he said that I didn’t tell him which account, but we only have one main account for both of us to pay bills from. The account is connected to our debit cards!

The next day he went for lunch at chipotle. As he was checking out he realized that he didn’t have cash or money on his debit card. He called me at least 5 times asking me to transfer money, since I was near the bank that day. I did transfer money, but not to the account with the debit card, because he didn’t say which account 😉

We haven’t had any problems with him transferring money, since.

Edit: We share all of our bank accounts. I crunch the numbers and can’t always be responsible for budgeting and going to the bank/ doing transfers!

[u/MultiFazed]

It's mind-boggling that a grown-ass adult refuses to do basic chores.

Initially was going to put "can't" instead of "refuses to", but anyone who doesn't have a crippling disability can move laundry to the dryer. He's making an active choice to ignore basic adult responsibilities.

[u/__wildwing__ → u/MultiFazed]

My now ex, has a disability. Not blatantly obvious by sight, but it causes him varying degrees of unending pain. I got that, tried to help where I could. Only he would gripe that I wasn’t letting him do anything.

Ok, can you do some light chores around the house?

Yeah

I come home to find that he wasn’t up to doing it, not a problem, I’ll just tack them on to the rest of the stuff I’m doing after work. But this became constant.

Instead of doing something physical, maybe schedule appointments.

Yeah, can do that.

But appointments never got made, unless I stepped in and made them. Then it was back to I never let him do anything to help.

It took our neighbor pounding on our door to let us know that black smoke was coming from the back of the house. That FINALLY got him to call and schedule the furnace cleaning that I’d been bugging him about for at least 1.5 years. When I asked how soon they would be coming, he said in three weeks. I didn’t yell, though I really wanted to scream. I pointed out that we would not be using the furnace until it was serviced, and the temperatures were dropping. He got pissy at me, because now it’s an emergency call out and those are expensive. Well, no shit, but if this had gotten done in the last 1.5 years, we wouldn’t be having this problem.

[u/ElectricalFocus560 → u/__wildwing__]

And did you not let him do anything. This is weaponized incompetence and classic devaluation of executive functions

[u/talithar1 → u/ElectricalFocus560]

I have unending pain. Sometimes it’s difficult to do anything. But I do many things anyway. Husbands get really upset when I push. But, damn, I can’t just lay around and do nothing! I’m learning to stop when I know it will lay me out for days to recoup. I keep telling myself this is not a forever thing.