r/MurderedByWords • u/SaintGodfather • Jan 05 '25

#3 Murder of Week You have to jiggle the handle.

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158

u/Pale_Disaster Jan 05 '25

So by definition, ONLY gay men can have children, until they have 5, then they are straight men. Men over 40, that is

49

u/WillGrindForXP Jan 05 '25

So are we straight still in our mid twenties and then suddenly switch to being gay at around 32 if we don't sire our first born and start work on the second? I gotta write this down because it's getting complicated. This guy should hold classes or something, it seems like important information!

25

u/Pale_Disaster Jan 05 '25

I'm about to turn 35 and no kids, so unless I have multiple sets of twins or something, guess I am gay.

22

u/WillGrindForXP Jan 05 '25

Congratulations on coming out 🎉

9

u/Pale_Disaster Jan 05 '25

And here I thought I was simply bi. Always something new, eh?

6

u/No-Weird3153 Jan 05 '25

Work around: knock up 5+ women at the same time!

2

u/UpperLeftOriginal Jan 05 '25

Twins not necessary. Just be like Trump and Musk, and knock up a bunch of different women.

2

u/EternalLifeguard Jan 06 '25

37 with 2....so....back on the pile? Instructions unclear, im confused.

2

u/Pale_Disaster Jan 06 '25

Feel free to jump on the pile, we welcome all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/Nero_2001 Jan 07 '25

polygamy would be an option, but please ask your partner first if they are okay with it

1

u/ElBurroEsparkilo Jan 08 '25

Hey, we've got family friends who managed to have 5 kids in about 4 years. Boy, twin boys, twin boys. Don't give up hope.

3

u/shinywtf Jan 05 '25

It doesn’t take you 9 months to make each baby. Get 7 women pregnant at 38 and you’ll very likely end up with 5 kids by 40.

3

u/WillGrindForXP Jan 05 '25

But at 38 unless I had at least 3 children already, I wouldn't be able to get any more women pregnant because they would think I'm gay

31

u/Zealousideal_Desk_19 Jan 05 '25

It's very difficult to be straight these days, I am still working on it but only having two children so far I might never achieve the dream of becoming a real man.

One can dream

2

u/SneakWhisper Jan 05 '25

My dear sir, I am very sorry to tell you that it's rainbow T-shirts and cute sparkly jeans for you from now on.

18

u/No-Weird3153 Jan 05 '25

As a father of 4, I’m proud to be gay, but like lesbian gay.

5

u/SCVerde Jan 06 '25

BRB gotta go tell my husband he's a lesbian because he had a vasectomy after only 2 kids.

12

u/Halo_cT Jan 05 '25

Turns out 97% of men are gay, who knew?

This guy is something else lol

3

u/MyDarlingArmadillo Jan 05 '25

Conversion therapists hate this one trick. Simple, really.

1

u/jimicus Jan 06 '25

More to the point, by that definition I don’t think there’s a single straight man in my entire extended family.

Me, my dad, my brother, 5 brothers in law, my uncles - we’re all gay. I wonder how we should tell our wives?

1

u/Pale_Disaster Jan 06 '25

Only my oldest brother meets those expectations, and technically not even him, since his first was not his own. All of my family is gonna be gay, including my dad.